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"They can't be dead." Tony denied, his voice wavering and he looked for anything to indicate that they weren't gone in his Aunts eyes.
Peggy's heart broke as she saw the young boy try to hold himself together, his body stiff as he questioned her.
"I'm so sorry, sweetheart." Was all Peggy could say, still in shock herself, but she scooped Tony into her arms and hugged the motionless boy against her, trying to provide any comfort that she could.
They stood like that for a while, Peggy simply holding her godson against her and whispered reassurances in his ear as he denied his parents death over and over again. Time had slowed around them and all Peggy could hear was Tony's shuddering breath on her shoulder. He was only seventeen, still at MIT and carving out his way in the world, and now his father and his wonderful, supportive, and kind mother had been ripped away from him. Running her hand through his hair in a calming motion, Peggy promised herself, as well as Howard and Maria, that she would look after Tony, whatever it took.
\/\/\/\/
When the reports came back, it seemed like Howard had been drink driving, which was what ultimately killed his wife, as well as himself. All Peggy could feel was utter disappointment in him; that he'd allowed himself to get into such a state. Tony, however, was radiating anger. His eyes flashed with a fire that could only be described as hatred as his eyes flew over the words on the car crash report.
"He killed my Mom." Tony breathed, his jaw locked.
Peggy could offer no words. Honestly, she too was feeling anger creep in at Howard; that he was responsible for his wonderful wife's passing. Tony began pacing around the kitchen, his hands clenched into fists.
"I told him…I told him not to drive! I said that he would get too drunk and that he should just stay at home this Christmas! But he wouldn't listen. He never listens…he never listened to me! He's the reason that my Mom is dead!" Tony ranted, his voice becoming louder and louder until he was yelling.
He tugged at his hair before slumping against the kitchen counter, in defeat. Cautiously, Peggy came up behind him and placed her hand on his back. Tony just stared down at the counter, not even noticing his godmothers concern as her eyes scanned his face.
"I told him not to go." He spat.
/\/\/\/\
Planning Howard and Maria Starks funeral was taking its toll on Tony. Peggy hadn't wanted him to be too involved, worried that his health and education would take a drastic hit but she allowed him to help, knowing that he wanted closure and to give his parents a proper funeral; especially his mother.
Walking into the kitchen at three in the morning was unusual for Peggy. Unfortunately, she had woken up, desperate for a glass of water. She flicked the lights on, and if it weren't for her training as a spy, she would have jumped out of her skin, for sat at her kitchen table was Tony, an empty mug in his hands and his eyes staring off into space. Quickly, she got her drink so that she would be able to talk and sat down across from Tony.
"Tony, sweetheart, are you okay?" Peggy asked, her voice soft and low to not startle him.
Tony blinked, as if he was falling back to Earth, and looked straight into his Aunt Peggy's eyes, his eyes swimming in guilt.
"I should have stopped them." Tony breathed, his voice hoarse.
"Stopped who, dear." Peggy questioned, although she already knew, she needed confirmation.
"Mom and Dad…I could have stopped them. It's my fault they're dead." He whispered, regret seeping into his voice.
Peggy's heart stopped. Of all the things she expected him to feel, guilt had not been one of them. Tony had nothing to do with the accident, he'd been at the Starks house, just like every Christmas, whilst Howard dragged Maria away on one of his ideas of a fun Christmas that involved galas and boatloads of alcohol. There was nothing Tony could do to change that. It was almost like a Christmas tradition for the Starks.
"Sweetheart, no. We both know that even if you would have screamed it until your face turned blue, your father would have gone away anyway. None of this is your fault. None of it." Peggy explained, her voice firm and confident.
"But what if I'd have been a better son? They might've stuck around for Christmas and then they wouldn't be dead." Tony attempted, trying to make his godmother see that it was his fault, not Howard's.
Suddenly, the seventeen year old boy in front of her was replaced in her eyes as the insecure seven year old Tony Stark, who craved his fathers attention and praise. Even after all this time, deep down, Tony had always longed Howard's approval, and now Howard was dead before Tony could get it. And Tony blamed himself.
"Anthony Edward Stark, you are the kindest, sweetest, brightest boy I have ever met in my life and nothing you could've done could have made you a better son, because you were the best son that your mother and father could have possibly wished for. So don't you dare even wonder if you could have done better to stop them from going." Peggy rationalised, taking his chin into her hands to force him to look her in the eyes during her entire speech.
Slowly, Tony nodded and left the room, absorbing what his Aunt Peggy had said. It had helped soothe his guilt, yet a tiny part of his brain kept whispering 'what ifs' and 'could have been's' at the back of his head.
\/\/\/\/
After the funeral, Peggy, her husband Daniel, and Tony went straight back to to their house, Peggy and Daniel knowing that Tony wouldn't be able to stand another hour in front of crowds of people without falling apart. Carefully, they slid his suit jacket off and lowered him onto the couch. Tony's body was wracked with shudders as he held back his grief. Peggy disappeared into the kitchen, intending to make her infamous hot chocolate that soothed the nerves and helped people to sleep, leaving Daniel and Tony on the couch. Daniel pulled an old, ratty blanket off of the back of the couch and draped it over them, his mouth turning upwards at the sides as the teenager moved his head into the crook of Daniel's neck, needing the comfort and support right now.
Peggy quietly entered the room and pressed Tony's favourite mug into his hands, satisfied when her godson drank a third of the hot chocolate before placing it down on the coffee table and snuggling back into Daniel's neck. Peggy sat down on Tony's other side, and now the couple waited for Tony's inevitable breakdown.
They'd been sat like that for just over and hour when they heard Tony's breath hitch.
"Oh my god, they're gone." He whispered.
Then the sobs came. They shook through his entire body as he helplessly clung onto his Uncle Daniel, his Aunt Peggy right behind him, rubbing his back and shushing him, attempting to talk to him. Seemingly never-ending tears ran down his face, dampening the shoulder of Daniel's shirt and his lungs burnt with over-exertion. Tony cried until he was sure he couldn't cry anymore and he quietened down into panting whimpers, his eyes flickering shut with exhaustion. His breath hiccuped every few minutes, until, finally, Tony's breathing evened out, indicating that he had fallen asleep, his head on Daniel's shoulder and his face stained with salty tear-tracks. Peggy and Daniel shared a look over their godson's head. They were going to help him pick up the pieces and find a way to help Tony healthily move on. Peggy had promised.
/\/\/\/\
After almost a year of denial, anger, guilt, and depression, Tony was finally allowing himself to move on. He attended MIT regularly now, instead of his fleeting trips for exams so that he wouldn't fall behind as well as communicating with others who were closer to his age, such as his best friend Rhodey. He accepted that his parents were gone, and nothing he could have done, would've stopped the billionaire inventor and his socialite wife from going to their usual galas and parties at Christmas. Tony still felt a little lost in the world, but he would be forever thankful for his Aunt Peggy and Uncle Daniel for keeping him engaged in the world and for being his anchors. There was a Howard and Maria sized gap in his heart, but with Peggy and Daniel, he could already feel the gap being bandaged up.
And when Tony visited his parents graves, he thanked them for giving him such amazing godparents.