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Spock’s only broken his leg, but Bones might as well go through the whole procedure, since his routine physical is next week and he’s got the Vulcan captive until the osteoregenerator has finished its job.
"Have you noticed any changes in weight that are not due to diet?"
"I have not."
"Have you noticed any lumps on or under your skin, particularly around the chest or testes?"
"No." McCoy checks off the list as he goes.
"Are you sexually active?"
"No." The atmosphere in the room has gone chilly. Uhura left Spock only four months ago; this is his first physical since and the first time since they started the five year mission that he has answered in the negative. Leonard’s chance has finally arrived - the moment he has been waiting for.
"Would you like to… be…?" He starts off confident and then bottles out halfway through. Instead of a well-known joke pulled off well, it’s a line Spock’s probably never heard before, stuttered. And now McCoy is blushing, because Spock is looking quizzical and he’s probably just propositioned him.
"No." Spock says firmly.
"Are you going to report me for sexual harassment?"
"No." He says again. The eyebrow thing. He’s doing the eyebrow thing. Urgh.
The second the questionnaire is complete Bones retreats into the shadows of his office and of mortification.