Chapter Text
When Leo meets him for the first time, he doesn’t really notice him. In his defence he is only eight years old, a bored child who is accompanying his parents and whose only one distraction between adults he doesn’t know is to make sure he doesn’t let go his little sister’s hand. It’s Ruka who notices him, in fact: she’s his cute, little sister - the cutest, truth to be told - and she’s a curious girl; it doesn’t take much time before she points at a boy, blabbering something like «Onii-chan, onii-chan! Red hair!»
If their mother weren’t busy meeting someone with their father, Leo is sure she’d excuse them both in front of said boy because of her children’s rudeness; but she doesn’t hear them, so Leo thinks they’re safe for now - he really isn’t sure why pointing out hair colour is considered rude, in fact; but again, adults are so hard to understand. The boy has heard them though but he unexpectedly smiles, closing the distance between them. He kneels so that he’s in front of them and, more or less, at the same height and Leo is ready to protect his sister if the time comes. He frowns a bit, looking at the stranger: he isn’t so tall, and he doesn’t seem to be a bad guy. Maybe he noticed Ruka’s cuteness…!
The red haired boy does a weird gesture with his hand and Leo frowns more. Then the boy seems to have realised something and chuckles a bit: «Do you like red hair?» he asks. His way of talking is a bit funny, Leo thinks, but he doesn’t say it. Ruka is looking at that boy and her eyes are shining, her expression so fascinated even though she’s usually really shy with strangers. The boy seems to understand the answer to his question even without hearing it: «You both have a really beautiful hair colour too.» he says. What Leo notices the most is the older one is his gentle voice, and he decides Ruka is okay even even if he doesn’t protect her.
That’s when their parents both come back to them: «Oh my, I hope our children didn’t say anything rude.» their mother says, but the boy in front of him stands up and shakes his head.
«Absolutely not. They have been both really polite and they complimented my hair.» he replies with a sweet smile - Leo wonders if adults never get tired of smiling like that.
«Oh, that’s a relief… what’s your name, dear?» she asks, smiling back, pleased with the boy’s politeness. Leo isn’t sure if he’s imagining it, but it seems to him that his mom is speaking slower than usual.
«Suou Tsukasa, pleased to meet you.» he answers, bowing his head and then looking at Leo and Ruka: «May I ask your names?»
Leo feels his father’s hand on his shoulder, encouraging him: «My name is Tsukinaga Leo, and this is my little sister Ruka.» he says «But if you fall in love with her I won’t forgive you.» he adds, with a little pout on his lips.
It’s the first time he hears Tsukasa’s laugh.
And when, after some more small talk, Tsukasa excuses himself and goes away, Leo notices it; he takes his father’s hand and looks at him: «Dad,» he calls out «what’s that thing oniichan had in his ear?»
He doesn’t expect it when he sees that boy again. It’s ten years later, and the red haired boy is a man now, and he’s walking in the classroom with Leo’s homeroom teacher. It takes him some minutes to remember where he has already seen him and he must have a really astonished expression if even Shinkai Kanata asks him if everything is all right - well, Kanata asks him his own peculiar way, but the thought is enough.
After the class president has guided their greeting they all sit down, and their homeroom teacher looks at the man next to him and then at the whole class: «This is Suou Tsukasa-sensei. He is going to work at this school in one of the first year classes, so you probably won’t have many chances to have lessons with him. However, today he is going to join us, so I highly recommend a proper behaviour.» he says, as stern as always.
And that’s when Wataru’s voice is the only one that literally echoes in their classroom: «AMAZING! What a young teacher you are, Suou-sensei!»
The homeroom teacher sighs, resigned: «Hibiki-kun.» he says just that before turning towards Tsukasa «They may be a bumbling class but they don’t mean any harm.» he assures the younger one as he momentarily leaves his spot so that Tsukasa can introduce himself.
Leo takes advantage of their exchange to look better at the man: he should be around his thirties. His haircut is really similar to the one he had back then, maybe just a bit longer. He still seems to have the same kind smile and prince-like manners - he surely has a great figure.
«Nice to meet you.» Tsukasa says to them, with the same funny way of speaking; well, it’s a bit less noticeable, but Leo has already heard it and kind of remembers it. What strikes him and his classmates is the way Tsukasa starts moving his hands and suddenly Leo remembers how he did the same thing ten years before and how he laughed off when Leo and Ruka didn’t understand. Tsukasa doesn’t seem to mind how the class it’s suddenly so quiet, and keeps talking and signing: «My name is Suou Tsukasa. I’m going to be a communication helper for one of the first year students in this school. A communication helper is someone who helps deaf people so that they can communicate with those who don’t understand the sign language.» he explains patiently, still smiling. «I don’t know if you are going to need this, since I will be at school most of the time, but I think it’s a good thing to know. So» and he stops his hands for a bit, then he does a simple gesture, slower than before: «This is to say “Thank you”.» he positions his left hand with the palm towards the floor, and his right hand flat over the other. Then, with a decisive gesture, he moves the right hand up.
«Simple, isn’t it?» he chuckles a bit, and then speaks again: «This one, instead, it’s the sign to say “I’m sorry”.» and his right hand goes near his face - the higher part of his nose, between his eyebrows - like there’s something he has to pick in that point. Then the same hand makes the same movement (just a little slower) of a typical karate chop.
«This may seem funny to you, but to a deaf person it’s important to be able to say “Thank you” and “I’m sorry”, but what is even more important is to be able to understand when others say this to us. I’ll be in your care.» he finishes like this, bowing his head politely and smiling at all of them, before walking towards one of the corner of the classroom where there’s an empty chair. The class is filled with curious and surprised murmurs again, while their homeroom teacher opens the register to start the roll call.
But Leo doesn’t pay attention. After ten years he has finally understood: back then, Tsukasa wasn’t doing funny gestures. He was trying to communicate, sure about the fact that at least one of them - Leo or Ruka - was deaf, in that big building that was the deaf association center Leo’s mother made a donation for.
They don’t meet very often. Tsukasa’s first month seems to be so busy that if rumors hadn’t already spread about the only (cute) student the red haired man was assisting, Leo would have been sure Suou was in charge of at least ten of them. He has been seen in the corridors of course, and sometimes he talks to other students too, with that gentle smile of his; Leo has noticed that, after the first time, Tsukasa never uses the sign language while he talks to those students who approach him. He isn’t sure about the reason, though.
Not that the person next to him will ever be able to reveal such mystery - “and there’s no need to do so. It is part of Suou-sensei’s charme after all” it’s what Wataru has said to him.
«So, Shitty King» Izumi says while he walks beside him «is your work done?»
«Don’t call it simply “work”, Sena!» he replies and chuckles, and he can feel Izumi’s impatience: «It’s called inspiration and it is not just done. It has to be polished! Like a jewel! And when it’s finally shining— that! That is the perfect moment, Sena! Wahahahah!»
«I’m so done with your shit, I swear to God I’ll kill you before we graduate.»
Leo laughs more. He and Izumi are in the same band since their first year; they used to be a duo, but then Arashi and Ritsu joined and they became a real band. Its name is Knights and Leo loves them, all of them and with their perfect imperfections. He loves how bad-tempered Izumi is and, at the same time, how much he does care even if he doesn’t show it; he adores how Naru is considerate of others, with such attention to details Leo would never have with someone he isn’t interested in; and he finds Rittsu the cutest in the way he falls asleep almost everywhere but knows better than anyone else how to express himself when needed.
«Don’t be jealous, Sena~»
«I am not—» it’s what Izumi starts to reply before he is interrupted by too many noises: the door on their right is opened with a certain violence, there’s a bit of a commotion and someone literally collides against Izumi. They are both unbalanced - Izumi and the cute, little boy - while Leo is already starting with his noisy laugh.
«You’re so annoying!» Izumi barks at Leo, shifting his attention from his band leader to the boy who was behind the door until a few moments ago: «And you, first year!» he continues with the same tone «You could at least say that you’re sorry.»
«He doesn’t seem to care at all, Sena… is this your authority as a third year? Will you be a kind senpai and forgive him this time? You know, Sena, a real knight would do it but, alas, what a hard choice! Your pride or your popularity?»
«Could you please just shut up?» Izumi says, sighing, clearly irritated: «I wasn’t popular from the beginning, anyway.» he mumbles, looking at the boy who hasn’t even looked at them if not just briefly «Would it kill you to answer, at least? Are you deaf?»
Truth to be told, considering how much Leo knows Izumi, he’s sure Sena doesn’t mean any harm nor anything else with that sentence. If he knew he would never say a sentence like that. Leo too doesn’t think too much about it, until he recognises Tsukasa at the doorstep of the classroom, the door still open. It’s a matter of seconds before Leo understands, but it’s already too late, because Suou is saying something like: «Ah— please, wait a moment!» and he’s late too, judging by the hand that’s on Izumi’s shoulder and pushes him away.
It’s not harsh, but the gesture has an obvious meaning: go away. From the short boy that, Leo notices it just now, seems bothered - and has a hearing aid in both his ears. But that hand belongs to someone else and when Leo looks at the other boy a shiver goes down his spine: he has never seen such cold eyes. It’s not like that student is just unfriendly: he is looking at Izumi like he’s saying to give him a reason, only one reason to react and he’ll do it. Leo has got involved himself with so many people that he is pretty sure nothing will never surprise him again but, at the same time, he’s sure none of the delinquents he has met has seemed so ostensibly dangerous.
«He is.» it’s the only thing he says at the beginning. He looks at Leo, like he’s deciding if he has to get angry at him too, and then goes back to Izumi: «Deaf. He is. I hope this satisfy you curiosity, senpai.»
Leo sees it clearly, the moment Izumi realises and feels ashamed, because he really is more sensitive than he seems. Leo is pretty sure Sena will remember the boy’s face and if anyone will be crazy enough to do or say something against him, that someone will pay for it. But right now, the villain is still Sena.
«Young Master» the boy says to the shorter one, and there is so much tenderness in the way he touches the other’s shoulder that it almost feels unreal «are you okay?»
Leo notices that he speaks really slowly, and doesn’t do any sign. He’s not sure about the reason.
«Fushimi-kun.» finally Tsukasa intervenes, with his apologetic smile and signs that go along with his words like it’s nothing «I’m sure he didn’t mean any harm. He really seems to be sorry.» the man says, looking at Izumi and then at the shorter boy who’s been silent all along. Is he deaf-mute?
«I’m fine!» he answers, his tone a bit too high.
«Himemiya-kun» Tsukasa touches lightly his arm. Leo wonders what Suou says in these situations so that a deaf boy doesn’t feel hurt by people’s words - intentional or unintentional. Maybe it depends on the deaf person. Maybe some of them don’t care so much, but for those who care how do you explain them that people can often be horrible? Not Sena, perhaps… does he do it like every other adult? Minimizing what happens, talking about youth and naivety? Leo really is curious.
«You shouldn’t run outside the classrooms like that. You are at fault, because you are the one who collided with…?» and he looks at Izumi, waiting for his name - a little «Sena» that the third year mumbles - «Sena-kun. So you should apologize.» he suggests.
And Leo is completely astonished, like Suou has said the unspeakable truth of the world.
Himemiya looks like he doesn’t know what to prioritize: his apologies or his whines. In the end, he looks at Izumi with an insolent attitude before signing something that Leo recognises because of Tsukasa’s little lesson on his first day at their school. Izumi seems to be unsure of what to do.
«He’s saying he’s sorry, Sena.» Leo translates for him with a little, amused smile.
«Fine.» Izumi says, his light blue eyes going from Himemiya to Yuzuru, and then on Tsukasa; the man smiles kindly, and then he moves so that everyone can see him, especially the first year who has to be able to see the sign language: «You should all go to the have lunch. I’ll see you tomorrow, Himemiya-kun. Fushimi-kun, be sure to follow the book I gave you and you’ll be okay with the sign language. If there’s anything you don’t understand, feel free to ask me anytime.» he says. For the entire time he never stops with the sign language; it’s like he’s speaking two languages, simultaneously. It really amazes Leo.
«Sena-kun, Tsukinaga-kun, have a good—»
«So you do remember my name, Suou-sensei.» Leo interrupts him, smiling at him like a kid. Tsukasa seems surprised, like he didn’t think at all about the chance of Leo remembering who he is or where they’ve met.
«Yes. How is your sister?»
«Pretty fine!» he answers - he’s not surprised, because Tsukasa totally looks like the charming prince who would be popular at school, who would always remember everyone’s name, who probably was the only one in his class that would be equally kind to anyone. Leo wonders if, in his school years, Tsukasa had a communication assistant like he’s now for Himemiya. If one of his classmates, or other boys in general, ever told him something like “are you deaf?!” in a mean way.
He can’t imagine it.
«I have to go back. Have a good lunch.» Tsukasa excuses himself, going back in the classroom and closing the door behind him.
Leo doesn’t have a so-called high attendance for his club activities. He goes, of course, and he pays attention so that he doesn’t get his captain too angry - at least, not enough for him to banish Leo from the club. It’s not that he doesn’t like archery; he would have never joined if it was the case. It’s just that there are so many things that interests him, and soon his band will be able to play in a real live; plus, when inspiration comes, he can’t refuse its call and simply has to write down the music.
Surely he’s a bit surprised when, walking in the dojo, he sees Fushimi Yuzuru talking to Keito-buchou.
«Welcome back, Tsukinaga.» There’s a bit of sarcasm in Keito’s greeting, but Leo knows he doesn’t mean any harm; he’s just a very strict guy who needs to relax but doesn’t know how to. Sometimes, Leo wonders if Keito was there when someone explained the importance of leisure time. Maybe he was absent. Maybe aliens abducted him.
Maybe a five years old Keito was too busy scolding some other kid because “you should wear your smock properly.”
Oh my God.
«Here I am, here I am~! Buchou, did you miss me?»
«It depends: are you here to practice seriously?»
«Of course!» Leo answers like he’s almost offended at the thought that Keito believes he’s there just to kill time: «So, so, is he our new member? So you are our newbie, Fujitani-kun?»
«My name is Fushimi, senpai.»
«Fujitani, Fushimi, the name’s not so important. I’ll call you newbie, so that I won’t ever get it wrong! I’m a genius, right?» he compliments himself, while Keito sighs and his hand goes to massage his temple.
«Please, Tsukinaga, try to remember people’s names.» Keito seems quite resigned, but he doesn’t add anything else, joining the first years near the equipment. That’s when Leo feels like Yuzuru has been entrusted to him - well, it’s not really like that but it’s okay, since he wanted to talk to him.
«So» surprisingly, Yuzuru starts a conversation before Leo can say anything «you know Suou-sensei, Tsukinaga-senpai.» he says while he’s adjusting his equipment so that he can start practicing soon. To be honest, it’s not what Leo was expecting but, he has to admit it, he likes unexpected things: it would have been boring if Yuzuru had complained about Sena’s words or about what happened in general. Leo sits on the wooden floor, and he’s sure Keito will come soon to scold him, but he doesn’t really care much; he’s more interested in Yuzuru’s gaze, in his posture, in the way he seems to try to choose the best words to voice his doubts. Leo supposes he’s a good kid, after all.
«Is someone you know… I mean...»
«Deaf?»
«I’m sorry. It’s really rude of me to ask such a question since we don’t know each other.» Yuzuru apologies, frowning a bit like he’s silently scolding himself, almost punishing himself. Leo looks at him, confused for a moment, but then he shakes his head.
«I don’t. But my parents used to make donations for a deaf association or something like that. I met Suou there.» he replies; he should call him “sensei”, but it feels unnatural, maybe because, in a way, Tsukasa is someone from his childhood and, in any case, Leo is not good with formalities. Yuzuru doesn’t seem bothered, though.
«Are you Himemiya’s servant? Since you called him ‘Young Master’.»
«Yes. We grew up together, but my family has served the Himemiyas for years. I’m sorry if my master seems just a spoiled, impolite kid… he is good at heart, and very kind. He just...» Yuzuru hesitates, his hand grips the bow he was checking. Izumi often calls him “shitty king” and nicknames like this, but Leo has never doubted the fact he’s able to read people’s feelings when they are shown in such an earnest way. Yuzuru’s eyes have something Leo is sure he would have if someone did something terrible to Ruka - that is the expression when you regret doing (or not doing) that thing that would have done the difference. Usually it’s something that isn’t in a single person’s power to do or to change, but nobody really understands it when they are too busy blaming themselves.
«His talking is not too funny, for a deaf person. I mean, Sena always scolds me because he says my way of speaking is almost unintelligible! He is such a meanie, he doesn’t understand that I’m a genius!» he says, and a small part of him maybe is trying to be supportive with his kohai. Yuzuru understands it - or guesses it, Leo never thinks too much about details - and smiles; it’s a gentle expression, even if there’s not the relief Leo wanted to obtain.
«Thank you.» the younger one murmurs «But that’s because my master isn’t born like this. He lost his hearing ability recently.» Yuzuru reveals and that’s when a truth strikes Leo the same way his sudden inspiration usually does. And in those moments he has to write, so now he has this urgency that makes his fingertips itchy, and the need to move his legs becomes unbearable - he has to leave the dojo, he has to walk and walk and walk until he reaches the only person who can give him replies to those questions that are crowding his mind.
«Tsukinaga, stop running in the hallways!» it’s the vague scolding Leo hears while he’s running towards the same classroom Suou occupied that morning. He can also hear, from outside, all the sounds of those clubs that use the gym or the field. He stops in front of the door, but just because it opens before he can knock, a surprised Tsukasa that stands still, his hand in mid air. It’s the first time Leo sees that expression on the man’s face - he always smiles, he’s always so composed that Leo almost thought that Tsukasa wasn’t able to make other expressions.
«It’s something the matter, Tsukinaga-kun?» Tsukasa asks him, looking a bit concerned; behind him, Himemiya peeks out and looks at Leo. The feeling he gets is that Himemiya doesn’t know how to consider him: an ugly insect, or someone he doesn’t need to be concerned of. Leo lets his eyes wander between those two and then he focuses on Tsukasa: «Were you deaf since the beginning?» he asks, with no delicacy at all. He notices Tsukasa stiffens, so he realises. Leo coughs, not really used to have a filter that blocks his stupidity before he voices it: «I mean, can we talk a bit, Suou-sensei? I want to ask you things about sign language and stuff.» he adds «I was talking to Fujiwara, he’s in the archery club now and—»
«Wait a moment, Tsukinaga-kun.» Tsukasa stops him, turning towards Himemiya so that he can sign something to him - Leo’s words, probably, or some explanation of what is going on. Himemiya stares at Leo like he’s a complete idiot before pronouncing an annoyed «His name is Fushimi.»
Leo can’t help but chuckles: «Fushimi, Fujiwara, Fujitani… it’s the same and it’s a bother to remember his name.» he makes sure to articulate it in a way that Himemiya can understand even if Leo isn’t signing it. The first year pouts and decides that Leo is not worth of his attention; he looks at Tsukasa now and signs something he could also say, but he doesn’t. It’s not so hard to understand that he’s doing it on purpose so that Leo can’t follow the conversation. And that’s it, some of Suou’s signs and Himemiya is gone.
«So? Can we talk now?»
«You don’t seem too worried about the fact that Himemiya-kun doesn’t like you very much.» Tsukasa says with a little smile, moving from the door and letting Leo enter the classroom. Leo laughs and crosses the threshold: «There aren’t many people that like me anyway. And Himemori—»
«Himemiya.»
«the first year» Leo ignores Tsukasa’s glance «seems to hate more or less everyone?»
Tsukasa sighs, and invites him to sit on the chair near the window. Leo looks at the room - it’s really the standard classroom, but it seems a bit different because there is only one desk and a small cabinet, two chairs and a small sofa. Nothing more, so it’s probably one of the old classrooms that were used for club activities once. There are many sheets of paper on the desk; peeking at it, Leo can recognise some of the papers his teachers usually give during lessons, and he doesn’t have to check to know that they’re probably about programs he did on his first year. He sits on one of the chairs and looks at Tsukasa who starts to tidy up the desk.
«What did you want to talk about, Tsukinaga-kun?» he asks, his voice calm even if with that slightly funny way of pronouncing words. Leo smiles, amused: «I was talking to Fushimi» he begins, and he knows from Tsukasa’s glance that the man is judging him because of his habit to mangle names «and he told me Himemiya hasn’t always been deaf, that’s the reason why he speaks pretty well, right? And then I remembered that you also spoke well in my classroom so maybe you too? I mean, you became deaf? I’m curious about it, after all I realised just recently that you thought me and my sister were the same. Isn’t because of this that you used the sign language back then? How is it? I was—»
«Is it funny?» Tsukasa interrupts him and Leo stays silent. Until now every time he has heard the man speaking, he has always had that really gentle voice; now he’s being polite but it’s not the same - Leo looks at him and he notices the expression on Suou’s face: he’s courteous, and yet there’s something else, something severe that reminds Leo of Keito.
He swallows.
«Is it funny because you have never talked to a deaf or half-deaf person?» Tsukasa repeats, but doesn’t wait for Leo’s answer: «Yes.» he adds «I was like you until my last year of middle school. I became» he stresses the same word «deaf. If this is all you wanted to know, you can go now. I still have some work to do, and club activities are almost over.»
Leo isn’t the kind of person who ends up being wordless. And yet he doesn’t know what to say - sure, he’s been pretty impolite but usually people tend to forgive him because they understand he doesn’t mean any harm. Maybe Tsukasa misunderstood.
«I wasn’t asking to make fun of you or Himemiya.» Leo mutters while he stands up.
Tsukasa sits, though, and doesn’t look at him: «Yeah. People often say this, but in the end they mean it.»
Usually, he wouldn’t leave this at it. Usually he would explain himself, not matter what or if the other person wouldn’t listen to him; but this time he doesn’t say anything else because Tsukasa’s body is screaming that he doesn’t believe him. Leo would have never thought once that it could be so easy to hurt someone.
«Shouldn’t our King be a bit more focused during practice?» it’s what Arashi says, interrupting him. When it comes to their band’s practice he always pays attention - sometimes his Knights tell him he’s too focused in fact - so he can understand the reason behind Naru’s slight worry. Leo looks at him, a childish pout on his lips, and goes back to drink his juice: «I am.»
«Oh my, does a King lie to his Knights?» Naru teases him while he sits next to him. They have a room for practice thanks to Arashi’s connections after all, so Leo should be grateful and work his ass off; he just isn’t in the right mood.
«I can’t work when I’m not inspired.»
«Ara, it’s such a pity! I’ve brought some little fans for you, you know?» Naru says, pointing at the entrance of the building in which they are; Leo looks in that direction and sees two boys: he’s pretty sure to know at least one of them or, better said, to have seen him at their school. Said boy notices him and Arashi and smiles brightly, his hand grabs the other one’s wrist and they almost run towards Leo and Arashi.
«Arashi-chan-senpai!» he shouts, full of energy, and Arashi chuckles: «My, Mitsuru-chan, don’t be so loud. And who’s your cute friend?»
«Harukawa Sora-chan!» Mitsuru replies, while Sora bows his head a little with a big smile on his face, bright blue eyes that look at them both: «Are you Mitsu-chan’s cool senpai?»
Arashi looks at Leo, an amused smile on his lips: «Am I, King?»
«Naru’s super cool, you know? Are you interested in music?» Leo asks to the both of them «Or are you simply Naru’s fans?» he teases them, with a better mood than before; he decides that Suou’s behaviour can’t make him feel like he killed someone or stuff like that. He was tactless, maybe, but that teacher really is too stubborn - it sounds so ridiculous if he’s the one to say it.
«Sora-chan can see music! Right?» Mitsuru reveals to them. Leo and Arashi look at each other, confused, before going back to the two younger boys: «See?» Leo stresses the word «Are you sure? Oh, I know! Maybe aliens abducted you and now you have special powers! Did they do something else? Can you, I don’t know, release some nice smell when you far—»
«King» Arashi interrupts him with a warning voice, looking at him like Leo has told something he shouldn’t have «guys who say vulgar things are not popular, you know?» he admonishes him.
«Well, yeah, whatever. So? Can you?»
Sora laughs, and his voice is crystal clear, so much that Leo finds himself smiling with him; the small boy seems one of those innocent people you could never taint, even if you tried with all your might. He doesn’t seem offended by Leo’s words, but amused; he shakes his head a bit: «Sora never once met an alien.» he admits, looking at Mitsuru like he’s almost sorry about this «But Sora really can see music. When Sora listens to it, it makes so many beautiful colours...» he tries to explain, but it’s a bit difficult. Leo has heard about it - they call it ‘synethesia’, but he was never able to picture it perfectly in his head, because it’s something so peculiar that Leo is sure nobody would be able to describe it with millions of words. And he’s good with words; never once he has found difficult to express something, be it with music or with the lyrics he writes for his Knights. If anything, sometimes he feels like he has too many words to use and he really doesn’t know what to do with them. Sometimes, his head is so full that he doesn’t know what word to use first; that’s when he mixes them, uses all of them together and everything gets complicated. When Sena says he can’t understand what Leo’s saying, or when Naru chuckles with that smile he only uses when he’s a bit troubled but prefers not to say anything, Leo knows that’s exactly the moment he’s using too many of the words that fill his mind. But what else can he do, when it feels like he could explode if he doesn’t voice them out?
He looks at Sora, and his mind goes back to Suou: is it the same for that man? Does he find difficult to communicate with him, to make him understand because Leo will never be able to feel like Tsukasa or Himemiya have? Does it mean he has to pretend he doesn’t hear— no, that’s not it. It would be really rude, Leo understands this much. Maybe if he could feel the same way, even just for a few minutes, he would be able to use the right words next time.
«How do you explain it when others ask you about how you can ‘see’ music?» Leo decides to ask the younger guy in front of him. Sora makes a funny face, like Leo asked the most stupid question in the world and, at the same time, the most difficult one. Sora doesn’t say anything, but thinks about it; and when he finally speaks, he gives them - both to Arashi and Leo - a big smile: «Sora thinks that somehow, even people different from him can see it.» he reveals, full of a confidence Leo finds interesting and fascinating at the same time «It’s like… you know, sometimes you look at a painting and you feel so many things, right? Sadness, or happiness, or fear» he tries to explain, but strangely he does it with the same simplicity one could use to breath. Sora’s little hands make some gestures, but Leo is totally focused on his words. «And when you listen to music, if you close your eyes it’s the same right? Because you can at least feel what the composer wanted you to know. Because you’re reading a story, right? So, well… it’s the same. Sora sees colors, like there’s this very good painter who can show him the music. Sometimes» he admits, a bit embarrassed not because of what he’s saying but - maybe? Leo doesn’t know him so much - because this is a really intimate thing, a feeling that probably Sora hasn’t shared so much, especially not with people he barely knows. «Sora thinks that even if he couldn’t hear, it would be the same. Like, Sora could enjoy music anyway.» he confesses, smiling more brightly.
That’s the moment Leo feels this strong sensation, like he had the answer in front of him for all this time, for all his life and yet he was never able to see it clearly, to recognise it. He looks at Sora, opening his eyes wide and if nothing, it’s Arashi who distracts him touching his shoulder lightly.
Leo looks at him, still pretty unfocused on anything but that epiphany he has just reached.
«Does this answer to your question, King?» Naru teases him, because he probably figured out something about Leo’s strange mood while they were practicing: «Isn’t it pretty romantic? I would totally love to let someone I like see my colours.» he adds, going back to look at Mitsuru and Sora.
«Say, Harukawa» Leo says, and if the fact that he already memorized Sora’s name isn’t the proof that he’s serious, what else could it be? «you think that a half-deaf person would be able to see those colours you talked about?» he asks, and he doesn’t worry about how obvious his request could sound.
Sora’s gaze is a bit more serious, even if he tilts his head a little: «Are you talking about Himemiya-kun?»
Well, sure, Leo thinks, of course he would think about him since they’re in the same grade.
«Him too.» he answers, half honestly «So, could he?»
«Dunno.» and Sora scrolls his shoulders a bit «Maybe. Sora thinks it depends on how much the person wants to see them. But Himemiya-kun would be able to see the colours Suou-sensei plays.» he reveals and that’s something absolutely unexpected, so much that even Leo - who’s usually the unpredictable one who surprises others - can’t believe to what he’s hearing.
«Suou-sensei?»
«Yeah! Sora heard it by chance, you know?» the younger one keeps saying, enthusiastically: «Sora was walking on the same floor where the music room is and he heard a bit of piano’s melody. And Sora was curious.» he admits, looking at Mitsuru with complicity «And when he peeked into that room Sora saw that the one playing was Suou-sensei. It wasn’t a perfect melody, but the sound was really sweet. It was sparkling, and kind of warm.» he describes it, with the same expression a relaxed person would have. It reminds Leo of his little sister, when she was just a baby and would end up falling asleep while listening to their mother’s lullaby.
«Is he a good pianist?» Arashi asks, curiosity in his voice and eyes; Leo doesn’t know if he’s seen Suou at school, but well… there’s no way Naru doesn’t know the man, at least by eye.
«Hm… Sora wouldn’t say he is a good pianist if by good you mean professional ones who can play difficult pieces. But he is a nice one. Just a bit slow with his fingers, Sora thinks.» he admits, stumbling a bit on his words. Mitsuru gives him a warm smile, and Sora seems to relax again; Leo isn’t sure about his behaviour, but he’s too distracted about other things now.
«Well» Arashi says, standing up and looking at Leo: «we should go back practicing, right King?»
«I totally doooon’t wanna, Naru! I’m not inspired enough!»
«I’m afraid you’ll have to. Maybe I’m not the only one who loves boys that give their all, don’t you think?»
It’s been a whole week. And a half.
First, his Japanese Literature test, then the fact that Suou seems to be really good at playing hide-and-seek; at least, he apparently is good at hiding from Leo. And Leo is sure that’s what is happening because there’s no way a teacher can disappear like this without being unwilling to, right?
Leo is moving back and forth in front of the classroom where Suou was the last time he saw him - that time he told something really rude, apparently. He’s not nervous. He’s just waiting for Himemiya to finish whatever he’s doing inside, because if his student is there Suou will surely have the perfect excuse to send Leo away. But, oh, he’s not going to make it easy for the man. If Suou refuses to let him in, Leo is ready to follow him. Or he can tie himself inside the classroom, so when tomorrow Suou will be back he will find Leo there and will have to listen to what he has to say.
What does he want to say, anyway?
The door slides, and the familiar figure of Himemiya comes out of the room with Yuzuru: they both have sheets in their hands, like the ones Leo saw the other time; they are signing something very simple to Suou, and Leo doesn’t have to guess because Yuzuru adds a «See you tomorrow.» with a gentle voice, before noticing Leo after he closes the door.
Himemiya looks at him, but doesn’t say anything; Yuzuru bows his head a little, instead, and smiles at him: «Tsukinaga-senpai.» he greets him politely, while Leo simply waves his hand to the both of them. Himemiya pouts a little, and his hand grabs Yuzuru’s sleeve: «Hurry!» Himemiya orders - because it really doesn’t sound like a request - but all Fushimi does is chuckling a bit. He bows his head towards Leo again and then replies with a soft «The cake I promised you will not disappear, Young Master.»
Leo looks at them for a moment before he goes back to look at the door they came from, not completely closed; he moves some steps and then knocks. And he waits. And then, he wonders if Suou can’t hear the knock, and if it’s the reason why Yuzuru hasn’t closed the door behind him, or if he hasn’t done that because he was sure Leo was going to open it again anyway. He stays silent, looking at Suou: he’s sitting at the desk, and seems to be reading some papers on it. There’s a vague scent of citrus fruits in the room, but Leo can’t guess the source of it.
He enters and closes the door because he wants to talk to Suou-sensei alone; maybe the sound is strong enough because the man looks at Leo. He’s surprised, that much is obvious by the way his expression change, even if just a little and for a brief moment: Suou looks like he wants to say something, but decides not to.
«Tsukinaga-kun. What can I do for you?»
«Can I sit? I’ve some things I want to tell you.» but he’s already sitting on one of the two empty seats - they are both warm. Leo waits, and Suou sighs; so the younger one starts to sniff with his nose pointing at the ceiling. He chuckles when he notices Suou’s perplexed expression.
«So. It seems I’ve been rude last time, haven’t I?» he starts to say, his green eyes studying the room better than the last time he got inside «I’m sorry.» he adds, looking directly at Suou: «As I said, I didn’t mean to. I don’t really know what made you so mad but well, you didn’t say much so I suppose it was my fault, right?»
Tsukasa is looking at him the same way he could look at a person that is blabbering nonsense; Leo can see something resembling a pout on the man’s face, and it’s so funny because he would have never thought adults could be so childish. So he chuckles, while Suou frowns a bit and then sighs again, putting aside the sheets he was checking before and looking at Leo.
«I suppose I need to apologise too. It was childish of me, that reaction. Since I’m an adult, I should behave properly. You did nothing wrong, Tsukinaga-kun—at least, I understood that you didn’t mean to.» he says «Still, I think it was really impolite to ask those questions in such a tactless way. You were somehow lucky it was me, and not Himemiya-kun, for example.» Tsukasa adds, while his expression seems to say that this is all he has to say on the matter.
«Why is it?» Leo asks instead «I mean, I asked some stuff to Harukawa too— you know, he can see sounds - but he wasn’t offended and he explained it to me.»
«Oh. That is called synesthesia if I’m not wrong.» Tsukasa mumbles, more to himself than to Leo, in fact «Well, it depends on the person. Also, synesthesia is something Harukawa has. Not something he lost.»
Leo stays silent for a bit, feeling Suou’s eyes on him, like the man is studying him; he waits, before looking at Suou. It’s the first time, since their first meeting when Leo was a child, that Tsukasa is looking at him directly in the eyes. Leo didn’t remember how peculiar their colour was: it resembles vaguely Fushimi’s, but they’re a totally different shade of purple and are somehow more distant. Also, Fushimi’s eyes have a warmth Leo is pretty sure is due to the fact that he’s seen them always looking at Himemiya so maybe that’s the reason for such a tenderness that Tsukasa’s ones lack.
«I can learn it.» he says suddenly, following the train of his thoughts, and he doesn’t seem to mind the fact that Tsukasa has clearly no idea what that student is talking about «Your sign language. I can learn— no, I absolutely want to learn it!» Leo exclaims enthusiastically.
«What?!»
«You can teach me, right? You’re teaching Fushimi too!»
«Fushimi-kun has a reason and it’s a very dedicated student. He wants to learn to be able to support Himemiya-kun. What’s your reason, Tsukinaga-kun?»
«Should I have a reason?»
«Tsukinaga-kun!» Suou seems to start losing his cool façade, a frown on his face and lips that are not smiling anymore: «This is exactly why I was angry last time. This is not a game. I teach this because I want deaf people to be able to communicate without feeling discouraged because of their condition. And I teach people who can hear because I think it’s a beautiful thing for them to want to communicate better with those who have some difficulties.»
«I want too!»
«Jesus Christ» Suou lets it slip from his mouth, totally exasperated «you barely remember Himemiya-kun’s name. Please leave, I have to—»
«No, I mean! I want to communicate with a deaf person!» Leo interrupts him «Half-deaf. Well, whatever. You should teach me, Suou-sensei. How am I supposed to talk to you, otherwise?»
«You are already talking to me.»
«But you don’t understand me, right? Not that you can’t hear me. But I can’t reach you?» Leo suggests and Tsukasa, for the first time, doesn’t know what to say. He has to admit that he didn’t expect this from him. He doesn’t know anything about Tsukinaga Leo, apart for the fact that he was a really cute child back then; Tsukasa has no idea how Leo has grown up, what kind of boy he has become, if he is the type to make fun of people like Himemiya or like himself or if he is the typical student who would pretend not to notice when someone is in trouble. Maybe Leo is the kindest boy and he simply doesn’t know how to express himself - or he simply doesn’t care to be understood - but Tsukasa surely never thought the kid in front of him would have been such an observing person.
Has he been so obvious about how he can’t feel at ease even after years since his own high school days?
«I really have to finish some work here.» Suou says, his eyes on the sheets again, a troubled expression like he doesn’t know how else to reject the other. Even Leo understands that much, and that’s the reason why he opens his mouth but - in the end - he doesn’t say anything. He stands up, instead, ready to leave the room.
«Tsukinaga-kun.» Suou’s voice calls his name when Leo is almost at the door; he looks at the man, and notices a little smile on his lips - Suou doesn’t seem convinced at all, but his smile looks genuinely kind when he does a simple “V” sign with his hand, near his waist.
Leo raises his eyebrow. Is he insulting him? Making fun of the fact he has totally rejected Leo’s request?
«See you tomorrow.» Tsukasa says «That’s how you say it with the sign language.»
It takes two whole weeks for Leo to notice some things he would have never even imagined before, and he wishes he had done it without have to witness such a scene.
Suou’s been a really good teacher: he’s patient, and kind, and explain every sign carefully. Well, Leo has discovered many aspects of him he would have never thought as parts of his character before: he’s childish, despite his being ten years older than Leo, and he is more irritable than what Suou thinks. Not about what he teaches, but about everything else. Leo is used to act and talk at his own pace, but it’s absolutely hilarious how Tsukasa seems so young when he thinks that Leo is about to start blabbering again and looks at him like he doesn’t know how stop him but doesn’t want to listen to him.
Leo has learnt that Tsukasa loves sweets (even if he tries to hide it) and eats them especially when he’s particularly nervous or stressed about something. So Leo has started to bring some to him when they meet for Leo’s lessons, and even if in the beginning Suou wouldn’t accept them now it’s getting better. And maybe the reason why Leo has forgotten is this: with Suou, everything seems okay. It feels like the man hasn’t a single problem in his life and Leo has been such an idiot that now he doesn’t know what to do, in front of the door; he knows Suou is inside, but he’s not sure if he has any right to enter.
Maybe Suou was right all this time. Maybe Leo has never thought how terrible it must be to hear for part of your life and then, suddenly, not being able to do it anymore. He has never thought that Suou could have some problems, because in his mind the man has always been the same boy of ten years ago, the one who seemed a charming prince to Leo and his sister, the boy who smiled kindly and worried about two kids he didn’t even know. How many years had passed, back then, since Suou’s hearing started worsening? Was a recent thing or not? How was Suou feeling? Maybe he hated to have to use the sign language. And he hated when Leo took the whole sign language thing so lightly.
He feels ashamed, and it’s not something he feels often about himself.
Leo looks at the door, his mind still focused on what he has just witnessed. Seeing Suou still while some students were calling him has made Leo’s heart ache. He doesn’t know why he has never thought about the fact that Suou could not hear, sometimes, and yet it had just happened before his own eyes. Suou, who’s so polite to every student who asks him something, didn’t even turn towards them because he didn’t hear them calling him.
And the expression Suou made when another teacher told him he was being called was so mortified it almost hurt Leo. Because Suou looked like it was his fault.
Leo sighs, and opens the door enough to slide inside, closing it behind him. Suou is sitting on the usual chair, but it has been moved near the window and so he’s looking outside. He doesn’t turn, and Leo doesn’t know if the other is ignoring him or if he didn’t hear him at all. He’s afraid to know it, somehow.
«We don’t have a lesson today, right?» Tsukasa says, his voice low but not adversary. Leo is not good with this kind of things: if anything, the best person to handle such a delicate situation would be Arashi. Leo has been already insensitive enough, after all, right?
«We don’t.» he admits, peeking at Suou’s figure and staying silent. It’s Tsukasa who breaks it and turns to look at him. There’s still that smile on his lips and Leo hates it.
«Are you sure you’re studying properly your regular subjects?» Suou asks, and Leo knows he’s trying his best but he doesn’t like how it makes him feel useless and powerless. What would Naru say in a situation like this? Would Naru leave the man alone or would he say something? Leo suddenly thinks about how many times he could have asked his friend how the blond manages to have a conversation with his so-adult-boyfriend; he feels so stupid, like he has wasted opportunities one after the other. Rationally he knows that even if Naru would have surely given him answers, they would have been of no help anyway and yet Leo wishes he had asked.
He clenches his fits and does what he’s better at: he talks without thinking about what he’s saying or if those are the right words to say.
«It’s not your fault.» Leo murmurs, and Suou looks a bit more concerned about him than sad for himself.
«What?»
«I SAID» Leo shouts not because he can’t control himself but because he wants to shout - because Tsukasa isn’t, and Leo wants to be heard, now more than any other time, more than when he’s singing with his Knights, more than when he blabbers about aliens «IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT. LIKE, AT ALL.»
And suddenly, Suou’s laughter fills the room and it sounds like the most beautiful thing in the world. Leo looks at him and notices that Suou still has a sad expression on his face, but he also seems a bit relieved. And grateful. It makes Leo’s heart skip a beat.
«You are really something, Tsukinaga-kun.» he admits, with that kind tone that is so like him «Thank you. You have seen what happened, I suppose.» he continues, inviting him to put the free chair near him and to sit down. Leo does it, and just nods to answer at the man’s question; it’s the first time he doesn’t know what to say or if talking is the right thing to do - no, maybe it’s the second time. The first one was when he fought with his band’s members, his friends.
«...Is it okay to ask about it?» Leo tries, a bit insecure, and this is not like him. Even Suou chuckles: «Oh my.» he says, and for a moment he reminds Leo of Arashi «Were you always so emphatic, Tsukinaga-kun?» the man teases him, a hand stretched towards the younger one until he can ruffles his hair gently «That’s cute.» Suou says, without implying anything. Leo doesn’t know if he should feel like he’s being made fun of or not, but he decides to let it slide this time.
«You can.» Suou adds, his hand already leaving Leo’s head.
«You… don’t seem to have any problem when you talk to me.» Leo dares to say, because when he’s curious about something he isn’t able to hold back. Tsukasa looks outside for a moment, sighing slowly. Then, he turns towards Leo again.
«Because you have a very loud voice, Tsukinaga-kun.» Suou reveals, and Leo is about to ask him if he’s really making fun of him when Tsukasa speaks again: «And most of the time I’m looking at the person who is talking to me, like now. So if I don’t hear their voice, I can manage with their labial.»
Leo stays silent for a bit, and Tsukasa goes back to look out of the window. The silence isn’t too embarrassing, but Leo has to admit that it doesn’t suit him nor Suou. Somehow, he thought that Tsukasa could feel more comfortable without having to talk, but he just looks sad. Well, not really sad; unable to move, maybe. It’s something Leo doesn’t know how to describe: it’s like Suou wants to move, to stand up and shout loud but something is keeping him on that chair. Leo can understand it a bit.
«I’m sorry. It isn’t very mature of me, to talk about this with a student. I made you uncomfortable, didn’t I?»
«What—?! No!» Leo feels the urge to deny it immediately «I was just thinking.» he admits «Is it… I mean» he frowns, annoyed at himself for not being able to phrase it the exact way he wants to «Harukawa said he heard you play the piano. Did he make a mistake?»
Suou seems surprised, like a kid who’s been found out while stealing a candy, and then smiles sheepishly: «He did not. I was, but I was sure nobody was around at that hour.»
«He said your music has a really sweet sound and warm colours.» Leo reveals, looking at Suou’s face directly. He doesn’t know if he has done it without thinking, but he feels strangely happy when he notices that Suou’s cheeks are a bit redder than before.
He looks younger with that embarrassed expression and that small pout on his lips. Younger and really cute.
«Nobody has never described my music like this.» he admits, not sure about how he should feel - or if he should hide that he feels flattered «And I don’t think it’s something special, right now. I mean, the only sounds I can play are those that I remember from when I used to play. It’s been a lot of time since then. Now I play because I know how to do it, because I studied… not because I feel like it, and certainly not because I can hear what I’m playing. For the most part, I can’t. Not well enough, at least.» he admits, melancholically.
Leo stays quiet; he just reaches Tsukasa’s hand with his own. It could seem like some sort of an intimate contact - and it is - but what Leo does is checking the other’s hand and fingers, like he’s analyzing them just by touching them. Suou doesn’t say anything and lets him do it. They stay several minutes like that. At some point, Suou looks outside once again and Leo barely notices that it has started to rain.
«Do you still know how to read music?»
«Yes, I do. What instrument do you play, Tsukinaga-kun?»
«What?» Leo asks, surprised, finally looking at Suou; the man smiles, and it’s the same smile of ten years ago.
«Usually who does music is like you.» Tsukasa says «You have a gentle touch. The one that a mother uses to touch his child, or the one artists use when touching others’ hands because they know how precious they are when what you want to do for a living is to create something.»
«...I don’t play.» Leo admits, and his voice is a bit lower than his usual tone, but Suou seems to be able to understand anyway since he’s not talking quickly and his labial is pretty understandable «I sing. Well, I know how to play, but I don’t do it if not for composing.» he adds, and Suou seems really surprised.
«You are a composer?»
«I’m the leader of a band, you know? And my music is the one of a genius, I tell you!» Leo says, not a single hint of shame - on the contrary, he seems to be back to his bold, crazy, usual self. Suou looks a bit more relaxed, and it doesn’t really matter if it’s because of the change of topic; Leo is honestly happy that the tense atmosphere has just disappeared.
«How many people are in you band?»
«Four. It’s me, Sena, Naru and Rittsu! They’re fine even if I’m a sloppy leader!» and he laughs, like he’s told the funniest joke. Suou is still looking at him and he seems to have forgotten what happened; it’s good. Leo knows that it’s impossible that he has really forgotten it but it’s okay to be able to rest every now and then. Leo too has been really tired for some time and he’s really grateful to those who have simply waited for him. That’s not something he wants to tell to the man in front of him, but if now it’s his turn to be someone’s distraction, it’s okay.
«A Leader who composes for his band it’s not sloppy at all, if I can give my honest opinion, Tsukinaga-kun.» are Suou’s words, while he stands up from the chair and lets his hand slides away from Leo’s hold. It’s stupid how it feels lonely, without a warm hand in his own.
«I met Sena-kun that time when Himemiya-kun bumped against you. Are the other two in this school?»
«Yes! Rittsu and Naru are both second years!»
«It must be a really wonderful thing, to share something like music with friends. Do you perform outside the school too?» Tsukasa asks, while going near the desk, reaching for his bag and going back to where Leo is. The man sits, and starts searching for something; Leo is not sure if he can talk. He doesn’t want to bring Suou down because the other isn’t looking at him and could not hear him nor read his labial. But Tsukasa looks up at him, a wondering smile on his lips, like he’s waiting for Leo to reply before going back to what he was doing.
Leo doesn’t know if Suou has understood his uncertainty or not.
«We do. Want to come, next time?»
«Will the music be too loud?»
«...Oh.» Leo says before he can stop himself «I don’t think so. But if it’ll be you can stay in the backstage. With headphones, so that the sound doesn’t hurt you.»
Suou chuckles, and he looks ten years younger «But I won’t be able to hear anything like that.»
«We’ll play again when everyone goes back. Without too many people the sound won’t need to be too loud and you’ll be able to enjoy it! Promise! We’re really good, you know? I’m confident you will love our music! Please?» Leo looks at him enthusiastically, as he holds both Suou’s hands - and the bag falls on the floor, but it’s not important after all: «I want you to come. I really, really want you to listen to our performance.»
Suou looks at him like he’s trying to figure out something. Leo is used to be observed - he knows that most of the people thinks he’s a bit too crazy for an average teenager, and that the fact that his class has also those students who are called ‘oddballs’ has never really helped, but he couldn’t care less. So he’s not really embarrassed by the eyes on him, yet his stomach is giving him a weird feeling. Maybe because Suou is an adult, but he’s not a real teacher; or maybe because of the warmth Leo feels inside when he is with that man who, sometimes, looks more like a boy than Leo himself.
«I’d love to.» is Suou’s answer, a sweet smile that Leo would have never thought he would be able to see after the first time Suou sent him away, angry at him, with such a cold voice: «When is your next performance?»