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There was a shuffling noise in the darkness, the sounds of bodies pressed together and quiet snores of the sleeping boys. The only two that remained awake were Seongwoo and Daniel. The two laid on Daniel's bed wherein Seongwoo's head rested on Daniel's chest, arms wrapped around his lanky boyfriend's body.
"Husband~" Seongwoo called out to the older boy who had just began dozing off. They spent the past few minutes laying together in silence until Seongwoo took a stab in the dark and tried to converse with his boyfriend?
Daniel said nothing. He was on the verge of falling asleep and hardly wanted to know what it was that Seongwoo wanted to say. But even if he didn't respond, Seongwoo would not be ignored. It was better to answer him than to end up in another argument.
"What is it, honey?" The blank look in Seongwoo's face quickly turned into an eager smile. A genuine one where the corners of his mouth curled and his teeth were showing, he loved when his boyfriend called him that.
"How much do you love me?"
Those simple six words were enough to make Daniel's mouth go as dry as the Sahara desert. Seongwoo could feel Daniel's heart beat speeding up through his chest and his small fragile hands shaking.
"Why is that even a question?"
"Why can't you just answer it?"
"Because you shouldn't have to ask me that. Of course I love you a lot, you know this."
That was far from the answer Seongwoo wanted to hear. He wanted Daniel to tell him how he is the center of his universe, how it was by the grace of God himself that they met and fell in love, but either Daniel was too dense to get that, or his words were empty with no true feelings behind them.
Seongwoo already knew Daniel was one to get around, he was popular with the older trainees and went through the men, as if he was marking names off of a checklist.
All he had hoped was that he would be the one to change him.
Or maybe he was overthinking it. Daniel couldn't think straight because he was tired. Yeah, that's it.
Instead of responding to Daniel's "declaration of love" he only turned his back to him and enclosed himself with the comforter. He wanted to say "I love you" back, but he couldn't bring himself to. He was too hurt, why did Daniel get nervous? Was he seeing someone else?
"I'm sorry, babe. I love you, let's just sleep and talk in the morning, okay?"
Daniel's words were greeted with silence, which let him know that it was better to leave him alone so he can get yelled at the next morning rather than in the moment.
The gentle hum of Seongwoo's breathing was enough to quickly put Daniel to sleep, and when Daniel began to snore, Seongwoo knew no one was awake.
Once the first tear fell from his eye, the rest began to fall in a unbroken stream. He put his hands to his face to muffle the sounds hoping not to wake the other boys, especially Daniel.
He knows Daniel doesn't love him.
But he knows he'll never find someone who treated him this way, even if it was all a lie.
No matter how much it hurt him, ignorance is bliss.
Maybe one day Seongwoo will have the guts to end this relationship and do his best to move on.
But today defiantly isn't that day. And it won't come any time soon.