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"Are you sure she's gonna like me, Levi? This is kind of weird; I wouldn't blame her if-"
"Just shut up, Eren, she will like you whether you like it or not" Levi replied, in an attempt to stop Eren's worries.
"I wouldn't mind it" Eren muttered.
He was about to meet Levi's daughter. The problem was that she wasn't all that much younger than himself, so he was sure she'd find it weird he was dating her father. Would she? Eren didn't know this girl, but he supposed she'd be, even if slightly, like Levi; the whole being his flesh and blood thing seemed like a dead giveaway.
The two men walked down the corridor to the teenager's room which had the door locked. You could tell it was a teen room right from the door, which was painted in a bright blueish green that was very different from the other wooden doors in the house. There was music from a Disney film in the background and someone humming along. Was it Princess and the Frog?
Levi knocked on the door.
"Kuchel! unlock the door; I want you to meet someone!" he exclaimed.
Eren heard little quick footsteps crossing the room and then the sound of the key turning. The door opened, and Eren had to hold back a little gasp of surprise. She looked like a younger female Levi! her long hair was the same exact shade of black, the eyes were the same grey-blue Levi had, all the facial features were delicately placed on her face. She was very short. Levi was 5"3, this girl didn't even get to 5", but didn't look weak, not in the slightest, despite the large green plaid shirt and black shorts making her seem even more petite than she was. She had eye makeup on, but it was all smudged. Was it intentional?
"Hey, papa, who's this? My new babysitter? I told you I don't need them anymore!"
Levi coughed. "um, no, not really. Kuchel, this is Eren."
Kuchel stared at Eren. "this is Eren? Like, the-one-you-can't-shut-up-about Eren? Your boyfriend, Eren?"
he sighed. "yes, that Eren."
"Oh, right. He, um, keeps his skin in good conditions."
Eren's ears went red.
"I'll, um, I'll go get some water" Levi murmured and left them alone.
Are you FREAKING kidding me, Levi. I'll make you pay for this.
"Um, nice green door, Kuchel."
"it's teal, but thanks." she murmured.
"Oh right."
"So how old are you, dude? You are definitely not the same age as my dad."
"Yeah, I'm not as old as your dad. Not even close, I'm afraid."
Kuchel leaned in, with a curious face.
Eren sighed. "I'm 21."
Kuchel leaned back, with an eyebrow raised."Really? What the hell are you doing with an old man with a teenage daughter? You're mad!"
"Really? What the hell are you doing with an old man with a teenage daughter? You're mad!"
"That's not the first time I've heard that I'll be honest. I just, uh, I really like him, I thought he was 25 when I met him."
Kuchel smiled proudly. "I know, I've got a young, reasonably attractive dad. it's awesome!"
Oh my God REASONABLY ATTRACTIVE? THAT MAN IS A CHISELED GREEK GOD OF HOTNESS poor girl she just can't see it. Eren thought, in despair.
They stood there in awkward silence.
"so, what were you doing back there?" he asked.
"I was drawing up a storyboard for a friend's video. That's what I do all day. It's really cool, like..." and she went off on a short but passionate rant about storyboarding, which Eren happily listened to.
As she finished, Levi walked back towards them with two glasses of water.
"Hydrate yourselves, brats."
"Ok, papa!"
"Ok, Levi!"
They drank the water, not realising how much they needed it for their dry throats until the water touched their lips.
"More please papa!" Kuchel grinned, handing over the glass.
Levi grabbed it more aggressively than anyone else would've, but Kuchel knew better than be offended by his rude ways, under which she knew lay the most caring person she knew.
"I'll help you out, Levi." Eren smiled hooking him arm on Levi's. They walked back to the kitchen.
"Oh my God, that's kind of cute" Kuchel whispered. then she went back into her room, rushing to continue her storyboard.
"Oh my GOD, Levi, she hated me."
"What are you talking about?" Levi glared at him from the sink where he was washing the glasses and some dishes from breakfast.
"She hated me, Levi. Oh God, the HORROR."
"Eren, calm the heck down!" Levi speed walked towards Eren and kissed him.
"That didn't help, Levi."
"I just wanted you to shut up for a moment."
"Fair enough. Can I kiss you again?"
"I guess" Levi did the closest thing to a chuckle possible for him.
They kissed again, leaning on the table.
The leaning turned into Levi lying down on the table with his legs wrapped around Eren's body, still kissing.
"Is this table steady enough do you think?" Eren whispered in Levi's ear.
Oh my God that voice. Levi always went weak for it.
"I need a new one any-"
And the doorbell rang.
"For fuck's sake..." Levi muttered. Loudly.
He slid from underneath Eren and went to the door. Eren was mortified. He was about to do it with Levi with his daughter a few rooms down.
"Hiya, Levi!" he swore he heard the smile in the bubbly female voice
"Oh hello Marie." he swore he heard the murderous intentions in Levi's voice.
"Is Kuchel in?"
"Yeah, in her bedroom."
"Alrighty then, thank you!"
Levi returned to the kitchen with a walk that could only be described as the Walk of Shame. Eren opened his arms to comfort him, but Levi shook his head firmly.
"I'm not doing it with two teenagers in the house."
"Levi! How dare you! I just wanted a cuddle-"
"It always starts with cuddles with you."
Eren chuckled nervously.
"Come on to the living room. I need to watch some shitty show."
"Ok, babe." Eren smiled.
They found some British show about building houses, which was alright. They ended up falling asleep, as usual.
When they woke up, the TV was still on, but the girls had now taken charge of it. Kuchel was laying on top of the girl who lay on the carpet stomach first, and they were watching Making A Murderer.
Eren hadn't noticed that Kuchel's hair was half tied up in a loose braid before, and now he had the time to observe the other girl too: long wavy strawberry blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and sharp features. Everything about this girl said strength.
They both turned to face Eren and Levi and smiled.
"They're finally awake aww!" Kuchel said.
"Are you sure this is the Eren you were telling me about?" the blonde girl asked.
"I'm sure!"
"Well then hello Eren! I'm Marie!" she smiled.
"Oh, well, hello Marie" Eren responded.
Then they continued watching. Eren and Levi joined, suddenly and unwillingly becoming very invested in the case.
The next few days were pretty similar to this one: Eren would come over to Levi's house after his TEMPORARY, as he kept insisting, job as a waiter, make out with him for a while, then feel embarrassed because his daughter was there and sort of cockblock himself.
One day the doorbell rang, Eren went to open the door, and he was faced with a super tall, super muscular blond man with blue eyes and an unbelievable jawline.
"Hello? Can I help you?"
"My name is Erwin Smith, I'm looking for Levi?" he said.
"Oh, um, just a sec." Eren put his head inside and called Levi to tell him there was someone at the door for him.
Levi appeared and seemed to recognise this man, which made Eren paranoid.
Erwin and Levi chatted for a while, about work from the sounds of it. This did not relax Eren in the slightest.
Then Kuchel walked out of her room like she usually did around 5 o'clock to get a snack.
"Erwin, hi!" she grinned and ran up to him. He smiled too. He reached for her, put her up on his shoulders like a small child, and she laughed. Levi looked as though he was OK with this.
Eren, however, was not.
Later that night he went to meet up with Armin.
"I couldn't believe it, Armin! He was like another dad to Kuchel! And he's Levi's boss! Levi works with that man all day! How on earth hasn't he left me yet?"
Armin chuckled a bit. "I'm sorry Eren, but when did you start caring about whether Kuchel sees you as a dad or not? do you want to be her father figure or something?"
"n-no! I don't think so... I just... I'd just prefer anyone but Erwin. You need to see this guy to understand what I mean, he's tall, he's blond, he's good with small teenage Ackermans. He is better than me in every single way I just..." his thoughts trailed.
Armin understood and gave Eren a hug.
"Maybe you can try it."
Eren was confused. "try what?"
"try being a father figure for this girl! it sounds fun!"
"Yeah... yeah, you're right! I can be a dad if I want! I was a teenager not that long ago, I can relate to whatever problems she has. Armin, I'm going to be her other dad!"
Yeah, that was much easier said than done.
Turns out, to even attempt to be a decent dad you had to be present all the time.
Also, normally dads didn't have to compete with their boyfriend's much more fatherly boss.
For every cool conversation he and Kuchel had, she went out to two jazz concerts with Erwin. Eren shared some "relatable" moment from being a teenager, and Erwin brought her to art festivals.
At some point, Eren started taking it personally. That darn blond was trying to win Levi's affections through his daughter. And Eren was not going to let that happen, no way in hell. If it was war he wanted, it was a war he'd get, that slimy son of a-
"Eren? are you ok? You're weirdly quiet." Levi asked, interrupting Eren's train of thought. The two were cuddled up under the covers in Levi's bed. Kuchel was out, but neither of them was in any way aroused, so just the cuddles were perfectly fine.
"Oh yeah, I'm all right, yeah."
"You're not having second thoughts about this, are you?" Levi tried to hide the worry in his voice, completely in vain.
Eren gasped lightly and kissed his forehead.
"No, Levi, I don't. and I never will; you know that."
"Well, then what is it?"
Eren sighed. "Well, it's, uh... it's Kuchel... and, um, Erwin."
Levi was confused.
"What about Kuchel and Erwin, brat?"
"Are you kidding me? You haven't noticed?"
Levi folded his arms across his chest.
"Noticed what? That he's nice to her?"
"He's trying to buy into her affections like a freaking leech. A blood sucking, blond leech."
"Well, what do you want me to do about that? I can't say anything if they like hanging out!"
Eren was silent.
"Eren?"
"Yes, Levi?"
"Are you... are you jealous of their relationship?"
"No! I, uh, maybe? I don't know... I'm not happy about it that's for sure."
Levi hugged him.
"That's the most adorable thing I've heard in my life you little shit."
"Thanks, babe." Eren smiled, hugging back.
"So you want to be a dad?" Levi chuckled.
Eren blushed deeply.
"I don't know, would she want another one? she already has two- OW LEVI WHAT WAS THAT FOR??"
Levi had pinched his arm.
"Listen here, Eren. They may get along, but Erwin is NOT her dad. I am. And if she wants you will be too one day. This is NOT a competition."
Except it kind of was.
Eren knew this, and he was certain Erwin knew it too.
Kuchel was having a great time: all she had to do was choose who to hang out with and what to do with whoever she went with.
Eren had a feeling the girl was picking Erwin much more than him, and he couldn't explain it. Was his relationship with her dad weird? But Erwin could fire him whenever he wanted even if he did an excellent job, surely that was more awkward?
Eren was confused, but he still did his best.
One time Kuchel asked him to pick her up from school because Levi had to work till very late. He felt this was another chance to prove himself as a father-like figure.
As he pulled up to the school, he caught sight of Kuchel's black hair almost immediately in the sea of blonds. Why the hell was everyone blond?
He beeped lightly to call her. She saw him, told her friends and ran to him with two girls, Marie and another brunette he'd not yet met.
"I didn't know you had a hot older brother, Kel, why were you hiding him, dude?? And why does a young man like your father have such grown up children?" the brunette giggled.
"Oh no this isn't my brother, Hat, this is Eren, my dad's boyfriend!" Kuchel replied, looking very smug about it.
The girl, whose name Eren assumed was Hattie or something like it, stood there a little shocked.
"Are you serious?? Wow, am I getting older or are older men getting hotter??" she cried out in deep, theatrical despair.
"Shut UP Hat, seriously; you're making a scene!" Marie whisper-yelled.
"So do you want a freaking ride or do I have to leave you here?" Kuchel remarked. It was in moments like these that she reminded Eren so much of Levi she was almost scary.
The girls nodded and climbed in the back seat.
It was a very interesting ride, Eren had never actually been in a car with more than one girl at a time, so it was like watching a documentary in the mirror. Kuchel sat on Marie's lap, and Hat was dramatically telling some stories of cute boys from her year. Eren chuckled. That's what he used to think all day during high school.
"Here you go, ladies." Eren opened the automatic door.
"Thanks, Eren!" they all smiled.
And so picking Kuchel up from school became a regular thing. Not every day, but at least three times a week.
I'm so winning this dad race. suck it, Erwin- not literally.
One time when she came home alone, he couldn't resist asking.
"Hey, how'd you get the nickname Kel? Your name's not Kelly, is it?" the last question was ironic, but he was genuinely interested in the answer.
She laughed. "Well for a long time I couldn't say 'Kuchel,' so I used to say 'Kel' instead. I introduced myself as Kel. So it stuck I guess." she answered, sitting in the passenger's seat having a little snack. "My dad prefers to say Kuchel though. I guess his mother's name admits no nicknames."
"I don't blame him, a mother's name is precious." he commented.
"what's your mum's name?" she asked, with the most genuine look of interest Eren had ever seen on a human.
He smiled softly. "It's Carla. Her, um, her name is Carla."
"That's pretty. Although, what kind of nickname can you have when your name is Carla? It's short, easy and pretty so there really would be no need..." and she went on about nicknames all the way home.
He liked listening to people rant, and she didn't seem to be the kind of person who cared about whether she was boring you or not. They seemed to be a great match.
Eren thought he was doing brilliantly in the race now. He wasn't even sure it was on anymore because he was SO winning.
So he was very surprised when for a week into the summer holidays she went out camping with Erwin and Marie! With freaking Erwin and Marie! What did those two even have in common? Was he trying to lure her friends too? What a little-
"Eren for fuck's sake you're not still competing with Erwin are you?" Levi sighed, cuddled into Eren. Levi's house was empty for the first time in a very long time, so that meant first comfortable sex in his bed for the first time in a while.
"What competition there's no competition I would win anyway-" Levi's glare stopped him.
"Why are you doing this, Eren? She likes you, that's all that matters, no?"
"I just, I don't know. I guess I just want to prove I can be a father if I want to. Am I doing a good job?"
Levi kissed Eren's shoulder blade.
"You're brilliant, thank you. But you shouldn't be in competition with Erwin. He can't compare to you, in any way."
Eren smiled. "thank you, Levi. I'm sorry for being such trouble." he mumbled into Levi's hair.
Levi nuzzled his face into Eren's neck. Which was the one thing that drove Eren crazy.
"How about a round two, Ackerman?" he whispered to Levi. And well, Levi always went weak for that voice.
The next day Kuchel returned, and Eren was back at it again. This time Levi had no plan to stop it. He offered to help her with homework but apparently, Marie was doing that already like the good friend she was, he took her to her weekly storyboarding course, he introduced her to Armin, and they got along well too.
And then she went to some creative camp paid by Erwin.
No competition my ass.
Any other human on the planet would've dropped it ages ago. But not Eren, he was determined to win against this boss. Yeah, that's it, I'll treat this like a boss fight. I can handle this.
And it all went well for a couple of days.
"Ughhhhhhhh" Kuchel groaned, holding her stomach. Usually, she'd be cuddled into Marie, but she was not there that day.
“Hey, you ok there, Kel?” Eren asked, even though he knew the answer.
“I'm not OK, not really.” she muttered, her dead eyes focused on the screen.
"Well can I get you anything? Chocolate? Some juice?"
"There is something I could do with. Um, would you buy me some pads, please?"
And there it was, the question Eren never thought he'd have directed to him. The question no one had ever asked him but would have been unavoidable at this stage.
"Of course, um, i-is there a, um, specific type or...?" he continued, bright red in the face.
"Here's the name of it," Kuchel said, handing Eren a piece of paper. "Thank you; I will pay you back I promise."
He took it, shaking a little.
"OK, yeah don't worry about that too much."
I'm the better dad. Suck it, Erwin. Eren repeated like a mantra all the way to the shop.
He walked around the shop for a while, trying not to look like he had no idea what he was doing. Luckily a kind shop woman saw past his air of pride. So he gave her the slip of paper with the name of the pads Kuchel needed. She giggled a bit and gave him two bags of them in a generic looking shopping bag.
As he paid for them, the woman at the counter smiled a little.
"You're a good boyfriend, sir."
It took Eren a while to register; then he realised what she meant.
"Oh, no, ma'am, this is for, um... My little sister."
"Well, she's a lucky one, you're a great brother." she smiled again.
Yes, yes I am. I am a great brother. Eren thought proudly. He proudly paid and walked out of the shop.
He walked all the way back to Levi's, full of the kind of pride Hercules must've felt when he'd completed one of his tasks.
When he walked into the house he was greeted by the last thing he wanted to see: Erwin on the sofa with Kuchel, both of them laughing at a joke someone said on TV.
Eren's blood was boiling, his pressure was going up, and he started to see red.
I BOUGHT PADS FOR HER WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE.
"Oh hello, Eren, how are you?" Erwin smiled.
Stop being such a puppy dog, you asshat, I know you hate me.
"I'm good, thanks, how about you Erwin?"
"Not too bad myself, thank you."
That sucks, why aren't you having a shit day??
"Ah, that's good, then. Here's your pads, Kuchel."
"Brilliant, thank you so much Eren!"
She was smiling now. FREAKING SMILING. WHEN I CAME OVER, SHE LOOKED DEAD INSIDE. HOW DARE YOU.
He went to the bathroom for a while, most importantly to pee, but he also refused to be around all that.
When the only noise he could hear was the TV, he left the bathroom, and sure enough, it was just Kuchel now. Small, sick Kuchel on the huge white corner sofa, who now looked well enough to start a new storyboard.
"Eren? Are you ok? What's wrong?" she asked, noticing him.
He decided to say it all.
"You know what? I am not OK; I'm tired of all this!"
She was confused.
"All of what, Eren?"
"Oh right, as if you haven't noticed. I've been busting my ass trying to be a good father figure, and that fucking tall little shit has it all worked out for him because OH HE'S SUCH A DAD WOW MAYBE HE'S FREAKING BORN WITH IT MAYBE IT'S I'M JUST NEVER GONNA BE ENOUGH-" he stopped to breathe.
Kuchel sat up on the sofa, still not reaching the ground with her feet.
"You... Eren of course I noticed! I'm not blind! I didn't know you wanted to be my other dad so I'm sorry you feel rejected, but I have to suck up to my dear future father-in-law, no?"
That was, um, not the answer Eren was expecting.
"Future father-in-law? What are you...?"
"If I intend to marry Marie one day I want her dad to like me, dude."
"Oh, so you, uh, have a crush on Marie?"
She sighed “Wow, now who's the one who doesn't notice things? Marie's my girlfriend, dude.”
Suddenly all of the girls' interactions made sense in Eren's brain. Whenever Marie came for a sleepover, Kuchel would wear Marie's shirt in the morning. There was a lot of giggling. There was a lot of cuddling. They often spoke of living together at some point. Neither of them had ever mentioned a boyfriend or boys they liked. Kuchel had too much plaid in her wardrobe for it to be legal.
"You're gay?" he mumbled. She just nodded with a tone that said 'isn't it obvious?
"Is it a hereditary thing in this family?"
She laughed. "So it seems."
"So I... Don't have to worry about Erwin?"
"No, Eren. Or, is it OK for me to call you dad now?"
Eren's heart jumped, and his cheeks went red. "Y-yes, I, uh, that's perfectly fine by me."
"OK then. Dad." she smiled.