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Taako’s fingers swipe lazily across the screen of his fantasy phone, his own face staring back at him, his tongue sticking out while his fingers shoot a peace sign back at the viewer. There are so many damn filters that he could choose from, but only one is gonna do justice for his drunk fantasy Snapchat pictures that he’s posting to his story.
“Oooo, there’s the money shot,” he mumbles, settling on a more cosmic filter that really shows just how ethereally smokin’ he is. He’s probably already posted something similar, but who gives a shit. It seems like everybody has been turning in for the night around the base anyways, as nobody’s responding to any texts or snaps in the last hour – Carey and Killian were spamming him with pictures of the wooden duck that the dragonborn had given to her girlfriend, but they finally sent a snap of them all in bed, duck included, and a quick goodnight message to Taako.
So after even more alcohol on top of the already generous amount of drinks that the wizard has been consuming, he resorts to just flipping around on his phone, doing nothing in particular, chilling on the bed listening to the music that tinkles out from the music box that Johann had gifted them from Candlenights. He’s exhausted most of the forms of entertainment on his phone by now, but he struggles to set the phone down and ultimately be left alone with his own thoughts. That’s dangerous.
His mind strays briefly before he whisks them back, to which he finds he’s absentmindedly been scrolling through his photos. A shaky grin touches his face as he continues to swipe through them. There’s Merle, standing in the shallow end of the lap pool with arm floaties on and a very pissed look on his face as he fumes back at the camera. Magnus, holding up Rail Splitter in one hand and Steven the goldfish in the other, smiling like a proud parent. Taako feels something jolt violently in his core. Merle again, looking away from the camera as he scratches his ass, a frozen goofy and grinning Magnus in the corner of the photo. A couple pics of Carey and Killian at practice, one of a ghostlike fuzzy Leon with his hands practically taking up the entirety of the frame, his mouth wide, frozen in a string of moans of utter defeat at the tomfoolery that had transpired at the moment of the photo. Quite a few selfies of Taako. Magnus. Magnus. Another of Magnus. Some candid, some when the big fellow had snagged his phone from him and figured out how to use the camera. But always smiling. Always smiling.
Taako takes in a shuddery breath. It’s only been a couple days since the boys have returned from Refuge, from that damn loop. Nobody back at the base seems to realize just how fucked up that was for them. Not that Taako’s gone recounting it for everybody, but still. Upon their return and the director commenting how it didn’t seem to be as bad as she initially anticipated, Taako has wanted to scream. He wants to just go around shouting, “Uhhhhhh, did you see your friends die?! And not just once, oh no – I’m talkin’ like a crap ton of times, ya feel me?”
But he’s kept his mouth shut. Accepted his payment and did some shopping at Fantasy Costco, tormented Leon, and put on the usual façade of being a-ok. Right as rain, baby. Because that’s what he does. He’s not going to admit that these dudes have become people he cares about. He’s not going to admit that he’s allowed his walls to crumble a bit, that he hasn’t been rebuilding those walls as quickly as he can, like he used to. What’s he going to do, actually reveal to others – let alone himself – that Merle and Magnus are more than just adventuring partners, that these are people he genuinely doesn’t really want to see get hurt? That it fucking tore him up inside to stand idle again and again as death fell upon them in different ways, that all he could do was accept it, and that all he could do, fucking again and again, was see that shit over and over? Fuck that.
So it’s been pretty rough these past couple days, and he’s found himself drinking a lot more than he has in some time. And he finds that he’s feeling things he doesn’t really want to think about. Yuck. Fucking feelings. These aren’t for him, no way. Bottle that shit up and send it to the moon, like the real moon. Maybe even into the sun, just for good measure. Taako takes a drink to that.
Boy howdy, the dominating buzz and pictures of Magnus and that brilliant smile of his are getting to Taako. He lets out a sigh, a fucking forlorn sigh, and he rolls his eyes, grabbing a pillow and smothering his face for a second with it. What the hell is with him. Drinking and a phone are not a good combination, he’s realizing.
Okay, it’s really time to stop looking through photos. Damn though, how many of Magnus does he even have? Taako taps out of the album, but now he is left alone. Dangerous. A swig of his drink.
What if they hadn’t gotten the final loop right? What if they had died in that lonely town? But they could die from any adventure they went on, really. Their next one could be it, especially with only needing to snag the final two relics. They have such limited time, potentially. Taako stares blankly ahead, his hand unconsciously bringing the bottle to his lips. Living with regret would be shitty. And he’s an honest person – he knows that’s a lie – so why shouldn’t he tell Magnus about those feelings. About those lingering tingles within his very being when Magnus is near him. About how he’s never been this close with another person in such a long time, and, maybe, just maybe, Mags is his best friend, his best fucking friend, and even with this awareness he doesn’t know how to handle it. His eyes drift down to the phone.
'Fuck it.' Taako opens his contacts. He easily finds Magnus’ number and begins typing. His fingers tap in a frenzy at first, but soon enough he finds that the drinks are hitting harder and harder, and he just sits there with the stupidest grin on his face, his tongue peeking out the side of his mouth while his fingers stumble along the keypad and type his stupid heart and soul out.
“Fuck off, autocorrect,” he finds himself reprimanding the fantasy phone as half the words seem to have some red squiggles underneath it. It’s a jumble of shit, but fuck it, right? If he has any sense – or maybe just hadn’t been drinking, what a concept – he would question, well what if Magnus reads this? Magnus isn’t even awake at this point, Taako is more than sure of that. Why would he be up at this hour anyways? Might as well send this message now. The aftermath will be a problem for future Taako – he takes a drink, in honor of future Taako and that potential shitstorm.
And then it’s sent. Just a tap of a button, no re-reading of the message, and Taako full of satisfaction – in a state of denial, maybe, too – falls back against the propped up pillows on his bed, one arm hanging off it. He isn’t sure if he should be feeling something different, like a sense of accomplishment, but he doesn’t quite care. The deed is done. Good job. Mags would be proud of him.
Taako takes a deep breath in and reaches his arms up, stretching and cracking his joints a bit. He runs his tongue across his lips a bit, casually glancing over at the phone that’s somewhat hidden beneath the pillows. The screen is still lit up, the bright green text box of his heartfelt outpouring the most recent message sent. Taako’s eyes go wide as he spots something.
“Oh fucking shit.”
He grabs for his phone, holding the screen only about two inches from his face, watching the three little ellipses dance beneath his own message. Magnus is typing.
'I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up.' Taako chucks the phone. It’s just a phone, not a gremlin or something, but it’s the only reflex his body thinks to make. It lands near the end of his bed, sinking into the waves of the blankets haphazardly thrown all over the bed. Taako stares at the spot where the phone has gone. 'I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucking fucked up, I have fucked up to the max.'
Taako hops up off the bed, his legs a little shaky at first before he begins pacing. Escape. What escape routes can he use? No window in his room, so there’s only the door. Okay, the door, he can work with that. Why the fuck is Magnus awake at this hour?! Oh shit, but if Magnus is awake, then he might hear him make his grand escape through the suite they all share. Maybe he can just use blink to at least get him to the hall? And then from there snag a sphere and shoot himself out of the cannon and into the motherfucking sun – adios, amigos. Where is his go bag? He hadn’t planned on needing it for the mistake of fucking sending the dude he’s in love with a long heartfelt text message expressing his goddamn feelings.
Or. Orr.
Or he can just say that Merle or Avi took his phone and decided to prank text people. That can work. Taako nods slowly as he tries to assure himself that maybe he’s only fucked up a little. Then he hears heavy footsteps coming to his door, and then a knock from the other side, and he realizes now that he has officially been crowned the fuck up extraordinaire.
Okay, so escaping is out of the question now. And Taako knows that Magnus isn’t going to leave until he opens the door. Wiggling his fingers as he contemplates everything from casting sleep on Magnus to literally hiding under his bed, Taako curses under his breath. He can delay this only so long – so why not go over to the mirror and put his hair up in a low ponytail really quickly, just really really quickly, not like he’s trying to stall or anything of course – and finally pads silently to the door on bare feet. Play it cool – super cool. The absolute coolest you can be.
Taako opens the door and leans against the frame with all the coolness and nonchalant attitude he can muster – ability check sufficient.
“Hey big dude, wassup?” Taako perks an eyebrow up as he looks at Magnus. The human is rather flustered, his chest rising and falling quickly, and pinkish blooms seem to blossom across his cheeks. Magnus is in his pajamas, which, as Taako notes approvingly, consists of a simple tank and shorts, exposing the fighter’s broad toned muscles. And those thighs – Taako focuses on being cool, rather than melting into a puddle right before Magnus. Cool! Cool! All is coooool! Magnus blinks rapidly a few times as he opens his mouth to speak, closing it again as he takes in Taako’s chill demeanor.
“…Taako…,” Magnus stumbles out, his face now blank, yet Taako can see a hint of a perception check going on as he attempts to distinguish what exactly is happening here. He makes no move to say anything else though, allowing Taako to jump in.
“Yo, have you seen my phone anywhere? I’m pretty sure the trademarked pint-sized asshole or Avi took it, and who knows what they could be doing with it, ya know?” Taako rolls his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. Magnus seems to stiffen for a split second and looks around, and then deflates. His shoulders sink a tad and he turns his gaze back down to him. Reaching an arm behind his head, he gives a short chuckle and scratches his head, his already tousled hair messing up even more, his sideburns sticking out at odd ends.
“Oh…uh, um, well, no, no man, sorry. I haven’t it seen it at all – haven’t really seen Merle or Avi for awhile either.”
“Huh. I’ll have to hunt them down tomorrow then, I s’pose. Hopefully not too much harm is comin’ my way, depending what they’ve done,” Taako shoots Magnus a grin, but it falls flat. Magnus nods silently, his eyes darting from the door to Taako. A silence falls between the two. Taako chews on a fingernail. Briefly forgetting the mistakes of five minutes ago, Taako frowns, eying Magnus.
“Wait, why are you up so late anyways, Mags? You ok?” Taako’s voice is gentle as he watches his friend. Magnus returns his gaze for a few seconds, and Taako honestly wonders if this big guy before him is about to break down and cry, which honestly fucks Taako up. Magnus smiles sadly – god that hurts Taako – and hems and haws briefly before responding, his voice shaking a little.
“Oh you know, bad dreams. Couldn’t really sleep and was tossing and turning and shit. I’ll be fine though, really,” Magnus’ smile softens. With a not so convinced frown and no other words, Taako reaches out, grabs Mags by the arm and guides him into his room. Magnus follows easily enough, standing there obediently as Taako goes back to swing the door shut.
“Go on and grab yourself a blanket, bub. Make yourself comfy and pop a squat,” Taako calls over his shoulder before returning back to Magnus. He watches as Magnus glances between the blankets on the bed to Taako a couple of times, grabs the fuzziest looking one when Taako nods with his chin to go on, and gingerly sits in the middle of the bed. Taako scoots to sit next to him, taking a spot amongst the scattered pillows like they’re some sort of throne. Taako keeps quiet as he watches Magnus wrap the blanket around his shoulders, his fingers touching the soft fabric which seems to help a bit, seems to ground him. There is no need for Taako to ask a flurry of questions – what was the dream about, who was in it, how bad was it. None of that. They’ve gone through this before. They know one another. Simply their presences are enough at times like these, but they understand one another and that the other is there to listen and offer support, if needed. But just being there is good enough for them too. They’re content to just sit there for a few minutes, Magnus continuing to run his fingers across the blanket and Taako playing with a loose thread at the hem of his pajama top. It isn’t until some time that Magnus finally speaks, his voice faint, his gaze lost.
“Refuge really…that was really rough,” Magnus’ voice is shaky, but he pushes on, looking up and over Taako’s shoulder at nothing in particular, “I’ve just been having repeat dreams of us dying over and over again, like the loop we were in, you know? It’s so much worse though for some reason. It takes forever, and in these nightmares I, I feel it like ten times worse? And you and Merle…god, just seeing you two go through that. As if doing it in real life wasn’t enough.” Taako keeps quiet, but his gaze stays on Magnus. He’s very aware that their hands are quite close to one another, and can feel a faint heat radiating from the man’s hand. Magnus must notice too. He ever so slightly stretches his fingers to touch the tips of Taako’s fingers.
“You know what was the worst? In both reality and in the dreams?” Magnus asks, not looking for a response. He turns his gaze back to Taako, staring directly at him. It’s just a couple statements, but it’s everything to Magnus, and Taako sees this. “I couldn’t do anything. I just couldn’t – I couldn’t protect you.”
It’s then that Taako reaches forward and grips Magnus’ shoulders. One hand makes its way to Magnus’ cheek, and he gazes firmly at Magnus. He knows that there have been so many that Magnus hasn’t been able to protect, and it’s killing him. It’s just killing him. It’s what the guy does – he protects. And he wasn’t able to do that now. He wasn’t able to do it with Julia. And who knows when he’ll run into this horrifying truth again. Taako mumbles something in Elvish, and he feels Magnus shudder beneath him, a dam about to bust open.
“Mags babe, hey, yo, guess what? I’m right here, bubula. I’m right here,” Taako’s voice is low, soft, a gentle reminder that he’s there now, that they’re together, safe. He continues to touch his cheek, his fingers beginning to run through his sideburns. “I’m here, Maggie. I’m not going anywhere. You did what you needed to do, and look? We’re right here, right now, you see?” Taako pulls him to his chest, not really caring at the size difference. This isn’t like him – Taako is not a protector. He doesn’t pull people to him, doesn’t comfort them. In any other situation like this he would have been long gone. But it’s Magnus. It’s his Mags.
Magnus wraps his arms around Taako, and the two are brought further together. Magnus rests his face into the crook of Taako’s neck, his sideburns tickling faintly. He’s not fully crying, but more a silent internal shattering is occurring. He’s glass right now. Several minutes later, Magnus adjusts a bit in Taako’s arms. He’s never going to be the Magnus from two days ago again, hell, from ten years ago even. But they’re there now. They’re together. And they’re safe.
“C’mon, hot stuff. Stay with me tonight. Come on…lay down,” Taako pulls the mess of covers back and Magnus complies. They easily come together again underneath the blankets. Taako and Magnus face one another, the latter with a smile that makes Taako scoot closer in. Magnus’ arms wrap around him and he’s enveloped in a warmth that he’s wanted for so long. They settle in together, eyes closing as the sound of their breathing amidst the silence settles softly in the air.
He’s very comfortable and bordering on the edge of sleep. He feels something vibrate near his feet. Magnus moves a bit. There’s another vibration. He lets go of Taako and sits up, warranting an unhappy grumble from the elf who strains up to pull him back down. Magnus is reaching towards the end of the bed and pulls something out from between some more blankets. There’s a twinge of confusion as Magnus’ brows squint down, and he glances to Taako.
“Is this your phone?”
“Um…oh. Yeah.”
Magnus’ lips spread wide as a huge fucking cheeky grin plasters across his face. Taako kicks out, a failed attempt at getting the damn phone out of Magnus’ grasp. Magnus is too quick, and now he’s laughing. Taako can feel his cheeks and ears flaring up, so he sulks beneath the covers, the sound of Magnus’ booming laughter only slightly muffled beneath Taako’s new home. There’s movement on the bed’s surface and then the covers are pulled back from him, and now he’s got to stare back at Magnus’ smirk.
“I fucking knew it! I knew you were lying about somebody stealing your phone!” Magnus makes a triumphant fist pump.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, shut up. Keep making fun of me and you don’t get to see any more of this hot mess, you got it?” Taako pokes a slender finger at his chest, but Magnus just grabs it and brings it to his lips, kissing his hand softly. Taako can feel the smile against his knuckles. He’s pulled back into the warm embrace, only minimally protesting by turning to face the other way, his back flush against the man’s chest. He feels lips against his ear, and he emits a faint purr.
“So besides confessing your undying love to me, you mentioned some, uh, some stuff…doing some things, and some stuff…in that message of yours,” Magnus pulls Taako even closer, his whispers teasing as he stumbles over his words.
“If you continue being a smug shit then trust me, big guy, you’re not going to get anything fun!” Taako squirms a little. Magnus’ chuckling finally dies down, and it’s quiet again. There’s a swelling in Taako’s chest.
“Hey Magnus?”
“Hm?”
“I love you, you big goof.”
“I love you too, Taako.”
The stars outside shimmer wordlessly.