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“I slept with Rebecca”
The silence is deafening. Robert almost laughs at that thought and the irony of it…here they are sat in a crowded visitors room. A small rickety table between them and at least 50 other people in the room. Families, friends, lovers, all here to see the people they care about. Of course, all Robert cares about is Aaron.
He is sat frozen, not saying a word. There isn’t a flicker of emotion on his face. Robert squirms uncomfortably in the hard and much too small plastic seat. He is desperate to break the silence but Aaron seems to be lost for words…or refusing to speak, probably trying to punish him Robert thinks. He deserves it, he knows but he just can’t stand the silence so he begins to ramble.
“It was after we had that argument...I was so upset, so angry so hurt! I went back to the mill, smashed it up, drank a whole bottle of whisky and then she turned up! I was…I don’t know! I wasn’t thinking straight! You were on drugs Aaron! I thought you didn’t care! What you said, it hurt and I just…I guess I wanted to hurt you back.”
Aaron finally reacts at this. Puts his head in his hands. Robert resists the urge to pull them away. To look in his eyes and let him see just how damn sorry he is.
“Aaron…please say something” He pleads, desperation in his voice. Aaron finally looks up.
“Are you done?” He says, coldly. Robert nods silently, almost like a scolded child.
“Right, Well I don’t know how things are going to work with the Mill. If you want to live there, you can. Me and Liv will sell our share to you or we can sell it as one and share the profits…whatever.”
“Aaron….”
“I’ll ring my mum and ask if she’ll look after Liv till i’m out…It’s up to her if she wants to see you, If she doesn’t don’t push her, but if she does I won’t stand in her way. I’ll sort out paying for the rest of the barrister’s fees so you don’t have to…”
“Aaron stop!” Robert says. He’s trying to sound firm but it comes out like a plea. “I don’t want the Mill, I don’t want to stop paying your barristers fees and I don’t want your mum to look after Liv! I love her, you know I do!”
“Yeah, it’s a shame we have to break up when you two are just starting to bond but she’ll get over it!” Aaron shrugs
“We don’t have to break up…” Robert begs “Aaron I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…please! We’ve just got married”
Aaron laughs bitterly at that. He has the sleeve of his prison jumper pulled over his hands, it was one of Aaron’s many habits that had annoyed Robert at first. He remembers the first time he had noticed it “You’re ruining a perfectly good jumper, stretching it out like that” Robert had complained but Aaron had just rolled his eyes, flashed him a grin and Robert hadn’t cared anymore.
Now he was sitting watching him using the sleeve to wipe away a stray tear. Robert wants to cry too. He wants to scream and shake him and make him see how desperately sorry he is. A voice in his head chills him to the bone ‘It doesn’t matter how sorry you are, you’ve done it now…he’s never going to forgive you’
“And what kind of marriage is it when your husband breaks his vows less than a month after making them?!” Aaron hisses “A joke, that’s what! At least it wasn’t legal…wasn’t real”
“You don’t mean that” Robert swallows the hurt down, forces himself to take everything that Aaron is throwing at him. He knows he deserves it, knows if he wants to save them that he doesn’t have a choice, He has to keep fighting.
“Remember when we were stood outside the garage? You said it meant a lot” He says desperately trying to hold onto the memory – to make him remember.
“Well at least one of us meant it” Aaron stands up “Bye Robert…have a nice life”
“No Aaron, wait!” Robert stands up, desperately lunges after him, grabs the back of his jumper, tries to pull him back.
“Get off me!” Aaron shouts, turning around and pushing Robert back. He staggers back into the table where they had just sat “I know where those hands have been!” Aaron seethes.
Suddenly they’re surrounded by guards. Aaron has two immediately holding him back. One checks if Robert’s okay “I’m fine” he reassures him
“Okay okay! I’m calm!” Aaron holds his hands up and slowly the guards let him go and step back.
Aaron turns to leave, but then pauses and turns back. Starts to pull his ring off.
“Aaron, don’t do this…” Robert pleads
“You’ve given me no choice” Aaron holds out the ring
“No” Robert shakes his head firmly “I’m not taking it”
Aaron rolls his eyes and chucks it on the ground before walking away. Robert feels like he can hear his heart breaking, it hurts so much.
“AARON! AARON PLEASE!” Robert shouts after him, desperation meaning he doesn’t care about the other people watching and whispering in the room.
“Please…” Robert whispers as Aaron turns the corner and walks out of sight. Robert looks around the room. Everyone is staring, their own precious visits forgotten in the place of the unexpected show. Some are giggling, some are whispering, a few are giving him sympathetic looks. He doesn’t know which is worse. He bends down, picks up the ring and pockets it before walking slowly out of the room.
Aaron meanwhile arrives back to his cell and is thankful to find it empty, He stands there, frozen, numb for a few seconds until it hits him and he can’t help but hit out. He punches the wall, again and again and again until all he can feel is the pain in his hand (he’s sure he’s broken a few bones) and all he can see is the blood on his fingers. He carries on punching the wall until he loses all his energy and falls to the floor beginning to sob.
Robert returned home from the prison that day to his bags packed and a tearful Liv telling him she never wanted to see him again. Her flushed cheeks and the hurt in her eyes as she furiously wiped away her tears had broken Robert’s heart almost as much as Aaron had.
Desperate to turn his anger on someone else other than himself for a change, he accused Chas of being bitter and selfishly trying to ruin his and Liv’s relationship.
“You couldn’t even let me tell her myself? No! I bet you wanted to stick the boot in!”
“Robert...Do you think I took any joy out of breaking a 15 year olds heart?” Chas rubbed her face “I wouldn’t have had to tell her anything if you hadn’t have done it in the first place” She walked to the door and opened it “Goodbye Robert”
He hated the way she said his name, so…uncaring. There wasn’t even anger any more. Anger Robert could deal with…he had been screamed at and hit more times than he could remember…but apathy? From Chas? Someone who had hated him then grew to care about him? He couldn’t deal with it.
He turned up on Vic’s doorstep with his bags and she had been sympathetic until he told her the truth. She slapped him and screamed at him for what seemed like hours until she ran out of steam and sat down on the couch next to him. She sighed disappointedly.
“Why do you destroy every good thing that’s ever come into your life Robert? Why?” She asked, Robert looked at her and she must have seen something in his eyes because she softened and pulled him into a hug. He held onto to her gratefully and tried to sniffle back the tears hoping she wouldn’t notice. If she did, she didn’t mention anything and he was grateful.
Adam was less understanding.
“No way! he’s not staying here!” He and Vic furiously argued in the living room, Robert awkwardly sat on the couch between them.
“Adam!” Victoria scolded
“Not a chance! He cheated on Aaron man!” Adam spat furiously “Anyway why can’t he stay at the mill?” he asked
“Because it’s not ready yet!” Victoria said “And I’m not having my brother stay in a place that doesn’t have any running water!”
Robert had conveniently left out the part where he had stood on the doorstep to the mill for ten minutes, unable to even step inside and be reminded of his biggest mistake. So, he had sent a text to Ronnie asking him to back him up on the water story and scolding himself for being a coward, made his way up to his sister’s house.
Adam stood glaring at Robert “I don’t want him here!”
“It’s fine, I’ll go!” Robert stood up and grabbed his bags
“No, you won’t!” Victoria insisted firmly “Go upstairs and unpack your bags!” She told him before lowering her voice “I’ll deal with Adam” Robert made his way out of the room and stood outside the door.
“Adam, I have no choice, I have to let him stay! he’s my brother!” Victoria said reasonably.
Robert sighed, trying to quash down the old feelings of rejection and abandonment, of being a disappointment, of not belonging. He hadn’t felt like that in so long because of Aaron…and Liv. A proper little family.
And he had destroyed it.
He headed upstairs and into the spare room. He sat on the bed and was immediately hit with memories of where he had been this time last year. Living in his little sister’s spare room alone, missing Aaron, wanting Aaron.
The last thought he had as he drifted off to sleep, clutching Aaron’s ring so hard it made marks in his hand was that ‘Some things never change’.