Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Hey Anxiety, if you HAD to have a new years resolution, what would it be?"

"Probably to find darker eyeshadow to better match my soul."

"You, are an emo nightmare."

"Thank you."

It had been months and Roman couldn't figure out why the exchange was still going around and around in his head.

He had started talking to Anxiety more after the Dark Side Of Disney video and the others had tried to at least be civil to the darker side. Really Roman was the only one to talk to him regularly, Pranks and Missy were needed for videos less often and had taken to exploring the mindscape for days at a time. Meanwhile Logan and Morality were too busy dancing around each other desperately wishing the other felt the same which was honestly fascinating to watch. He often speculated with Anxiety how long it would be before those two figured it out.

As it turned out, Anxiety was more interesting and complex than the others realized. He turned up a lot later than the others and wasn't summoned in for a video (even a short one) until much later again so they collectively didn't get to know him very well.

On an ordinary day the four of them hung out in the commons, each on their own chairs which were, naturally, completely mismatched. Roman, of course, had a throne while Morality would lean back in his recliner and often pretend to sleep, earning annoyed looks from Logan which immediately softened when his eyes landed on Morality's poorly hidden smile. Missy and Pranks had beanbags which they dragged in from their rooms when they were around. Anxiety's chair was, obviously, all black. It was cozy but not too small and just deep enough to be able to curl up in any direction and be comfortable. Anxiety sat on the floor in front of it more often than not.

It became less of an ordinary day when Roman couldn't keep his eyes or thoughts off Anxiety. Either the other was doing better than usual today or he was nearly out of eyeshadow because the bags under his eyes seemed much less intense than usual.

Once again that conversation from months ago floated into his thoughts and finally decided that he'd do something nice for the youngest trait (although really they were all the same age as Thomas himself.)

--

After the next video Roman stayed out for a while which startled Thomas. He had left the four facets to eat their pizza and 'sink down' as usual so he was surprised to go downstairs after packing up the camera and find Roman sitting on the couch.

"Roman! What are you still doing out here?"

"I wanted to ask you a favour."

"Ok, what do you need?"

"I was wondering if you could maybe go out and get Anxiety some better eyeshadow. He's almost out and I wanted to do something nice for him because I think he feels a bit like an outsider."

"Umm, sure, I can do that but? Don't you guys just make up whatever you need in there? You are inside my head after all..."

"That doesn't work for things we need to have when we come out here though. First time you summoned us it took a while because we had to fight it off long enough to find physical clothes to wear which you've probably noticed are now missing from your wardrobe."

"Ok so if you made up some new eyeshadow it wouldn't be there when he showed up for a video?"

"Exactly."

"I'll see what I can do."

Roman sank down after that, hoping that Anxiety had gone straight to his room as usual and not stayed around to sit with the others in the commons after the video.

When he showed up back in those very commons he was glad to find Anxiety's chair empty. Logan and Morality weren't there either so he assumed they were off in their rooms, probably each talking themselves out of saying anything to the other after all the obvious flirting they’d both totally missed while making the video. He chuckled, those two were so oblivious sometimes.

Roman went to his room too and slept off the effects to the video. It's not easy to physically manifest and then remove yourself from existence after all.

--

The next few days were relatively quiet for the sides. Missy and Pranks came back for a few hours to check in and add to the map that was slowly getting filled in. Missy left their beanbag in the commons again and when Morality took it back to their room the pastel colours were interrupted by a bucket of flour falling all over everything, Pranks was to thank for that of course.

As time passed though, Roman got more and more worried that he'd made a mistake asking Thomas to get the eyeshadow. It had been a week and he hadn't gone out at all.

A few days later Roman felt the tug of being summoned and let it pull him through to the corner in which he usually stood. Thomas still hadn't gone out at all so he was surprised to find a collection of dark eyeshadows on the table, until he remembered online shopping. Chuckling quietly at his own foolishness he stepped forward and collected the make up, pausing to thank Thomas before sinking down again.

He wanted to give Anxiety the eyeshadow but he couldn't think of a way to do it face to face without admitting that he'd been thinking about that one conversation for months which would be awkward. In the end he snuck into Anxiety's room one day while the darker side was busy keeping Thomas out of dangerous situations, which usually meant all situations when Anxiety was involved.

He left the gift on the dresser with a note: For the Emo Nightmare.

Chapter Text

When Anxiety walked into his room the note was immediately obvious. It was the lightest thing there except possibly his own pale skin. The bags under his eyes were, today, more from exhaustion than eyeshadow and while the note intrigued him he didn't have the energy to investigate it then. He fell into his bed which was, as usual, more pillow-mountain than bed; and slept.

He didn't wake until well into the day which was not unusual but was nerve wracking for Roman. Had he found it? Did he know who it was from? Did he like it? Would he be wearing it today?

The last thought set butterflies swirling in his stomach but he didn't know why.

He decided after a while that all this worry was not very princely at all and went in search of a snack instead.

Anxiety did eventually get out of bed and shuffle groggily to his dresser. There he saw the note and was confused. 'For the Emo Nightmare' it said. He knew he'd heard that phrase before, directed at him too, but he couldn't remember, his sleep addled brain telling him that food was more important first.

He wandered through to the kitchen to find something worth eating, mumbling something along the lines of "Hey Roman." as he passed the prince. He did notice that the other was looking a little stressed. He did not notice the look on the other's face when he realized that Anxiety wasn't wearing the new eyeshadow.

Roman was more than a little stressed. Why was Anxiety not wearing it? Did he not like it? Did he even see it yet? Did he realize who it was from and choose not to?

These thoughts and a million more flew in rapid succession through Roman's mind, creativity wasn't always a positive thing, when he got tangled in worry he was more like Anxiety than he liked to admit, and Anxiety was more like Roman than he cared to admit.

It had never been this bad before though and he didn't know why. He didn't know why he cared what Anxiety thought of him or of the gift. He was confused and he was confused as to why he was confused and it was all too much.

Morality was, of course, the go-to-guy when feelings got too much for the others. He spent a lot of time talking Anxiety and Logan through whatever the current crisis was and had been known to handle things when one of Pranks’ pranks went wrong or if Missy was feeling down about their gender. He rarely had to deal with Roman though, so he was surprised, to say the least, when he opened his door to see Roman, hair all out of place and breathing shallow.

"What happened Roman?"

"He's… he... he didn't... he's not..." Tears were falling now, the first few leaving darkened spots on the prince's bright red sash.

"Hey ok come here, sit down let’s figure out what's going on." Morality moved over to the bed and patted the space next to him.

Roman sat down and took a few deep breaths, focusing on forming a coherent sentence. "Anxiety, I got him some new eyeshadow and he's... he didn't." He lost control of his breathing again and basically crumpled in on himself, leaning on Morality.

--

Now nourished and as awake as he was ever going to get. Anxiety went back to his room to figure out the note and check out what it was resting on.
The back of the note read: "These will work out there too" which meant they were real and not conjured up in the mindscape like most of their stuff. He checked out the packs and brands, there was some expensive stuff there. He still couldn't figure out the source of the makeup and note, whoever it was went to a fair bit of effort and convinced Thomas to spend a fair bit of money.

It couldn't have just been Thomas though, he didn't have any idea how to send things through to the mindscape, he probably had no idea about conjuring vs bringing things in either. One of the others must have been behind it.

Emo Nightmare. Who had called him that? How long ago was it? Was it in here or outside or even online?

He considered his options for a while and eventually decided that since his memory wasn't turning up anything he'd have to check online and see if he could find it.

Yes, they had wifi, they were inside Thomas' head after all. They also had their own phones and laptops. Maybe that's where the broken ones from the bottom of Thomas' cupboard went. They couldn't magic them up and have them work properly but there was nothing to stop them 'upgrading'. They had discovered long ago that as long as the wifi chip and charging port were real the rest could be whatever, they did have to charge them outside though.

Like all of them, Anxiety had spent some time looking at the things people made for and about them. He searched for ‘Thomas Sanders emo nightmare’ hoping to see a comment or something that he’d read before. Perhaps Thomas had seen it in a comment and he’d asked one of the others to put it here for him.

It was a quote. From a video. It looked like he was called that by… Roman?

Anxiety was thrown into confusion immediately. If it was from Roman, then why? Did he feel bad about the last video? Unlikely, he would never have spared a thought to how Anxiety was feeling after that. Who would?

He recognised the spiral of thoughts he was about to engage with but it was too late to stop. When you’re the literal embodiment of anxiety it’s hard to stay positive.

Who would care enough to get him anything? Who would care enough to remember something he said so long ago? Now Thomas had spent lots of his real money on him. He didn’t deserve it, he was the terrible, hated Anxiety wasn’t he? Surely this was some kind of joke. Making him think that the prince cared about him so that he might be tricked into admitting his feelings and embarrassing himself. Well he wouldn’t fall into that trap. He shoved the makeup into a drawer, re-applied his old one and went out into the commons. He tried to look confident, fuelled by pure spite, but he knew that if anything went wrong he’d probably break down again.

--

When Roman finished crying into Morality’s shirt he fell asleep. Morality shifted him so he could sleep in the bed without hurting himself. He hadn’t gotten much of an explanation but he knew enough to know that Anxiety was somehow behind Roman’s distress.

Knowing Roman would sleep for a while Morality got up and went through to the kitchen, it was nearly lunchtime and he had to make sure Logan got up from his work to eat something too.

He saw Anxiety sitting on the floor in front of his chair as usual. He wondered again why he even had a chair if he was just going to sit on the ground instead. Oh well, he thought, whatever makes him happy.

He was pleased to find Logan already putting together a sandwich so he threw one together for himself and sat in his chair, greeting Anxiety as he passed.

Anxiety grunted vaguely in response and continued to think, his mind swirling and growing darker again. Nobody ever played tricks except Pranks and Pranks wasn’t there that evening and Pranks would never do anything to hurt him. It had to be a trick though, surely nobody really cared.

Morality must have seen the emotions flashing across his face because he tried again to strike up conversation, knowing that the best thing was to either distract him from his worry or draw it out to be soothed by the father figure.

“What’s up kiddo?”

“Huh?”

“You seem like you’re worried about something.”

“Well yeah, I’m Anxiety, that’s kinda my job.” Came the sarcastic reply.

“Roman was upset about something earlier, I think it had something to do with you. I thought maybe you’d have some idea what might have gotten into him.”

Roman was upset? What would that have to do with him?

Before the train of thought that might have led to a valid conclusion could continue it was interrupted by the mass of negativity that he’d pushed down before. Of course it was about him. Everybody was happy except when he showed up. Nothing bad was ever anyone else’s fault. He was defined by bad things.

Morality saw Anxiety’s face fall as the confident façade tumbled down. Anxiety was crying. Morality stood up and walked over to the younger trait, sitting on the ground next to him.

“What’s wrong? Did I say something?”

Anxiety shook his head and curled into Morality, wishing he had just stayed in his room all day instead. Morality put an arm around Anxiety’s shaking form and talked quietly. Whispering soothing words as he often did.

--

A while later Anxiety had calmed down enough to start thinking properly again and realised that he’d smudged his eyeshadow already. He wished he’d put on one of the new ones instead, they were mostly waterproof.

He looked up from Morality’s chest just in time to see Roman walking into the commons. It was clear that the other had been crying earlier. Anxiety froze and tensed up, causing Morality to look around to see what was making Anxiety worried again. The prince froze when he saw Anxiety, still wearing the cheap, old eyeshadow. They locked eyes and Morality stood up, taking a step away from Anxiety and towards Roman.

All three spoke at once.

“What’s going on you two?” Morality asked.

“What’ve you got to be upset about?” That was Anxiety, still unstable from the previous breakdown.

“Do you really hate everyone so much that you can’t even accept a gift?” Roman turned on his heel and strode back to his room, working hard to look less pathetic than he felt.

Anxiety looked around for a single moment and then raced back to his own room, shutting the door and burying himself deep under the blankets and cushions.

Morality just stood, confused and honestly a little annoyed that nobody ever stopped to talk their feelings out.

Chapter Text

Roman had accused him of hating the others. How could he ever hate them? He loved Roman. Not that he would ever say anything. Not that Roman would ever feel the same. Why would he. Roman was a literal prince and he was just Anxiety. Just the monster that kept Thomas up at night, bothering him with ideas of things in closets and under the bed when he was the real monster. All he ever did was ruin everyone’s day.

--

Stupid foolish Roman. Of course Anxiety would get confused. Nobody had ever shown him even the slightest amount of care. A random gift out on nowhere? Of course he didn’t believe it. He himself had even joked about ‘slaying the monster.’ The monster being Anxiety of course. How had he never thought about how that might feel from Anxiety’s point of view.

The moment Roman got inside his room he shut the door and flopped into his bed, flying back through every memory where he had cast Anxiety aside and claimed all the glory for himself. How could he have done that? What sort of prince was he, to hurt those he claimed to defend?

--

Morality was still confused several hours later when neither of them responded to his call for dinner. Anxiety often ignored him but Roman was never one to turn down food. He dished out the four plates and left his on the counter, delivering one to Logan first, at his desk working on something important.

The other two plates were destined for Roman and Anxiety’s rooms. He went to Anxiety’s first, expecting to walk into Anxiety’s standard monologue. He was surprised once again when the words mumbling their way out from under the pillows were about Roman more than Anxiety himself. “Can’t say anything can’t tell him everyone would laugh at me he doesn’t feel the same he doesn’t care why would he care…” Morality left the plate on the dresser and left quietly, wanting to get Roman’s food to him before it got too cold.

The surprises kept on coming when he walked into Roman’s room to find much the same situation. The prince was under all his blankets and surrounded by a large stack of pillows which were not usually there. Roman acknowledged his arrival and quickly stopped his own muttering. Morality handed him the plate. “Do you want to talk or should I let you eat and deal with Anxiety first? He’s probably not going to respond to me for ages anyway.”

“Go help him I’m the one that messed up.” That was an odd reply from Roman, who then cut off all further conversation by eating as much food as possible.

Morality went back the Anxiety’s room and perched himself on the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb the cushions that were stacked high on all sides.

“Hey, do you wanna talk? There’s clearly something wrong between you two.”

“Of course there’s something wrong Morality! I’m involved! When is that ever a good thing.” Anxiety sounded angry but Morality knew it wasn’t directed at him.

“Hey, no! That’s not true. You’re really important around here. Sure you go a little overboard sometimes but where would we be without you?”

“You’d be happy. Plus, Thomas would still have all that money. I looked it all up, that stuff was expensive.”

“What stuff?”

“Roman, well I think it was Roman, got Thomas to buy me a bunch of new eyeshadow for some reason.”

“That’s nice of him. Why’s that a problem?”

“I assumed it was a trick. Nobody would ever do something nice for me like that. Nobody ever does.” Anxiety paused and wondered if he should say more “Then after I found out that it was from Roman or at least meant to look like it was, I assumed that someone had found out about my… feelings… and wanted to make me embarrass myself in front of everyone so I decided not to wear it at all.”

“That explains why Roman was upset earlier. He showed up at my door this morning distraught and said something about you not doing something. I had no idea what he was on about. My guess is he saw you without the new eyeshadow on and freaked out. You two are more similar than you recognize you know.”

Anxiety nodded, the food helping him keep his thoughts in line.

“Are you going to be ok if I go help Roman calm down now? I promised him that I’d come right back.”

“Yeah ok.” Anxiety said, with more conviction than he felt.

“Just don’t tell him about, y’know…” Anxiety trailed off as Morality crossed the room.

--

“I’m back.”

“How’d it go with Anxiety?”

“He’s doing ok.”

“That’s good.”

“He does like it you know, the eyeshadow.”

“Why didn’t he wear it today then?”

“He thought it was a trick. He is Anxiety, you know how he gets.”

Roman was easy to calm. The situation was explained and Morality didn’t reveal Anxiety’s feelings.

--

Meanwhile Anxiety continued to be Anxiety.

He’d ruined everything. Roman had been spending time with him recently, they’d almost been friends. Now he’d ruined it. He couldn’t even accept a simple gift. What kind of person was he if he couldn’t accept a present from someone who he was meant to be friends with? He’d almost been able to start considering the possibility of one day confessing his feelings.

Roman would never like him back now. Not after this. He'd screwed everything up again.
He was crying again. He left the plate on the floor and buried himself back under the cushions. Hoping for sleep to take him away from the weight of his own failures. Sleep, of course, evaded him and he lay awake for hours, crying on and off until there were not more tears to cry.

--

Roman slept reasonably peacefully and rose the next morning without any of the apprehension of the previous day. That was quick to return when he walked past Anxiety’s door and overheard Anxiety, mumbling and growling at himself and the world.

Chapter Text

Roman walked in to chaos. The cushions were all over the floor and there was one flying towards his head. Anxiety’s aim was poor and it hit the wall next to him with the dull thud, landing on the floor a moment later.

“Hey Anx, how are you doing?”

“Why do you care. You’ve got valuable, prince-y stuff to do.”

“The most valuable thing a prince can do is ensure the wellbeing of the people of his castle.”

“Oh come off it.” Anxiety’s reply was laced with anger. Roman knew it wasn’t directed at him, although it should have been.

“Hey, this is my fault ok?”

Anxiety paused his annoyed muttering and met Roman’s eyes at that, surprise showing through his bloodshot eyes.

“I should have just given it to you, instead I left it there and said nothing like a coward. Of course you misinterpreted it, you’ve never been given anything, especially not by me.”

“Well maybe I’d have been ok with it if I’d ever done anything to make you all like me. Why would anyone give me a gift? All I ever do is keep everyone up all night and make a mess.” At that he gestured around his room, cushions, blankets and other objects strewn across the floor.

“You’re important here ok? Without you Thomas would do all sorts of silly things and he’d get hurt. There’s a very long list of things that I’ve wanted to do that you’ve stopped me from doing and it turned out that someone would have gotten hurt if I had gone ahead.” Roman paused as Anxiety started to dig his way out from under the remaining blankets.

“We should have, no, I should have included you sooner, in more. I should have been giving you gifts and thanks so long ago. I didn’t and that’s my failure. I will strive to do better in future.” That last line had, to Anxiety at least, a sound of princely commitment, as though he was staking his honour on this promise.

“Why though? Why did you get me anything?” Anxiety asked, he didn’t let it show but there was a glimmer of hope that perhaps the prince returned his feelings.

“Because…” Roman paused and considered how much to share and how much to keep to himself. “Because I noticed that you were nearly out and wanted to do something nice for you for once.”

“Ok, fair enough I guess. Now if you wouldn’t mind I’ve got some cleaning up to do.” Anxiety gestured again to the stuff littering his floor. His hope was shut down again but he never really expected anything and as long as Roman wasn’t mad at him he could deal with it.

“That can wait, come to the commons for a while, I think Morality was planning a movie night.”

“Fine. If you insist. Just give me a few moments,” Anxiety’s signature smirk was back in place. “I’ve got to fix my eyeshadow.”

They shared a genuine smile at that.

Roman left and Anxiety followed not far behind, flopping onto his chair for once, rather than sinking down in front of it.

Morality came in, nearly dragging Logan who clearly wanted to get back to his work. The bags under Logan’s eyes were making him look more like Anxiety than himself and
Morality had obviously made the decision that he was going to join them for a movie and then go to sleep.

Morality left Logan in his chair and went to the kitchen to fetch snacks for the four of them.

“You know, logically, it would make more sense for there to be a couch, then we wouldn’t have to pass the bowls so far every time anyone wanted to eat something.” That was the closest Logan was going to get to active participation in the evening, honestly it was better then usual.

Roman took it upon himself then, as the creative side, to conjure up a couch long enough for all four of them.

Anxiety heard the microwave running and assumed that that meant he’d have a few minutes before Morality came back with popcorn so he went back to his room and brought through several of his blankets and a bunch of pillows, piling them up in front of the couch.

When Morality did return, popcorn and cookies in hand, he was startled to find their four chairs pushed right to the back of the room and a new couch right where those chairs used to sit.

He shrugged slightly, careful not to spill the popcorn, and took his spot on the couch. Roman was on one end, Morality on the other while Logan and Anxiety were sandwiched between them.

They turned on Moana, an all-around favourite, and settled in for the evening.

--

An hour or so later Logan was asleep against Morality. Anxiety wasn’t sure how long that had been going on for but he was sure to point it out to Roman as soon as he noticed.
Their smiles grew when Morality glanced down for a moment, smiling softly at the sleeping trait.

When the movie finished Morality looked down at Logan before shifting around enough to wake him. Logan mumbled something mathematical sounding before he woke up properly. “Come on sleepy head, let’s get you to bed.” Morality basically dragged a stumbling Logan down the corridor and into bed, leaving Roman and Anxiety on the couch.

Anxiety stretched, yawned and moved to gather up his blankets and cushions to take them back to his room.

“Wait.”

“What?” asked Anxiety, mostly wanting Roman to let him go to bed.

“Stay here for a while, there’s something I want to talk to you about.”

Anxiety let go of the cushion he was holding and sank back into the couch, he wondered where Roman was going with this.

“There was another reason I got you the eyeshadow, I’m not really sure how to explain it. I just haven’t been able to shake off that conversation we had, at the end of the new year’s video. It was going around and around and popping up in my thoughts at the most random times for ages, so I figured I’d do something about it.” Roman paused and Anxiety let the glimmer of hope in him grow again for a moment. “I don’t know what I’m feeling but I think I’d like to start spending more time with you. If you’re ok with that of course.” He finished in a rush, suddenly shy, a feeling well outside of his usual range. Anxiety looked up as Roman looked anywhere but Anxiety.

“Of course we can spend time together.” He pulled the regal side in for a hug, twisting awkwardly around several cushions to do so. “In fact, since there’s still stuff all over my floor, why don’t we start right now with a sleepover in your room? I’ve got all my blankets with me already.” Anxiety smiled and gathered some of the blankets up. Roman picked up the rest and followed the corner of one of the ones Anxiety was carrying as it dragged along the ground down the hallway.

--

They talked late into the night and although neither of them remembers when they moved, they woke up much closer together than they were when they lay down.