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The Voltron crew considered themselves fairly close knit as a team. They always seemed to know what each other needed and when. There was one exception to that: one who they could never quite figure out.
Lance McClain.
The blue paladin was always seemingly happy, however the only paladin who seemed to have a grasp on what he needed was the yellow paladin. His name was Hunk, and he had been his best friend since before elementary.
As of late, Lance seemed more chipper than usual. It was to the point of it being almost concerning if not for the fact that he kept telling them he was alright and that he was just in a good mood.
The week went by like that; the team worrying about Lance, Lance seemingly as bright as the sun, and fighting the Galra.
What they did not expect was a deafening scream, Lance smiling as they arrived at the blood riddled scene, and Lance on the ground being held by his teammates before everything went black, rasping out one final word to his team and family.
“When you get back, go to my room. Read the letters.”
Soon after he was gone, his lifeless body being carried back to Lance’s room.
~
They each had a letter written for them. The paladins, Coran and Allura, and then an extra for all of them. There were letters for his family back on earth as well. One for each individual family member, and then another directed towards the entire family.
The date that Lance had written them was only a week prior to the mission they just had.
Everyone read out their individual letters before they moved on to the group one.
They started with their leader; the one and only black paladin Shiro.
“Shiro,
If you're reading this, I’m no longer alive. Hopefully it was in a heroic way, that way my family can be proud of me.
You're my idol. You always have been and always will be, even if you never acknowledged me or anything I did to make you think of me as something.. anything other than just a boy from Cuba, just the blue paladin, just Lance. Annoying jokester Lance.
There are a lot of things I should've said to you, a lot of times I wish I had tried to talk to you more. Sometimes I actually did, but because I wasn't strong enough, the minute you turned me down or told me to stop fooling around, I gave up. Why set yourself up for failure, right?
I didn't have the confidence to stand up to you, or try stand alongside you with the rest.
The one thing I ask that you do while I'm gone to not grieve over me for long. You have more important things to do, Shiro. We both know this, and I'm not worth taking your time anyways. Find a new paladin for my girl as soon as you can, I don't want her to be lonely for long either.
Try to talk to the rest of the team besides just Pidge, Keith, and Allura. Even if you don't think so, you all need to bond and not just with your lion, but as a team and a family. While I may not be there for this, I said nothing because I felt like you'd be able to do it easier that way, so I'm bringing it up now. I also didn't want any of you having to hear about all my insecurities and self deprecation. I didn’t want you to have to explore the deepest parts of my mind with the melder. I was used to it.. to my thoughts. You guys wouldn't be and I didn't want to do that to you.
You were always trying your best, Shiro, and I admired you for that. Keep doing that. Talk about your PTSD, get help for it, and re-think some of your attack strategies sometimes. They actually had quite a few fallout holes, so think back and find them.
Take care, Shiro.
-Lance”
Next was the ray of sunshine, yellow paladin and baker extraordinaire, Hunk.
“My main man, Hunk,
I'm dead, obviously, but don't worry much. I know you'll move on eventually. You knew the most about me and were always there for me. You always knew what I needed and when, and for that alone I thank you.
You are such a great engineer and were so smart I was honestly always questioning how someone as intelligent and skilled as you could be friends with a dumb flirt like me, yet you stayed anyways. Even after I tried to distance from you when we were 13, you were still there. At the time I was going through a lot family and self discovery wise, and you put up with all my angsty writing, singing (while in key it was still to MCR), distancing, and tears. I can't thank you enough for being there for me through that… and for baking me those cookies, god bless you.
At 17 you talked me out of suicide and helped me stop self harming, so since then I'd been clean for a long time and I have you to thank for it.
If you decided to read these out loud then I grant you my beyond the grave permission to tell all the 13 year old Lance stories, especially to Pidge, the one with the leather hat and penny was funny, especially after I was in the hospital with a broken leg.
My last request for you is to take care of everyone else for me. Make sure they're eating and sleeping, make them good food, and take care of yourself as well or I will come back and haunt you all for it. Don't test me.
This has been my letter to you. I love you, Hunk. You were the closest person to my earth family I had. You were a great platonic, I trust that you can find someone greater than me to be your next (maybe Shay, I give her my blessing, you ace teddy bear).
-Lance”
Next letter read was to tech genius and best little sister ever, Pidge.
“Pidgeon,
I will miss you so much. You are so smart and I'm certain that you will be able to find your actual big brother, and a better teammate than me soon.
You are and always will be more intelligent and technologically skilled than I could have tried to be had I still been alive.
Whether or not you noticed why I was so happy this past week is your decision to explain now, if not then wait until the group letter.
My last request for you is to tell Matt about me when you find him, and your dad, and make sure you at least eat something at night if you're going to be awake working on stuff. I know you read Hunk’s letter, so I will haunt you if you don't do that much on your own for me.
You were the closest person to my little sister Cas back on earth: sarcastic, sleep deprived, smart, and skilled. Be well, Pidgeon. I know you can do it.
-Lance”
Next to be read out, shakily and with some tears, the letter of the red paladin Keith.
“Keith,
First off I just want to apologise for every time I called you Keef, Queef, and Quiche behind your back.
Secondly, I know I'm dead so this is a dick move, but I loved you. I loved you so much, more than as a friend. Ask Hunk, I pined for you so hard he had to bribe me with cookies once to keep me quiet. Despite how annoying I was to you and that dumb rivalry I forced on you due to my insecurities and not realising that I didn't hate you but the exact opposite, I loved you and I wish I could've told you that sooner. Maybe then I'd still be alive, but the thing that stopped me was how whenever I flirted with you, training or otherwise, you just thought I was joking and that hurt a lot. I figured you weren't interested at all.
Third, my last request for you is to find someone who will love you as much as or more than I did. I want you to find someone who will make you feel loved and worthy of it all, since I couldn't. A couple of weeks before my death, we were getting along quite well, and then word of this big mission came up. The week prior you were too on edge to tolerate me, so I guess that was fun while it lasted. Talk more with Pidge and Hunk, they're good people once you get to know them, and even better friends.
I love you, Keith.
-Lance”
The last two were princess and soon to be queen of Altea, Allura, and the most gorgeous man, space uncle Coran.
“Princess Allura,
I'm starting with you first in this letter. You are brave, fearless, could probably bench press both me and the sun with one hand, and more elegant and graceful than any queen I've known. You'll be a great leader, a good queen, and I believe you'll be able to find out what your one problem is. You treat your paladins as just paladins. Remember that my friends are all so young, and one is in space with PTSD, fighting the very thing that gave him it, so please think about that from time to time and give them days to just rest. Pidge is only 14 years old, think about that. She’s only a child.
I feel like we could've gotten along better if maybe I didn't make so many passes at you. Sorry for that, I was just dealing with some stuff. Ask the mice about my skin care routine, I think you'd like trying it every now and then, it made me feel that much better in the ship.
My last request for you is to be aware that not all Galra aren't out to carry Zarkons legacy. Take Keith, for example. The only ones you have to kill are Zarkon, and any of his successors that try to follow his footsteps. Destroying their entire race for revenge wouldn't make you any different than Zarkon, being he did just that to your people. There are Galra children out there that most likely want nothing to do with the guy and his tyranny, be aware of that. There are better ways to rid the Galra of bad people, and make it a safer space for the ones that don't want to be involved.
Take care, and know I've already told Blue everything I want her to hear, so even if I was just a placeholder, give her a bit to grieve over me. I like to think I was at least a decent friend to her, and then find her someone that will clean her well and talk to her and bond with her.
Coran Coran the gorgeous man,
Next part of this goes out to you, the best space uncle around. You never really did anything wrong to me and you reminded me so much of my father back on earth that died when I was 16 that it hurt sometimes to talk to you, but I still appreciated our time together. Cleaning the pods was fun.
I was your favourite paladin and the only one you called by their name, and you told me more stories and facts about Altea that I could ever try to remember, but that one about you and Alfor as teenagers was one I'll take with me to the afterlife.
While you didn't really understand my homesickness since it was so different from yours, I still appreciate every time you sat with me in the observatory and listened to me talk about the sea, and distracted me by talking about the acid raid on Altea, so thank you.
My last request for you is to give the sweaters I knitted for you all to everyone, wear them while you listen to the CD I left in there. I sing each of your favourite songs while playing a space guitar, one about me that I feel described me well, and one for all of us as a team.
You were the best space uncle I could ask for, Coran. Thank you.
-Lance”
The last letter, read aloud by Hunk, was the one to the team.
“My space family,
This is the last letter for you guys, and here I shall explain this week.
I planned to die during this last mission, the biggest one yet; partly because it would be heroic as heck, and partly because I just couldn't keep faking my happiness anymore. Before that, I acted as happy as I could leading up to it.
I hated myself so much, and I lost any and all faith that I’d be able to go back to earth and keep you guys all happy. How could some broken placeholder cargo pilot ever hope to be anything more than a seventh wheel with you guys? At some point I just lost any spirit I once had, any hope I held onto.
I broke my record for being clean, and nobody noticed, but I figured as much, and smiled, since I knew I would be dead in just a week's time. I kept hurting and hurting and hurting myself in any way I could, and it was the most I'd felt in a long time.
I hope dying lasts longer than and feels as nice as slashing holes in my legs. That tinge of pain, the endorphins released as I bleed, wrapping them before I fall asleep, and waking up with that same fuzz of pain still there.
You guys won't miss me for long, so while you do miss me, I hope I'm not as annoying in your memories as I sounded to myself.
All of you please take care, and be sure to take the letters to my family as soon as you can.
I never loved myself, but I loved all of you more than I could ever try to say. You were my space family.
Paladin of the blue lion, Cuban lanky teenager, Lance McClain, signing out forever.
-Lance”
As the last letter ended, the tears started and didn't seem to stop. Nobody could say anything, and even if they tried, they couldn't and would break down sobbing.
Pidge was clinging to Hunk. She was sobbing so hard that she could barely breathe as she held the letter close to her since it was the closest thing she had to her impromptu older brother.
Hunk was red faced and also crying uncontrollably, holding Pidge close, and the letter even closer. He lost his best friend, his last line to family that he could remember. He didn't know how to handle all of this.
Shiro was sobbing while holding Keith, thinking about every interaction he had with the blue paladin, and how none of them were longer than at least a minute before Shiro made some comment to brush him off. He felt terrible, and kept rereading his letter in his head, sobbing harder each time.
Keith was clutching the letter to his heart, and crying harder than he ever had in his life. Not even after his best foster family sent him off did he cry, so this was painful. He loved Lance just as much as Lance loved him, and maybe if he voiced that fact, he'd be holding Lance right now, kissing him, instead of crying over the fact that he'll never have that chance now.
Allura and Coran were comforting each other, both in tears. Allura felt guilty for every time she turned down any offer from Lance to do her hair, or paint her nails, or just hang out with her casually and talk. Coran was mourning the loss of yet another son to him, the last time he cried this hard was the night after they awoke, since he knew his son was dead and had been for a long time since Altea was destroyed. This was just bringing that back in full, and he couldn't control his pain anymore, so he wept.
This went on for a long time. Nobody able to do anything without it reminding them of him, never really getting over their loss, and breaking down any time they so much as passed is room the first month after he died.
The one thing that didn't surprise them much, was when they about a year later, in tears, all made a trip to earth to give Lance's’ family their letters, and tell them why they were being given now and for what reason.
After taking the letters and hearing their reason, his mother kicked them out and yelled at them in Spanish to get out and never come back, since they stole and killed her son before she had a chance to see him again in person. They didn't question it, and left in tears back out into space, leaving his family to deal with their loss alone again.
Nobody was okay, and nobody really ever would be. They lost their blue paladin, their friend, the glue that held them together. The boy with chestnut brown hair, crystal sea blue eyes, a smile that was dazzling and laughter so bubbly and sweet and contagious. That boy was never going to come back, no matter how many times they thought it was just a dream, or saw him in their nightmares. He was never coming back.
No matter what they thought, he was never coming back. The only thing they had to remind them of that fact, were the letters he left behind.