Chapter Text
Sometimes, when life got him down, Dab liked to remember his childhood. Walking around the house, pestering innocent nannies, playing with toys, discovering the world. It usually helped him escape the stress of homework, exams or whatever else was making him feel restless or uneasy.
Only now, it wasn't really helping him, since Evan, his best friend since diapers, was now his biggest problem.
He hadn't done anything wrong, not really. If you don't count being absolutely adorable as a crime, of course.
Dab wasn't sure of how he came to realize just how much he loved Evan. He was pretty sure they were just sitting on his kitchen counter one day, eating leftovers and talking, and he thought that he wouldn't mind doing that forever, as long as it was Evan in front of him, reading a book and laughing at his stupid jokes. And now he couldn't sleep at night, he couldn't form a complete sentence when in front of him and he didn't know what to do.
Because now, he couldn't even go back to that happy place on his mind, because Evan was an important part of it. When you know someone since you were toddlers, they simply become an important part of your memories. He was sticked to him, impossible to extract.
He had considered his options. Maybe he could fake his own death. Maybe he could get a fake mustache, a new name and get a fresh start in a place far, far away from it all.
The situation was so grave he even had to talk about his problem to his parents, telling them about how he had a crush on someone they clearly didn't know and definitely didn't live across the street and obviously wasn't the son of two of their closest friends. And his dad, of course, offered a few more ideas.
- I could build a time capsule, and then you'd get inside, fall asleep for 100 years or something, and then when you came out... - Dil was cut off by his wife, who raised an eyebrow and sighed loudly.
- Have you considered telling your crush about how you feel?
Dab blinked. He hadn't, in fact, considered that. He had been in relationships before, and he had been able to tell his previous crushes about his feelings. But Evan was no normal crush. He was his best friend, and the one person who had been there to help him through all of his life.
- But what if they don't like me back? - He asked.
- As I was saying, this time capsule would...
- Dil.
- Sorry, T-bag.
- Dab, honey, maybe you just need to talk to this person. - He felt his mother's hands running over his hair in a gentle touch. - Whatever you do, you know you'll have our full support. Even if you do, indeed, decide to sleep for 100 years.
Dab smiled and hugged his mom.
- Thanks. I'll think about it.
Once in the safety of his room, Dab threw himself face first into the bed and pressed the pillow against his mouth as he screamed.
How was he supposed to tell his soulmate he loved him? Things weren't exactly easy like that.
His parents had met while fishing. Maybe he could ask him to go fishing, like pals usually do, and then declare his love over a bucket of beta fish. Or was that too tacky?
Movies had a ton of good love gestures. What was stopping him from going full 10 Things I Hate About You and start singing Can't Take My Eyes of You in the bleachers? Or showing up at the Pancakes home with a bunch of giant cuecards, Love Actually style? Better yet! Evan loved Disney, maybe he could sing him a sappy song.
No. Those were way too public displays of affection, and there was nothing that Evan hated more. If Dab actually serenaded him in public, he was pretty sure he was getting kicked in the face.
So it had to be something private, just between them. It had to be personal, sincere. And it couldn't involve Dab romantically serenading Evan, because he didn't know how to sing. But that didn't mean it couldn't involve music. After all, Evan really liked music. He never left his home without his earphones.
Dab lifted his face from the pillow, feeling the metaphorical lightbulb light above his head.
- That's it! - He screamed. - A mixtape!
It was just the kind of sappy/old fashioned thing Evan secretly loved. He could even use those really old 80s cassettes, just to give it that cheesy teen movie vibe. He was pretty sure he could find some of those, somewhere.
All he needed was songs. Something that showed Evan exactly how he felt.
Now he definitely tried needed to jump back into those memories he had tried to run from for weeks. Look at every single detail, try to find something that would help Evan see just how much he meant to him. How he treasured every moment they spent together. How he had loved him since they were children, too innocent and too happy to see if anything was wrong. Because sure, things had been bad when they were kids. Sometimes, Dab's parents struggled to pay the bills. And Evan's parents had their own problems, problems that seemed to destroy the boy from inside.
But who cared about adults' problems when you're jumping on the monkey bars, or pretending to be astronauts. Although they didn't really played astronauts or anything. What they really liked doing was play as knights and kings, the central characters of a world filled with daring swordfights and fearsome dragons. Dab's plushies had served as pretend princesses many times, and they would turn trees into towers, imagining wicked witches living on top of them, brewing their potions and casting their spells.
Outside of their houses, they weren't helpless little kids, floating to the taste of some higher power. They were strong, they made decisions, they could change their tiny little world.
Meanwhile, inside of their houses... the story was different. They could do nothing but observe.
Dab remembered a night when he heard yelling from the Pancakes home. Loud, angry yelling. His parents looked at each other, wondering what to do. Of course, they fighted. Sometimes over stupid things, sometimes over more serious ones. But they had never had an argument that could be hard from across the street.
- Poor kid, alone on that house. - Said his mother, shaking her head. - He must be so scared.
Dab didn't want to imagine Evan, standing before his yelling parents. The thought of it made a knot form in his stomach.
After that, he tried his best to make Evan smile. And every smile, every laugh, felt like an award. Like he had done something good for the entire universe just by making that boy smile.
Sometimes, they would lay out in the lawn and stare at the clouds, giving them shapes ("That one looks like an UFO." "Everything looks like an UFO to you, Dab."). Slowly, as they grew up, and even without realizing, they stopped looking at the sky and started looking at each other. Dab could spend hours just absorbing each detail about Evan's face, from the way his eyebrows furrowed to the way his hair fell over his face.
He remembered one day that he had ushered closer and let his forehead touch Evan's. Their noses were so close they could feel each other's breathing, and although they hadn't cared at the time, their lips were really close. Just inches apart. If one of them had leaned forward, they would have been touching. Dab was sure that if he was in that position today, he might have lost control for a second. He might just as well lean over and get some rest. God, things had been so much easier before, when he wasn't aware of Evan's lips or his voice of his legs or his eyes or anything, just the way he made him feel happy.
Deep down, Dab had always loved that awkward, shy boy. Sometimes, if he looked him in the eye, he felt like he was seeing his soul. Only Evan's soul was his own. He was looking at a mirror, seeing everything he had ever felt in someone else. Together they had fought imaginary evil witches and dragons, and later teenage hormones and their problems with coming of age. Their bound was something that most people couldn't understand. It was like their minds shared their own little space, a no-mans-land that belonged to both of them at the same time.
He wished he could be as important to Evan as he was to him. But Dab felt like he had never done anything really nice for Evan, anything that actually helped him. Yes, he made him smile with dumb jokes. But when his parents fought, where was he? Across the street, getting a good nights kiss or being read a bedtime story.
Dab was sure the Pancakes must have loved each other at one point, at least. His parents told him so. But there was something there that was they didn't want to talk about, some kind of tabboo.
They would only find out much later that Dab's father and Evan's mother had had... well, they wouldn't exactly call it an affair. It was more of a flirtation, a "will-they-won't-they" kind of thing. Neither of them was even born at that point. It had been a brief, small mistake that didn't really evolve into something bigger. Dab's father met his mother little after it ended, and now Eliza was just a friend to him.
But Mrs. Pancakes still showed up sometimes, not even knocking or anything. Just... staring at the door. Waiting for something.
Finding out that little dirty secret had left Dab adrift for a while, but he wasn't giving up on Evan just because of some old crusty drama. Truth be told, he wouldn't give up on Evan for anything in this world.
Two peas in a pod. That's what their mothers used to call them. So close, always near the other. And Dab couldn't imagine a world where it wasn't like that.
The world wasn't perfect, and it never would be. There were grey days where everything felt lost, and people got angry and sad. Between all of it, they were each other's refuge, a place safe from anything the world could hurl at them. A place to wait for the storm to pass, for the sky to get clear. It was good, learning to live with Evan by his side. Learning to swim, learning to read, learning to write. And if anything went wrong... they had each other.
There it was. Something he couldn't leave out of the mixtape. That sweet childhood innocence, all wide sparkling eyes and childish giggling, mixed with those sad days and bad things that never got them down, not really.
Dab searched for pen and paper in his bedside and scribbled a song title, biting his lip and holding back a smile.
He was getting somewhere with this, after all.
Evan Pancakes could get ready, because Dab was coming after him with the power of music.