Chapter Text
//Mass Effect I\\
C-Sec, always by the book. Arguing with Executor Pallin, just before a hearing held by the Citadel council with a human commander from the Alliance. I knew something was off with the Spectre in question. There was evidence but not enough. There is never enough evidence.
In the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of something red, a deep, dark red. Looking towards the distraction, it was a human woman. The red was her hair, it bounced along her shoulders as she took each stride. She seemed focused, powerful. Something within me, when I saw her, made me feel overpowered by her and my thoughts had then run away from me.
“Ah, Commander Shepard,” Pallin’s voice brought my thoughts back to the present, “this is Garrus Vakarian, head of the investigation on Spectre Saren.”
Shepard.
I wouldn’t forget that name. I hoped to see more of this Commander Shepard. We work towards the same goal after all.
~
It had been a few days since the Council hearing, the Council completely dismissed Shepard’s evidence on the bias Shepard apparently held towards Saren, because of the run ins with her Captain. I find it easy to believe that Saren is working with the geth. The Executor has told me to seize all investigations but I can’t do that. Saren is still out there and dangerous.
I got intel about a quarian with possible evidence against Saren, she was last seen at the med clinic in the Wards. I found Dr. Michel, she was threatened by some thugs. Then Shepard walked through the door, and it gave me the perfect opportunity to put a bullet right through the skull of the man holding the doctor.
The way Shepard handled herself during battle, such grace moving around the battle like it was barely more than a dance. I was almost entranced, surprised to see an excess use of biotics giving me the best shots possible. She flashed a smile at me and I felt my mandibles move by themselves and my heart stop.
She looked, what felt like, through me with those piercing green eyes, something never seen in turians.
“Good shot.”
Her voice barely waving, not a drop of sweat on her forehead. Her voice was slightly husky, but it had a melodic tune to it.
“Thanks.” I was taken aback by the sound of my own voice, the sub-vocals rang arousal and slight romantic interest, I thanked the Spirits that humans could not hear the difference or realise the difference.
She offered me a place on her crew to help with the investigation, of course I agreed.
~
She’s a Spectre now. The first human Spectre. She looks it too. So beautifully dangerous. Through my time spent with her, you can see clearly that she cares about her crew. She talks to them about personal things and problems, and helps them work through it as if they had been friends for years, or family even.
She watches me calibrate Mako, more often than not, making subtle conversation. I accidentally mentioned something about a criminal who got away, not thinking much of it. She propped up from leaning against a cargo box, and offered to track him down for me. I reluctantly agreed, not being under C-Sec this should be easier to deal with.
The criminal is now dead, Shepard trusted me. My information, my experience. He tried to convince her otherwise. She looked to me for my opinion, and she trusted my judgement. It makes my heart flutter. I find it hard to not think of her, calibrating the Mako keeps my head in the right place. But the smell of her is almost intoxicating. I wonder what regulations are for insubordinate relationships in the Alliance?
~
Ashley died today. Shepard had to make a decision to kill one of her friends. I watched her heart break. Ash was on bomb duty and Kaidan was with the salarians. She decided to save Kaidan and the salarians over Ash.
I’ve been watching her, she doesn’t speak. Her eyes black as if she doesn’t sleep. I don’t think she’s eating either. Kaidan is doing better but not by much.
I placed some dehydrated food onto a plate, I didn’t know what she eats. So, I put a couple of things on there; peas, mash potato, and meatloaf? I don’t know. I don’t even know if this a good thing to do.
I carried the tray up to Shepard’s quarters, luckily it wasn’t too far away. I pinged her. The door opened and I saw her sitting at her desk, quiet, unmoving, paper cluttered around her. Her hair a mess, wearing yoga pants and a loose tank top.
“Commander?” I asked gently, not wanting to surprise her. “I brought you some food, hadn’t see you in the mess lately.
She limply lifted herself, her eyes red and puffy. Her hair was wild as if it was fire itself. She walked to me and grabbed the plate, placing it on the bedside table.
“Thank you, Garrus.” She sounded so tired, I wanted to reach out and give her a hug that humans are seen to give.
I took a step towards her, closing the distance.
“Shepard,” I lowered my voice, “if you want to talk.”
She looked sadly at me, and it broke my heart. I walked to her and I stopped, unsure of what I wanted to do. Would it be too much? Too quick? I didn’t want to care, but I didn’t want to be forced out.
I stood directly in front of her, her eyes began to water. I couldn’t hold back any longer, I wrapped my arms around her and held her to my cold armour. I felt her shoulders tremble, and soft sobs escaped her lips.
“I’m sorry.” She pulled away wiping her eyes, “thank you.” She flashed me a sad, but bright smile.
~
I thought she had died. I watched as the Citadel crumble on to her. It made my stomach suck up into my throat. I thought… My heart stopped as I saw her rise from the rubble and dust. She walked casually with that smile, the smile that could make the whole universe fall in love. I shake my head and smile, it looked as if this all was barely a scratch, like one bullet to the shields.
She’s so resilient, how can one human be this powerful, this endurable, this beautiful? The dirt and blood that littered her body, only added to her beauty. I could tell this is who she is, and she is perfect.
~
She’s gone.
Kaidan gave me the news, over IM no less. It angered me, why couldn’t he save her? Why wasn’t I with her?
I’ve punched the wall too many times, my knuckles hurt.
My knees buckled underneath me, and I laid on the floor unsure of what to do with myself.
What would she want me to do? What would she say?
I wish I could hear her one more time, smell her one more time, be under those green eyes one more time.
They are holding a ceremony for her at the Citadel, closed casket. As she is technically MIA and her body hasn’t been found. There has been no information on who killed her and destroyed the Normandy.
I crawled on to my couch with a bottle of alcohol, watched vids of her in action. Watched the vids of her being interviewed. Anything to see that smile, to see the way she moved on the battle.
I recalled the times we fought together, the conversations. I should have told her how I felt, I should have grabbed her and took her to Palaven with me.
I finished my bottle and the news flicked on to my TV, Omega. Shootings and gangs ruled the area. I looked to a paused section on the interview vid with her beaming smile.
“For you.”
I bought a ticket to Omega, and packed the essentials.
~
They haven’t found her body yet. It’s been a year, and they haven’t found her body. I heard they’ve scoured what remains of the Normandy, and have seen no sign of her, but have collected the crew that had died during the attack. Every one of them, but Shepard. Where is she?
I’ve been on Omega killing criminals, and disrupting the gangs. Lowering the crime rates, I’ve gathered up a group of us. Not under any law system but our own. We’ve decided to clean the streets. I have a reason to live now.
But that has not stopped me thinking of her, it keeps me busy. But thoughts of her still linger in my mind. As if the image of her has been burnt into my head. I fall asleep and she’s there in my dreams, smiling, crying, fighting. I don’t know how to leave her behind. I don’t think I want to.
~
I was betrayed! They were murdered by what was a dear friend. A brother. And he betrayed us. I want him dead.
Revenge has filled my thoughts, I would take great pleasure in putting a bullet in his head. But for now, I must plan an attack. I heard the gangs are looking for me, I have a place. It’s going to take a while to set up. I hope I have enough time. If I’m going down, I’m taking as many of them with me as I can. I will run out of bullets before they can even come close.
I’m excited to see her. Her piercing green eyes, her dark red hair, the blue light of her biotics. When I see her, I’m going to tell her everything.
~