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"We got Face back."
Murdock almost dropped the phone, reached blindly for a chair, and sat down. "You found him? You rescued him? How, where, what happened? Is he okay? Please tell me he's okay!"
It took Hannibal a little while to answer. "He... well, it looks like he rescued himself. He's a little beat up but it's nothing to worry about."
A little beat up. Nothing to worry about. It sounded all fine and dandy except for the fact that Murdock knew very well what people sounded like when they weren't telling the whole truth, and Face had been missing for exactly seven days, three hours and nineteen minutes. He'd been keeping count, drawing little bars on the wall ever since he first found out. Face had gone out on a date and he'd never come back and Hannibal and BA had been turning the city upside down to try to find him ever since.
"Where are you guys? I'm on my way, I'll be there before you can blink, Colonel."
"The apartment hotel in South Central. But you don't need to come, Murdock. He's fi... he's going to be okay. I'll keep you updated. Take care."
The line went dead. Murdock sat still, staring at the receiver in his hand, listening to the dial tone. He couldn't forget the Colonel's orders a week ago. It's best if you stay put for now, Captain. You're the only one of us who's staying in the same place for any length of time. He might try to contact you.
So Murdock had stayed where he was, waiting and worrying and jumping every time the phone rang, hoping that it would be some kind of news, be it good or bad, and wanting to be somewhere else, out there, looking for Face.
You don't need to come. Nope, that wasn't acceptable, not at all, no sir. Face was part of his unit and you had to stick with your unit. No matter what happened, you had to stick with your unit. He'd been sitting around waiting long enough and if he didn't get to see with his own eyes that Face was alive... well. Some things had to be seen to believed. Of course, some things weren't believed even if they were seen, and that also went the other way around. But you never knew until you knew. As long as Murdock was sitting here, Face was still missing and nothing was going to change that until he got to see his friend, talk to him, make sure.
There was no one to break him out this time but it didn't matter. Murdock knew a trick or two himself, like which ones of the doctors didn't keep their offices locked. He left Dr Richter alone and went for Dr Washington's desk instead because Washington was an ass who was rude to the nurses and Billy didn't like him. Therefore, Dr Washington got to contribute a twenty to the Howlin' Mad Murdock Escape Fund, and he also got to donate his white coat, which Murdock balled up and stuffed down the front of his jacket.
The rest of the plan consisted of going out on the grounds, waiting until all the orderlies were looking the other way, and running like hell. He was well out on the street before the alarms went off and by then he'd already slipped into Dr Washington's coat, flagged down a cab and jumped into the back seat.
"What's that noise about?" the cabbie asked, peering out of his rolled down window to try to see what was going on.
"Escaped mental patient," Murdock revealed, leaning forward between the two front seats. "A real big, nasty guy. Very violent, there's no telling what he might do. Better hurry up and get out of here."
The cabbie's eyes widened and he put the car in gear. "You don't have to tell me twice, doc," he said. "Where to?"
* * *
Murdock's left foot wouldn't stop twitching for the entire ride over to South Central. He ended up gripping it hard with both hands to hold it still even though that meant he had to sit with his knee pressed into his face. The cabbie threw him a weirded-out glance but didn't say anything.
Once they reached the hotel, Murdock ditched the white coat in the back seat, paid the cabbie, stormed through the front door, ran up the stairs, banged on the door and waited.
"Who is it?" That was BA's angry growl. Murdock would recognise it anywhere.
"Room service!" he called. "Did anyone order an anchovy pizza?"
The door was flung open and BA filled the doorway. "What are you doing here, fool? I thought Hannibal told you to stay put."
"You'll never believe it," Murdock said, sliding past BA, through the door. "The VA was hit by a tornado. Picked me up and blew me all the way over here. Amazing, isn't it?"
"Amazing? Nuts is what it is." BA closed the door behind them, locked it, and then leaned against it with his arms crossed and a murderous scowl on his face. Murdock knew BA's different levels of anger well by now. There was the worried anger, and the embarrassed anger and the disappointed anger and the just-keeping-up-appearances anger. This? This was the angry anger. The someone-hurt-my-friend-and-I'll-make-them-pay anger.
Hannibal and Face were standing in front of the window, arguing, and Murdock's initial relief over seeing Face alive and upright and talking was dampened when he got a closer look. Face was dressed in suit pants and a dress shirt, untucked and unbuttoned, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He was barefoot and there were bandages around his wrists and bruises on his face and his chest. He was unshaven and dirty and swaying slightly where he stood, and he looked like he hadn't slept for the entire week he'd been missing.
He was also shouting, and Murdock barely recognised his voice, raspy and rough like he'd been eating gravel. "I told you, Hannibal, it didn't have anything to do with us. It was Annie they were after, she's gotten herself mixed up in something bad and they wouldn't tell me what they did to her. We have to find her, we have to do something!"
"You're not going anywhere for now, Lieutenant," Hannibal said, his voice deceptively calm. "You need to rest. Let me and BA take care of it." Then he turned around. "Murdock."
"It was a tornado, Colonel," Murdock hurried to explain. "A freak occurrence. Like those stories about rains of fish, but instead of fish, it's raining me."
For a moment, Hannibal looked like he was going to call Murdock on it, but he just ended up nodding. "All right. Come here, let's talk." He walked over, put an arm around Murdock's shoulders, and led him to the side, speaking in a low voice. "Now that you're here, can you keep an eye on him? I don't want to leave him alone but we have to find out what happened to this girl of his."
Murdock glanced at Face who was leaning against the windowsill, looking like it was the only thing that kept him on his feet. Not leaving him alone sounded like an excellent idea. "What happened?" he asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.
"It's nothing serious. They roughed him up a little." Hannibal's lips tightened. "But I think they gave him something, he was pretty out of it earlier. There might be some kind of withdrawal. And you need to change the bandages on his wrists, they're... a bit torn up. Can you handle that, Captain?"
Murdock nodded his head up and down. "Absolutely. You can count on me, Colonel."
"Good. We'll be back as soon as we can." Hannibal started putting on his gloves and that was a good sight, that meant the bad guys were going to hurt before the day was over.
BA abandoned his position by the door and came over, got up in Murdock's face. "Listen up, Murdock. He doesn't need any of your crazy talk, understand?"
Murdock put on a face of wide-eyed innocence. "Me talking crazy? You wound me, sir! I make perfect sense, it's everyone else who's got it wrong!"
But BA was right. Even though it was very tempting to deal with this by slipping away to be someone else for a while, Face needed him to be here and now, to be Murdock. He could do that.
BA picked up the weapons and equipment they needed while Hannibal exchanged a few quiet words with Face by the window. Murdock closed his eyes and breathed in and out three times, just like his therapist had taught him. When he opened them again, he was good, he had things under control, and Hannibal and BA were just walking out the door.
"Go forth, brave knights! Ride the wind of vengeance and bring the evildoers to justice!" he called after them. Then he turned around and bounded over to the window and Face. "Hey, Faceman! Did you hear about the tornado? It was the coolest thing, it just picked me up and I rode all the way over here, like Mary Poppins with her magical umbrella!" He was going to have to find an umbrella somewhere. That would make the story even better.
Face just looked at him, frowned and blinked a couple of times, and then his shoulders slumped and he tilted forward slowly until his head was resting on Murdock's shoulder. "Murdock," he breathed, his voice barely more than a whisper.
"Hey." Murdock wrapped his arms around Face, could feel him shaking, tiny little shudders running through his entire body. "It's good to have you back."
An exhausted grunt was the only answer and the only thing Murdock could think of to do was to hold him. How could this have happened? Face had gone out to have a nice evening with a nice girl and come back looking like a plane crash, the bad kind the you barely walked away from. Murdock breathed in and out a few times again, and held on a little tighter, and concentrated on feeling Face's heart beat against his.
* * *
Face wouldn't stop moving. He walked the length of the room until he hit a wall and then turned around and walked all the way back, and he kept rubbing at his bandaged wrists and his eyes kept roaming, darting around, never quite focusing on anything.
Murdock knew everything about falling apart. He knew about the shakes and the restlessness and he knew about being scared to go to sleep. He knew about losing time, about losing his appetite, losing everything but the memories. It was tough to have it happen to you, but even worse to see it happen to someone else, someone you cared about.
He plopped down on the ratty couch and patted the cushion beside him. "Why don't you sit down for a while, huh, Faceguy? You're making Billy nervous with all this pacing."
Face looked up and smiled, a pale copy of his usual charming grin. "You brought Billy? They don't allow dogs here, you know."
"Aw, you know how he gets when I try to leave him behind."
Face leaned over and patted the air, ten inches from Billy's head but Murdock wasn't going to tell him that. Then he had to jump out of the seat and get an arm around Face's back when he tried to straighten up again and swayed alarmingly. "Easy there, don't go hitting the floor now."
Face found his balance again and then just stood there, staring at Murdock with red-rimmed eyes, looking twitchy and in pain and exhausted beyond measure.
"Wanna tell me what happened?" Murdock asked softly.
Face's mouth opened and closed a few times and then he shook his head and turned around and started pacing again and Murdock knew all about that too. How putting words on it brought it all back, made it real again.
Why hadn't he escaped from the VA earlier? He could have done something, helped bring Face back earlier, maybe in time to stop him from turning into this... this wrecked fragile thing. Seven days, three hours and nineteen minutes. How many of those days had Face spent hoping for a rescue that never arrived? How long until he gave up and realised that his team wasn't going to show up? He'd had to save himself, because Hannibal and BA had been looking in the wrong places and Murdock had been sitting useless back at the hospital doing nothing at all. If it had been him, Face would've brought down heaven and earth to get him back.
No, he had to stop thinking like that. It was meaningless. What was done was done, the past was the past and it couldn't hurt you (except for when it did).
"I'll walk with you then," Murdock said and took up position just behind Face's right elbow, ready to catch him the next time he stumbled.
"No." Face snapped around. "Just... can't you just... leave me alone. I want to be alone."
"Nope, not going to do that." Murdock had promised Hannibal to look after Face, and when he made a promise he kept it, no matter what happened. "I'll just stay quiet, okay? I'll be like a little mouse, you won't even notice I'm here."
The look Face gave him was heartbreaking, weary and resigned and Murdock never wanted to see it again for as long as he lived. Then he just sighed and started pacing again, going more and more slowly for every turn, and Murdock followed in his step.
* * *
Murdock didn't really keep track of the time, just kept walking for as long as Face did and he didn't stop until Face's feet stuttered and leaned heavily against the wall, unable to keep moving any longer. Then, Murdock took Face's arm and slung it over his shoulders and half-carried him over to the couch. "Sit down for a while," he said. "Let me take a look at your wrists." He put Face down on the couch, went to get the medical kit from the bathroom, knelt on the floor and reached for Face's bandages.
"They... they shot me up with something," Face rasped. "Don't know what. It made me... I couldn't think. Sometimes I thought I... but that was over ten years ago."
Murdock swallowed. Face was just a kid back in 'Nam; they all were. (Well, not Hannibal of course, because Murdock was pretty sure Hannibal was born a Lieutenant Colonel, that he popped into the world with a cigar in his mouth and oak leaves clipped to his shoulders.) Some of the things that happened back then, they shouldn't have happened. Shouldn't have happened to anyone, least of all a twenty-one-year old First Lieutenant who was promoted because the kid who held the position before him got his legs blown off by a mortar shell.
"It's all right," he said, trying to keep his voice steady and the images of bloody med-evacs out of his head (chopper filled with kids shot to pieces, the moaning, that terrible terrible moaning of men who were dead only their bodies hadn't realised it yet). "You're safe here." He kept unwinding the bandage around Face's left wrist, letting out an involuntary gasp when he found the ligature marks underneath. The rope had cut deep. Face had bled, a lot, and the wounds were angry red and warm to the touch. When he studied Face's hand a little closer, Murdock discovered that the thumb joint was swollen too. Face must have dislocated it to get out of his bounds.
"I don't remember a lot," Face mumbled, his gaze fixed on the ugly rope burns as Murdock cleaned them out and rewrapped them in fresh gauze. "It was dark. They kept me blindfolded most of the time. I screamed at them, wanted to know what they did to Annie and they just laughed. Hit me in the face. It's always worse when you don't see it coming."
"Hannibal and BA are taking care of it," Murdock soothed. "They'll find her, she'll be just fine." He knew that he might be lying, that the girl could very well be dead already, but he wasn't going to even suggest something like that, not right now.
Face nodded, his eyes filling up with moisture. "I'm tired," he breathed and tipped his head forward until his forehead was resting against Murdock's. His skin felt hot. "I'm so tired and I can't sleep. I can't stop... can't stop moving and can't stop thinking and... please help me? Talk to me... tell me something...."
Murdock put his hand on Face's neck and pressed his lips against the crown of his head and started talking, stupid 'crazy talk' about how Billy had bitten the orderly with the ugly moustache and how he was pretty sure you could use an umbrella to fly if the wind was strong enough and that they should try it out on a mission sometime and how he thought he was doing a little better for every day except for the days he wasn't and how he wanted to go to the beach soon and maybe they could do that some time when everything wasn't so messed up any more. Face didn't say anything more, just breathed in strangled little gasps that pretended not to be sobs.
* * *
Face was getting restless again and Murdock's legs were going numb and he'd run out of things to talk about. That was a first. BA should've been there to witness the special occasion. That thought made Murdock wonder where Hannibal and BA were and what they were doing and if they would be able to bring back some peace of mind for their friend.
"I need to get up," Face muttered. His head had slipped down onto Murdock's shoulder, but now he was struggling to get upright again. "It hurts. I need to move."
Murdock wasn't sure he could take any more of that desperate pacing, and he was certain that Face couldn't take any more of it; his limbs were barely obeying him as it was. It was the withdrawal from whatever drug his captors had been giving him, it had to be. Murdock wasn't exactly a trained medical professional, but he read a lot and he lived in a hospital and you couldn't help but pick up a few things here and there. What Face really needed was rest. Drugs and sleep deprivation had to be wreaking havoc on his head right now and getting up and moving around wasn't going to help.
"Don't you wanna put your head down for a bit instead?" he asked. "You don't have to sleep, just... just be here with me for a little while, okay? I've been real worried about you. It'd make me feel better."
It was first-grade emotional manipulation and Murdock knew it, but he couldn't bring himself to feel bad about it. The mere hint that someone, especially Hannibal, needed something from him would make Face bend over backwards to make it happen. He'd complain about it the whole time, but he would do it.
Manipulation or not, it worked. Murdock got on the couch and Face curled up beside him and let his head come to rest on Murdock's chest. He was still trembling, actually more like shivering now, and Murdock wrapped an arm around him and pulled him closer to lend him some warmth.
He had a few sleeping pills stashed in his pocket. They nurses in the VA hospital wanted him to take them at night but he usually smuggled them away and hid them because they were more useful whenever BA had to fly. Now he wondered if he ought to slip Face a pill, just to make him rest. But if he'd already been doped during his captivity it might not mix well with a sedative. Better to wait.
"Murdock?" He felt the words more than heard them, Face's lips moving against his t-shirt.
"Yeah."
"You know you're not really crazy, right?"
Murdock started to laugh and then took hold of it and stuffed it away because it was the wrong kind of laugh. He took a deep breath and answered. "Of course I'm crazy. All my psych evals say so."
"No, that's not... Those things we saw in country. If that didn't make you a little nuts, that's when you'd be really crazy. Know what I mean?"
"Yeah, I read that book. To get out of the army you need to be crazy but if you want to get out of the army you're not actually crazy so you have to stay."
There was a soft exhalation of breath from Face. It almost sounded like a smile. "I always liked the ending. Maybe we should get a life raft. Paddle to Sweden."
Everyone dealt with 'Nam in their own way. BA got angry. Hannibal had the jazz to keep him going. Murdock broke down and ended up in the mental ward. Face compartmentalised. He'd always know how to take his life apart and put the pieces in neat little boxes, ready and waiting for when he needed them. They were actually very much alike, the two of them, Murdock thought. The Faceman slipped between identities too, picked them up and discarded them depending on which one that fit the current situation the best. No wonder he wanted to find a life raft and escape to a neutral country (well, allegedly neutral, there had been that business about those Nazi transports).
"What about Hannibal and BA?" Murdock asked.
"They can come too. Swedish girls are pretty. They give good massages." Face was quiet for a little while. "Murdock?"
"Yeah."
"I'm really tired."
"I know."
* * *
Face finally managed to fall asleep close to midnight, with his head resting on Murdock's thigh and a hand clutching Murdock's knee. Murdock sat still, humming a little, running his fingers though Face's hair.
Hannibal and BA came back half an hour later, quietly walking through the door and squinting in the dim light to discover the two men on the couch.
"Is it over?" Murdock asked, keeping his voice low so he wouldn't wake Face.
Hannibal nodded. "It's all been taken care of. We found the girl. She's in the hospital but she's going to recover just fine and if she's smart she won't get mixed up with any more drug dealers." He paused, looking at Face. "How is he doing?"
Murdock bowed his head, seeing how Face's eyes were moving under closed eyelids. "He's going to be okay," he said.
Hannibal nodded, apparently satisfied with that answer. "What about you, Captain?"
Murdock looked up and somehow managed to find a smile. "I think I'm going to be okay too, Colonel."
- fin -