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To be fair, Killian never got any memos concerning Bae’s bluff. So when the two of them were hiking out at the mountain trail on that fateful Sunday morning, he unavoidably brought up what had been bothering him for some time now.
“You never call me Dad.”
Baelfire, who was ahead of him by a few feet, stopped and turned to him with a frown on his face.
“What?” Bae asked, incredulous.
It made Killian hesitate for a second; like maybe he shouldn’t be bringing up these petty insecurities on their nice little weekend vacation, but then he remembers that these outings were meant precisely for bonding. He couldn’t possibly bond with his step-son if he wasn’t going to be honest now, could he?
Killian sighed, shifting his weight between his feet before elaborating.
“I know you call Rumson papa and I don’t expect to be called that. I don’t even know if I deserve to be called dad but you could at least call me Uncle Killian? Or just a little something to let me know if I’m being a good step-dad.” He said in one breath.
Bae was facing him now and the boy’s expression looked like a cross between disbelief and anger. In fact, Bae looked so angry that it made Killian recoil a little. Just a second ago they were happily talking about having their breakfast atop this mountain—why did he have to go and ruin the perfect moment?
“You want to know…” Bae walked closer to him slowly, grip tightening its hold on the strap of his backpack, “…if you’ve been a good step-dad?”
They were so close to each other now that Killian had to move back a step as Bae stood his full height and looked up at the taller man. He didn’t even get a chance to answer the question when the boy spoke again.
“Well then, you should know that you’re not only a terrible step-dad, you’re also an idiot.”
And with that, Bae pushed him aside and went back the way they came, stomping and seething.
For a good few minutes, Killian stood there dumbstruck. He could feel his heart shattering as his step-son’s words bounced around in his head and he sniffed, telling himself it was stupid to get teary over this.
It took another couple more minutes of Killian sulking by the trail, heavy bag on his shoulders, before he mustered enough will to return to their camp.
They had set up camp beside the lake and the view of the surrounding nature was lovely. They had spent a day together already and he was sure they had been getting along just fine. He liked to take Bae out on little trips when he was able, borrowing him from Milah’s first husband: Rumson.
Being a formal naval officer, he no longer earned as much as the old man but he still set aside enough to aid in Bae’s college fund and to be able to hang out with the kid from time to time. If there was one thing Killian didn’t expect to happen after Milah passed away, it was to be completely enamored by her son.
They first met at the funeral service three years ago. It was the saddest day of both their lives and Killian remembers the way the boy wept into Rumson’s suit, trying to hold in the sobs but failing. Somehow, he felt guilty that he’d broken apart their little family; going off to marry Milah and have her live away from her son for years.
Months after the funeral, Killian had approached Rumson to make good on his promise to Milah that he would look after Bae when she was gone. The boy was hesitant to talk to him at first but after his perseverance, the kid began to warm up to him. It started with him inviting Bae over for lunch; Rumson would refuse to be a part of it but he would drive his son to and from Killian’s home.
Then afterwards, Bae began to call him to ask if Killian could accompany him to certain events when Rumson was too busy to go. Spending time with his step-son was a great way for Killian to get over his grief and to help Bae get over his own. Soon enough, Killian began to live for those smiles and those heart-melting laughs that belonged to Baelfire Gold.
Well, Bae was 17 now and he had grown to be a very smart, charming young lad. Killian recognized how special the boy was and he was proud to be there as the kid grew up.
Teenager years truly proved to be rough however, as there were times when he simply couldn’t understand Bae. This was one of those times and as much as he tried to wrack his brain, he couldn’t figure out what he did to deserve such hurtful words.
Leaving the bags by their tent, Killian noticed that Bae had left the backpack he was carrying at their camp too. The boy had probably gone off somewhere alone to get away from Killian.
After giving the young man almost an hour to himself, Killian set out to search for him. These woods were still kind of dangerous and he couldn’t have the boy getting lost or running into dangerous wildlife. As he stood up to begin searching though, he saw Bae emerge between a row of trees in the distance. The kid was heading back towards camp so Killian waited patiently, bringing out the tins of food he had opened and the bowls he had prepared for breakfast.
Without a word, Bae sat by their log and glared at the ground, eyes red as he refused to look at the older man. It stung but Killian pretended it didn’t.
They ate in silence and the food tasted bland. When Killian was halfway through his meal, he let out an exasperated sigh and couldn’t remain quiet for much longer.
“Bae, look-- I’m sorry.” He says, making sure his sincerity was expressed. “It wasn’t my place to ask.”
Baelfire flinched, lips pursing as he swallowed his food. Then he exhaled loudly through his nose and opened his mouth to talk.
“You really are clueless, aren’t you?” he asked quietly and it sounded sad.
The vague question confused Killian and he turned his body to fully face the boy, urging Bae to continue by asking him what he meant.
Holding up his right hand, Bae jingled the silver wristlet that he wore. It had an anchor charm attached to it and Killian was familiar with it because he had the same charm on the chain around his neck. The charm was a gift from Bae on Killian’s birthday last year and he made a point to never take it off, even when he took a bath.
“This cost a lot.” Bae was looking at him now even though the boy’s eyes remained a bit furious, “And I had one made for us both…”
Killian didn’t need to be reminded. The night of his birthday, Bae had pulled him aside from the party and gave it to him in a nice little box when they were alone. He’d told the man that they both had one. It felt kind of strange… like something intimate. He remembered noticing how handsome Bae was that night and how it was the first time he almost forgot what they should be to each other. His thoughts may have strayed that night and it may or may not have something to do with how full and red Baelfire’s lips were and the way he smiled at Killian when he wished him a happy birthday.
“I started hanging out with you even more after that day… you were the only one I told secrets to… about papa and how I really felt about things…” Bae continued haltingly. He had brought his hand back down on his lap, the bowl of food forgotten by the log and he was absently fiddling with the anchor charm on his wrist.
The point of the conversation was still unclear, but there was a nervous anticipation on Killian’s side. He put down his own food and got up from his log to kneel in front of the distressed boy. Bae turned his head away but Killian gently brought his hands to cup the boy’s cheeks in his warm palms.
“Bae, it’s okay. You can tell me…” he shushes when he senses that Bae was beginning to get emotional.
“Nevermind.” The young man dismisses, eyes still downcast, “There’s no point because now I know…”
There was a pause and a sniff. Killian felt his heart beating frantically as held on to his step-son’s face and waited for him to finish his sentence.
“…even if I loved you, you would only ever see me as a son.”
Frozen in surprise, Killian stared wide-eyed at the younger man, his hands going stiff. Bae swallowed and pulled the hands away from his face, moving to stand up. Before he could though, Killian came back to his senses and held on to the boy’s hands and brought him back down.
“Bae…” he breathed.
Did Bae actually love him romantically?
The realization made Killian’s face turn red. It explained a whole lot to be honest. He’d sometimes wonder if Bae was endearing to everyone or were those special smiles and looks really meant just for him? The boy had a way of carrying himself that was naturally seductive and Killian had to constantly keep in mind that he shouldn’t think his step-son was beautiful because it was inappropriate. It’s just that sometimes Bae looked and moved like he wanted Killian to have stray thoughts. It turns out he did.
All he could think of doing right now was pulling the boy before him closer, bringing him into an awkward embrace. He heard Bae’s breath hitch as he wrapped his arms around those shoulders and whispered how he was sorry he didn’t know.
“But your father—“Killian blurted out concernedly, unable to believe what was happening to him.
“Papa doesn’t know, of course. I thought you understood that I was only bluffing whenever I told him that I want to spend time with my step-father.” Bae provided shyly with his cheek touching the side of the older man’s face.
When Killian pulled away and brought his hands back to clasp Bae’s, he found the boy looking at him searchingly; uncertainty still evident in his beautiful face.
“This is obviously still a bit of a shock to me right now,” Killian says slowly, “But I’m happy. And I feel stupid for not noticing sooner.”
Bae’s laughter at that was like a reward and Killian smiled when he heard it.
“Yeah, you were pretty stupid.” The boy rolled his eyes, “What kind of twisted view of familial relationship do you think I have? I was groping you last night in the tent.”
That made Killian flush and look away. He thought Bae was having that kind of dream and sort of just spent the night chanting the multiplication table in his head so he wouldn’t get a hard-on from the way Bae’s hands were roaming all over his chest and abdomen. He usually met any of the kid’s suspicious behavior with denial or distraction.
Gathering his courage, Killian met Bae’s eyes again to ask him a question.
"Are you determined to give this a try?"
“I should be the one asking you that.” Was the boy’s wary reply, “I’ve been thinking about it much longer than you. I think it might be illegal. At least for some time. And it involves a lot of lying to people we know…”
Indeed it did. Killian’s brows furrowed as he thought about it. There were a lot of risks and he was the one who was going to be in trouble if they weren’t careful…
“I would understand if you don’t want it.” Bae tugged at his hand, catching his attention, “I should have been clearer before but now that you know, it doesn’t mean you have to do this. Just give me back the charm and—“
“No.” Killian cuts him off.
Bae holds his breath, feeling the older man’s grip tighten a little around his fingers
“No, I won’t return it to you because… I’d like to give it a try.” Killian nods, “If you want this Bae, then I want it too.”
Grinning, Bae closes his eyes and tries to contain his glee. He leans forward and touches his forehead against the older man’s, relieved with the decision. He wanted this. He really wanted this. His feelings for Killian had always been different. He’d gotten past thinking about all the ways this could be wrong years ago. Now he’s just given up on being afraid of what people will say and what society would think because the one thing that never changed was that whenever Killian was close, his heart always beat faster, he always laughed easier and he never felt alone.
Feeling his right hand being let go, Bae blinked as he felt Killian cup his cheek again and pull him closer to kiss the corner of his mouth. It was so chaste and barely touched his lips but it already made his heart feel like it would explode.
“You know I love you, Bae. I may have been trying too hard to do it a certain way, but now I realize... that I love you every single way.” Killian whispered.
That earned the older man a heartfelt hug. Bae flung his arms around Killian’s neck to bring him close and they almost lost balance and fell to the ground. Killian worked to keep them upright as he enjoyed the warmth that pressed against him.
They ended up ignoring the rest of their food in favor of crawling back into the tent and leaving the flap open as they lay against each other and lazed the entire morning. They had gotten up at an ungodly hour because they were supposed to hike up the mountain trail, but since that failed spectacularly they traded it in for cuddling instead.
Sharing a cot, Killian tangled his fingers in Bae’s hair while the boy used his chest as a pillow and clung to him.
“Killian…?” Bae murmured sleepily, breaking the silence.
“Hmm?”
“Do you still want me to call you daddy?”
With an embarrassed chuckle, Killian closed his eyes and answered a gentle but firm ‘No.’
“Because if you want,” Bae persisted, a smirk on his lips, “I can still call you daddy when we’re doing it—”
“Bae!” Killian reprimands with a warning tone, “Don’t you dare.”
As Killian lay there, face and neck flushed red, all that could be heard from their tent was Baelfire’s hearty peals of laughter.