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It was evident that the longer Joaquin stayed with Kevin, he became more withdrawn. He told himself that this would be purely a job, no feelings. Early on, Joaquin found it easy to fake his feelings for Kevin. With a few kisses, late night talks, and some mandatory dates, he had Kevin locked down. A little more than a month before they met, he had popped the question.
They were in the parking lot of Pop's eating burgers. They couldn't have gone in because if they did, they risked the chance of someone they knew coming in and asking questions. Joaquin was halfway into his burger when he realized that Kevin hadn't even touched his yet.
"Kev? You okay?" He asked.
The brunette boy didn't reply for a good while, he just sat in the driver's seat lost in thought. Kevin finally sighed and looked at Joaquin.
"Yeah, I'm fine," He flashed a reassuring smile. "But, can we talk for a second?"
Joaquin nodded, wrapping the half-eaten burger back up. "Of course, what's up?"
Kevin hesitated. "Uh," This wasn't off to a good start. "We've been spending a lot of time together lately and I was wondering if, like, you think this will ever progress?"
He looked into Kevin's eyes. They were filled with anxiety and hopefulness. It was clear to Joaquin that Kevin fell hard for him. He wasn't exactly the most opaque person, you could read his expressions like a book, unlike Joaquin.
Being a Serpent meant that he had to be able to stay calm and analytical without showing much emotion. He was practically an expert.
"Kevin, are you asking me to be your boyfriend?"
Kevin nodded quickly, "If you want that, of course."
A small smile tugged at Joaquin's lips. He, then, leaned in and softly kissed Kevin. This was probably the one thing Kevin loved most about being with Joaquin. He was always so soft and gentle with him. With the Serpents, Joaquin didn't care how rough he was. It's like he was someone else with Kevin. He was.
With months of putting up this front, he realized that he no longer had to fake liking Kevin. Joaquin gave himself hell for it. He had told himself to not get attached and think of this as an assignment, but he couldn't help himself.
He loved Kevin's laugh and how genuinely caring and compassionate he was. He loved spending time with Kevin. He loved sneaking through his bedroom at night to be with him and he loved the way Kevin's lips felt against his own.
Joaquin was in deep. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. This was supposed to be him getting inside information about Sheriff Keller and the police department. He found himself rarely ever looking for details about Kevin's father and this was dangerous. FP was an unpredictable man that Joaquin didn't want to upset. If this mission failed, who knows what FP would do with him.
He ignored Kevin's calls. Replied to his texts with one word answers. Spent less time with him. It was agonizing, but it's what he had to do. He didn't want to be in love with someone he'd ultimately destroy in the end. Joaquin didn't want to destroy himself, too.
Joaquin laid on the threadbare couch in the middle of his living room. He figured he could be out, messing around with the Serpents but he just wasn't feeling it. Loud music could be heard from outside. It was a Friday night, so this was common. The neighbors partied every Friday night, but Joaquin usually didn't mind seeing he was always over at Kevin's.
His phone vibrated.
Three new texts from Kevin.
He groaned and tossed his phone on the floor. He didn't feel like dealing with Kevin. He didn't feel like dealing with anything. Joaquin took a lighter from his pants pocket and lit up a cigarette. He stared blankly at the trailer's ceiling. It had so many leak stains. Every time it rained, he would have to fix a new leak. It was so tedious.
Knock, knock, knock.
He ignored whoever was at his door. It was probably a Serpent asking for a favor or FP asking about information on Kevin's dad. Joaquin ran a hand through his hair, taking a long drag from his cigarette.
Knock, knock, knock. The knocking continued for about three minutes before he got annoyed. Could they not take a hint?
Joaquin got up from the couch and opened the door a bit more aggressively than he'd like. Especially considering it was Kevin.
"Why are you here?"
That may have not been the best question to his boyfriend who he's been ignoring for the past few weeks.
"Can I come in?"
"You didn't answer the question."
"And you didn't answer my text."
Joaquin sighed and stepped aside to let Kevin in. The last time the two were both back at Joaquin's was when they got caught up in heated activities and couldn't continue privately at Kevin's.
Joaquin plopped himself down onto the disheveled couch with Kevin standing before him, arms crossed. He noted that he was wearing the same jacket that he wore when they met. Joaquin liked that jacket on him.
"What's wrong, Joaquin?"
Joaquin averted his gaze to the window. He watched his drunk neighbors laugh and talk over loud music still blaring. "Nothing," He mumbled.
"It's pretty clear that there's something wrong," Kevin huffed. "Someone doesn't just start ignoring their boyfriend out of nowhere when there's supposedly nothing wrong."
Joaquin shrugged, still looking out the window. He didn't want to look Kevin in the eyes right now. The Serpent could already tell that he was concerned just through listening to him talk.
"I want to help. I want to be there for you, Joaquin," Kevin said. Joaquin's heart ached when he heard those words, though he'd never admit it. He wanted to drop the faux emotionless act he was putting up and just tell Kevin the truth about everything. Joaquin wanted to be honest with him, but he couldn't.
"Okay," He said, voice monotonous.
"Please, can you just tell me what's going on?" Kevin's voice began to waver now. "Why are you being so cold to me?"
Joaquin now faced Kevin. His hazel eyes were beginning to well up with tears and the sight was heartbreaking. Kevin wiped away his tears with the sleeve of his brown jacket.
"Damn it, Joaquin." He said, turning away from him now. "I just want to fix whatever's wrong because it hurts when you're like this."
Joaquin couldn't tell him the truth.
"Kevin," Joaquin began, getting up from the couch and putting out his cigarette. "I love -" He paused. This was deadly. He couldn't say he loved him. That would only make it harder. "I love what we have together, but I think we need to end this."
The mood in the room was toxic, it was almost unbearable. They would have been in silence had it not been for Joaquin's rowdy neighbors and their music. The two didn't move. They didn't say anything for a good minute or two.
Kevin made his way over to the door. He looked Joaquin dead in the eyes. "This all could have been avoided if you just told me, you know." His voice was hushed and his eyes were red from crying.
Him leaving Joaquin's trailer calmly somehow hurt worse than if Kevin were to yell and slam his door.