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"I love you." Loki froze at the words and Tony felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest, but he kept pushing the words out. "I do. As fucked as that makes me, it doesn't change the fact that it's true."
Loki's back was to him, his armour glinting in the lights from the penthouse. Tony didn't know if it was better or worse that he couldn't see Loki's face. Would it be as cold and calm as always? Impossible to read unless Loki let himself show a hint of amusement or a glimmer of attraction?
It took a long moment before Loki responded, his voice coming out slow and composed, "And why would you tell me that, Stark?"
Tony smiled tightly. "Well, why not? You're leaving aren't you? Heading back to space."
"Yes," Loki said quietly.
Tony couldn't help the way he flinched and dropped his eyes to the floor. Pain had flashed across his face and he couldn't stop it. How the fuck could he? He had fallen in love with Loki, after all. He should have known pain would inevitably come with it.
"Why would you tell me this?" Loki asked again slowly turning and looking at him, those sharp green eyes trying to pick the words and emotions from him until they could be understood. "Do you intend to sway me? Hold me to this world as one more besotted protector?"
Tony barked out a laugh at the very thought. "The only way to keep you here is against your will. What I'm saying doesn't change anything. I know that."
"Yet you believe it will do something, why else tell me?"
Tony ran a hand over his face, his mask falling slightly to make way for exhaustion and sadness. What else was there to lose? "Because it's the truth, and I know gaining it from a mortal doesn't mean anything to you, but," he raised his eyes, "but you have it. You're broken and vicious and an asshole; but that's what I love." He smiled a little brokenly. "And I'm losing you anyway, how much worse is it going to make it telling you?"
And that was the kicker, wasn't it? How much he'd grown to want Loki around, how much he loved being able to turn and see him reflected in the glass of the workshop moments before he physically appeared. The way Loki had stopped popping in and out and had started to stay for longer than a few days. They'd been living together for a few months and Tony had known it was too good to last, but he'd buried his head in the sand, pretended his time wasn't going to run out.
But it had.
Loki had decided to leave Earth permanently. He was done with his half-hearted mischief and his time in Tony's bed and life. He was off to bigger and better things out in the universe. Things that were not Tony.
And it fucking stung. Tony had been steadily falling for how purely amazing Loki was, not just with his magic and his intellect but the way he was full of broken shards that cut if Tony pressed too hard. Yet Loki was also full of brilliance, resilience and enough darkness that he could look at Tony without flinching. Could hear all his worst stories, fears and thoughts and ask; is that all?
He was a sexy mess of a bitter bastard - and for a while, he'd been Tony's.
Loki was still watching him from across the room, never having moved to come closer or step further away since turning towards him.
"And what would you do, if I stayed?" Loki eventually asked into the quiet.
Tony just scoffed. "But you won't."
"Won't I?"
There was something in the words, some small inflection that made Tony pause. It also made his heart race, something horrifically hopeful daring to form in his chest before Tony could squash it.
Tony had to be very careful with his next words and with keeping his emotions from his voice as he held Loki's unreadable eyes and answered, "Not if you don't have a reason to stay."
"Then what reason would you give me?"
A million thoughts ran through Tony's mind. A million things he would do if it meant longer with Loki.
Loki was also walking towards him until he could stop just in front of Tony. He only needed to reach out to be able to touch him and Tony swallowed, letting his eyes run over Loki; committing the image to memory. Holding onto it, even when he knew he could have FRIDAY play all the videos she'd ever taken of the demi-god, just to make him remember, to make him hurt.
He slowly brought his eyes back to Loki's and admitted, "I don't have a reason," he smiled crookedly, his resignation impossible to miss, "I only have me."
Because what could he offer Loki that he hadn't already given? His time, his interest, his home and his money; he didn't have anything else worth giving. All he had was his love and devotion for Loki. His complete dedication and willingness to do anything to make Loki happy. And since few people ever wanted that from him, Tony knew a lost cause and a broken heart when he saw one.
Loki tilted his head, scrutinizing him and Tony felt a desperate need to turn away, to head for the bar and drown himself in enough liquor that he might forget his sorrows. He knew he was completely screwed and he almost regretted confessing. It had seemed a good idea at the time, Loki was already going, he'd regret it if he didn't say anything, and how much worse would it be if Loki still left after he knew? Tony just hadn't calculated exactly how much more it would actually hurt. Because he couldn't hide from this. If Loki left him now - when Loki left him now - he'd know that he simply wasn't enough.
Tony found his eyes falling away from Loki's at that, and his next exhale was a little shaky. "But I guess we always knew that this wasn't going to last." He forced his eyes up to Loki and tried to smile. He fucking failed. His voice was also rough and the words difficult to say, "But I really liked it, while I had it."
He didn't expect Loki to move or to touch him. He startled at feeling Loki's hand cupping his cheek and when Loki bent down and kissed him, his eyes fell closed instantly. And damn it, he clung to Loki. He gripped his armour, pressed in close and poured himself into the other's mouth, desperate for his touch and his taste. When he brought a hand to tangle in Loki's hair it was shaking slightly until he tightened his grip.
Tony kissed passionately and lovingly until there wasn't a single bit of air left in his lungs and he had to break away. He panted, pressing his forehead into the curve of Loki's neck and refusing to let him go. Tony breathed in the smell that would forever haunt his dreams; spices, snow and old books. He shivered a little and let himself be weak, to curl into Loki and seek comfort from the one person who could sooth him, even while being the cause of his anguish in the first place.
This would be his last time to hold Loki close, and he was going to cling to it.
When he felt Loki's arms come around him in an embrace, Tony's eyes flew open and his breath caught in his chest.
Loki didn't do hugs. Tony had to flop on top of him in the aftermath and ignore his growls just to get any kind of cuddle when they fell asleep. This was... unheard of and Tony didn't like pity, it normally made his skin crawl, but like fuck was he going to dismiss it when it came to him now and like this. So he maybe wrapped himself a little tighter and just... let himself enjoy it.
When Loki's fingers moved into his hair, Tony shuddered against him. Loki just more firmly began massaging his scalp and Tony was torn between ignoring reality and sucking up all the unexpected affection, or actually asking what the hell was going on.
In the end, he simply couldn't stay silent and waiting for the guillotine to fall on him. "If this is the last hurrah, and the pity on the mortal lover part, can you tell me how long I have to enjoy it?"
The fingers in his hair stilled and yeah, there was that regret reaching up to squeeze his heart. Shouldn't have fucking said anything. But after a long moment, they started to move again. "You are a mortal," Loki told him quietly, "you have very little time at all."
Tony grimaced. "Yeah, but that's not-"
He received a sharp tug to his hair that was so unexpected that he fell silent, allowing Loki to continue, "It is difficult to look at someone and know that you are gaining affection for them but that they are getting progressively closer to being lost from your life." Tony went very still against Loki. "It is difficult when you know the fleeting nature of their race and personality. That they have a history of preferring to avoid complications rather than seek out commitment. It is difficult to stay, when one is only waiting for a funeral."
There was a pause and Tony took the opportunity to ask, "And if they do want commitment?"
Tony felt a long, sad sigh brush the top of his head. He also felt the soft touch of lips on his hair before Loki began to untangle them. Tony tried to grip Loki harder, to keep them where they were, but Loki's gentle strength was no match for his. Loki carefully pulled each finger from his armour and stepped back until not a single part of them was touching. He had a faint, sad smile twisting his lips. "It does not negate the rest."
"So what?" Tony asked, not sure if he felt more frustrated, upset or confused. "Leave before I die? Leave before you start to like me anymore than you already do?"
"Leave before I compromise us even more than we already are," Loki told him, looking at Tony with the same kind of sad affection that Tony had seen in himself. Maybe it wasn't as sharp, as consuming, but it was there and had the potential for more. "I care for you more than I should, Anthony Stark, and I can't afford to."
Tony's mind was rushing a mile a minute as he ran through the facts, ignoring the giddiness at Loki having care for him too, to focus on making him stay.
Loki had started to turn, to leave as if their confessions and their embrace hadn't happened, as if he hadn't dangled hope in front of Tony. So Tony said the one thing he could. "You asked me to give you a reason." Loki paused and looked back at him, curiously. Tony swallowed. "What if I extend my life?"
Loki blinked at him, seeming surprised. He also turned to face him fully. "What?"
"What if I extend my life?" It had always been on the cards, vaguely, he'd just never made the leap. "I still have the basis for Extremis, I could alter it, you could help me. I get a shot of that, I've got at least a few more centuries in me, maybe more." Tony stepped closer, hesitantly. "It still gives us enough time to work on making it even longer if it's not enough."
It was Loki's turn to look almost painfully hopeful, it rushed across his face with such longing it could have knocked Tony over if he wasn't prepared for it. If Loki's soft confessions hadn't made him believe that this was more than one-sided love, that this was Loki's way of stopping himself before he tumbled into love.
"You would do this?" Loki asked him, searching his face for a lie.
Tony just smiled and closed the last of the distance, bringing his hands to rest on Loki's hips. Standing careful and nervous in Loki's space as he posed back, "Would you stay?"
Loki gave a rough nod of his head, instant and confirming and Tony relaxed fully, pitching forward and resting his forehead against Loki's chest and breathing in his first easy breath since Loki had told him he was leaving. "Then put me in the lab, and I'll make it happen in the next hour."
To his surprise though, instead of teleporting them, Loki's arms came back around him and tugged him even closer. He felt Loki's mouth come down to brush against his cheek before moving to his ear.
"Your promise is enough," Loki told him. "I wish to have you to myself first, a taste of my bright mortal before he transforms himself into something more."
Tony closed his eyes, affection and desire rushing through him in equal measure, only helped along by the soft kisses being placed on his neck. He felt the material under his forehead and hands shift and tingle and when opened his eyes he found Loki in more casual clothing, a shirt and linen pants. It made the last of the worries around his heart fade away and let him raise his head to be able to catch Loki's lips in a kiss.
He knew this wasn't going to be like normal, that the sex wouldn't be rough and fast or full of games and toys. This was going to be far softer and sweeter; the look in Loki's eyes was something deeply adoring and grateful, his touches almost reverent. It was going to be about their mutual relief and mutual devotion and Tony was going to bask in it - because Loki was staying and for longer than even Tony had expected.
Centuries. The word felt foreign to him, but no less exciting. They just had to make it happen.
But, like Loki had suggested, that could wait a few hours. They could wait until they'd had a chance to celebrate and to reaffirm that neither of them were going anywhere.