Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Evgeni sat in his car in Sid’s driveway and tried to make himself breath. If he was going to do this he was going to do it as himself. He had made that decision already and he wasn’t going to back out now. And he was going to do this. Taking a breath to brace himself he grabbed the wine box and exited his car, beginning the walk up to Sid’s door.

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Evgeni had baked, well, not a lot of cheesecakes, but a fair number, in his time. It was what alphas did after all. They provided food for the omegas and bettas they corted. It was how the world worked. It was what was expected of him. He was good at it to, he had never had to sit through watching someone force down the food he made them because it was barely edible. His mother had made sure he practiced for just that reason. No alpha child of hers was going to give a subpar courting gift. So when he decided to take a chance and start courting Sid he bought the cheese and ingredients for the dough out of habit, before putting them aside. That wasn’t what he wanted, not with Sid. He wanted something real with Sid. He didn’t want to hide a part of himself to keep Sid happy. He wanted Sid to see the real him and want him anyway. So an omega’s courting gift it was, and here that meant an interest. Alphas had a tendency to pick something and collect it, it was traditional in Western Europe and North America, he had found after a few nights of research, for omegas to give a gift related to that alpha’s interest. Sid had a few interests that Geno knew of, hockey being one, wine being another (and then there was history, but he had done things like that in the past anyway). As much as Geno loved hockey he didn’t want to make this about hockey, so wine it was. Asking Mario for a recommendation for the wine had been nerve racking, made the palms of his hands sweat, as much as Geno was ready to trust Sid with this part of who he was he wasn’t ready for it to be public knowledge. Mario didn’t seem to notice anything unusual though and seemed happy enough to give him the advice.

When Geno made the decision to court Sid the way he wanted to and damn the consequences it was late at night after a long road trip. He was exhausted, but he was always exhausted. Exhausted from pretending to be something and someone he wasn’t, from the act he put on everyday when he left his home, and every time he invited someone inside. He wanted someone he could be honest with. He needed that. He wanted that someone to be Sid.

He wanted Sid to see him for the omega he is. Sid was an amazing alpha and Geno wanted him for himself. He wanted Sid to be his alpha and he wanted to be Sid’s omega. He knew that wasn’t what the world would see. Everyone else would see two alphas. He was afraid that's what Sid would see as well, but he wouldn’t know until he tried.

Geno was reasonably sure that his courtship wouldn’t be rejected out of hand. Unless he was reading the signs completely wrong Sid was interested. It was just what Sid was interested in that Geno was less sure of. Would he still want him when he found out that Geno wasn’t the alpha he thought he was?

There was only one way to find out.

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As he walked up the path to Sid’s door Geno felt in his pocket for the half full tube of lube he had taken from his bedside table and the pack of condoms he had picked up at the store. They weren’t likely to use them that day, even if Sid agreed to courte him he didn’t think Sid was the kind of alpha to ask for sex on the first date. Not that Geno would turn him down if he did. He wanted Sid, he felt ready to take that step.

Geno was lucky in that he had never had much of a problem with his body and how he looked, how it worked. How others looked at him sometimes made him uncomfortable, but Sid looking never had and Geno was hoping it would stay that way if their relationship changed. Dysphoria had never been much of a problem for Geno, he just knew who he was and that wasn’t an alpha. Yes he had the occasional bout and it sucked majorly when it happened, but it wasn’t a regular thing and was mostly based around the expectations of others. He was hoping that he could avoid it if he went into this honest about himself from the start. He never wanted to associate Sid with that feeling.

In the past he had had trouble in relationships. The expectations of the omegas and betas he had tried to courte had left a heavy thick feeling in his gut that crawled up into his throat and choked him. It was as if the cheesecake he made them as a first gift was coming back to haunt him. Sex had never been what everyone said it was supposed to be. He had never been good at the dominance his partners expected from him and had always come away from the encounter with the feeling that he had disappointed them. He had always made sure they got off, even if he didn’t, but there was always an air of dissatisfaction. The closest he had ever gotten to feeling how people said sex should had been during a one night stand with a beta man who had wanted to role play at being an alpha and dominate him. It was the best sex Geno had ever had, the only time he hadn’t come away from an encounter feeling used and like a failure as the dysphoria he had been ignoring finally began creeping in. He didn’t seek out sex very often; not at all since he got a taste of what it could be like if he got to be himself. He knew not all omegas liked to submit to their partners during sex, but he did and the idea of forcing himself not to once he got a taste for it made him feel sick. The idea of seeking out some strange alpha to sleep with, someone who would dominate him for the night, was just too much, too much risk for the chance at good sex. Between that risk and the chance people could find out that he, ‘an alpha’, was interested in infertile relationships, not even with beta men, but with another alpha, it just wasn't worth it. He wasn't thrilled with the idea of being outed as something he wasn't, as gay. He knew that was what people would see if he entered a relationship with Sid and people found out about it, but he hoped being with Sid would be worth being seen that way, as defined by his alpha status in one more way.

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Geno woke up feeling like he was glowing. He wasn't used to feeling like this after sex, it was a pleasant surprise. He almost wished he had gotten the contact information for the man he had spent the night with. He knew that it wasn't worth the risk though. He was reasonably sure that he hadn’t been recognized but even if he was , doing something ‘kinky’ once was explainable. Going back for more, now that might be something someone could make into a story. The guy had been nice though. It was too bad. He was going to remember the encounter for a while: the confidence the man had, and all the skill that you could hope would go with it; how safe and secure he felt when the man dominated him, how he could just let go and do as he was told instead of struggling to please his partner; how good it felt not to have to put on an act during sex, to just worry about what felt good for himself and his partner, not what he was supposed to like and do. Yes, he was going remember that for a while. It would be hard to go back now he had had a taste of what he really wanted. Now that he had had a chance to be who he really was, even if he had needed to pretend it was all an act, just for fun.

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Geno breathed deep and knocked on Sid’s door, realizing as he did that it might have been a good idea to call ahead and ask to come over, if only to make sure that Sid would be home and that he wouldn’t be working himself up for nothing.

It took a moment, but Sid did open the door. He stood there for a moment, wiping his hands on his jeans and looking Geno up and down with a question on his face.

“Hey Geno, um… I wasn’t expecting you, did we have plans I forgot?”

“No, just wanted to see you, can I come in?” Geno shifted nervously, adjusting his grip on the wine. This was feeling like it might not have been such a good idea afterall. But then Sid was smiling and moving aside and inviting him in and he felt himself settling back into his plan. He took a moment to screw up his courage before he began the traditional words of a request to courte. He had spent the last week researching and practicing to make sure he got the English version right. He could have recited the Russian rituals in his sleep, despite never having had the opportunity to say this part out loud to someone else. Подарок для обогрева дома и зажечь свой путь через зимний период. A gift to warm your home and light your way through the winter. The words were traditionally paired with the presentation of a candle, traditionally braided with multiple wicks. It was the ritual of an omega initiating or formally accepting a serious courtship and it wasn’t to be done lightly, carrying a similar significance to a western proposal, but without the concrete expectation of mating and marriage at the end, just the understanding that that was the intent. The less serious version, an invitation to date more casually was Подарок, чтобы утолить жажду. A gift to quench your thirst. Traditionally pared with the presentation of a beverage. The fact that wine fit with both the Russian tradition and the tradition of presenting a gift fitting with the interests of the alpha was satisfying. Geno took a deep breath and began. Holding the wine out toward Sid he offered, “From your interest to ours.” and waited. And waited some more as Sid stared at him.

Finally Sid seemed to snap out of it and said, “Geno -- I just want to make sure you know. That- that’s how omegas offer courtship here. I don’t know where you heard it but I don’t think that’s what you meant.”

“Meant it.” Geno watched Sid process that. “Want to courte you, want you to see me that way?”

Sid was starting to look suspicious and a little put out. “Geno, why are you taking the omega’s part?”

“Know I don’t look much like omega but…” Geno shrugged and smiled a little sheepishly, backing up until his knees hit the edge of the couch and sat down, putting the wine down next to him. He had to admit it hurt that Sid hadn’t taken it. Sid’s face went from put out to stormy, a mixture of anger and hurt.

“Geno, I know that relationships between alphas, infertile relationships in general, aren’t universally accepted, but there’s nothing wrong with being gay! If this is some sort of joke on me--”

“Not a joke Sid. Mean it.”

“I don’t get it.”

Geno was starting to get worried that this had gone horribly wrong.

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“Sid, want to be your omega. Not that complicated.”

“Geno, you don’t have to do this! Yes I want to corte you, but I like you as an alpha just fine, you don’t have to pretend for me!”

Geno felt like he had been slapped. He knew Sid didn’t mean to hurt him, he just didn’t know what it was he was actually saying, but it still hurt. “Maybe is not for you Sid! Think of that!? Maybe is for me. Maybe I not want to pretend either! Not any more. Am tired Sid. Not want to pretend any more, not with you.” Geno felt himself deflate, the hurt induced rage having burned out. He looked at Sid, the anger on his face that had formed when he took Geno’s actions as an omega as some sort of insult to his character had morphed into something that was a mixture of confusion and concern.

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Sid looked at the hurt and resignation written across Geno’s body and could tell he had made a mistake, he just wasn’t sure what it was. Well, he was pretty sure that the mistake was implying that Geno was putting on an act to get him to agree to a relationship, but he didn’t understand why that would be a mistake. Geno was an alpha and while there was nothing lesser about being an omega that didn’t mean that he should change himself into one. Relationships between alphas weren’t exactly accepted in society, especially in sports, but Geno should know that Sid didn’t think like that. Sid might not be out as queer in the locker room, but he liked to think he didn’t tolerate bigotry either. Thinking about being queer in the locker room something occurred to him, if he was right then he had fucked up royally. He went back over everything that had been done and said since he opened the door for Geno and invited him inside, hoping to find an answer.

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Hearing the doorbell Sid turned away from the chicken he was preparing, washed his hands and wondered who would be dropping by unannounced. He opened the door, still drying his hands on his pants. He was pleasantly surprised to find it was Geno on the stoop. The next thing he knew Geno was offering him a courting gift and reciting the omega’s courting invitation. He didn’t know what to think. He had been interested in Geno for a while, but he hadn't said anything about it to anyone, he hadn't thought anyone knew, let alone Geno.

Then Geno had unfailingly, unflinchingly taken the part of an omega. He hadn’t hesitated. He hadn’t seemed uncomfortable. He had actually seemed more confident and at home in his skin than he did half the time Sid had known him. As if it wasn’t an act like Sid had assumed. As if He really was an omega, asking to courte an alpha.

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“Shit.” He was an idiot. Geno had practically screamed it in his face after his stupid comment about pretending, and straight out told him before that. Geno wasn’t an alpha. He had to know for sure though. “Geno, before I shove my other foot in my mouth I have to ask, do you identify as trans, are you an omega? How do you identify?” Sid knew it was rude to ask, but he was pretty sure this was an attempt by Geno to come out to him and he needed to be sure he was understanding correctly.

Geno didn’t know what to do, for some reason it hadn’t occurred to him that he would be flat out asked about it. Looking back on it he realized that was really bad forethought.But he had never been asked outright before, not even by that one night stand, though he had a suspicion he might have guessed. Finally Geno just gave a little nod and said in a very small voice, “Yes. I am omega.” He could feel himself trying to fold his large frame inward, trying to make himself appear smaller.

“God, Geno. I am so sorry for what I said, especially about pretending--”

“Is okay, didn’t know.” Geno cut in.

“No it isn’t, you tried to tell me and I wasn’t really listening. I made a lot of assumptions and I hurt you. I’m sorry. I am also sorry about anything I’ve done or said that hurt you or made you feel uncomfortable before.” Sid started to reach out to Geno, but stopped just short of him, seeing that he was still curled in on himself, trying to make his body a smaller target. It hurt to see Geno, big, loud, and exuberant with his friends Geno, like that. It hurt worse knowing that he was the one responsible for it.

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Geno watched from where he was curled up on the couch as Sid reached towards him and stopped, staring at him with his arm extended. Geno looked at where the hand had stopped and suddenly he wanted that touch, wanted it like burning. He moved himself the couple of inches needed to press the side of his head into the waiting hand and relaxed a little at the warmth of it against his cheek. It was the kind of touch a friendly alpha might offer to a distressed omega. He felt Sid startle a little and nuzzled further into the hand on his cheek. Sid might not have thought about it before offering the touch, but that just meant that he saw Geno as an omega, right? Then he remembered that Sid offered comforting touch to all sorts of people and his hope became a little more cautious again. “Sid--” he stopped, trying to get his thoughts in order, English could be more difficult when he was upset, he was mildly surprised that the yelling hadn’t been in Russian. “Sid, you say you like me as alpha, courte me as alpha. Still want me, courte me, as omega?” Geno held his breath.

“Geno, yes, of course I do, I am so sorry I said that. I wasn’t listening. I mean, you said it, you want to be my omega, it’s not that complicated.” Sid offered with a rueful look. “It wasn't because I thought you were an alpha that I wanted to courte you, it's because you’re Geno.”

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Sid moved to sit on the couch next to Geno without moving his hand from where it was cupping his face. “Say it again Geno.”

Geno sniffled a bit, catching the calming scent Sid was putting out now, slowly covering up the scent of anger that had begun to permeate the air. “Say what?”

“The offer of courtship. If -- if you still want to, I know I was a jerk just now and I’d understand if you weren’t interested any more.” His voice was soothing and Geno found his breath evening out and his body uncurling.

Geno held up the wine again, “From your interest to ours.”

This time Sid smiled and took the offered gift, giving the traditional response of acceptance. “May yours be ours as well.”

Geno smiled and took a deep breath leaning into the embrace Sid was offering him. That had not gone so well as he had hoped, but it could have been much worse. For now he was satisfied letting the tension drain from his body as he was held safe in his alpha’s arms.

Chapter Text

Sidney lay awake thinking. Geno was held tight to his body, curled up against him with a peaceful look on his face that didn’t disguise the fact that he had been crying recently. They had been lucky that Geno had had the freak out when he did and not a few moments later, Sid had been on the edge of knotting and if it had been any later he wouldn’t have been able to pull out without hurting Geno in the process. Up until the freak out Geno had been an enthusiastic participant, involved and clearly loving every moment of it. Everything had been going well until Sid started paying attention to Geno’s chest.

This wasn’t the first time they had had sex, last time it had carried the awkwardness that first times sometimes do, but it had gone off without a hitch. They had talked it through beforehand and Geno had told him that so long as the expectation that he act like an alpha wasn’t there, he should be fine, that he didn’t have problems with his body and as far as touching went, nothing was off limits. It had at least seemed like he had enjoyed the attention Sid had payed to his chest that time. This time it had started off with Geno seeming to enjoy it before pushing his hands away and dissolving into tears. Sid had pulled out and spent the next twenty minutes or so trying to sooth Geno without the benefit of knowing what it was that had upset him. Geno had definitely not been ready to talk it out with him. All he could do for now was sit in the bed and continue the soothing motions of his hand across Geno’s broad back as he waited for him to wake up.

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Geno felt clogged up and drained in a way he recognized as meaning he had been crying recently as he swam towards consciousness, but for now he felt warm and safe. He tried to remember what it was that had upset him. The room smelled like sex, like him and Sid, he was being held by someone, by Sid. They had been having sex, why had he gotten upset? His chest, Sid had been touching his chest and … he’d gotten upset. Why?

Then it all came rushing back to him. The day before someone had shown him a gossip column about him, about how Alpha he was and his body and what a specimen he was, they mentioned his chest specifically, several times. Then, while he was still feeling uncomfortable in his skin about that, he had gone for a run on a trail that passed through a park. While he was stopped to stretch and retie this shoes he noticed an omega with his child nursing at his chest. It was all he could do not to stair. He couldn’t stop thinking about that article and how he would never have that with a child. When Sid had started to palm his chest and play with his nipples it had felt good but there was something nagging at the edge of his mind. It had all come flashing back to him in a second. The article and what he would never have. Suddenly he couldn’t stand to be touched.

Sid had been wonderful. He had realized right away that there was something wrong and he had stopped what he was doing and pulled away. He had asked what Geno needed and when he didn’t know he had done his best to sooth him anyway, eventually coaxing him into sleep. Geno still didn’t understand why things had gone so wrong, he had never had something like that happen to him during sex before; after sex, yeah, sometimes he broke down a little, but not until later, when he was by himself. Even that hadn’t happened the previous two times he had had sex, when he had been allowed to be and act how he wanted, when the expectation that he would be an alpha hadn’t been there. So why now?

“Hey, you awake?” Geno opened his eyes and turned to look up at Sid, he appreciated the hushed tone, he didn’t think he could deal with anything harsh or loud right now, the whisper seemed appropriate. Sid continued gently, “You want to talk about what happened?”

Geno thought about that. After a moment he decided that keeping it to himself probably wouldn’t do any good and maybe Sid could help him sort out what had happened. He nodded. Sid waited while Geno got his thoughts in order. “Never happen before. Not during sex.”

“You’ve never gotten upset during sex before?” Sid checked.

“No. Sometimes… upset, but not during.”

“So sometimes you get upset afterwards? Did -- did you get upset after last time?” It was obvious that this possibility had been bothering Sid.

“No, used to get upset sometimes because had to pretend to be alpha, did not like it, also not very good at it… people -- disappointed.” Geno curled a little farther in toward Sid.

“Oh Geno. I - I’m so sorry that happened to you, that you went through that. Did, did I do something that-”

“No, not your fault.” Geno didn’t want Sid putting this on himself. Didn’t want Sid to be afraid of touching him. Usually he loved it when Sid touched him, he didn’t want that to stop.

“Not sure why it happened, but not your fault.”

Sid shifted uncertainly before suggesting, “It happened right after I started touching your chest. Do you think that could have had something to do with it?”

Geno was silent for a moment, then “I like how it feels, when you touch me there.... But this time… memories, brought up memories, things I think about and don’t want to be touched.” Geno fell silent.

“Do you want to talk about it? Do you think it could help?”

“Maybe. I…” Geno wasn’t sure where to start. He closed his eyes and just let the words flow out of him. The article, the jokes about his body, the baby nursing at it’s tati’s breast on a park bench, knowing he would never have that. How it all came back to him in that moment when Sid touched him. It all came pouring out.

Geno took a deep breath and looked up at Sid, “See Sid, not your fault, not about you.”

“Okay. Is there anything I can do for you though?”

“Already do Sid. Be here, hold, listen. Might happen again, might not. Don’t know why happen this time.”

“Do you think it would help if we go over boundaries every time, give you a chance to feel out what’s going on in your head that day?”

“Maybe, we try next time, yes?”

“Of course.”

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“Geno, who was it that showed you that article?”

“Is not important Sid. They not mean anything by it. Just think is funny.”

“I still don’t like it.” Sid grumbled, filling the kettle with more vigor than strictly necessary and banging it down on the stove.

“I know this, thank you for protecting me. Now come sit, kettle not need you to watch.”

“Fine, you know I just don’t like it when someone hurts you.” Sid settled in on the couch next to Geno.

“We play hockey Sid, I get hurt.”

“It’s different off the ice, you know that.”

Geno sighed, exasperated. “Yes. You are a good alpha, thank you. Now hold me?”

“Of course.”

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Geno couldn't seem to get past it. He knew Flower hadn’t meant anything by it, he’d just thought it was funny, and it would have been to anyone else. It's not like he’d never seen anything like that before either. For some reason this was just sticking with him. It was messing with him to. He would see something: a tati with a baby cradled to them; a photo, of himself or of another omega that highlighted the chest; a comment that just hit him wrong. They were things that normally would maybe have caught him for a moment, but wouldn't have made any real impact on his day, now they were dragging him down. Sid was noticing, treating him more carefully than usual, and he wasn't the only one.

Geno startled at as someone came up behind him. “Hey Geno, how have you been doing, been more quiet than usual?” It was Flower. He wated a moment for his heart to stop beating quite so quickly to give himself a moment to come up with an answer. He wasn’t sure how to respond to Flower. Ever since the article incident he had been avoiding him slightly, hopefully subtelly. The fact that Flower had no idea what he had done was upsetting to Geno didn’t completely clear up his involvement in the emotional mess Geno currently found himself in. But Geno didn’t have any way of explaining that to him without keying him into what was actually going on. He didn’t think he was ready to come out right now.

“Do not know what you talk about. I am fine.” It was a little short and he could tell that Flower wasn’t buying it, but it did seam as if he was going to let it go for now.

“All right. Just, I’m around you know? If you need to talk. I know there’s something going on with you and Sid so if you need an ear, I’m here.” Then he walked off.

Geno stood still in surprise for a moment, he hadn’t realized that anyone had noticed that anything had changed.

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“I don’t know man, it was just weird. She said she was a betta when I asked, and I guess she looked like one when I picked her up, but as soon as we got into it she started smelling like an omega and not just a little bit like sometimes beta girls do during a heat or while you're in rut. She smelled strong.”

Geno froze where he was standing on his way back to the group from the bar’s bathroom. He recognized that voice as one of the rookies up for the training camp, he wasn’t sure which, but he definitely recognized the voice. Then another one of them, someone from the AHL he thought, piped up.

“I don’t know man that’s weird, maybe she was a trany. Your lucky she wasn’t really an alpha or something.”

Geno’s breath caught. He knew that shit like this got said. He had heard it, in locker rooms and bars and just hanging out with people he thought were friends. He had learned to stay quiet and be extra careful with the people who said it and the people who laughed. Right now though, like everything else, it was hitting him extra hard.

“What the fuck.” Geno recognized through the haze that that was Flower. “That is not okay. We don’t say shit like that. We respect people.” Geno wasn’t sure he had ever heard Flower sound so dangerous. He wasn’t yelling, but he didn’t need to, his voice had a quality of quiet rage to it that warned you not to question him. Geno caught his breath and felt tears rising in his throat, he needed to get out of here. He needed to find Sid and get out of here now.

Geno made his way back toward the table he had left Sid at, weaving through bodies to get there. Once he made it back he walked up behind Sid and put a hand on his shoulder to get his attention.

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Sid turned around when he felt the large hand settle on his shoulder, knowing it had to be Geno he smiled as he turned. When he saw the look on Geno’s face the smile dropped away. It was clear to someone who really knew Geno that he was barely holding it together and there were tears near on the horizon. He had to get him out of here now, before the breakdown. He quickly excused himself from the conversation he wasn’t really participating in anyway and ushered Geno toward the door. The drive to Sid’s house, where they had been spending most of their time, was silent after Geno refused to respond to Sid’s inquiries beyond a shake of the head and turning away toward the door.

Once he had ushered Geno inside and goten him settled on the couch beside him he couldn’t wait any longer. “Geno, what happened tonight, what’s wrong?” The crease between his eyebrows, present since the bar, deepening with Geno’s continued silence. “Geno, please. I can’t help unless I know what’s wrong. At least tell me what you need right now?”

Finally Geno opened his mouth. “I coming back from bathroom and rookies say things about trans people, use slur, I hear them. It… I know people say things. I deal with it. Usually not hurt, hurt this much.”

Sid couldn’t believe, well actually Sid could believe what he was hearing, and frankly that was worse. “Geno, who was it that said that?”

“Didn’t see them, don’t know.” Geno said into his hands.

“Well if you figure it out, let me know. That kind of thing isn’t acceptable. Not in the locker room, not anywhere else.” Sid was sweeping his hand back and forth across Geno’s back, trying to sooth him.

“Is okay Sid, Flower take care of telling rookies.”

“Well that’s good, I guess I can just ask Flower then.” Geno could tell that Sid wasn’t going to be moved on talking to those men, well, they were probably closer to boys really. “Hey Geno, have you considered maybe coming out to someone else?”

Geno was caught off guard by the question. Sid was the only one who he had ever come out to and it had taken him weeks to build up his courage after he had reached the breaking point of being able to deal with things on his own before he actually did it. He hadn’t actually really done it until Sid straight out asked him.

“It’s just that, you said that you came out to me because you didn’t want to deal with things on your own any more, that you weren’t happy. Geno, I don’t know what things were like for you before we got together, but this last week you haven’t seemed all that happy. Maybe it’s time to reach out to some more support.”

Geno looked up at Sid from where he was hunched over, his eyes wide with fear.

“Look, I’m not going to push you, and I would never out you against your will. It’s just a suggestion. I think there are some people around you that would give you a lot of support if they knew you needed it.”

Geno looked away and wiped the tears from his face before clearing his throat and looking back at Sid. “You have someone specific, don’t you? Who?”

“Well Flower sounds like he’d be in your corner.”

Geno thought about that for a second. About how Flower reacted to the rookies, about his offer of a friendly ear if Geno needed it, about him showing him the article and joking about his body. “Sid, you wanted to know who showed me article?”

Sid’s hand stopped where it was sweeping over Geno’s back, Geno made a noise of protest and it resumed. “It was Flower, wasn’t it?”

Geno nodded, “Yes, was Flower.”

“Geno… I am reasonably sure that Flower would never do anything he knew was going to hurt you like that did. Maybe you could give him a chance to apologize? Let him know what it was he did wrong?”

Geno would think about it, but later. Right now he was exhausted from holding it together and from this conversation. “Okay, I think about it. For now though, you can hold me?”

“Of course, do you want to take this to the bed?” Sid asked gently.

“Yes”

Almost as soon as they got settled, Geno curled in Sid’s arms, the tears started to flow as Geno let go.

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Geno spent the next week trying not to cringe in the locker room every time two of the rookies spoke up. It only took him a day to pinpoint who they were. Sid told him not to worry about it, he had talked to Flower and gotten their names, given them a talk about respect and tolerance and what they stood for as a team. Sid also gave a speech to the whole locker room on the same topics, apparently the rookies had gone and complained to someone about it and they had told Sid who took exception.

Geno gave some serious thought to what Sid had said about coming out to Flower. Sid was right about how he had felt after coming out to Sid. After he had had a chance to calm down it was like a wait had been lifted from his shoulders, now there was someone he could be himself around and that felt wonderful. If everyone was going to be as accepting as Sid he would come out to the world tomorrow. But he knew that that wouldn’t be the case. The world barely accepted omegas playing in hockey and only tolerated infertile relationships if they were kept quiet. Yes there were those who were accepting of trans people and more who would tolerate them in some situations, but they were the exception. Professional hockey wasn’t a situation that much human variation was tolerated in. If you didn’t fit the mold there could be trouble. There was more flexibility here than in Russia, but not by much. So Geno was considering his options carefully. From what Flower said it did seem like he would be on Geno’s side, that he would support him in who he really was, and Sid was right, it would alleviate some of the burden Geno carried. He would think about it.

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“What did Flower think when you asked him about the rookies? What did you say?”

“I didn’t mention you, I just said that someone mentioned hearing part of the conversation to me and I was worried about what might be going on. Didn’t tell him who mentioned it. He seemed fine with the explanation”

“Good.”

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Sid looked up as Geno came into the kitchen, it was later than usual, if only by a few minutes, but they were creatures of habit. Geno wasn’t paying him any attention, didn’t seem to have noticed him yet. He grabbed some coffee and finally came over to the counter where Sid was sitting and eating.

“I want to tell Flower.”

Sid almost choked on his eggs. “About you being trans?”

“Yes. That I am an omega.” Geno seemed vary calm right now.

“I’m guessing that you’ve thought a lot about this.” Sid observed.

“I think about this for days. Made up my mind.” He took a sip of coffee.

“When were you thinking of doing it?”

“Today, after practice. I sent a text to ask him to come eat with me. He says yes.”

“Do you want me to be there?” It didn’t sound like it, but Sid wanted to check, just in case. He was glad he made the offer when Geno hesitated.

“No, I want to do by myself, but maybe you could be close by, just in case?” Geno proposed what sounded to Sid like a compromise between a want for independence and justified caution.

“Of course I can do that. Where do you want me?”

--------------------------------------

Geno settled into the diner booth across from where Flower had seated himself. Geno had chosen the place because it was comfortable, and out of the way so they weren't likely to get recognized. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to be sold to the media. There was something comforting about the cracked green vinyl seats and laminate tables. Things here were old, but clean and the food was good, but didn’t fall too far outside of their meal plan, at least not if you knew what to order. It was also nice that the booths were big enough that his long legs weren’t cramped, he figured Flower might appreciate that as well. Once he was settled in a friendly waitress came by, offering them coffee and menus, pointing out the sugar jar and placing a bowl of creemers up against the wall, next to the stand stacked with little tubs of jelly. Flower asked for milk to put in his coffee, but Geno stuck with the creamers.

Geno could feel Flower watching him over the menu he was supposedly reading. Geno had been here before and already knew what he was going to order, so it felt fake to pretend to read the menu. Flower’s curiosity seemed to finally get the best of him as he put down the menu, but before he could get farther than “So, Geno, what-” The waitress came over to take their order, giving Geno another moment to get himself together. After they had ordered, mostly keeping to their diets, and the waitress had left to take their order back to the kitchen, Geno knew he was out of time.

“Geno, what’s going on, are you okay?” Geno stayed silent, not looking at him. “Come on Geno, you asked me to come here. What did you want to talk about.”

“Who say I want to talk about something? Maybe just good food.” Geno was looking for something to do with his hands and spotted the jelly tubs, that would have to do.

“Geno. You asked me here. You said you want to talk.” Flower was being patient, but Geno could tell he wanted to get to the point. “Is it Sid? I know something is going on between you two lately, ever since you guys came back from the summer.” It had actually started at the beginning of the summer, but since they had decided not to tell anyone yet Flower would have no way of knowing that.

Geno didn’t look up from where he was arranging the jelly packets he had emptied from the dispenser, but he mumbled, “Not about Sid. Yes something going on with us, but problem is not about Sid.”

“Okay.” Flower reached across the table to put a hand on Geno’s and still it. “Geno, what is it?” Geno looked up at him and he removed the hand, but stayed bent over the table.

“Okay, I will tell you, but you promise not to tell anyone. I don’t want everyone finding out. Not ready.” Geno looked Flower right in the eye, waiting for the promise, when he got it he nodded and looked down at the jelly packets for a moment, then began building a tower with them. “You know how you talk to rookies about trans people?”

“Yes. Wait, so that was you, who overheard?” Flower settled back in his seat, a considering look on his face.

“Yes, was me. Do you really think that? You mean it?”

“Yes, I meant it. People deserve respect. It doesn’t matter if they are trans or whatever else. Why?”

“I am trans. I might look like, smell like alpha, but on inside,” he tapped his head and then his heart, “inside I am an omega.” He caught Flower’s eye and held it as Flower gave him a slack jawed look. “I know this, Sid knows, now you know. Will this be a problem?”

“No, no problem. Of course not. It’s just, I wasn’t expecting you to say that.”

Geno snorted. “What? You expect me to be bigot?”

“No.” Flower shook his head. “But I’m really not sure what I was expecting. Thank you for trusting me with this. And Geno, I promise you, no one will find this out from me unless you say it is okay. Alright?”

Geno nodded. “Thank you, If is okay with you I call Sid now, tell him everything okay, stand down.”

“You brought back up?! What did you think I would do to you?” Flower’s voice rose with a mixture of humor and confusion.

Geno looked sheepish. “Is not just about you. Last time I told, I maybe had small breakdown.”

“Oh… Well, you’d better call him and let him know you’re fine then. If you are fine?”

“Yes, I am fine.” Geno pulled out his phone.

---------------------------------

It was late that night, Sid and Geno curled up in bed together, when Sid finally pushed a little to find out how it had gone with telling Flower.

“So I’m guessing it went better than when you came out to me then?”

Geno gave it a little thought before answering, “I have better plan this time. When I come out to you, made you guess. Not all your fault you guess wrong at first. But yes, went better. No break down this time!” Geno smiled up at Sid from where he was curled with his head in his lap.

“Yeah, I could tell!” Sid smiled down at him and gave him a little shake. “You’re getting good at this buddy.”

Geno was silent for a moment, thinking about what he was going to say next. He picked at the fabric of Sid’s sweatpants while he sorted through his thoughts. “Maybe is time to tell some people about us. Not ready for him to know about me, but know you want to tell Mario what is happening in your life. Might want to tell sister.”

Sid tried to hide the excitement in his voice, but he wasn’t sure how much he succeeded. “Really, are you sure?”

Geno nodded, “People starting to figure out something going on with us. Flower figured it out. Taylor, Mario they are important to you, shouldn't have to hide from them. Besides, I am best.” Geno tried to imbue his words with a confidence he didn’t entirely feel yet. He meant it though, he wanted to share his happiness to.

Sid snuggled down in the bed with Geno. “Thanks Geno, it means a lot to me. We’ll talk about it in the morning, okay?”

Chapter Text

Geno didn’t waffle on his decision when it came to Sid telling people he cared about about their relationship. Sid offered him several outs over the next few days and he didn’t take any of them. Finally Geno had had enough. “Sid. I make decision. I say is fine to tell some people. What?! You not believe me?” The aggrieved look and his tone finally got through to Sid, who shifted sheepishly.

“I believe you! It’s just, I want to make sure you’re sure. It’s not like we can undo it once we tell people.”

“I am sure! Are you not sure?” At Sid’s assurance that he was in fact sure he nodded and continued. “Now tell them. Or I can call and say ‘Hello, hope you have nice day. Sid is fu--’”

“Okay! Okay, I’ll do it!” Sid tried to pull of scandalized, but he was laughing too much to really manage it.

-----------------------------------------

Sid set himself to telling Taylor first, as that would only consist of a phone call, at least for now.

When Sid finally got himself together to make the call he was a lot more nervous than he expected hearing the phone ring on the other end before she picked up.

“Hay Sid! What’s up?” Taylor greeted him cheerfully. He must have caught her at a good time. Hopefully that would help this go down with minimal theatrics. Who was he kidding. She was going to be excited.

“Hi Taylor, I uh, I wanted to talk to you about something. It’s good news, but I would appreciate it if you could keep it between us for now?”

“Sid, what’s going on?” She sounded a lot more serious, shit.

“Good news, remember? Just not ready to have this conversation with our parents yet.”

“Okay… I promise. Just between us, for now.”

“I’m courting.” There was no point going farther than that at the moment, because there would be no way for her to hear it over the high pitched squealing.

“WHO?”

“Well if you’d let me finish I would have told you, but I don’t know, you don’t seem all that excited about finding out so…” Sid couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face and he knew it was showing through his voice.

“Sid! You can’t just say ‘you’re courting’ and then just stop there!” There was a definite wine in her voice now.

“Fine, if you insist. It’s-- it’s Geno.” Since Taylor was one of the few people who knew he was queer, that gender and sex didn’t really matter to him when it came to who his partners were, he didn’t feel the need to ease her into it because Geno presented to most people as an alpha.

“Oh my god Sid! I’m so happy for you! For both of you.” Sid could tell that she meant it. “I get why you aren't ready to have this conversation with mom and dad yet.”

“Yah, there are some other conversations that have to happen there first.” For one thing, Sid wasn't out to them yet and they wouldn't be in on Geno’s secret.

“You know, if you're serious about him you're going to have to tell them eventually. You better be serious about him.”

“I am. And I know.”

---------------------------

“How did phone call go?”

“She is really excited for us.”

------------------------------------

Sid knew that with Mario it was going to be more complicated than telling Taylor had been. For one thing, there would be less overt excitement. For another, Sid wasn’t technically out as queer to Mario. So. Sid was going to have to start by coming out. That was something he should probably do in person.

Inviting Mario over for lunch might not have been the best idea he had ever had. Geno’s stuff was everywhere. Sid spent the half an hour before Mario showed up trying to hide any trace of another person, he wanted to come out to Mario, not have his house do it for him. It felt weird worrying so much about coming out to Mario so he could tell him about Geno when Geno was really an omega, but he couldn’t, wouldn’t, ask Geno to come out, especially if he wasn’t willing to do so himself. He had no reason to think that Mario would have a problem with him or give him trouble even if he did. Mario had always been supportive of him, there was no reason to think that this would be different.

The doorbell rang.

-------------------------------------

It wasn’t until after they had finished eating a very tense lunch of grilled chicken and pasta salad that Mario finally broke down and confronted Sid.

“Sidney, what is it?” Sid started shredding his napkin. “Come on kid, I know you asked me here because you want to talk. Out with it.”

Sid sighed, “Okay, you know how you said that if I was ever courting I should bring them around to meet you and the family? Well, I’ve met someone, but there’s something you need to know about me before I introduce them.” He shifted and looked away. “There’s a reason that I’ve never brought anyone buy before. Mario, I’m queer.” There was a moment of silence before Mario responded.

“Well kid, thank you for trusting me with this, I can’t in all honesty say that I’m surprised though.” At that Sid looked up sharply.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?!”

“Sid, I know what hockey culture can be like, what the media can be like. I was letting you come to me when you felt ready. Besides, I didn’t know for sure, it was just a hunch.” He hesitated for a moment.

“Just ask, can’t promise I’ll answer.” Sid offered riley.

“Queer can mean a lot of things Sid. If you don’t want to give me details that’s fine, but… if you want to talk I’m here.”

Sid considered his response. “For me the gender and dynamic of my partner doesn’t really make a difference. It’s about the personality, how well we get along. Also for me it’s not really about sex before I get to know someone. It takes me a while to really get into that with someone.”

“So why have you never courted, at least that you’ve told me about? There would have been people you could have brought around without having to come out, right?”

“For me it was easier just not to be in that mindset at all. I focused on hockey and the team, on my family, and that worked until I met someone I couldn't ignore when they offered.”

“Do I get to meet this person?”

“You’ve actually already met them.” Sid hesitated. “It’s- it’s Geno, Malkin. We’ve been together since the beginning of the summer.”

“Well, I’d worry about a relationship between teammates, but if you can’t handle it I don’t think anyone could. And I haven’t heard anything bad about it yet. Let’s try and keep it that way, yes?”

“Of course.” Sid was relieved. Everything seemed to have gone well.

“So, when are the two of you coming over for dinner? You didn’t think you were getting out of that because I’d already met him did you?”

Sid swallowed hard. He had to admit though, showing Geno off to what was basically his second family didn’t sound all bad.

--------------------------------------

Geno was nervous as they got ready to drive over to the Lemieux’s for dinner.

“You know, it’s not like you haven’t met them before. It’s going to be fine.” Sid didn’t get it.

Geno gave him an unimpressed look at the, rather weak, attempt to calm him down. “Yes, I meet. But now different, courting, and to you they are like family.” Geno knew that Mario had taken Sid in when he first arrived in Pittsburgh, young and thrust into the NHL with everything that came with that. Mario had taken a certain amount of responsibility for Sid as an Alpha head of family and that bond had continued after Sid moved out, like Sid’s bond with his parents continued. Geno was taking this dinner very seriously, as a formal introduction to what was basically his alpha’s family. He needed them to accept him, to approve of Sid’s choice in mates. He didn’t think that Sid would leave him if they didn’t approve, like some of the most traditional alphas might if their dam didn’t agree with their choice, but it would make things difficult and God, it would hurt.

Geno wasn’t looking forward to facing Trina and Troy Crosby as a potential mate for their son. He knew that they worried about Sid’s career more than Mario did and if it came out in the press that Sid was dating someone who was apparently of the same gender, that he was in an infertile relationship, or god forbid, it came out that Geno is trans, well, at best it would distract from hockey. Geno didn’t like to think about the worst that could happen. The worst probably involved him bleeding in a ditch somewhere. Geno knew that wasn’t so far from the realm of possibility. It happened to trans folks far too often, especially the ones like Geno, who transitioned away from social dominance whether through gender or dynamic. Geno freely admitted to himself that fear of violence was one of the major reasons he stayed closeted. He was 191 cm (6ft3’’) and 88 kg (195 lb), he could take a check on the ice, he even fought occasionally, but more than one opponent, or if someone had a knife or a gun, that would be it. He’d be dead, or beaten, or whatever it was they decided to do to him. Some people had the guts to wear the pheromones they wanted and walk down the street, and maybe with Sidney at his side he would do that one day, but for now he’d just admire them for their courage and try not to wish he smelled less like an alpha and more like who he really was.

That’s not what today was about though. Today he was meeting Sid’s practically family, his hockey family. Geno knew that the Lemieux’s wouldn’t be evaluating him as a potential mate for Sid like they would someone they knew was an omega. That thought did nothing to keep the nerves away though, because they should be. And when Geno considered what Sid had said about his talk with Mario, how Mario had reacted to the news that Sid was dating another alpha, Geno thought they might actually take this seriously, take him seriously as a potential mate and judge him accordingly. He found that thought oddly comforting.

Geno was jarred out of his thoughts when Sid pushed a pie tin full of oatmeal cookies at him. They, well, Sid had made them earlier and Geno had watched his alpha bake. For all Sid didn’t eat much variety himself he was oddly competent in the kitchen, someone somewhere along the way had taken the time to make sure he would be able to cook for an omega he was courting. Either that or Sid had taught himself, not liking the idea that he wouldn’t know how if he ever needed to. One day he would ask, but for now Sid was giving him a look that said he knew Geno was thinking about stalling. It was time to go.

For the duration of the car ride Geno fidgeted. He knew it was driving Sid up the walls, but he couldn’t help it. When the pulled up to Mario’s house Sid turned to him and gave a comforting smile. Cupped his cheek and kissing him. “They're going to love you, I know they are. Don’t worry, just be yourself and this will go fine.”

All Geno could do was nod and turn to exit the car.

-----------------------------------------

“Sid, can I talk to you for a moment?” Mario asked from the hall door as they were saying their goodbyes and getting ready to leave, he nodded toward his study where they could have a little privacy.

“Sure.” Sid wasn’t sure what this was about, the evening had seemed to be going well and Mario had appeared supportive, happy for him. Happy for them.

Once the door to the study was closed Mario turned to Sid with his face set with cautious concern.

“Sid, am I right in thinking he gave you a courting gift of wine?”

“Yah, he did. How did you know that?” Sid was getting a little worried about where this might be going, he didn’t think Geno was ready for this conversation. He knew Geno didn’t want to be having it yet.

“Back at the beginning of the summer, around the time you said you got together, he came and asked me for a recommendation on what I thought you might like. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but now I have to confess I’m a little worried.”

“Why” This discussion certainly had Sid worried.

“Sid… This is probably a stupid question, but you are both aware that one of you doesn't have to be the omega in the relationship, right? You don’t have to model this after a straight relationship.”

This was getting way too close to things that Geno wasn’t ready to share, but Sid knew Mario and if he was worried he wasn’t going to let this go without a satisfactory explanation. “Mario…” Sid rubbed his hands down his face. “Look, we both know that. That isn’t what is going on here…”

“That’s what it was starting to look like, all evening, the way the two of you have been interacting. Sid--”

Sid interrupted, he needed to find a way to head this off at the pass. “Mario. I am going to have to ask that you drop this, and never, ever, bring it up with Geno. Just know that we both know what we are doing, and we are dealing with things in the way that is most comfortable for both of us. What is going on is more complicated than it looks, and the details aren’t for me to explain, it’s not my place.” Sid really hoped that that took care of it, he wasn’t sure what else he could say.

Mario observed Sid carefully. It was clear that there was something that he wasn’t being told, something important. It was also clear that he wasn’t going to be finding out what it was tonight, not without breaking Sidney’s trust, and Evgeni’s. He was going to have to drop it for now. “All I really want to know is if you are both happy, and what is going on between you isn’t hurting anyone.”

Sid breathed a sigh of relief, “That you don’t have to worry about. We’re both happy, as far as I know and this is probably the healthiest relationship either of us has ever had.”

“Okay, in that case I’ll but out.” Mario said raising his hands in surrender before moving to open the door. “And Sidney, Nathalie and I are happy for you, both of you. Let him know for us will you?”

Sid couldn’t help but smile. “I will sir.”

-------------------------

When they were pulling out of the Lemieux’s driveway Geno spoke. “What did Mario want to talk about?”

When he couldn't read his tone Sid turned his eyes from the road for a second to see Geno was looking straight ahead. “Let’s talk about it when we get home. Okay?”

“Okay, we weight.”

------------------------------

Mario had gotten a little too close to the truth for Geno’s comfort. Geno knew it was always a risk when he relaxed and stopped thinking about everything he was doing, when he stopped pretending and was just himself. It hadn’t taken long for him to fall into his usual patterns for when he was alone with Sid. The Lemieux’s had been so welcoming to him and it was so nice to be around people who knew about their relationship that Geno may have relaxed more than he had been planning to. Geno wasn’t a stereotype of an omega, but his behavior hadn’t been exactly the model of alpha. He’d found himself tucking in next to Sid on the couch after dinner and he hadn’t exactly been subtle in his search for acceptance from Nathalie in his role as a potential mate for Sid. Those were both classic courting behaviors for omegas, not so much for alphas.

Once he got past the disquiet that Mario noticing his behavior incited in him he realized he was actually kind of touched. It was clear that Mario was taking their relationship seriously. Not only that but he clearly was worried about Geno’s well being as much as he was Sid’s. The way Sid said that he had phrased the questions made that clear.

“Sounds like he worried about me. Like maybe you push me around.” Geno said looking over at Sid where he was sitting next to him on the couch.

“It did kind of sound like that, didn't it? I think I managed to convince him that that isn't what is going on, without giving too much away. That isn't what’s happening, is it? You’d tell me if I was pushing you to do something you didn’t want to, right?”

Geno snorted, “You think I let you push me around?” Sid turned red and looked away, shaking his head. “You would tell me too, yes? If I push you?”

“Of course I’d tell you.”

“Good.” Geno smirked. “You mind if I push you into bed?”

Sid gulped visibly. “No, I don’t mind.”

It didn’t take them long to make it to the bedroom.

Chapter Text

Flower had been watching Geno more closely in the month since Geno had come out to him. Geno could tell that much, what he couldn't figure out was why. It was time to have another lunch because he wasn't sure he could deal with much more of the silent scrutiny. It wasn't natural for Flower to be so quiet.

Geno sat himself down next to Flower’s stall in the locker room. “We get food after practice.”

Flower’s head snapped up to face him. “What?”

“After practice, we get something to eat. Yes?” He sighed as Flower looked down and fiddled with his equipment. “Ever since I tell you, you been weared--”

“--Okay. I just have to call Véro and tell her I will be late.” His voice dropped. “It is not because I have problem with… you know. Promise.”

Geno wasn’t sure he believed that. It was one thing to lecture rookies on respect, it was something else to work with someone in real life and see them every day. He nodded and tried to give Fower a smile as he got up to return to his own stall. It was probably more of a grimace.

-----------------------

They met up at Geno’s house. When Flower finally settled in across the kitchen table with his sandwich he visibly braced himself. “I want to apologize. I did not mean to treat you differently, I have just been thinking more about what goes on in the locker room and on the team. Things like jokes and chirping. Sometimes things go too far yes?”

Geno nodded, it looked like Flower wasn’t done talking though, so he stayed silent.

“I did some reading, you know, on line, about it. People make videos. I want to understand how it is for you, but don’t want to bother you.” Before Geno could cut in and ask him what exactly it was he had been looking up that had him acting so strangely he started up again. “Something that I did couple weeks before you told me, showing you that article, that was a bad idea wasn’t it.”

Geno tried to swallow the thickness that he could feel in his throat. “Not best idea, no. But you didn’t know then, not trying to hurt me.”

“But I did. I’m sorry.” He put down his sandwich and raised his hands to rub his face. Laughing a little he looked back up at Geno. “You were avoiding me yes? After I showed you that, said those things.” When Geno wouldn’t look at him he nodded. “Yes, I thought so, I wondered why, now I know I guess.”

“I’ll be fine. Not going to bother me forever.” Flower flinched, this was going to take some time to sort out. Geno sighed. “Trying to fix for me only make it worse. Just act normal and will be fine.”

At Flower’s nod they moved on to other topics and eventually came around to family. When Flower asked Geno was quick to inform him that his family had no idea about him being an omega, and it was going to stay that way for the foreseeable future. “They do not know. In Russia… it is better here. For people like me.” Geno could remember a news headline from around when he had started to hit puberty, from when things really started to feel off. He remembers his father reading from the paper over breakfast; according to the reporter a young alpha had been found beaten to death, he was wearing an omega’s pheromones. He could still remember the lack of care with which the article was read aloud, the grumbling about those people and what did they expect to happen, going out in public like that? He could remember his mother saying something about God not making mistakes, so people shouldn't try to be something they aren't. A week later he had accidentally popped a knot for the first time and ended up crying himself to sleep. “It is better that they do not know.” It wasn’t long after that that Flower had to go home to his family for the night. Though there had been awkward moments Geno was confident that things would be better now that they had cleared the air.

---------------------------------------

Geno lay in bed that night thinking. What would his parents think if they knew? For a moment he let his mind wander, let himself imagine every thing he wanted in life was his. A loving mate in Sid, hockey, maybe even a child of their own some day. The opportunity to be himself and to share that happiness with his family, not just the one he found in the US but the one that raised him as well. He wanted to watch his mother feed her grandchildren and his father talk shop with Sid. Geno shut his eyes for a moment before giving himself a mental shake. Imagining all of this was pointless. For any of it to happen he would have to tell his family at least some of who he is, at the very least that he likes alphas. If he is going to carry they will probably have to know he is an omega as well. If he is going to carry some day everyone will know, that’s why it will never happen. He needs to focus on what he has, not on impossible dreams. Turning to look at Sid lying beside him in his bed he sighs, he already has so much of what he wants, asking for more right now, it would be foolish and greedy.

Maybe once he retires.

Chapter Text

The season ended in disappointment as he knew most of them would. Blowing the kind of lead they had over the Rangers and getting kicked out of the playoffs in the second round like they did had a particular sting to it though. In the past the season ending had always meant saying goodbye for the summer, going back to a Russia where he understood everything but that wasn't really home anymore. This year felt different, in the past he had never really been sure where home was, it wasn’t really in Pittsburgh, but it wasn't really in Moscow either, and while he loved his family and old friends he had left Magnitogorsk behind a long time ago. This year he knew where home was, Sid was home for him now, they may have been together for only a year, but Geno had rarely been so sure of something before. The last time was probably when he made the decision to leave for Pittsburgh and the Penguins regardless of what anyone else told him he should do.

Last summer had been difficult, leaving Pittsburgh and Sid when the relationship was so new. They had found time to skype every few days, despite the time difference, and texted almost constantly during the hours they were both awake. Geno could count on finding a string of texts, mostly pictures, waiting for him when he woke up every day. He thought that over time it might slow down, but was pleased when it didn't. If it wasn't for missing Sid’s scent there would have been times when it was almost like they were in the same room they were so wrapped up in each other while they Skyped. This summer would be different. Geno had arranged things so that he would spend only a month in Russia, after that he would come back to North America and spend the time with Sid. Sid had put forward the idea that he could come to Russia for part of the summer, but Geno had shut that idea down quickly. He loved his country and he would love to show it to Sid someday, but they would have so much more leeway to act like the couple they were if Geno joined Sid in Canada. They would still be hiding, but it would be easier.

-------------------------------

A low groan escaped Geno as he stretched as best he could in the camped space of the airplane seat, glad as always that he could afford first class and the marginally greater legroom it provided him. Fitting his large frame into the ever shrinking economy seats would have been a nightmare. He settled back into his seat as the flight attendant came by one last time collecting trash before they landed. This was the last leg of his journey from visiting his family in Magnitogorsk to Cole Harbour, Nova Scotia and Sid and he was more than ready to fall into bed with Sid and sleep for a week. Unfortunately it was noon. As they descended he yawned, partially to pop his ears and partially because he was about ready to fall asleep where he sat. If he wasn't so excited to see Sid he might have.

Departing from the plane seemed to take forever, mostly because when he had taken his phone off of airplane mode he had gotten a message from Sid saying he was waiting by baggage claim for him. As Geno shouldered his carry on and made his way through the airport he went through in his mind how greeting Sid was going to go. He knew Sid might be recognized around here, which made it more likely for him to be recognized as well. Greeting Sid as he wanted to, wrapping himself in his arms and burying his face in Sid’s scent glands where his neck met his shoulder, was without a doubt a bad idea, at least if they wanted their relationship to stay a secret.

Geno was broken out of his thoughts when he heard his name yelled from across the bustling space, he looked up to see Sid waving at him and Geno beamed, Sid’s accent was improving, Geno had been working with him on it over Skype for the last month, but it was even better to hear in person, as much as he loved hearing his friends call him Geno it would be nice to hear some Russian at home, even if it was just his name. He decided to compromise with the greeting, wrapping Sid in his arms as Sid returned the favor and he buried his nose in Sid’ hair. Not quite as obviously the action of a mate, but he still got a nose full of Sid’s comforting scent.

Then Sid was patting him on the back and pulling away with a reluctant look before he was once again light up with a smile that transformed his whole face. “Zhenya, I’m so glad you’re here! Come on, let’s get your luggage and head home.” Geno was very much on board with any plan that involved privacy for him and Sid and possibly a bed, and a nap. Compared to the rest of his journey the car ride to Sid’s lake house was relatively short. Geno spent it trying not to fall asleep and curse himself with even worse jet lag. As much as he might want to take a nap he knew he would be regretting it for a week if he did, so instead of flopping onto the bed when he dropped off his luggage in the bedroom upon their arrival he headed back out to the kitchen.

“So, what do you want to do today? I’ve managed to put Taylor off until tomorrow, told her when you got here all you would probably want to do is sleep, so we aren't expecting any visitors today. I think she probably thinks we just want to have the chance to have sex all day though.” Geno gave Sid his best lear at that. “Don’t give me that, if we tried right now you'd fall asleep halfway through, I’m not sure my ego could take that.”

As much as he would love to get in bed with Sid right now and have enough sex to make up for the last couple of months since the playoffs started he knew that Sid was right. “Maybe go for walk? Help me stay awake, not get jet lag to bad.” Sid agreed and they were soon walking along the lakeshore, bumping shoulders and generally staying as close to each other as they can. “So, how things go for you last month?” Geno prodded Sid gently.

Sid smiled up at him. “Things have been good, I’ve been training and I feel good. The hockey school is going well, kids seem to be having fun, they would love it if you wanted to show up for a couple of days.” Geno looked at the bashful lopsided smile Sid was sending his way and didn't even think about saying no. God help him if their children had Sid’s smile. “Geno?”

Geno realized that he had stopped walking and Sid was looking at him with some concern. Geno didn’t realize that he had made the decision until he started talking. “What you think about having child Sid?”

Sid stuttered, “What, right now?”

Geno shook his head vigorously, “No. Not now, only someday. Want to know what you think.” He shifted from foot to foot as he waited for Sid to come up with an answer.

“Zhenya, I love kids, you know that. If that’s something you want I would love to have kids with you one day. But maybe we should deal with mating and getting married before we start to talk about adoption?” Geno flinched and turned away toward the lake. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Geno felt Sid’s hand settle on his shoulder and squeeze gently. “Zhenya… do you not want to adopt? Because we could figure out surrogacy if that’s what you wanted…”

Geno took a deep breath and spoke without turning to face Sid, letting his dreams flow, things he barely let himself think about . “Want carry myself. When retire want to go on hormones, start heats, have baby.” When he turned to see Sid’s reaction he was met with Sid’s carefully blank face. His heart sank.

-------------------------------

When Sid saw Geno’s face fall as he turned toward him he reached up and pulled him down till their foreheads met. He hesitated, thinking carefully about what it was he wanted to say. “Zhenya, I will love and support you in anything you want to do, I will be there for you 100% and I would love for you to carry our child. But you need to remember, the hormones don’t always work like that, especially not if you start them when you are older. Unless you get injured, god forbid, and have to retire early you are going to be in your late 30s by the time you would start. There would still be a chance, but not much of one.” He felt a few tears fall from Geno onto his face from where he was leaning over him still and pulled him closer, sweeping his hand over his back in an effort to comfort. “Come on, let’s go back to the house, I’ll make some tea and we can talk more about this.” Geno nodded and they slowly made their way back home.

As Sid bustled around the kitchen making tea he kept an eye on Geno who had settled in on the couch in the living room and was putting off a scent that spoke of a deep disappointment. There might have been a tinge of pain to it as well. It worried Sid, he hadn't realized that Geno wanted to physically transition, it didn't change the way he thought of him, but he was surprised that it had never come up before in the year they had been together.

“How you know about hormones?” The question broke into Sid’s thoughts and he turned to look for his favorite mugs and avoid Geno’s sad eyes.

“After you came out to me I did some research. Didn't want to be ignorant about it if you wanted to talk. Did you not know? About the hormones not always working?” At the shake of Geno’s head Sid’s stomach sank. “How long have you been thinking about this?”

“Since I go back to Russia for Summer. Make decision then, but think about on and off for a long time. Never thought it would be possible to do before so didn’t bother to research, guess I was right.” Sid’s heart broke for him as he watched Geno fold in on himself to cover his face with his hands, elbows resting on his knees.

“Hey, no. It’s not impossible. We just have to figure out how to make it work, maybe change the plan a bit. We can get you to a doctor, see what they have to say about it before we make any big decisions.” Sid sat down next to Geno, placing their mugs of tea down on the coffee table. “Have you done much research yet?” Geno shook his head. “Why--”

He was cut off before he got very far with the question. “Russia Sid.” Geno gave him a look that clearly meant he thought Sid was being ridiculous. Right, Geno had only made the decision when he had arrived in Russia and it would put him at incredible risk to try searching for information online about anything queer related that wasn't negative in the current political and social climate. He wouldn't have risked it. This they could start to fix now tough. Sid got up and went to retrieve his laptop, pressing the mug of tea into Geno’s hands as he passed him.

Two hours later their tea was gone and they had learned what their was readily available on the more reputable health sites about transitioning medically from alpha to omega. The main takeaway was that a lot of it would depend on Geno’s body. Not all assigned alphas were born with a womb, only about 70% and even among those who were the cross hormone treatments didn't always kick start the development of the internal sex organs. Sid had been right in that age seemed to play a factor, but there were also other factors in how the body reacted to transition, some of which appeared to be genetic. When everything was factored in there was apparently about a 50% chance of someone who was otherwise healthy being able to carry a child if they started hormone treatments in their mid 20’s, that number dropped with age. The bottom line seemed to be that Geno would need to see a doctor to find out what his chances were, regardless of whether he started hormones tomorrow or waited another ten years.

----------------------------------

Geno shifted the laptop to the coffee table. He was done sifting through websites, reading about hypotheticals and statistical probability, the fact it was all in English medical jargon just made it worse. He wanted answers. “You say we can find me doctor?”

“Yes, of course we can find you a doctor, we can look up who is good to go to about this kind of thing and make some calls on Monday.”

“Look up tomorrow, done for now.” Geno was exhausted, he had already been tired before this emotional minefield of a conversation, now he was ready to drop, but there were hours still until it would be a good idea to go to sleep. “Let’s work on your Russian.” Sid’s terrible mangling of his language was always good for a distraction, even if at times it was a little too painful to be really funny to listen to. Sid groaned, but went along with it.

---------------------------------

Geno woke up to voices filtering up to the bedroom from down stairs. He relaxed when he realized Sid was no longer in the bed with him and one of the voices was his. Then a distinctly feminine voice chimed in and Geno remembered that they were expecting Taylor to show up around 10 AM, Sid must have let him sleep in. He still felt like he could use another hour of sleep, but he dragged himself out of bed and into the bathroom before throwing on some sweats and a t-shirt and making his way down the stairs and into the kitchen, following the voices.

Sid must have been listening out for him, because he looked up as soon as he came to the doorway, smiling his big goofy smile. He made his way around the counter and over to Geno, wrapping his arms around him and leaning up for a kiss. It was comfortable and they settled into it, continuing for a few moments before there was the sound of someone clearing their throat. Geno broke off the kiss, looking up at Taylor and smiling as big as he could. “Well, it’s good to meet you again Geno! This idiot has been treating you well, right?”

Geno smirked and nodded, “He treats me very well.”

Sid snorted and pulled away, turning back into the kitchen, “Come on, I’ll make you eggs. You two can gossip about me while I do all the work.”

Geno felt the smirk on his face grow into a grin. “See, Sid is very good to me, feeds me breakfast. Such a good mate.”

Taylor almost spat out the juice she had just taken a sip of. “Mate, huh? Congratulations, I hadn’t heard.” At this she looked pointedly at Sid whose face was turning red and who was refusing to look away from the pan of eggs on the stove. “So, who proposed?”

Sid cleared his throat, “Zhenya did.”

“When?” It was clear that she wasn’t letting him off that easily.

“Toward the end of last season, in February.” Sid finally turned away from the stove and plaited Geno’s eggs, handing them to him and motioning for him to take a seat at the table with Taylor. He joined them after refilling his coffee from the half full pot on the counter.

Geno watched him settle in before turning to face Taylor's pointed stair. “We haven’t actually mated yet, we’re engaged. Zhenya wants to do it the traditional Russian way, we are going to complete the matting on the six month anniversary of the proposal.”

Geno could see Taylor working that out in her head. “So in August then?” At their nods she continued. “Sid, you know that this means you have to tell mom and dad right? They won’t forgive you so easily if you go ahead with this without even introducing them. You have to tell them, the more you put it off the worse it is going to go.”

Sid looked down at his hands. “I know, we were planning to do it when they came for dinner next weekend. Give Zhenya a chance to settle in here first.”

“So you are planning to come out to them by announcing your engagement?” She did not sound impressed by this plan. Geno, privately, agreed with her. Maybe she would have better luck persuading Sid to change his mind than Geno had. Sid squirmed. “Don’t you think that might be a little much for them to handle?”

“You too huh? Zhenya said the same thing.”

“Well, clearly he is the brains of this operation.”

“Fine, I’ll think about it, okay?” Taylor kept staring at him, Sid growled, she did not look moved. “Fine. I’ll tell them on Wednesday, okay?” He slumped back in his chair and sulked until Geno leaned over and gave him a kiss.

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“You know, after mom and dad get over the whole not straight thing they are going to insist on throwing some sort of party to mark your mating.”

“Taylor, I would really rather not think about it.”

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That evening, after they said goodbye to Taylor until tomorrow, since they would see her at the hockey school on Monday, they sat down with Sid’s laptop once again. “How you find doctor in Canada?”

“Well, since you aren't Canadian you aren't covered by the national health care, not until after we register as mates anyway, then we can work on getting you citizenship if you still want.”

“Sid. If I go through with this can’t go back to Russia.”

“Okay. The first step is going to be finding you a Primary Care doctor. They should be able to find you the specialists, but it might go faster if we find someone who already knows about this stuff.” Geno nodded.

“Search for doctor in area, one that lists LGBT on page.”

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They end up finding two doctors in the area that look likely. Geno sends them each an email from an anonymous gmail account he set up. He wants to know that he can trust the doctors and their staff before he lets them know who he is. The emails outline some of the basics of the situation: that Geno is from Russia and wants to look into transitioning medically from A to O, and that he would like a chance to speak to them on the phone when their schedule allows. After the emails were sent there isn't really anything to do about it but wait for a response, so Geno proposes to Sid that they find a way to entertain themselves for the rest of the evening. It doesn't take them very long to start striping off clothes as they make out on the couch. They don’t make it to a bed until much later that night.

When they are finally lying next to each other and Geno is about ready to fall asleep Sid pokes him. “Zhenya, I need to talk to you about something.”

Geno groaned and rolled over to face him. “What Sid?”

“We need to talk about my rut.”

Suddenly Geno was much more awake. “When is rut Sid?”

“Not till late August, right after we’re going to mate. But we need to plan what we are going to do about it. I don’t want to risk triggering yours if that isn’t what you want.”

Geno most certainly did not want. He hadn't had a rut since he was 18 and he had convinced the doctors to put him on year round suppressants, the kind that let you skip both ruts, not just control when they would happen. He and Sid hadn't been around each other for either of Sid’s ruts this past year, one because it had occurred during the summer and the other because Sid had stayed home for it and joined them a day late on their road trip. Sid wasn’t on suppressants at all, his body didn't tolerate them so his ruts happened when they happened, which was luckily on a very precise and predictable schedule of every six months and lasting about 36 hours. This time, unless they made other plans, they would be around each other, and since Geno hadn't gone through rut in years being so close to someone in rut risked triggering a breakthrough that his meds wouldn't be able to stop. Geno did not remember ruts fondly, he didn't react well to them, at least not mentally or emotionally, they wiped him out and it took weeks to recover. The doctors had interpreted this as physical exhaustion and had agreed to the suppressants. “Don’t want rut.”

They both lay quietly for a moment thinking the problem over. Finally Geno proposed, ”I could go away for few days.”

“I don't want to push you out!” Sid protested. “This is your home to, I don't want you to have to leave it just to feel safe. I can go. Spend it at my parent’s house maybe, or one of those retreats or clinics. That way I won’t fill the house with pheromones and we won’t have to have it deep cleaned to avoid triggering yours any way.”

He tried not to preen too much when Sid said it was his home to. Geno would freely admit that it was probably a better idea for Sid to leave, but he hadn't wanted to be the one to suggest Sid leaving his own house. Now though he nodded. “Maybe, maybe doctor have solution though. Don’t want rut, but don’t want separation so soon after mating either.” He shrugged and pulled Sid into his arms. “We make work.”

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Geno was having a blast at the hockey school, he loved working with the kids, they were so earnest and obviously there to have fun as much as anything. It was good to be reminded of that, that hockey was more than a job, albeit one that he loved.

When everyone broke for lunch he ducked into an out of the way corner and checked his email on his phone. One of the doctors had responded, setting up a phone meeting the next day at 4 PM if he was free then. He responded that the time worked for him and went to go eat lunch with Sid. He wasn't sure how he felt, but he did know that this was definitely moving in the right direction.

The next day Geno left the school early to take the call from the doctor, Sid coming home with him. He really hoped it worked out because he had received an email back from the other doctor that he really didn't like the tone of. His response had been very impatient and he had said that he wasn't taking any new patients for a few months at least not without a referral. He had also made a point of saying he wasn't a fan of Russia, its people or people in the closet. Sid had been pissed, said it was unprofessional, Geno agreed, but at the same time he appreciated that he knew how things stood and was able to dodge that bullet before he met the guy or risked being outed.

Geno and Sid set themselves up at the kitchen table with some leftover pasta salad and ice water and waited. When the call finally came Geno scrambled to pick up his phone. “Hello?”

“Hello, this is Dr. Rosenberg, is this Evgeni speaking?” Geno liked the sound of her voice. It was confident, but not pushy.

“I am Evgeni. Thank you for call.” Sid was already watching closely to see how it was going. Geno gave him a pointed look and Sid moved back into the position he was in when the phone rang.

“It is really not a problem, I am happy to talk to you and help you sort out what it is you want to do. What you are thinking about is a big decision and you should have all of the information you can get before you make it.”

Geno nodded, “Yes, I need to know if you can keep private if I come in to see you at office.”

“Evgeni, no medical care you receive should ever be made public without your consent, there are laws protecting you and your privacy.” When Geno was silent she continued. “Is there something in particular you are worried about happening?”

Geno took a deep breath and reached across to take Sid’s hand. “My mate and I, people know us. Worried people take pictures.”

There was a pause as Dr. Rosenberg thought that over on the other end of the line. “If you are really worried about that I am sure that I could arrange for you to come into the office after hours, so you wouldn't be around other patients or most of the staff.”

Geno gave a sigh of relief, “You would do for me?”

“Of course, we can talk more about whether you really have something to worry about once you get a chance to see how the office is set up. Do you want to set up an appointment now?” Geno nodded before remembering she couldn't see him and answering in the affirmative. “Does next Wednesday at 6PM work for you? I can stay late then and otherwise it won’t be till next month.”

“Yes, works for me, can I bring my mate to appointment?”

“Whatever makes you most comfortable, there will be times that I may ask them to step out of the room though.” With that they wrapped up the conversation and hung up. Geno turned to faced Sid after putting the phone on the counter behind him.

“Well, how did it go? Does she seem good?”

“She seems good. Set up appointment for me after office close so people not there to see.”

“That’s nice of her. When is it?”

“Next Wednesday, 6PM. Want you to come with me.”

Sid smiled at him, leaning over to give him a hug. “I’ll be there.”

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Sid wasn't looking forward to the upcoming conversation. He had made plans to have dinner with his parents, just as he had told Taylor he would, he knew it needed to happen but that didn't mean he had to like it. It was just going to be him and his parents, Geno was staying at home, having reminded Sid that this was meant to ease them into the idea before springing Geno on them, so if he came with it would defeat the purpose. Taylor had conveniently arranged to be out of the house with friends that evening. Sid didn't find it so convenient, abandoned by his own sister.

He saw his mother working in the front garden as he pulled up out front. She smiled and waited for him to come over to her before standing up and giving him a hug that he returned. “Go on inside, your father is just finishing up dinner, we are having that chicken you like so much but won't eat. I’ll be in in a minute.” At the betrayed look he was giving her she snorted. “Don’t give me that look. You are allowed to eat something less than healthy every once in awhile. God knows you’ll work it off in no time, besides do you know how many games Phil Kessel missed last season? A little padding might not hurt.”

“Mom…” Sid couldn't keep the whine out of his voice.

“Go on, go inside and say hello to your dad.”

Dinner went smoothly, even if Sid was quieter than usual for most of it. When they got the ice cream out he knew he couldn't put it off any longer, drawing in a deep breath he began. “Mom, dad, I have something I need to tell you.” He paused to look up from his dish and found that they were both watching him carefully. “I’m not really sure how to ease into this, so I am just going to say it. I’m queer. I’m not just interested in omegas and beta women.” He stopped there, not sure how to continue, and waited for a reaction.

Finally his mom spoke up. “Thank you for telling us… How- how long have you known?”

“I’ve known since I was a kid, maybe 12, 13?”

For the first time his dad spoke up. “Is this why you’ve never dated?”

Sid shifted in his seat. “One of the reasons, yah.”

His mother cut in before they could go farther down that road, his father was still staring at him. “Is there someone you want to introduce us to?”

Sid cleared his throat and shifted his eyes away from his father. “Yes there is, we’ve been together for about a year. I actually want to introduce you to him this weekend when you come over. He’s staying with me for the rest of the summer. We’re engaged.”

His mother gave him a small smile. “We look forward to it.”

After that they finished their ice cream and the clean up in an awkward silence before Sid made his goodbyes and left. His dad didn’t hug him on the way out.

When he got home he found Geno reading what he assumed was one of the Russian mysteries he loved so much. Geno looked up when he heard the door open and put his book aside, walking over to meet Sid and wrapping him in his arms. “How did dinner go?”

Sid returned the hug and nuzzled into Geno’s neck. “Dinner was great, desert on the other hand was kind of awkward.” Sid extricated himself from the embrace and sat down on the couch. Geno watched quietly, letting him speak. “I think my mom took it okay, seemed happy that I was in a long term relationship. My dad. I’m not really sure what he thought. After I told them he kind of pulled away. Maybe he just needs time to process? I did just kind of dump this on them.”

Geno nodded and sat down next to Sid. “Yes, may just need time. He loves you. He will come around.”

“I told them that they were going to be meeting you this weekend and that you were staying here for the rest of the summer. Well, they don’t know it will be you specifically that they are meeting.”

“Will be okay Sid.” Sid decided to trust Geno on this because his mom really did seem okay and if she was she would bring his dad around eventually.

Chapter Text

Saturday and the dinner with Sid’s parents and sister drew closer. Geno was trying not to show his nerves, Sid seemed worried enough for both of them and Geno didn't want to add to that. When the day finally rolled around they spent the morning working out together before going out to get groceries. When they got back Sid went right to work in the kitchen, enlisting Geno to help, despite the fact that they would be done hours early. Geno was okay with that if it helped soothe the alpha’s nerves.

Once all of the food that required preparation was ready and sitting in the fridge all that was left was to let the steaks sit in the seasoning and wait. Geno made Sid sit down with him on the couch and relax instead of cleaning the kitchen again or getting out the vacuum one last time. Geno had expected to be the one freaking out, like he had before Sid had formally introduced him to the Lemieux’s as the person he was courting, and he was, he was just nowhere near as bad as Sid was at the moment. “Tell me about your parents.”

Sid sighed and settled in to the couch. “They’re great. They’ve always been supportive of me…” He trailed off. Geno let him sit for a moment until he started up quietly again. “Well, until now I guess.”

“Tell me about them?”

“My mom likes to garden and my dad used to play hockey.” They passed the rest of the afternoon cuddled up on the couch, Geno teasing information and old stories out of his mate, trying to keep him distracted and learn a little about the people he was about to meet, about the woman he knew he shouldn't worry about impressing, but did anyway. When the time finally started to come around to 4:30 he left Sid to fret on the couch and went to sort out the finishing touches on dinner so all they would need to do was put the steaks on the grill once people arrived. He was in the middle of taking the meat out of the ziplock bag it had been sitting in when he heard a car pull up in the drive.

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Sid took a breath and opened the door.

“Hay Sid, where’s Geno?” Taylor asked in passing as she pushed past him into his home.

Sid turned to look at the driveway, it appeared that his parents were having some sort of heated discussion by the car. He turned back to where Taylor and Geno were now talking in the kitchen. “Hay Taylor, do they know it’s Geno?”

She smirked. “Nope. I’m letting you figure that out.”

Sid sighed. He had a feeling that you weren’t supposed to dread introducing your future mate to your parents. He turned back to the drive when he heard his parents coming up the steps. He greeted them, moving to hug his mother and take the ominously elaborate cake from his father. His father only spent that much time decorating when he was trying to make a statement about his dominance. This was already going so well, Geno hated being expected to participate in alpha posturing. “Thanks Dad, dinner’s almost ready, We made salad and I’m going to grill out back.” His dad deflated a bit, deprived of the opportunity to really critique the cooking of this alpha or male beta courting his son.

“Geno! I wasn't expecting to see you tonight, are you joining us for dinner?”

Sid cringed internally at his mother’s words and turned away from his father, rushing to get back to the kitchen. “Mom! I know you’ve met before, but let me introduce my fiancé, Evgeni Malkin, Zhenya, these are my parents Trina and Troy Crosby.” This announcement was followed by an awkward pause before Geno smiled and stepped forward with his hand extended with a greeting.

“So pleased to meet you again.” Sid’s mom seemed to snap out of it and moved in for a hug, expressing how glad she was he was here and how happy she was to meet him again.

Sid was relieved when Geno took the gift of an elaborate cake as it would have been meant given from a prospective father in law to someone they knew was an omega, not an alpha. He could tell that the thanks and lack of posturing made his father uncomfortable and took some pleasure in that.

Everyone stayed mostly civil throughout dinner despite some close calls with his dad who would get a look like he wanted to make a comment then wouldn't say anything. Sid had an idea that his mother might have had something to do with that. It wasn't until they were all sitting around with cake afterwards that things went downhill.

“So how did the two of you get together? It was just over a year ago right?” Trina had really seemed to warm up to Geno and to Sid and Geno’s relationship over the course of the evening.

Sid thought about the mess that had been that evening and decided not to tell the whole story like he knew his mother was hoping he would. He chose to respond only with, “Geno proposed courtship.” When it became clear that Sid did not intend to add anything Geno stepped in.

“I did research. Wanted to propose correctly, did not think Sid would understand a Russian proposal.”

Trina smiled, “Well that is sweet! Who made the second proposal? If I know my son I bet it was you.”

“Yes, I did proposal, though this time I do Russian way. Like much better than what you do in west. Much too rushed.”

“What do you mean?”

“The Russian way is to wait six months after the proposal, not just two like here. Gives more time to form bond.”

It was clear that this unsettled Trina. “So when did you propose?”

Sid knew this was his mess, he should be the one to deal with it, not Geno. “He proposed in February, I accepted. We are going to be mated in August.”

“You have been engaged for months and you didn't tell us?!” The hurt was clear in his mom’s voice. “When you told us at dinner and you introduced him as your fiancé I thought maybe it had just happened and that is why you came out to us. But it’s been months…”

“Mom…” Sid looked around for help and found none. Geno looked sympathetic but that was it. His dad looked angry. “Mom, I wasn't going to get mated without telling you, I promise. I just wasn't sure how to tell you, how to come out to you.”

The silence that followed that statement was broken by his father. “Have you told Mr. Lemieux yet?” His voice was flat and Sid couldn't be sure where he was going with this.

“Yes, Mario knows.”

“And he’s okay with it? With two alpha team mates courting each other.”

“He’s fine with it. We have his blessing.”

His father snorted. Sid abruptly realized he was done dealing with his father’s shit right now and confronted him. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Troy.” Sid’s mother cut in before his father could answer. “Sid, Geno we are so happy for you, thank you for telling us. We have to plan something for when you complete the mating. Nothing to big, just some family and friends.

Sid knew that this was coming and he and Geno had talked about how they wanted to handle it. “Mom, It is going to have to be really small. Neither of us is planning to come out publicly any time soon. So nothing big enough to get noticed and no one who would talk about it.”

“Well at least your being practical about something.” His father’s voice was cold.

Trina forged on despite the chill. “So just the families, maybe a couple of close friends. When are your parents getting here Geno? Where will they be staying? You are having the ceremony here, right?”

Sid was ready to jump in and say he didn’t know what, but Geno put a hand on his leg and gave his head a little shake before speaking. “Yes, here. But they do not know, not about me, not Sid, not mating. Maybe one day I tell family. But now, no. Not yet.”

“But you think you’re ready to mate my son.”

Geno ignored Sid’s father and turned so he was facing Trina more directly. “Things different there. Most families not so accepting as you have been. Too big a risk. Even if family accepting no one else, not safe. Want to be able to go home to Russia at least one more time. After they know maybe they don’t come here to see me and I can’t go back. Not if everyone knows.”

Trina looked close to tears but tried to smile and nodded. “If that is what you want, then okay. But we are filming the ceremony and taking lots of pictures in case they want to see it someday!”

Geno doubted they would ever ask to see their son mated with an alpha, and having video and pictures lying around meant that they could get out somehow. But there was a part of him that hoped and they weren't planning to stay closeted forever. For now what mattered was that it would make Sid’s mom happy. What Geno wanted was a traditional Russian mating ceremony, Sid had agreed since the shorter, simpler format suited him just fine. It also meant that no one in attendance was likely to know that Geno would be taking the omega’s part. For Geno this was going to be the ceremony that mattered most and he wanted to speak the words that would make it real for him. One day they might get married, and that was all well and good. Here in the west that is what would make it a legally binding union, what would make it ‘on the record’, but to Geno that was just extra. In Russia it was the mating ceremony that mattered, even to those who were religious, marriage was an extra that came latter.

Chapter Text

Sid gave a sigh of relief as he watched his parents and Taylor drive away. “Well, that went better than I was afraid it would. My mom likes you.” He added giving Geno a soft smile.

“But not your father.” Geno didn't seem too upset by that, more resigned than anything, so Sid didn’t worry so much. He knew it would have crushed Geno if he had gotten his mother’s disapproval.

“He’ll either get used to it or he won’t. I have no intention of putting up with anything from him. I am done.”

Geno sighed. “Sid, family is important. Might not have much, especially me. Don’t push away.”

Sid let out a breath and gathered his thoughts before gathering Geno into his arms. “Zhenya. I promise you, you will always have family here. No matter what happens with your parents, and we don't know how they will take this yet, you will always have family here. You will not be alone, you have my family, even if my dad doesn't like it, you have the team, you aren't alone. Now I promise I won't be the one who causes a rift with my dad, that will be up to him. Okay?”

Geno took a deep breath and settled himself, nuzzling the side of Sid’s head. “Okay.”

———————————

The three days between Saturday and Wednesday alternately flew and crawled by. They spent the days training, working with the kids at the school and spending time by the lake. Late at night Geno would research and fret, after a couple of hours Sid would always come looking for him and coax him to bed.

Wednesday morning Sid could tell Geno was tense. “Come on Zhenya, you need to eat.” Geno grunted. “Maybe we should postpone the appointment, if it’s been making you this upset.”

That got Geno’s attention, his head whipped up and over to look at Sid with his eyes wide open. “No. You have no idea how long I wait for this. Not canceling.” He looked suspiciously at the smoothie Sid was holding out towards him. “Fine,” he took it and took a long draw, “I will have some. Happy?”

Sid smirked at him and nodded before turning to make his own breakfast. “So what are you hoping to get out of the appointment this evening? I know you’ve been doing a lot of research.”

Geno picked at a spot on the countertop. He shrugged. “Want a plan. Want to transition.” He looked up at Sid. “Not- not yet. But not so long from now either.” He looked back down, then away. “I think, maybe before I retire.” He looked back at Sid, a challenge in his eyes.

Sid returned his gaze with a gentle smile. “Sounds like a plan,” he reached over to place a hand over Geno’s where it was fisted on the counter, “if that’s what you want I’m behind you one hundred percent.”

———————————

It was 5:45 when they pulled into the doctor’s office parking lot. There were a few cars left, but not many, so Geno felt comfortable enough to pull down the brim of his hat and make his way into the building. As promised there was no one at the front desk and he breathed a sigh of relief. He pulled out his phone and dialed the number Dr.Rosenberg had given him to call her down to come and get them.

It was only a couple of minutes later that a woman who might be in her 40’s with curly, brown hair who was maybe a foot and a half shorter than him came through the doors into the front of the office.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Rosenberg. I assume you’re Evgeni?” At Geno’s nod she motioned for them to follow her and moved toward the back hall. “Why don’t you both follow me, we can get settled in my office and get this started.”

It took a second for Geno to move, he took the first step when he felt Sid’s hand come to rest on the small of his back. The three of them made their way through the empty hallways to a small office with a desk and a couple of comfortable looking chairs facing it. There was a nice big window looking out the back of the building at some wetland.

“So, I think now would be a good time for some introductions. You know my name is Dr. Rosenberg, now, you have already introduced yourself to me as Evgeni but I am going to need your last name for our records.” She left that hanging in the air, waiting for Geno to answer the question she hadn’t really asked.

Geno shifted and removed his hat, fiddling with the brim he looked down before turning toward Sid, then back to the doctor. “Malkin, Evgeni Malkin. You can call me Geno or Zhenya if you like.” He kept his eyes up as a challenge but she didn’t change her expression.

“It’s good to meet you Geno,” the ‘Thank you for telling me the truth’ hung in the air for a moment, but she moved on quickly, “I’m sorry, I think it would take this whole appointment for me to get the other one right. I am assuming this is your mate?”

Sid sat forward, extending his hand to shake. “Sidney Crosby, we’re actually engaged if that matters. We’re mating in August.”

“Depending on what Geno decides he wants, and when, it might actually matter. Some medications conflict with the mating process.” She explained, turning toward Geno. “Why don’t you tell me about yourself to start this off. What do you want me to know about you?”

“I play hockey, I want to transition, but I don’t want to lose that. I have known I am not an alpha since before, not sure of the word, develop when teenager. Sometimes worse than others. Lately worse. Started to think seriously about transitioning after I returned to Russia at the end of the session. Did not look into details until after reached out and emailed you. Going to mate in August.”

“What is it most important for you to get out of this appointment today? Can you give me three points?”

Geno paused to think about that. “I want to know if one day I maybe can have a child, if there is a chance I could get pregnant. I want to find out what options I have for transition. Also Sid is going to rut not long after we mate. We are worried that he will set off my rut, want to find out if there is a way to prevent that without being separated.”

She nodded along with the points he brought up before leaning forward in her chair and over her desk. “If you don’t mind I want to start with that last point. Then we can do a physical exam and I will be able to give you better information on the other two points.” She turned toward Sid, then Geno. “What sort of suppressants are each of you on?”

Geno reached into his pocket and pulled out an empty pill bottle he had kept from his last refill. He placed it on the desk where she could reach it. “That is what I am on.”

Sid shifted in his chair as Dr. Rosenberg inspected the bottle. “I’m not on anything, my body doesn’t tolerate them well so I haven’t taken them since they ran out of ones for me to try when I was 17. I cycle regularly every six months. My ruts are usually pretty mild so they don’t really bother me.”

Dr. Rosenberg nodded. “Geno, how long have you been on this medication at this dosage?”

Geno shrugged. “Since I was a teenager, not long after I started having ruts. I did not deal with them well. The doctors thought physical exhaustion, so they agreed to help me stop them.”

She nodded again. “So you haven’t experienced a rut in years. You are right to worry about a breakthrough rut if you spend Sid’s rut with him. I can give you a medication that will stop that from happening if you want to join Sid for his rut, but I would advise that the two of you find an alternative space to spend that time in so you don’t have to worry about lingering pheromones. I can recommend a good cycle retreat if you want. The medication I would prescribe would temporarily prevent your body from producing alpha hormones, including rut hormones. It is not something that we prescribe long term, because when it builds up it has bad side effects, but it is fast acting and when used in the short term it has almost no side effects at all. You would just need to be extra careful about staying hydrated. Why don’t you think about it Geno and you can let me know what you want at the end of the appointment. ”

Geno was pretty sure that he was going to take her up on the prescription and the retreat. He didn’t want to be separated from Sid for Sid’s rut. If he could spend it with his mate without worrying about rutting himself he wanted that. She seemed to want him to think about it though, so he nodded. “I will think about it and let you know.”

She smiled and stood up. “Alright, now before I can really answer your other questions I am going to need to do a physical exam. For the first part I think it would be best if it was just you and I Geno. Sidney can join us for the second part if you want him to. Does that sound good?”

Geno stood and turned to look down at Sid where he was sitting.

“Go on Zhenya, I’ll be fine here.” Sid gave him a reassuring smile and squeezed his hand before letting go.

Zhenya followed Dr. Rosenberg out into the hall and down to the other end where there were exam rooms. They entered one and he changed into the cloth gown that was on the exam table while the doctor stepped out of the room to give him the illusion of privacy. Not that she wasn’t likely to see all of him very shortly. When he was done he knocked on the door before settling himself onto the crinkling paper covering the padded table.

The first part of the exam was routine. Height, weight, eyes, ears, nose, mouth, heart rate, blood pressure, lungs. She drew several vials of blood, mostly she said for hormone checks and general health screenings. Then she started to get more in depth. She asked if she could check his chest and when he agreed asked him to pull down the top of the gown from his arms and lie back so she could feel under his arms and then pressed up and down, back and forth across his entire chest. After that she palpated his testicles. Last she did an internal exam. The less said about that the better. When he was redressed she asked him a lot of questions about what puberty was like, when the first stage started with testosterone kicking in and when the second, alphagen stage began. That last wasn’t a time he enjoyed going back to, but if it would help then he would grit his teeth and talk about it in as much detail as she needed.

When she asked him about Sid he might have gushed a bit. From the way she smiled at him she didn’t seem to mind. They seemed to be winding down so he thought it would be a good time to bring it up. “I decided about medication for Sid’s rut. I want to spend it with him. I want the prescription.”

She didn’t seem surprised, just nodded, smiled, and agreed to write him the prescription and promised to give him the brochures of a few places that offered cycle retreats. “Now, for the second portion of the exam I am going to do an ultrasound if you are okay with that. Do you want want me to go get Sidney for this part?”

“What is ultrasound for?” Geno didn’t mind having her do one but he wanted to know why.

“I need to do the ultrasound if I am going to be able to tell you whether or not you have a uterus and ovaries without doing genetic testing, which would work if you prefer it, but would take much longer.”

Geno’s breath caught in his chest as he realized what he might be about to learn. He wanted Sid there with him when he found out. He knew now that even if he had the parts there was no guarantee that the hormones would develop them, they would need genetic testing to tell that if he wanted to know before going on hormones, but it would be a place to start. “Yes, I want Sid with me.”

“Okay, why don’t you follow me to the room and then I will go fetch Sid.”

—————————-

Sid followed Dr. Rosenberg into the room with the ultrasound machine where he saw Geno waiting nervously on the bench. Sid hurried forward and pulled Geno into his arms for a quick hug before sitting in the chair by where Geno’s head would be when he leaned back during the exam. They were silent as the machine was readied and as the doctor asked Geno to push down the waistband of his pants and pull up his shirt. When she put the jell on his stomach he gasped despite having been warned it would be cold.

They waited as the doctor moved the wand back and forth, looking intently at a small screen they couldn’t see. Finally she smiled. Sid held his breath and waited, hoping they were about to get the answer he knew Geno so desperately wanted to hear.

When she spoke it was good news. “I can tell you that you do have a uterus and two ovaries. We will need to do genetic testing to tell whether they will develop with hormone treatment, but they look exactly as they should right now. Better than most that I see in people in your position actually. It is a good thing you haven’t been going through a rut cycle, the flood of alphagen that accompanies rut can do damage to the ovaries and shrink the uterus over time, it’s one of the reasons that age is a major factor in whether hormonal transition makes pregnancy possible. After a certain point too much damage has been done for there to be a viable pregnancy. Since you haven't been through more than three rut cycles you have been spared the damage.”

When Sid turned to look Geno was beaming. Hi eyes were suspiciously glossy, but he was obviously pleased.

“Why don’t you get cleaned up,” she handed Geno a hand full of paper towels,”and we can go back to my office and talk about your options and what your goals are.”

—————————————-

They settled back into Dr. Rosenberg’s office. This time Geno was much less nervous, his most pressing questions having been answered.

“So, Geno, what does transition mean for you? What are you looking for?”

Geno took a deep breath and collected his thoughts for a moment. He had been meticulously putting together a plan since he had had that conversation with Sid the evening he arrived from Russia. This would be the first time he articulated it in full. Sid had gotten bits and pieces of it over the last couple of days, but not all of it. “Not ready yet, but in couple of years want to transition. Want to take hormones and make social transition. One day, want to have child with Sid. Have family.”

“Usually the first thing I would recommend is rut blocking medication, because that cuts down of the alpha hormones your body produces, but you are already on that medication and have been for years. Along with that though I also recommend you find a therapist you feel comfortable talking these things through with. Things can get difficult even when you are doing something you desperately want and that will improve your quality of life. It is good to be able to talk them out with a neutral third party. I can do some research and find you a list of good people in Pittsburgh if you would like.”

As much as Geno was not looking forward to talking to some stranger about all of this he knew the doctor was right. There were things he wanted to talk about that he did not want to bring up with Sid, insecurities and anxieties he has, and right now Sid is his only option, the only one who knows. Well, Flower knows, but he is not having those conversations with Flower, as much as he loves him that is not happening.

With that they wrapped up the appointment. Geno was supplied with brochures for cycle retreats and with a prescription for blockers as well as a promise of a list of Pittsburgh therapists to check out and an offer to contact her any time if things changed or he had questions.

And with handshakes all around the appointment he had been so nervous about was over and they were headed back out to the car.

Chapter Text

Mid August and Sid and Geno’s mating seemed to come up quickly. Trina had convinced them to hold a small ceremony with family and some close friends present and have it filmed, in case Geno’s family ever wanted to see it. They invited up a couple of their closest friends from the team, as well as Mario, and Sid invited a couple of old friends who were still in the area. Every invitation to someone they couldn’t see in person was prefaced by a skype call if they could manage it, or a phone call if they couldn’t. Coming out was a process that never seemed to end. They were only inviting twenty or so people, some of them out of courtesy as they knew that they would not be able to attend. Reactions to the news that they were not only queer but together ran the gamut from shocked to smug.

Thankfully no one reacted badly.

Gonch’s reaction was probably the most shocking. He was one of the first people they invited and Geno almost decided against inviting him at all. Gonch would know what the ceremony meant and which part Geno had chosen to take. They were very similar parts and the ceremony would still make sense if both parties took the alpha’s role, so Geno would have to come out to him to explain why that wasn’t what they were doing.

Gonch had always been supportive of him but Geno had only come out to three people before and never someone from Russia, someone from home.

The pause was heavy between them and Geno watched Gonch looking anywhere but at the computer screen. This was a mistake. Geno was just about to hang up in a panic when Gonch looked back at the screen. “Thank you for telling me. It means a lot that you trust me with this. But… you don’t remember do you?” At Geno’s face crinkling up in confusion he continued. “Zhenya, I’ve known this about you for a long time. No. You don’t need to panic.” He sighed. “Your first year with the Penguins, about a month in. You got drunk, really drunk. I found you in the middle of the night, tearing up the bathroom, looking for something. When I convinced you to go back to your room, it was obvious you had torn that up to. I could tell something was really wrong. When I asked what it was you were looking for you said you couldn’t find your supresents. That you couldn’t miss a dose because you couldn't go into rut. I figured there was something you hadn’t told the doctors so I pressed you on what it was. You told me you couldn’t go into rut because last time you did you wanted to die.” He took a deep breath and rubbed his hands over his face before continuing. “You told me you wanted to die because you weren’t an alpha, that you were an omega. Then you started looking for your medication again. I told you that I would find them and if they didn’t turn up by tomorrow morning we would get you more. After I got you to go to sleep I found them behind your dresser and left them out for you. The next morning you didn’t mention anything. I figured you just didn’t want to talk about it so I wanted to respect that. I guess you were drunker than I thought though and just didn’t remember.”

There was only one time that Gonch could be talking about, he had had too much to drink after an argument with his parents. He had been frantic when he couldn’t find his medication before he went to sleep, but when he woke up they had been right there, on his dresser. He had thought he must have just been to drunk and missed them. All this time Gonch had known and had never mentioned it, never changed the way he treated him.

“What kind of ceremony are you doing? Ours or like the Canadians do it?”

Geno cleared his throat before he could answer. “We are doing it the Russian way. If we get married we will do that the Canadian way, but we are doing this the Russian way.” He took a deep breath. “It is easier this way for me to take the omega’s part without people asking questions. You will be the only other Russian speaker there. This is important to me, to do this as myself is important to me.”

Gonch paused, thinking carefully before speaking. “So your parents won’t be there?”

When Geno looked away before shaking his head Gonch prodded further. “Do you not want them there? Or do they not want to be there?”

“I haven’t told them. About any of it. They wouldn’t want to know.”

“Are you so sure?

Geno nodded, “They have said things about people like me. And. I don’t want to lose them yet.”

Gonch looked thoughtful for a moment, “Geno, would you like me to bring the family, or would you rather I come alone? I am sure Ksenia would love to be there for you.”

Geno considered it, “I would like that, but I am worried about the girls. It isn’t fair to ask children to keep secrets.”

“I am sure that Sid’s family knows someone in the area that could be trusted to watch them during the ceremony, if you would like. Think about it.” They sat for a moment before Geno spoke again.

“Do you think- do you think you could stand for me? I know I’m not really family but…”

“Zhenya, you may not be my child but you are family. I would be honored.”

Geno let out a sigh of relief and the conversation turned to lighter topics.

———————————-

July and the beginning of August flew by in a flurry of preparations, the ceremony itself was Geno’s to arrange, as he was the only one involved who knew exactly how he wanted it done without googling it. Sid and his mother arraigned the gathering. According to Trina Troy, who traditionally would be a arranging the food, was still warming up to the whole idea. It would be something simple, a meal in the back yard, though they decided to have it catered so they didn’t have to worry as much about food.

Geno had found a jeweler who was a Russian transplant living in Canada who made beautiful mating necklaces. The interwoven gold chains formed a delicate looking rope and the simplicity of the design reminded him of the ones his parents wear. They would lie right at or below the neckline of most shirts, just as they should. When they arrived and he showed them to Trina she seemed a little disappointed that they were so plain. She had been hoping to give them family stones to use in the mating jewelry but she cheered up when he thanked her profusely for the thought and assured her that if they got married they would do so in the Canadian tradition and would be honored to use them in the rings.

The day of the ceremony the sky was blue and the temperature was perfect, with just enough of a breeze to keep the bugs off.

The Gonchars arrived early to spend the morning with Geno since they would be standing as his family for the ceremony. In the weeks after he had first come out to Gonch Geno had also come out to Ksenia and explained to them that they, along with a very few others, were the only ones who knew. There had been a doodgie few seconds when Ksenia had been worried that Sid didn’t know. Geno had been quick to clear that up.

As they stood in front of their guests holding the lit candle and recited the words Sid had been working so hard to learn before blowing it out together; exchanged necklaces; and then retreated to the solitude of their bedroom, Geno thought that he had never been happier. He was massaging the bonding gland on Sid’s neck while Sid did the same and their friends and families waited for them in the backyard, eating and talking. For the first time he was glad that Trina had insisted on getting a friend to do photos and video. He wanted to have those memories long after his own memory failed him. The only thing that would make it better was if his parents and brother were there. He couldn’t help thinking, maybe at the wedding.