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In the end, Roxy got to dual-wield a pair of exploding laser pistols while fighting back-to-back with her hungover teen mom. They saved each other’s lives, like, fifty times. So that was pretty cool.
The heroes destroyed the indestructible demon; the universes were saved; a bunch of chess guys in stylish hats randomly showed up to have a climactic showdown with a bunch of green minions in wacky hats. Etc., etc. Once the dust of the last battle cleared, it seemed like everyone was having Significant Moments: Dirk with his bro, Jake with Jade, Jane with her dad. Roxy’s mom needed to go talk to her girlfriend (or, Roxy suspected, to puke somewhere quiet and then go talk to her girlfriend), so it was cool for Roxy to slip away. She caught John on the outside, staring at the Crocker reunion. He smiled and said hi, though, and she whacked him affectionately on his less-injured-looking arm.
The trolls were having their own reunions a little ways away. Roxy’s mom’s girlfriend was standing by while Loud Boy hugged Blindfold Girl. He appeared to be trying to burrow into her shoulder and live there. For Blindfold Girl’s part, her snazzy eyewear was visibly tear-stained. There was no sign of the clown.
“Have you seen Calliope?” Roxy asked Kanaya.
“Pardon?” said Kanaya, and then, “Oh. Do you mean the big one? I think she left.”
“No, I mean the little one. The girl.” Over Kanaya’s shoulder, Roxy spotted Rose coming toward them.
“Sorry, I haven’t seen her,” Kanaya said, turning to see Rose. Immediately, her posture stiffened and her tone became distracted. “You could try asking Jade.”
“Okay, thanks,” said Roxy, and almost bumped into Jade while beating her retreat.
“Hi Roxy!” said Jade. Her ears looked really cute in her godtier hood, and her skin was a normal, healthy color. “Sorry about all that stuff I did when I was evil, especially threatening to kill you. That was really not cool of evil me. What do you want to ask?”
“Eh, don’t sweat it. It worked out okay in the end.” Roxy edged to the side, trying to draw Jade away from the scene of the unfolding teen relationship drama. “I’m looking for Calliope?”
“Oh yeah! She’s sort of…hiding, I think. Somewhere over,” Jade sniffed the air, then sniffed again harder, “there. But be careful, okay? She’s really insecure about the way she looks, and having to show herself to everyone… She’s pretty upset.”
“Jade?” Loud Boy had torn himself away from Blindfold Girl momentarily.
“Hi Karkat!” Jade chirped.
“I’m so glad you’re alive,” said Loud Boy, voice choking up, and lunged at her. Jade accepted his hug, laughing, and proceeded to call him a nookmunching fuckwad. Close by, Dirk’s bro approached Blindfold Girl.
Feeling this was as good a time as any to leave, Roxy set off in the direction Jade had indicated. The void area where the battle had taken place was an odd mishmash of memory-locations, some familiar, some completely alien. Though a significant percentage of the ghost army had been obliterated, memories from those ghosts still existed in the landscape. After fifteen minutes or so walking on a mostly uniform grassy plain, Roxy found herself on the rim of a vast, jagged-edged pit.
Phantom steam rose from the pit. Roxy peered down and saw an impact site. There was some kind of building down there too, a temple or something. Its frog-shaped top seemed almost within jumping range. The stalactites on the cave ceiling might be promising anchors for someone skilled in whip-based adventure techniques to swing from, presumably in order to land atop the temple. But Roxy could fly.
“Callie?” Roxy called, hovering around the steam. “You there?” There was no answer.
Roxy touched down on the temple stairs. Nobody there. At the bottom of the impact site, though, a small greenish figure was now just barely visible.
“Callie!” Roxy’s voice rose with relief. She flew down. The figure seemed to panic, scurrying toward the opposite side of the impact site.
“Please leave,” a soft, croaking voice cried. “Please. I don’t—You shouldn’t have to see— Please just go away.”
Roxy landed. Calliope was huddled with her knees to her chest, facing deliberately away from her. She looked an instant away from pulling her jacket over her head to hide.
Roxy said, “It’s okay. I already saw you. We all did.”
Calliope hiccupped. “I’m a monster.”
“Oh my god babe, no. You’re a hero. You saved us.”
“She saved you. I’m just,” Calliope hiccupped again. “I’m sorry, love, I’m not in the best state of mind at present. You’d do well to…to, uh…”
Roxy interrupted her. “If you absolutely for-reals want me to leave, I’ll leave. But this is, like, our first real meeting? You’re my friend. And I’ve been wanting to meet you for ages. Literal ages.”
Calliope bit back a sob.
Roxy said, “I could close my eyes, if that helps.”
“I don’t know,” said Calliope miserably.
Roxy continued, “We could all close our eyes. We could just go around with our eyes closed constantly. Maybe then we’d all get leet ninja powers like that girl who keeps calling Dirk the Prince of Cheese Dust.”
“Considering your various classes and aspects, as well as the fact that none of you except the Seer of Mind were cared for by an embryonic dragon with extra-sensory powers, that is…highly unlikely.”
“A girl can dream, Callie.”
They stayed in silence for a while, until Calliope eventually spoke. Her voice was hoarse and dry, but firm. “Miss Lalonde, would you mind turning your back for a moment?”
“What? Oh, yeah. Sure thing, bb.” Roxy turned around. She squeezed her eyes shut, just in case.
There was some mysterious rustling, the sound of someone almost definitely wiping her face on her jacket, and Calliope stood up and took a few steps toward Roxy. She took a deep breath, then said, “All right, I’m ready. You can turn around now.”
Roxy did.
“To be honest, I never thought we’d get to meet in person,” said Calliope. The way her jaw moved as she spoke made something in Roxy’s lizard brain very, very nervous. “I tried to help from afar as much as possible, but I never thought… Well. Here we are, I suppose.”
“Yeah, here we are, due to crazy random happenstance that totally had nothing to do with any efforts we made or goals we were striving for. At the mercy of the universe, that’s us.”
Calliope’s skin was stretched tight over a face like a death’s-head. Her fangs, though clearly not at their adult size, were at least a half-inch long and as thick around as Roxy’s pinky. The colored spirals on her cheeks seemed more ominous than cheerful, like ancient symbols for the grimdarkest black majyyks. Her eyes were huge, bright, and wary. In short: She was beautiful.
Speaking of short. “I’m taller than you!” said Roxy. “Wow. I can’t believe I’m actually taller than someone. Even the clown troll has a quarter-inch on me.”
Calliope’s adult self had been humongous—as wide as three teenage humans, and as tall as two of them placed one atop the other—but her youthful form was eye-level with Roxy’s chin (no doubt an attractive and flattering view). There were patches of scaly skin on her neck and the top of her head. Her eyelashes were long, but looked thick and stiff, more like whiskers than human eyelashes. She had four broad, leathery fingers on each webbed hand, each finger tapering to a point and bearing a short, sharp claw.
Roxy held out her hands. After a moment of hesitation, Calliope placed her hands in Roxy’s. Calliope’s skin was cool and oddly rough, more like stone than person.
“It’s nice to meet you, Calliope.”
“The pleasure is all mine, Miss Lalonde.” There was an obvious tremor in Calliope’s voice, but she punctuated the statement with a (freaky, yet wicked adorbs) smile.
They stood, looking at each other. Roxy couldn’t help it; she started to feel giddy, happiness rising up inside her like bubbles in champagne. But, like, non-alcoholic champagne.
“Isn’t it so weird that we’re aliens and friends and now together? And alive?”
“You feel like meat,” said Calliope wonderingly. “I mean! Oh, I’m so sorry, dear. I don’t mean it like that.”
“You feel like a statue,” said Roxy. “A cute, silly, 100% stone cold badass statue.” To punctuate this statement (and just because she wanted to), she kissed Calliope on one cheerful yet ominous spiral.
Calliope froze up and flushed bright green. “Um.”
Too late, Roxy realized her misstep. “Shit. I’m sorry, I totes forgot about your alien biology and customs and stuff.” She tried to release Calliope’s hands, but Calliope awkwardly entwined their fingers.
“That’s quite all right, lovely. Don’t get yourself in a fuss. I, uh…I’m not sure I completely understand that sort of gesture, but I, I didn’t mind.” Calliope squeezed Roxy’s hands and let them go, then looked away.
“Okay,” said Roxy, trying not to smile too much or sound too breathy. “Cool.”
“Cool,” said Calliope, like she was testing the word out.
“So, you want to go back to where everybody is? They all want to meet you, but don’t worry, I won’t let them rush you all at once.”
Calliope let out a long breath, then nodded. “It’s time for me to face this fear. I’ve faced so many others already.”
“Aw yeah, that’s our brave little toaster. Okay, hold on—” and Roxy took Calliope’s hand again, and they flew away.
Back where everybody was, John had finally mustered the courage to join the Crocker reunion. Roxy’s teen mom and maybe-someday-stepmom had concluded their discussion and were now cuddling like sappy gay fools, though it was probably the pot calling the kettle black for Roxy to characterize them so.
Blindfold Girl had appropriated Loud Boy’s phone and was conducting a passionate argument with someone, likely a ghost troll, over speakercrab while Loud Boy protested. Dirk and Jake appeared to have been talking, but both stopped and paid attention when Roxy and Calliope showed up. Jade waved and smiled. Dirk’s bro, in the midst of trying to steal John’s attention from the Crockers, lowered his ridiculous shades.
“Hello there,” said Calliope.