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Marinette was very familiar with depression. She was familiar with the way it could creep up on you, and then settle into your bones like a sticky slush that made moving hard. She was familiar with feeling inadequate. She was familiar with all of that and more.
(She was also familiar with the general hopelessness that came with seeing your crush move farther and farther away from you every moment that you fuck up.
She wasn't a stranger to heartbreak, and she wasn't a stranger to disappointment.)
Her diary was littered with memories and confessions, and maybe this was a bad idea—the whole suicide thing—and maybe she would be happier later.
But right now she didn't see the future and she wasn't going to wait around until it would be in front of her eyes.
Simply put, she was done. Happiness wasn't something she was chasing anymore. Instead, now, it was peace.
She stole a glance to her left. Her phone sat unattended, most likely flooded with messages from friends who were all worried about her. The standard lie—'I'm fine'—wasn't working anymore. She checked the time. 5:03 AM.
Marinette sighed. Maybe it was time to return to school.
~*~
As soon as Marinette entered the classroom, Alya perked up. She was previously slouched in her chair seeming drained without her best friend. Alya's smile could have rivalled the sun then, but it did nothing to brighten Marinette's day. Regardless, Marinette managed a meek smile.
'Where have you been? Your parents said you were sick. They wouldn't even let me up to your room! I was *dying* without you, girl.' Alya said, rushing up to Marinette to give her a bone-crushing hug. Marinette's constant airflow briefly stopped.
'I was—' She gasped in reply, 'home. Like my parents said. Sick.'
Marinette was met with a frown and a huff that was not unlike a pouting child. She felt the urge to giggle, to act natural.
(So she did)
She went through the whole day smiling and to bring attention off of her life, her happiness, and the fact that she was—slowly but surely—planning her own death.
It was when Chloe was going on her normal rant that Marinette actually felt herself begin to care. Even after being Akumatised, Chloe was still as unpleasant as ever. You'd think that a girl would see sense after something like that.
'—Anyhow, don't talk to me like that! You're actually insane, do you even remember who I am? Ha! Of course you do, nobody could forget someone like moi. That's beside the point though. Another attitude like that and your arse is gra-'
'Chloe, do you ever shut up?' Marinette interjected. Chloe stopped mid-rant, mouth gaping and closing like a fish. She slowly turned her body to face Marinette.
'*What* did you just say to me?' Chloe's face burned with anger.
'Oh, I'm sorry, was I not loud enough?' Marinette knew she should stop. By now the whole classes attention was on her, and she could see Adrien's expression in her peripheral vision. He was staring directly at her, bewildered. 'I said, do you ever shut up? Or are you just always flapping your "perfect" gums, flaunting your yesterday's nails, and flipping your atrocious hair?'
The entire class gasped, and then there were few giggles at Chloe's expense. Chloe's face was entirely red by now.
'Marinette Dupain-Cheng.' She said slowly, seething. 'I will-'
'What? You'll what? Destroy me? Heard it before, blondie. Try again?' Marinette retorted, sassily.
'You're so annoying! I wish someone would crush you, like you deserve.'
'I see you're trying to save your pride. That's admirable. I wouldn't want to lose face in front of everyone, either.' Marinette's words slithered out of her mouth, slipping, poisonous. 'But you will *not* threaten me. Because Ladybug knows that will be the last thing you ever do..'
'Marinette you might want to stop—' Alya tried to interject and to break up the argument. Marinette seemed too blase about the situation, and it worried her.
'It's okay, Al. There's nothing else to say.' Marinette responded. She kept her eyes trained on Chloe, daring her to say something else. Finally, Chloe's lips parted.
'I hate you.' She said.
It was without the normal smugness, and without the snark of someone who thought they were better. They were the words of someone who was truly hurt.
'That's fine with me,' Marinette replied. And she slipped out of the classroom.
Immediately the class erupted into shocked murmurs and worried whispers. Alya made eye contact with Nino, wordlessly, but conveying a desperate message.
Nino, in turn, turned to Adrien. Adrien nodded, once, solemnly.
Adrien was next to leave the room.
'Plagg, I think she was a little too calm and venomous to be normal. Transformez-moi!'
(Mere seconds later, Chat Noir was on Marinette's balcony.)
~*~
'I haven't been akumatised.' Marinette said, immediately, as soon as she threw open the hatch to the trapdoor. Chat Noir slipped in all the same.
'I wasn't going to say you were, Purrrr-incess' He replied. Marinette shivered.
'Yeah, let's never call me that again.' She deadpanned.
'Why I never! That's a good nickname for you, I'll tail you that.' He grinned, but Marinette only groaned, turning away from him.
'you know what, I don't know how I ever loved you, you're insufferable.' She said.
(Then realised her mistake)
'Don't—' She started, but it was already too late.
'Did you mean... insuf-fur-able?' He purred. Marinette fell face first onto her bed, a long dramatic groan exiting her throat.
'You're awful. I hate you. I'm friendship breaking up with you.'
Chat Noir sputtered a laugh, 'Friendship breaking up?'
'Yeah.'
'That's a little dramatic. I'm sure we can overcome this trying time.'
Marinette seemed to sober up quickly at this. 'You think so?'
Chat realised that she wasn't talking about the friendship. 'I wouldn't have said it if I didn't believe otherwise.'
He swallowed thickly because Marinette was suddenly staring at him with her eyes boring into his skull. His face heated up. Her eyes were so blueblueblue; and she was so pretty, he couldn't breathe. Her pupils flickered over his face, searching, searching, but for what?
Whatever she saw, it seemed to sate her, because she nodded. 'That's true, isn't it?'
And they fell into a steady quiet.
Chat had to admit, Marinette didn't seem herself at all the past few days. She seemed to lag like a computer that couldn't just handle all of its energy. He was worried about her.
Right now he could very nearly smell the exhaustion in the air. The depression and the kind of feeling that made him want to surround himself with the happiest people on earth. He felt almost....
Chat took a sharp inhale through clenched teeth when he realised exactly what he was feeling.
'Marinette?' He spoke suddenly, very slowly. She raises her head sluggishly, but her eyes don't have a spark. They don't hold anything. They're just there. 'You okay?'
She stared at him a moment, then snorted. Briefly, and without any humour. 'No.'
'Did you-' He paused, swallowing again, and stared at her seriously. 'Did you want to talk abut it? I'm all ears you know.'
He drew out the 'all' longer than it needed to be. He caught her attention either way.
'No.' She repeated.
'Yeah, you do,' He countered, and a moment later he was striding closer to her, and capturing her into a sudden hug.
He could feel her breath against his suit, and it took all of his will to keep his heartbeat steady. Her arms came up to wrap around him, too.
'I want to die.' She said bluntly.
Chat reacted as if he'd been shot. 'W-what?'
'I want to die.' She repeated again. 'I don't want to be alive.'
'But-' All hope of controlling his heart went out the window because now it was beating wildly. He felt as if he'd have a heart attack.
'I'm not as strong as people think I am. I'm tired of being picked on. I'm tired of being ignored. I'm tired of leading a dou-' She cut herself off abruptly.
'Leading a double life? You know I'm always here for you.'
'Never mind.' She said. 'Could you leave?'
The question hung in the air, but he responded with a simple negative. 'You're going to hurt yourself if I leave.'
It wasn't a question.
'Yes.' She answered.
'Then I won't leave.'
And he didn't. He hung out in her room until she got so frustrated that she just rolled over in her bed and refused to speak to him. Eventually, he released his transformation. He heard Marinette breath in sharply but didn't think anything of it.
He crawled onto her bed and pulled her to his chest, humming low in his throat. It was a song his mother used to sing to him when he was a child. He'd long forgotten the words to it, but he supposed this would do.
She started crying after a long moment, but Adrien would not leave. He continued humming long after she stopped crying. Eventually, he whispered.
'Turn around.'
And she did.
'I understand you're sad. I know how you feel. Trust me. Being rich and famous isn't all that great, okay? But Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Trust me when I say that I will be here for you. As a friend, a knight in shining armour, or even in the shadows. You're sad, but maybe someday you can be happy and everything will be A-OK.' He rambled.
She stared. She stared and it made him nervous; but as soon as he began to backtrack her lips were on his and suddenly he didn't have to think or speak at all.
And that was A-OK.