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Alex has never felt...right.
She knows that no one in high school thinks they are right. She knows that everyone goes through the growing pains, the struggle of finding a place and balance.
And on paper, she hits all the marks perfectly. She’s a three-sports athlete with a 4.0 GPA. She’s the treasurer for National Honor Society and is an editor for the yearbook. It’s the kind of high school resume that parents brag about. And her mother does.
But it’s hard being the older sister of a superhuman. It’s hard knowing her parents throw praise on Kara for the smallest things. It’s hard feeling that she’s one mistake from disappointing everyone.
But even with her achievements, she still doesn’t feel right. The fall of her senior year she starts dating Tommy Laurens because Vicky Donahue was dating his best friend Ken Powers. That feels the most wrong. She hates kissing him and constantly tries to find excuses to not be alone with him. She stays with him through the fall and through Christmas. Her parents love him. Vicky thinks it’s great they can double date. Tommy’s a good guy. He’s just not the right guy.
Nothing changes until that April. A new student transfers courtesy of her military father getting stationed in Midvale right at the start of the month. The second Mr. Nichols calls her Margaret, she shuts him down and tells him that her name is Maggie.
Alex thinks getting partnered with her is the first really good thing of senior year. She spends all day with Maggie, helping her find her classes and getting to know her. It’s the fastest she’s ever connected with anyone and Alex feels like she’s already better friends with Maggie than she ever could be with Vicky.
When Tommy kisses her at the end of the day in front of Maggie, Alex doesn’t take her eyes off her new friend and notices how uncomfortable Maggie is.
Maggie invites Alex over every day after school. She helps her unpack her room. She enjoys how busy Maggie’s house is with four younger brothers. When Alex invites Maggie over, her parents think she’s great. Kara likes her too. She cares more about her family liking Maggie than she’s ever cared about them liking Tommy.
The rumors start a week after Maggie arrives. Kids whisper the word ‘lesbian’ in the halls. Alex is worried the rumors will begin about her if she doesn’t stop hanging with her. But the last week has been the best she’s had all year.
Maggie doesn’t care about the rumors and when someone finally asks if Maggie had a boyfriend back in Blue Springs, she tells them no but she did have a girlfriend.
Most of the school doesn’t really care. A few guy make crude offers to show her a ‘real man’. Catty girls make jokes about not wanting her to check them out. She doesn’t really care. Turns out Maggie’s only got eyes for one girl at her school.
Alex breaks up with Tommy at the end of April. He thought they were in love and would go off to college together and then get married. It leaves Alex queasy hearing this. The rumors about her being a lesbian start right after. They bother her until Maggie tells not to worry about them. For the first time in Alex’s life, she doesn’t worry about what others say.
Alex’s friendship with Maggie deepens fast. She’s all but forgotten Vicky and the rest of her friends. Being with Maggie makes Alex feel right. She starts to realize that the never feeling right or incomplete was because she’d been pressing something down in herself.
She’s happy with Maggie but she’s not with Maggie. They both know. They feel the current between them but neither ever makes the move. Alex isn’t gay after all.
But she’s starting to think she is. Only she’s afraid to say it. She can’t get the word gay out no matter how hard she tries. Maggie does it for her with a gentle smile and nudge. She still can’t say it though. That’s okay because at least Alex has finally figured it out.
Prom was in May. Alex doesn’t want to go. She can’t dance and she knows that since Maggie won’t be there, she’ll be miserable.
Alex relents when Kara finds a red dress for her. Her mother tells her it’s a milestone high school moment. Her dad says how much he wants to see her all dolled up. She doesn’t have a big group to go with. So she opts for driving her little Mazda herself. She’s going, just to make her family happy.
Alex is shocked when she arrives at the school and finds Maggie waiting. She’s wearing black pants, a white shirt and a black jacket that hugs her perfectly. She makes a joke about being so ride or die for Alex she actually came to prom. They walk in together and Alex can’t think of a single moment when anything has ever meant more to her.
Alex feels like all eyes are on them and instantly shrinks back to the wall. It’s still hard to deal with the stares and whispers. She only moves to grab a glass of punch and then retreats right back to the wall. Maggie goes to say hi to some of her friends on the dancefloor. Alex lets her go alone. They walked in together. Maybe that’s all they are. Friends, supportive friends.
Alex stands there with her arms folded for awhile. Well, she does until Maggie comes over with a smile on her lips. She holds her hand out but Alex can’t take it. She’s afraid. She’s afraid of the looks, the whispers, of the rejection that comes from liking Maggie so much more than a friend.
So Maggie just leans against the wall with Alex for awhile. Maybe she's reading too much into things. They're just friends. It hurts her heart a little but Maggie can play that role. Joking and laughing as they watch their classmates dance and enjoy themselves.
Maggie won’t let them stay on the wall all night. She takes Alex’s hand and pulls her across the gym. There is a thought somewhere in Alex’s head that everyone is watching them. She doesn’t care though because she thinks her chest is going to explode from her heart beating so fast as Maggie’s touch. Her hand fits perfectly in her own.
Alex can’t dance but it doesn’t matter. It makes Maggie laugh a little at how lost Alex is at dancing. Maggie’s in control and she’s safe. Alex knows everyone is watching them and it’s starting to cause a little bit of panic in her. They aren’t even dancing that close. Sure, her hand hasn’t let go of Maggie’s yet but friends do that sometimes. She doesn’t want to hear the rumors. Mainly because Alex wants those rumors to be true. She wants to be with Maggie.
Alex runs instead. She runs outside and there is a group of kids off to the side and she knows they’ve got a flask. She needs it. She’s too afraid to admit the truth. She’s crazy for Maggie. She wants to be with her and those feelings aren’t returned. Prom was a mistake.
Maggie finds though. She runs out right after Alex, ignoring the few whispers that followed her. Maggie sees her with the burnouts. She walks right over takes the flask before she can take Alex can take a swig. She tells her that she doesn’t need it, that she needs to just look inside and find her truth.
Alex knows her truth. It’s that she’s crazy for Maggie. She wants to slow dance with her and kiss her and hold her hand. She wants to run off to college with her and get married. But she also knows she can’t have that because Maggie’s just her friend.
Alex’s breath catches when Maggie leans in and kisses her outside the gym. Maggie’s lips are so soft.
It means more to Alex than thousands of kisses with Tommy ever did. It feels more right than anything in her life. There’s an entire electric force coursing through her body in that kiss.
Maggie backs Alex up against the wall. They kiss for minutes, smiling and laughing between the breaks for air. Alex doesn’t want to go back inside. Maggie reminds her that music can be a gift and she wants to give her that gift. She wants to dance together.
They go back inside, fingers interlaced. She lets Maggie hold her close and sway in the middle of the school gym. It doesn’t matter if eyes are on them. They’re together.
They get this one perfect night.
It’s the best night of their lives.
It’s their beginning.