Chapter Text
“I said no.”
Yoongi glares at Hoseok, who's sprawled on a couch next to him, and hopes it'll stop his friend from talking. It doesn’t. Hoseok’s lips curl into a familiar expression that Yoongi knows way too well as the “but please hyung” pout. He wonders when Hoseok will learn that he’s immune to shit like this.
Most of the time.
“Oh, come on! One more try. Besides, the last girl I found was pretty nice, I still don't know why you didn’t contact her after your date.”
Yoongi snorts when the memory of his last blind date, or rather, something that was supposed to be a blind date, pops up in his head. Yoongi isn’t sure what the girl’s name was, something starting with H maybe? Or was it M? In any case, H or M was cute in that innocent and just a little bit annoying way. He remembers her eyes the most. Big, starry and completely ignoring him.
“She was more interested in you than me. I can't believe you didn't notice.”
It still wasn’t one of the more awful dates he had. Well, more like the ones he was forced to have for the past…Yoongi actually isn’t really sure how long. Another thing he’s unsure about is where, exactly, Hoseok finds these people. On the Internet? From his suspicious circle of friends? Or maybe he just picks some random dudes off the street. Yoongi wouldn’t be surprised, no, but if it actually was the last option, Hoseok was dead to him.
“You think so?” Yoongi doesn’t even need to look at him to know he's smiling.“So it was a good idea that I went with you,” he says a bit smugly, more to himself than anyone else.
For some reason, and to Yoongi’s unending despair, Hoseok insists on going on the blind dates with Yoongi. He claims, “I’m here to protect you from potential perverts and other creeps!” and stubbornly ignores Yoongi when he points out that one (1): Hoseok himself picked out these people. He flipped him the bird after argument number two (2): which is how useless Hoseok would be if there actually was any danger, whatsoever.
Usually, Hoseok hides (not very well) somewhere at the back of the cafe or restaurant, and peeks at them, face partially hidden behind a menu. Sometimes Yoongi has to deal with questions like, “Is it just me or is that guy over there staring at us?” in which he responds with a quick, “It’s your imagination,” through tight lips, accompanied by a light and undoubtedly fake laugh.
Most of the time, that scares the date or makes everything even more awkward, but the last girl he met seemed to fall in love with Hoseok as soon as she noticed him. Yoongi silently hopes that if maybe Hoseok and miss H-M-whatever end up together, he’ll finally be free from his friends well meaning attempts to set him up with someone. Because, if he’s being honest, he hates every single minute of it.
They sit in silence for awhile, Yoongi writing on his laptop, the sound of clicking filling the room. He has a project he needs to finish this evening so he really, really hopes Hoseok is too busy thinking about his potential girlfriend to bother him any longer.
“Okay, Yoongles, just hear me out. One more time. Last one, I promise.”
Yoongi doesn’t stop typing. The clicking sound gets faster.
“No.”
“Come onnn,” he whines, his body inching closer. Yoongi warily eyes Hoseok before returning his attention to the screen.
“No.”
The clicking sound gets even more intense.
“This one last time and I won't ever bother you again.”
Yoongi snorts, “Liar,” and scoots a little way away from Hoseok.
“Please,” he begs, decreasing the distance once again. he’s almost upon Yoongi now.
The clicking sound stops and Yoongi removes his glasses to rub his tired eyes.
“Why do you even care so much?” he sighs.
“Isn't that obvious? I want my best friend to be happy and loved,” he coos, nudging Yoongi’s ribs. “And also maybe it’ll stop you from being so grumpy. Ah, seriously.”
“I really have to finish this so if you want to make me happy, could you just let me do my work? Oh, and stop mentioning the weird people you find from God knows where.”
“Hey.” Hoseok’s voice rises and he sounds almost hurt. “That last girl wasn’t weird.”
Yoongi smiles at the amount of determination hidden in his voice. “Then maybe you should date her.”
“Maybe I will.”
Hoseok stops talking and Yoongi starts to wonder if he’s actually mad at him. He looks at his friend and tries not to laugh when he sees the childish pout on his face. He’s about to say something but before he can open his mouth, Hoseok is already talking.
“It would be easier if you gave me some, I don't know, hints? Like, what's your type? Do you even have one?”
Something in Yoongi’s mind clicks and he almost can’t believe the great opportunity he has in front of him.
If Yoongi’s proud of anything then it’s most certainly his ability to come up with random bullshit. He mentally rubs his hands together in a satisfied gesture and tries to hide smug smile creeping into the corners of his lips.
“Oh, I have a type.”
Hoseok looks surprised and moves a little bit closer, his eyes wide and anticipating. “Well, what is it?”
Okay, here we go, Yoongi, it’s now or never.
“I want them to be muscular. Real buff.”
“Buff?” Hoseok squints, doubtful.
“That's right,” Yoongi nods, “buff.”
The excited expression on Hoseok’s face turns to something a little bit more suspicious. “Okay... What else?”
“Funny. Kind of quiet but also not really.”
Ah yes. Ten points for being as vague as possible.
“You sure have some specific preferences, I’ll tell you that.”
Yoongi thinks that “taken from nowhere” would be more appropriate but he keeps it to himself. Instead, he insists, “It’s scientific. This has been an ongoing process. Every blind date I had. Every. Single. Fucking. One. Hoseok. Has led to this very scientific conclusion.”
“Well then, they weren’t such a waste after al-”
“Younger than me too,” Yoongi interrupts loudly, “Good voice. And silly laugh.” He starts ticking things off his fingers. “Nice arms. Oh, and nice thighs too. You know, the kind that you can crush a watermelon with. Or kill somebody, probably.”
Few seconds pass and Hoseok blinks at him as if he wasn’t sure if he heard everything properly. “Are you serious right now?”
Yoongi’s stomach rumbles a little, “Oh! And great at cooking too.”
Yoongi promises to pat himself on back later. Well done man, well done. This is truly the epitome of his bullshit. Peak bullshit, if you will.
It’s getting harder and harder to hide his smile, especially with Hoseok’s confused bitch face staring back at him. He feels corners of his lips twitch dangerously but he manages to keep serious look on his face somehow and says,
“Totally. I want someone exactly like that.”
Hoseok gets up suddenly and starts to pat his pockets in search of something. “Why didn't you tell me sooner, oh my god. That would be so much easier.”
Yoongi feels his smile disappearing from his face. He tries to laugh but it comes out sounding way too nervous to be convincing. “What?”
Hoseok finally takes out his phone and starts to search for something. “I know someone that fits almost perfectly to what you said.”
“You're kidding me, right? Didn’t you hear the “thighs that can kill somebody” part? How can you know someone like that?”
Yoongi watches Hoseok’s fingers in terror as he scrolls through his phone, looking for a certain number. He dials and after few seconds someone on the other side picks up.
“Jimin? Is your friend interested in meeting someone new?”
***
Jungkook looks at the phone Taehyung is holding in front of his face. Well, more like in his face, it’s so close his nose almost brushes the screen.
“What about this one, huh?”
“I can't even see the picture when you’re holding the phone like tha-”
“He has a dog. He must be a good person if he has a dog. Date him.”
“I won't date someone just because they have a dog, hyung.” Jungkook sighs. “And that theory is kind of weird too.”
“What do you mean?” Taehyung voice goes higher, like it always does when he’s getting upset. “I have a dog.”
“You do.”
“And you want to tell me I'm not a good person?”
“You are but-”
“Namjoon hyung and Seokjin hyung have dogs. Are you questioning the fact that they are good people?”
“They are but that doesn't mean-”
“Shh. It's okay.” Taehyung pats his back. “We all make mistakes sometimes.” He goes back to scrolling through the dating app.
It’s been happening for a month or so now. Jungkook has no idea why Jimin and Taehyung suddenly decided it was necessary to find somebody for him. He’s been doing fine just being single, he doesn’t think he needs anybody else. He has friends and, honestly, there are way more important things to do than dating. Especially with people his friends find on the internet. He still has nightmares about some of them.
“We wouldn't have such problems if someone would be a little bit more helpful,” Taehyung says with his eyes still focused on his phone. “And told us what we should look for”
“I’ve told you so many times that I'm not even looking.”
“See, Jungkook!” Taehyung waves his hand, exasperated. “This is why we’re going nowhere.”
Jungkook clenches his teeth in irritation. “Okay! Fine. You win, whatever,” he says, rolling his eyes. “I'll tell you.”
Taehyung looks up from his phone, surprising Jungkook with the amount of hope contained in his eyes. “You will?” Oh god, he really looks like a puppy when he’s like this and Jungkook’s starting to feel bad about what he’s about to do. But really, he has to stop this nonsense somehow. Even if it means destroying that pure happiness in Taehyung’s eyes. Everything good comes with a little bad. Or something.
“Yeah. Yeah, I will.”
Taehyung gets up from his place with such speed that Jungkook is worried for a moment that he’s going to hurt himself.
“Wait, I'll bring Jimin, hold up.”
He storms out of the room giving Jungkook some time to think. Fast. Something really random. Total bullshit. Doesn’t even need to make sense. Even better if it doesn’t. Just say whatever comes to your mind, Jungkook. You can do this.
“Jimin!” Jungkook hears Taehyung’s muffled voice from another room. “Stop whatever you’re doing and come here right now! We finally have a breakthrough!”
Jungkook hears the sound of something being dropped and the quick patters of approaching footsteps. His hands start to sweat.
Jimin almost trips as rushes into the room, but he save himself by slinging his arm around Jungkook, voice teasing as he coos,
“Jungkookie’s finally going to work with us. I'm so happy~.”
They all somehow manage to sit on the couch, with Jungkook pressed uncomfortably between both of them. The air is thick with anticipation.
“Well?”
“So...” Jungkook pauses to add dramatic effect. “Someone short.” Okay, maybe not the best choice. But it’s always a start, right?
“I'm short and somehow I've never received any invitation from you, rude.” Jimin voice is almost offended. Jungkook glares but that only makes him giggle.
“Jimin, stop,” Taehyung says, giving Jimin an impatient smack on the head, “Let him talk. We’re finally going somewhere with this, I can feel it.”
Jungkook clears his throat before speaking again. “Older than me.”
“I'm older than you and yet I've ne-”
“Jimin. Don't.”
“Quiet and calm.”
Jimin and Taehyung nod.
“Someone who looks scary but is cute too.”
“Scary?” Taehyung starts.
“But cute?” and Jimin finishes.
Jungkook makes a serious expression. “Yes. Someone who looks like they could kick my ass but also is soft, you get what I mean?”
They both nod again. They don't. Even Jungkook isn't sure what the hell he means. And that's exactly the point.
“With good fashion sense and um... deep voice. Yes. Deep voice.”
“That's... oddly specific.”
“Somebody that doesn't go out that much.”
“Sorry, Kookie but isn't that boring?” Jimin raises his brow.
“Shh, stop," Taehyung whispers. "You are going to make him feel bad about himself and his weird taste.” Taehyung looks at Jungkook. “Anything else? Or can we discuss why me, a person with the deepest voice in this room, wasn't asked out even once?"
Jungkook decides to ignore that and continue.
“Original hair color,” he says with GD in mind, “Like green or blue. That's it.”
It gets silent and Jungkook feels relieved. Maybe they’ll search but even if they find someone like that, he’ll just add something new to the list.
Suddenly, Jimin starts to laugh. He searches for his phone and takes his time looking for something specific in his messages.
“What is it?” Taehyung asks. “Did Hoseok send you a meme again? I wanna see too.”
“He sent me something better a few days ago.”
They both look at the screen, matching grins on their faces growing wider as they read the screen. Jungkook is starting to get a bit irritated that he’s the only one with no idea what's going on. “What is it? What's so funny?”
He moves closer to Jimin so he can see the screen. They’re staring at a picture of some guy, nothing especially funny about him. He’s not looking directly into the camera, like someone took this picture without him knowing. It’s followed by a short description: his height, age, interests, few words about personality and some random facts. The thing that makes Jungkook the most uneasy, though, is his hair. Green. Or more specifically, mint.
No way.
“Who's that?” Jungkook asks, trying to make his voice sound neutral.
“Your Ideal Type,” Jimin says gleefully.
***
And so here he is, standing in front of the cafe, fifteen minutes too early, freezing and waiting for a man with a nice voice, silly laugh and thighs that could kill. Yoongi wasn't expecting to do that this Saturday evening, that's for sure. He was almost tempted to bring a watermelon and demand to have it broken right in front of him. Just so he could leave immediately when his date inevitably fails. But Yoongi isn’t that rude. The cold, however, is making him question his morals.
The only thing he’s happy about is convincing Hoseok not to come with him this time. Yoongi told him that Jungkook (does he remember his name properly?) is not a stranger so there is no point for him to be there, right? It's not like he’s some kind of pervert (…right?). Hoseok was whiny but he agreed. It’ll be new not to feel his eyes on him all the time but Yoongi’s not exactly going to miss it. He’s sure he can manage without the winks and thumbs up from the other side of the cafe.
Yoongi puts his hands deeper into his pockets and looks around. Hoseok showed him Jungkook(?)'s picture and even if it was blurry, he has to admit the kid looks kind of cute. But only kind of. You know, just in a way that makes you remember him. Jungkook(??), The Cute Guy. At least it’ll be easier to notice him walking the street. You don't see a face like that everyday.
He looks at the people passing by but no one looks even remotely similar to him. Yoongi starts to wonder if maybe the guy decided not to come at all. Well, too bad. It's not like Yoongi wanted this date in the first place. He wouldn't be mad. Maybe a little bit disappointed. Just a little.
“Excuse me?”
Yoongi jumps when he hears a voice next to him.
“Don't approach people so silently, I thought I was gonna have a heart attack.”
He looks up.
Oh. So he decided to show up after all.
It’s kind of hard to recognize him when half of his face is hidden behind a scarf. But the other half that Yoongi’s able to see is even cuter than what he saw with that blurry picture. He notices his cheeks first, tinted light pink from the cold weather. Then his eyes, big, dark and filled with so much genuine guilt Yoongi almost feels bad for saying that to him. He leans a few centimeters closer when he speaks, so he can be heard over the traffic noises.
“Sorry. I didn't want to scare you like that. Min Yoongi, right?”
His voice is smooth and deep. Pleasant. Well, that’s the first thing Yoongi can check off his list. His black hair looks different than the picture Yoongi saw before. It’s parted in a way that reveals a little bit of his forehead and it’s more messy, probably due to the wind.
“Yeah. And you’re Jungkook?”
He nods slightly. Even though Yoongi can’t see his lips he knows Jungkook’s smiling just by the way his eyes crinkle.
“Yes. It was easy to find you,” he says and gestures at Yoongi’s head. “Your hair, I mean.”
Yoongi automatically touches his green fringe. “I'm happy it could help,” he says and focuses his eyes on Jungkook's face again. There’s something in his eyes, curiosity maybe, but something else too. Nervousness? Yoongi isn’t exactly sure, but he’s looking forward to finding out.
“Let's go inside,” he says. “I'm really cold.”