Chapter Text
Dear my always,
It’s been five years. Your memory is starting to lose its solidity, I can’t quite remember your laugh or how it sounded when you told me you loved me. Every word you’ve said to me has lost it’s meaning, getting muddled in five years of lessons and friends and heartbreak, yet I can remember the smallest detail of the time we spent together, the sparkle of the sunlight on the water in that summer by the lake, the taste of your lips still wet with tears when we lost him and the feel of your hand going slack in mine when I lost you. The sun feels colder somehow, without you at my side, the stars seem duller, even the moon seems haunted by your ghost, dull and lifeless, a pale replica hung in the sky by cheap twine. I miss you. God, I miss you, every minute of every day, your memory trails me like a ghost. My skin feels dirty, my clothes itch, even my hair hurts without your fingers running through it. I love you, always, my dear.
Sam sighed, ripping the page out of his notebook and carefully folding it. He slipped it into his hiding spot, a hollow crevice behind a loose stone, and slapped some bills on the table before leaving.
He would need to find a new place soon, the notes were nearly falling out of the hole, but it would work for a little longer at least. He closed his eyes against the flood of memories that always came when he did this, he really should stop doing this to himself, but he couldn’t. Not yet, maybe not ever.
He glanced down at his list, the lake was next, of course the lake was next, the place that all of this had started… He’d purposefully saved it for last, it had taken him five years to fill all of their drop zones with notes, they had had hundreds around the area, even more around the outskirts of neighboring towns and forests, he was surprised it’d only taken 1,825 notes, he’d expected to have longer, but there was only enough room for a few more notes, a few more days and he’d have to face it again, without her this time…
He closed his eyes, pulling his collar up to the bite of the autumn air. A few more days… Only a few more days…