Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Raven's fifteen when she meets a boy like the sun. She doesn't realize how important he'll be to her, not yet, but as soon as they part ways she knows she'll be back.

Sometimes it feels like he's been in her life forever, warmth spilling from his smile and seeping into her bones, chasing out the darkness that guards her heart. It's hard, but she tries to let go of it, tries not to let it turn her to ice. She tries to let him in.

But even stars aren't eternal. Every time she meets him again he shines a bit brighter, burns a bit faster. Sometimes the fear creeps in, fear that maybe one day he'll give too much and fizzle out as though he was only ever a candle.

She learns though. She learns the glimmer in his eyes, the sunshine in his laugh. She learns the depths of his heart, and only ever falls in deeper.

Maybe one day he will burn out. Maybe if she gets too close, he'll burn her too. But somewhere inside her heart, Raven already knows that it would all be worth it if only to be warm for a while.

Chapter Text

It's quiet. There's a feeling in her throat when she swallows, an ache in her chest. It flows through her arms, her fingers, her knees. It weighs down her tongue, spills from her exhale.

She's not sure it's love, but it could be.

When Dexter hugs her she only ever wants to hold tighter. She wants his hands on her face, his breath next to hers.

She wants to kiss him slowly, to leave the evidence of her feelings written on his lips.

She doesn't tell him.

…

He feels the same.

He doesn't tell her.

Chapter Text

He holds her hand one day. He holds it and whispers

you mean everything to me

with eyes closed, eyebrows pulled together.

It's been years. She's loved him for ages, from the first smile, the first laugh. She can't imagine not, now.

Here's the thing. She already knows. How could she not? There have been too many nights, too many times, too many almosts. There's always a reason to not cross that line.

They watch the stars together, faces turned upwards to the darkened sky. If she turned her hand, held his wrist she could feel his heartbeat. Is it racing? Is it calm? Does he need these words as much as she does?

are you sure?

She can feel his eyes on her. She knows him, and he knows she's asking for more than this moment. There's always reasons to not, and she needs to know that he's willing to throw them away for her.

i've always been sure

She leans in.

i love you too

Chapter Text

Dates are harder than Raven thought they would be. It's silly really. She's spent so much time with Dexter, so much time alone with him, and this shouldn't really be all that different, right?

It is different though. There's a pressure that manifested between them the moment they confessed. It has to give somehow, and she just wants to make sure it doesn't end in disaster.

It takes them so long to commit to a time and place, their friends have already turned it into a running joke. Raven's almost worried that Darling will actually lock them in a room together with popcorn and a movie just to get it over with. But as well meaning as their friends are, Raven needs it to be on their terms.

So when she gets a tip about an up-and-coming band doing a show that night, she takes a chance on instinct.  She grabs Dexter's hand and drags him away from their friends, racing out the door and down to the subway, both of them struggling to catch their breath after just barely making the train.

They laugh on their way to the show, breathless and in love and so, so nervous, taking turns tossing glances the other's way.

The band isn't that memorable in retrospect, the music not something that either of them feels the need to revisit past that night. But it replays like a dream in her head for days afterwards. Singing along to songs they don't know. Swaying together as Dexter hugs her from behind. She holds onto the memory like a note she caught in the wind.

She can't wait for the second date.

Chapter Text

Dexter keeps his phone out a lot of the time when he's with Raven, its camera only a touch away. Sometimes it's one of his big, clunky cameras instead of a phone, the shutter clicking between laughs and silly poses, the two of them trying to take selfies without a clue where to aim. He doesn't care about looking ridiculous when he's with her, and his dad can complain all he likes.

One day she finds him a Polaroid camera from a garage sale, handing it over after snapping a picture of him and pulling it out of the slot, watching his startled face appear like magic. She says he should use it to take pictures of things that aren't her. He refuses to make that promise.

For his birthday she gives him an antique camera that's seen better days. It looks ancient and requires the use of a dark room, but he could care less about the extra work, especially on the days she keeps him company.

Sometimes when he's sad or lonely, or on most days just missing her face, he goes through the folder of favorites on his phone. Almost all of them are of her. A raised eyebrow, a silly face, a conspiratorial smile, a pensive moment. But most of all her smiles, her laughs, her joy. Not to mention the fond looks she gives him even when she's exasperated with his photography habits.

When they finally move in together, he finds an old hardback book of poetry he once bought her, and the purple flowers pressed between its pages. He finds Raven sitting on the floor of their closet, sifting through a box of photographs in her lap.

“You kept all of these?” she asks, her voice soft.

He sits down beside her, legs crossed, and sets the book down in front of them. “You kept these.”

She rests her head on his shoulder and reaches for his hand, lacing their fingers together as she breathes him in.

“I missed you a lot sometimes,” she says.

He presses his lips to her hair. “I know the feeling.”

Chapter Text

Raven knows that Dexter's nervous about meeting her family. She knows the feeling is unwarranted, but still can't help sharing it in scattered moments leading up to their introduction. It's easy to tell herself that it will be fine, that her dad and Cook will be able to see the good she loves in him and will welcome him with open arms. Pie and Butternut might take a bit more convincing to accept the shift, but she's hoping that Dexter's easy humor will win them over sooner rather than later.

But her mother's shadow has left Raven's family small, tight knit, and wary. Knowing it will be okay is much easier than feeling it.

It does end up going well at least, the relief at how easily Dexter slots into her family bouying her mood for their entire visit, to the point where explaining her mother's place in her life is only a blip on the radar. Dexter will definitely not be meeting her mother if Raven has anything to say about it.

The process of meeting the Charmings, however, is a different tale.

Raven meets Daring and Darling before she even starts dating Dexter, and the air she gets from both of them is distrust. Daring is fairly open about it, avoiding her when he can and telling his siblings to do the same. Dexter doesn't really talk about it, but she knows that Daring has met their friendship with disapproval. It takes a long time, but eventually his opinion of her softens, and Raven's glad to have even that.

But on the other hand, after the first hug Raven discovers that Darling's reticence hides quiet fondness rather than the disdain Raven had feared. Under her outer armor, Darling proves to be a steadfast and loyal friend.

In the end Dexter's parents are the only ones Raven has to worry about. His father's disdain at their relationship and his mother's silence sting, sure, but honestly she's not surprised at the reaction. When Dexter defends her, defends his love for her to the people he's spent his whole life trying to please, Raven is proud. That bravery is something she already knew he had, but seeing it laid out in front of her leaves a warm feeling in her chest even through the coldness of his parents’ actions.

But the true surprise is Daring. When the Charmings try to talk Dexter out of this, Daring’s the one who steps forward to defend both of them, calling Raven a sister he'd be proud to have.

At the end of the night, Raven and Dexter walk out with his siblings in tow, off to find somewhere where they're all welcome. And though it takes a while, Raven comes to realize that Daring’s affection comes in quiet actions, quiet acceptance. She only hopes that she can return the favor.

The next day, Raven realizes that she has two more people to introduce to her family.

She wouldn't give up that feeling for the world.

Chapter Text

Raven is so happy with Dexter. She loves how even just his face can make her smile, how even in the middle of a tense situation he can make her laugh with only a look. She loves his laugh, loves that he says hers is contagious and that he could listen to it all day. She loves him for understanding that even small moments of happiness are precious to her.

She loves how easy it becomes to be ridiculous with him as time goes on, as they help each other make the slow, painful climb out of their parents’ shadows. She loves the deceivingly earnest remarks that hide his jokes and sarcasm, loves the conspiratorial smiles she gets when she's the only one in the room to laugh.

She loves that now she laughs on the rainy days when their picnics get soaked, even while she's dragging drenched hair out of her mouth. She loves how he brightens the halls of her home and her heart with a smile and a joke. She loves him.

Her only wish is that she can return the favor. She hopes that her sarcasm and puns and smart aleck humor can help make him happy too.

She hopes he thinks the world is brighter with her in it too.

Chapter Text

They sit on the living room floor of Raven's house, backs to the couch, legs crossed. Raven thumbs the edge of her homework absent-mindedly, but at this point it's only pretense. The tv's going quietly in the background.

“I think I'm asexual, too,” Dexter says softly.

Raven tries to act like her heart isn't racing. “I thought you were bi?”

“Biromantic, probably.” He glances over at her. “It turns out I don't like having other people's tongues in my mouth.” He gave an overdramatic shudder. “Been there, done that, we both agreed to let it go.”

Raven laughs. “That's fair. Kissing isn't for everyone.”

They both pretend to pay attention to the cartoons dancing across the tv screen.

“Have you ever tried it?” Dexter asks.

“Kissing?”

He nods.

“No.” She looks back down at the equations on her paper. “I've wanted to, sometimes. With people I like. I don't know about like,  making out with someone though.”

“I wish you all the luck in the world,” he says with a solemn voice. His serious expression cracks for an instant. “Go forth and try the thing!” Raven spots him smiling through her fit of giggles.

Dexter continues once she catches her breath. “I don't know, maybe I'll try it again someday.”

“Kissing?”

“Yeah.”

She nods. “Well, whatever you decide to do, it's cool.”

He smiles at her. “Yeah?”

“Definitely.” She smiles back. She holds out her hand for a high five. “Welcome to the club.”

He returns it gladly.

…

Years later, a few months after the start of their relationship, they mirror their younger selves. Same position, different couch.

Dexter speaks first. “Can I…can I kiss you?”

Raven looks up from her book, surprised. There's a moment's pause before she replies. “Do you want to?”

He scoots closer. “I want to try it.”

“Okay.” Raven sets down her book.

It lasts longer than Raven was expecting, but it's chaste, and she doesn't pull away until he does. She wouldn't complain if he leaned back in for a second try, but she waits patiently for his verdict, hand still resting on his shoulder. His eyes remain closed.

“So, yea? Nay?” she asks.

He opens his eyes to look at her. “I think we should try that again later.” He moves to stand.

“Okay,” she says easily. She picks her book back up.

Dexter turns back to look at her once he reaches the doorway. “You can expect two to six weeks before receiving a formal answer.”

Raven laughs, a smirk crossing her lips as she goes back to her book. She'll wait for an answer as long as he needs her to.

Chapter Text

When Raven had been asked to sing with the band that was scheduled for the school dance, she hadn't expected Dexter to be there. But she had also hoped that it wasn't going to be a very particular band with a very particular frontman.

Luck just wasn't on her side today.

“So, Dex…” Raven forced her eyes up from Dexter's feet to his face. His hands were jammed in his pockets, making Raven wish she had somewhere to put her own. “I didn't know you were one of the Merry Men.”

“He's not,” said Sparrow, slinging his arm around Dexter's shoulders. Raven took a deep breath, but despite her best efforts every second Sparrow stood that close to Dexter the more her dislike grew. He leaned in and planted a kiss on Dexter's cheek. “He's our groupie.”

Dexter blushed. “Date.” He patted Sparrow’s hand before sliding it off of his shoulder. “Sparrow’s date. I didn't come here with all of them.”

Raven almost wished he had. Wait, no she didn't. What she wished was that he hadn't come here with any of them. A tiny traitorous voice whispered the truth to her, but she tried to shake it off.

Whenever Raven would actually admit that she maybe, kind of had a crush on her best friend, she told herself that her current course of action was to wait not so patiently for her feelings to disappear. But in reality, she'd kind of been hoping that he would magically confess that he was totally and utterly in love with her before that happened. Unfortunately it seemed like both of her horses in this race had been sorely outrun.

By Sparrow Hood, no less.

Once the dance was in full swing and Melody announced the Merry Men, Raven took the stage with them to perform the song that they'd practiced in class. Even though she was performing with Sparrow, the music made it easy to forget the context and get lost in the emotion. She didn't have to be heartbroken Raven right now, not while she was passion and anger.

To her surprise, when the song was done Sparrow called for applause specifically for her. But the sudden change from his usual ego show was made clear when he gestured her off the stage and announced that he had written the rest of the setlist especially for the dance.

Meaning Raven wouldn't know any of it.

As soon as Raven was off the stage, she slipped out into the hallway, making a beeline for the nearest water fountain. Once her throat felt more like a sandbox than a desert, she tipped her head back and blinked furiously, hoping that the burning behind her eyelids would subside before she ruined her mascara. She swallowed.

“Hey.”

Raven froze. She refused to turn around. “Hey.”

She heard the soft squeaks of Dexter's sneakers behind her. “You okay?”

“Mm-hmm.” She took another drink from the water fountain.

She waited for Dexter to say something else, but he didn't. Finally, she couldn't take the tension. She turned around, hoping she didn't look like too much of a mess under the dimmed fluorescents.

“You know, I think I'm just going to go,” she said. “I really just came to perform, so now that I'm done with that…” She took a few steps away.

“Wait,” said Dexter. He looked almost comical standing there, arm outstretched, but Raven didn't feel like laughing. “You should stay.”

Raven sighed. “I don't feel like being your third wheel tonight, Dex.” It didn't come out as strong as she had wanted it to.

Dexter walked towards her slowly, eyes down. “I'm sorry.” He looked up at her. “This isn't what I wanted to happen.”

“Yeah.” She sighed. “It's not your fault.”

A quiet moment passed before Dexter spoke again. “At least come get some punch, or a cupcake. I think Ginger baked them.” He grabbed one of her hands and held it between them. It was simultaneously too much for her heart to take and much too platonic for her tastes. He looked her straight in the eyes. “You won't be a third wheel.”

Easy for you to say while it's just us. But she still had a hard time saying no when he looked at her like that. “Fine,” Raven said. “But only for Ginger’s cupcakes.”

The Merry Men were still on when they walked back into the dance. Two bites into Raven's cupcake, Sparrow announced that they were taking a break and clambered off the stage as Melody picked up where she had left off. Raven turned back to the snack table as Sparrow broke off from his bandmates and headed towards them. Or more accurately, for Dexter.

“I'll be right back,” Dexter told her. She mm-ed in acknowledgement around her cake, but she wasn't going to hold her breath.  Once she finished her cupcake she only waited a minute before grabbing another one for the road.

“You're not eating all of them without me, are you?”

Raven spun around. Dexter had an eyebrow raised at her, but he was also smiling. Sparrow was nowhere in sight.

“Where's your date?” Raven asked.

Dexter walked over to the table and poured himself some punch. “Not my date.”

It took Raven a moment to process what he said. “Huh?”

His punch in one hand and a cupcake in the other, Dexter nodded towards one of the tables set up nearby. Raven humored him and followed, choosing the chair next to him so they wouldn't have to shout.

Dexter didn't look at her for a moment. He took a sip of his drink. “Well, you know, I told Sparrow that I thought we should do the rest of the night without each other. Since we're both already busy and all.”

Raven furrowed her brow. “Both?”

“Well I'm here with my best friend and,” Dexter shrugged, “I wouldn't want him to feel like a third wheel.”

Raven met his eyes for a long moment, unblinking. “You didn't have to do that, Dex.”

“I did,” Dexter said firmly. “He doesn't get to be a jerk to you like that, no matter the reason.”

Raven blushed. “Well, thanks.”

Dexter gave her a small smile. “Anytime.”

The rest of the dance was better than she expected, full of bad dancing and laughter and way too much sugar. And although she caught Dexter throwing a regretful glance or two Sparrow’s way, the smiles he gave her made the hope in her chest start to take root again.

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day.

One day, she could be the one to confess to him.

Chapter Text

“Hey! Raven!”

Raven pauses on the way to her locker, spinning around once she realizes the voice calling from down the hallway is directed at her. She can't help the smile that creeps onto her face when she sees that it's Dexter Charming. She'd been glad, almost giddy when they'd been partnered together in Chemistry for the new semester, even though she was still trying to figure out how to talk to him about something other than science. But maybe he was coming to ask her about the homework, or her notes? She hoped it wasn't her notes, cause around him her doodling kind of ended up…well, embarrassing, to say the least.

Raven clutched her notebooks to her chest, trying to act as natural as possible as he approached. “Hey, Dex. What's up?”

Dexter stared at her. He opened his mouth. “I-” He swallowed and tried again. “I just wanted to ask you something.”

Raven shifted her books to one arm, the other drifting down to fiddle with the hem of her t-shirt. “Sure, what is it?” Anything but my notes, anything but my-

“Would you maybe want to, uh, go out with me sometime?”

Raven froze. She blinked once, twice. “Uhhhhh...”

This wasn't what she meant by anything else, but uh…uh……

“I, uh, um.” Not blushing was already off the table, but Raven was dismayed to find that apparently so were full sentences. And actually being able to form a coherent thought. She stared at him, trying in vain to figure out a proper response. “Uh.”

“Yeah, that's uh, that's fine,” Dexter said, taking a few steps back. “No problem, I will see you in class.”

Raven stared after him as he retreated, hands stuffed in his pockets, too dazed to call after him.

What just happened?

…

Cerise was the first one to meet her at lunch. “What happened to you?”

Raven groaned. “How can you even tell something happened?”

Cerise took a bite out of her burger. “You're staring at your sandwich like it's betrayed you.”

Raven sighed and scooted her lunch out of the way, laying her head down in the vacated space.

“You know Dexter Charming?” The words were muffled by her arms, but Cerise seemed to understand her anyway.

“Yeah? He's on the football team with me.”

Raven nodded. “I have Chemistry with him.”

“I'm sure you do.”

Raven raised her head long enough to catch Cerise's smirk. “Fourth period Chemistry.”

“Sure.”

Raven groaned again.

Cerise laughed. “Okay, fine. What'd he do?” She paused between bites. “Wait, do we not like him anymore?”

Raven shook her head.

“Do I need to talk to him? Wow, I actually thought he was-”

Raven finally abandoned melding her face with the table. “No, it's fine! He's fine. It wasn't anything bad. He just…he asked me out.”

“He asked you out?!” Maddie plopped herself onto the seat next to Raven. Cedar took the spot next to Cerise. “That's fantastic!” Maddie paused. “Who asked you out?”

“Dexter Charming,” Cerise supplied. She turned back to Raven. “So you said yes, right? What's the problem?”

“Not exactly,” Raven said. “It was more like ‘Uh, uh, um’...” She glanced across the cafeteria to the table where Dexter usually sat with some of the other popular kids, accidentally catching his eye. He looked down at his food, pretending he hadn't seen her. Raven did the same.

Maddie looked at her curiously. “Did you want to say yes?”

Raven didn't answer.

“You know,” Cedar started, “You don't have to go out with him, even if you do like him. There's no pressure.”

“But I-” Raven sighed. “I don't know what I want to do. I like him, I want to date him, but…I'm nervous.”

“About what?” Cerise asked. “He knows you're ace, right?”

Raven's hand went to fiddle with her ring. “Yeah. He was cool about it.” She left off the part about his own confession, not wanting to out him. She took a deep breath. “He's really great, and nice, and accepting, and perfect, and I've had a crush on him since the beginning of the year, and that's the problem.”

Even Maddie looked confused at that.

Raven elaborated. “Until two weeks ago I thought he barely even knew I existed. And now he just asked me out and I acted like a total space case and now he's probably regretting ever talking to me in the first place.” She purposely did not look over at Dexter this time. “I blew it.”

None of them spoke for a moment.

“Maybe you should tell him that,” Maddie said.

Raven turned to look at her. “What?”

Cerise had a thoughtful look on her face. “You know what? Good idea.” She stood up.

“Um, what? What part of that made you think he should hear any of it?”

“I bet you you didn't blow it,” Cerise said. “You just have to talk to him about it.” She went around the table to get Raven to stand up. “Come on, if you want to date him you two are going to have to be honest with each other anyway. That's how good relationships work.”

Raven let Cerise lead her away from their table to her doom, but she didn't have to be happy about it. “I hate you.”

“Come on, this'll all work out,” Cerise said. The laughter at the popular table petered out as they approached. “Hey Dexter, can we borrow you for a minute?”

“Uh, sure.”

Raven really hoped she didn't look like death in that moment.

Cerise guided them to a secluded corner of the cafeteria before claiming she needed something from the vending machine and leaving them alone together. Raven wasn't surprised, but she still kind of wished Cerise had stayed. Dexter looked vaguely confused.

“Hey, I, um…” Raven took a deep breath. “I'm sorry about earlier. I kind of freaked out.”

“Oh, no, that's fine.” Dexter looked down at the floor. “Don't worry about it.”

Raven played with her ring, focusing on that instead of his face. “Is it too late to say yes?”

Dexter's eyes snapped to her face. “Huh?”

“It's just,” Raven continued, “I like you a lot, and I wasn't expecting you to ask me out, of all people.”

“Yeah, I guess you usually have cooler people asking you out.” Dexter gave a self-deprecating laugh.

“What?” Raven shook her head. “No, I mean, usually no one asks me out. Like, you're popular, and when people meet me they're usually like ‘oh, band nerd’, or ‘goth’, or ‘that weird girl whose mom-’”

“Popular?”

Raven furrowed her brow. That was the part he got stuck on? “Yeah, I-” The confusion on Dexter's face made way for a fond smile. “What?”

“I really like you,” Dexter said. “I've been trying to get myself to ask you out for ages, and…”

“Oh.” Raven hadn't had any idea. “I would have said yes,” she offered. She glanced down at her hands. “Or more likely, ‘uhhh’.” She gave a sheepish smile.

Dexter laughed. He took a small step closer. Raven's heart decided to tell the rest of her body to stop working.

“So, do you wanna do something Saturday night maybe?” Dexter asked.

“I, uh, yeah. Just be prepared in case I can't speak in full sentences and just stare at you the whole night.”

Dexter grinned at her. “I'll be glad to be with you either way.”

He put a hand on her shoulder before heading back to his friends, glancing back at her with a smile as he went. Raven blushed.

She shook her head. “I'm not getting through this date alive.”