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Part 6 of Coco Puffs: The complete Collection
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Hawaii Five-0 Holiday Swap
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2013-12-08
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Of Ruined Christmases and Zombies

Summary:

It was supposed to be the perfect holiday, but the chickenpox, strange Christmas movies and a couple of Zombies turned it into something entirely different

Notes:

I really, really hope that you like this. Happy holidays!

About the McDanno, you'll probably find it if you squint, turn your head a bit and blink repeatedly, but I hope it's good enough. I apologize in advance for any excessive mushyness.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

It was supposed to be the perfect holiday. Danny had planned everything to the last detail, the plane tickets that would take him and his Monkey to Newark international Airport, he bullied his little sister Amy to come pick them up at the airport, he booked a room at a very nice hotel, since his Ma’s place would be packed with people, and he had packed all of his and Grace’s winter clothes, not to mention shipped the presents in advance. In other words, he had made everything he could so their Christmas in Jersey went off without a hitch.

Of course he should have taken into account the fact that this island hated him, the fact that Grace’s classmates were the nastiest, filthiest rich kids on earth and that things never ever in his life went as he planned them; and if anyone dared to question his assessment, he would hold the last couple of days as the tangible proof of how doomed his life was.


The downfall of his Christmas in Jersey began on Saturday the 21th, just two days before their flight’s date. A call from Rachel informed him that Grace had a fever and wouldn’t be able to spend the day with him. It wasn’t anything to worry about, he was mostly done with their packing and the plans for the day had only included a beach day and maybe a visit to Steve’s place, so he just shrugged it off, hoped that his Monkey felt better and went on with his day.

On Sunday the trip continued to go down the drain when Rachel called to tell him that Grace had woken up with a rash all over her body, that the fever was still going strong and that it looked like the chickenpox. A house call from a doctor confirmed Rachel’s suspicions, along with the fact that Grace was not in any shape to travel anywhere further than the bathroom down the hall, so Danny spent the day keeping company to his spotted girl and trying to figure out if there was a way to reschedule their flights without having to pay a humongous amount of money.

He was surprised when Grace insisted, and then insisted again, and then threw a tantrum that forced him to change only Grace’s ticket and meant he’d be going to Jersey alone. She didn’t want him to change all of his plans and she certainly didn’t want him to spend his Christmas looking after her when he could be in Jersey celebrating.

He spent a good couple of hours explaining his mother that Grace was too ill to travel and hearing all of the stories about how they all had caught the chickenpox when Mattie had caught it from a boy at preschool. By the end of the day he was too tired to think anything about the headache and all around weariness he was feeling, so he just went to bed, grumbling about the unfairness of random viruses attacking his girl and things not turning out like he planned them.


Monday morning marked the official death of Danny’s Christmas plans. He woke up with a pounding headache and an itchy tummy and stumbled to the bathroom to find some Tylenol and start his day.

The sight of his face resembling a 15 year old’s after eating too much chocolate made him groan in annoyance. He lifted his shirt to find even more red spots and looked lower to see that even his toes were covered in the damn things.

He picked up the phone to call Max and request a house call, just to make sure that he wouldn’t die a painful death from the chickenpox (please don’t tell Steve about it!) and then to his mother, to grumble about her faulty memory (Right! You were at summer camp at the time, honey!).

Max left him with some medicine to take five times a day and Tylenol to take care of the fever and some of the itching. He also left a lotion in case the itching got too bad and instructions to call him if he felt even the beginning of a cough or if the fever got too bad. Danny just nodded at the appropriate times, waited until Max left, programmed his alarm to wake him up at when he had to take his meds and crawled under the blankets.


Danny woke up a couple of hours later to the sound of the alarm on his phone, but before he could reach out to turn it off, it went silent on its own. He moved the blankets just enough to take a peek at the outside world and was surprised to find his partner looking at him with a constipated look on his face and holding out a couple of pills. “Why’re you here?” He mumbled.

Steve gave him a concerned smile and handed him the pills again, along with a glass of water. “Max called and told us about… Your situation…” He said with a grimace. “I took the liberty of calling the airline, it took a bit of muscling, but they said that you can call them back and reschedule your and Grace’s tickets for whenever you want…”    

Danny frowned, just remembering that he was supposed to take a flight to Jersey that day. “Right… Thanks…” He said, downing the pills with a few sips of water. Damn, his head was all fuzzy so he couldn’t remember if his Ma knew they were not coming. “Gotta call home… Ma’s waiting.” He said, trying to reach for the phone.

Steve moved it out of reach. “There’s no need, Danno. Your mom called  a couple of hours ago to know how you were doing, she figured you wouldn’t be able to make it home for Christmas so she asked me to look after you. I think she called Rachel as well, because she also called me. She wanted me to let you know that you ´were welcome to convalesce at her guest room if so you pleased…’” He said, subtly phrasing the last part with a British accent.

Danny groaned at the suggestion, since the idea of recovering at Rachel and Stan’s place while he looked and felt like he currently did sounded as appealing as having his toenails plucked with a pair of tweezers.

Before Danny could voice his refusal, Steve saved him the trouble. “Don’t worry, Danno. I told her that you’d be well taken care of and that you’d be more comfortable at your own place.” He said, before moving to pick up his own phone from his back pocket. “Chin, what do you have? Yeah, ok, have Fong look it over and I’ll be there soon.” He said before cutting the call, turning to Danny with a sad look on his face.

Danny frowned, making a feeble attempt to sit up. “We got a case? Why didn’t you say something?” He asked while trying to push away the blankets.

Steve wouldn’t let him even lift his head from the pillows. “Hey, what are you doing? You don’t have a case. It’s just a simple burglary and we have it under control. You just worry about resting and getting better, okay?  I’ll try to stop by later, and if I can’t I’ll ask Mary to come over and check on you, ok?” He said while moving towards the door.

Danny frowned at the last part, raising his head from the pillow and glaring at his partner. “Seriously, did all those grenades break your brain beyond repair? Mary can’t get anywhere near me, not if she’s bringing little Joanie in tow! She hasn’t had her vaccine yet and she’s too young to get all spotty and scratchy!”

Steve lifted his hands in a placating gesture. “Alright, alright! I won’t ask Mary! I’ll take care of it! You just rest and take care of yourself, ok? Please?”

Danny rolled his eyes. “Sure, why not. After all, that’s exactly what I was doing before you got here and interrupted me!” He said, moving to get to a more comfortable position.

Steve chuckled, moving out of the door with a wave. “Alright, I’ll leave you in peace… Call me if you need anything!” and with that he was gone.


Danny spent most of Tuesday sleeping. He was feverish, itchy and achy, his head hurt and he was tired, so he had no problem with spending all day studying the inside of his eyelids. He only woke up a couple of times to take his meds, heat up a bowl of soup and decline Kamekona and Rachel’s offers to come over and check on him. He also read the 967 text from Steve and the 500 from Chin and Kono checking up on him, reminding him to take his meds and finally promising to come over to check on him as soon as they were done with the case. This forced Danny to reply telling them that yes, he was still alive; yes, he was taking his meds; no, he was not scratching… that much; and no, don’t even think about skipping on your respective family dinners to come over and stare at the spots  appearing on his ass.


He finally woke up for real about 6 PM when his phone buzzed with a call. It was his mom, calling from Jersey right after the stroke of midnight, wanting to wish him merry Christmas like they did each year. Of course that when they all lived in Jersey it happened in person, first getting stuffed with a Christmas Eve dinner meant to feed a small army and then having the stuffing squeezed out of you after midnight. It was their tradition to open one present right there and leave the rest for Christmas morning.

Danny’s mom sounded cheery, but Danny could tell it was forced. He knew that it was not just because of his and Grace’s failed trip back home, this would be the third year that Mattie would be missing from their Christmas celebration, and the fact that they had no idea where he was, let alone if he was still alive, weighted heavily on the whole family. He tried to sound cheery himself, but with the headache and his own crappy disposition it wasn’t going very well.

After the call finally ended, Danny was left in an unusual situation: he had plenty of time to catch up on some sleep, he had a comfortable bed, he was neither too hot nor too cold, but he was definitely not sleepy.

To add insult to injury, every small movement made everything start to itch fiercely, and while Danny’s vanity wouldn’t suffer too much over a few small scars, he had no intention of having to go to the doctor if one of the damn spots got infected.

Left with very few options, Danny reached out to pick up the remote and turned on the TV. Sure enough, e very single damn channel was showing some kind of Christmas special or movie. He skipped from “It’s a Wonderful Life” to one of the 500 versions of Rudolph, to some kind of Simpsons special and a cooking show with that British blond guy that cursed like a sailor.  

He stopped at a movie that didn’t look too Christmassy, judging by the British guy dancing to an 80’s song in the middle of his living room. He looked like that guy that was caught with a hooker, Danny thought. 

As it turned out, it was in fact a Christmas movie, to Danny’s annoyance. The plot was kind of confusing, or maybe it was the fact that Danny caught it right in the middle… He also wasn’t putting that much attention anyway. There was a married guy getting a necklace for his hot secretary and his wife catching him; a writer in love with an Italian girl and a bunch of other actors that Danny knew he’d seen before. Even the girl from the Pirates movie was there. She had opened the door to another guy that looked familiar, and he was just standing there, showing her a bunch of signs:


BUT FOR NOW LET ME SAY

WITHOUT HOPE OR AGENDA

JUST BECAUSE IT’S CHRISTMAS –

(AND AT CHRISTMAS YOU TELL THE RUTH)

TO ME, YOU ARE PERFECT

AND MY WASTED HEART WILL LOVE YOU

UNTIL YOU LOOK LIKE THIS

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS


Then came some kissing and hugging and generally mushy feelings that made Danny feel a little nauseous, and not in any way a little bit sad about the fact that nobody loved him. But the guy’s face and the pic of the mummy kept circling his mind until finally something clicked: “The Walking Dead!” Danny exclaimed, just now realizing that the guy with the signs was none other than Rick.

He slapped himself mentally, with all this chickenpox business he had completely forgotten that he had all the episodes from all 4 seasons in his DVR, so with a excited smile he reached out for the other remote and settled himself happily to watch the undead getting their brains blown off.


Danny didn’t even notice when he had fallen asleep, but a knock on his door woke him up from his restless slumber. He got up from the couch and moved towards the door to see who was coming.

He was surprised to find Grace standing alone in his doorway. She looked pale and tired, with a few spots still on her face. “Monkey? What are you doing here?” He asked, just now noticing that it was still dark outside.

The first thing that made warning bells go off in his head was the fact that Grace wasn’t smiling. “I came to wish you Merry Christmas, Danno…” She said in a flat voice while moving into the room. When the light hit her face Danny could see that her eyes were dead. She was pale and the skin on her cheeks was sticking to the bone beneath.

Danny knew exactly what was going on, and he knew that the only way to end it was a shot to the head. He suddenly found himself with a gun in his hand but he would rather shoot himself than hurting in any way his little girl. “Monkey?” He said, trying to see if he could find any trace of his dear Monkey in the being in front of him.

Grace didn’t acknowledge his words and with a snarl she threw herself at Danny, latching onto his arms with a crushing grip. “Danno! Danno!” She kept screaming.

Danny was screaming as well, fighting with himself whether to try to get away from the thing in front of him or hold his Monkey, no matter the consequences.

In the end, survival instinct kicked in, so he pushed away at the Grace-looking thing, only it wouldn’t budge. It kept repeating his name and shaking him around, so Danny resigned himself to being eaten by the thing and just mourned the fact that his Grace had somehow turned into the thing. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see Grace like that.


At some point Danny was surprised to notice that the hands holding him down were not Grace’s and that the voice calling his name sounded familiar. The fact that he still hadn’t been eaten by a zombie seemed to slip his mind for the moment.    

“Danny! Danny, come on, wake up!” The voice finally seemed to penetrate the fog on Danny’s mind and he opened his eyes to find himself in his own room, lying on his bed just like he had last night. The addition of a Navy SEAL holding onto his arms and looking him like a trauma victim was cause enough of concern for Danny to push Steve and scramble away as far as he could go in the bed.

Steve held his hands up in an unthreatening gesture. “Hey Danno… You with me now?” He asked, looking at Danny as if he were a spooked animal.

Danny nodded, looking around the room. “Wha’ time’sit? What are you doing here?” He asked, hugging himself, still not sure how things had changed so abruptly.  

Steve looked relieved and moved to sit on the edge of Danny’s bed. “It’s 8 am and I came over to check on you. I sent you a couple of text last night and you never answered, so I got worried. By the way, Merry Chrstmas…” He said with a frown on his face.

He turned to look at the TV which was still showing undead people getting various body parts shot off. “Is this what you were watching all night? No wonder you were having nightmares!” he muttered, while moving to pick up the remote and turn off the TV.

Danny shrugged. “Well, I must have missed your messages…” He said with a frown which turned into a glare when Steve turned off the TV. “Hey! Why’d you do that for? For your information this isn’t all that I watched last night! For your information, I conformed with the social conventions and watched a Christmas movie, so don’t go around shaming me for watching a bit of zombies in the morning!”

Steve gave him an incredulous look. “Really? You watched a Christmas movie last night? What was it about? Huh? And I’m sure that the zombies currently plaguing your TV screen have nothing to do with the nightmare you were just having, right?”

Danny seemed to sit up straighter out of pure annoyance. “Well, I’ll have you know that last night I watched an honest to god Christmas movie! It had Christmas trees and snow and mistletoe and Christmas presents!” He said, trying to piece together the confused and feverish memories from the previous night. “It was about the prime minister of Great Britain. He was in love with his… secretary? And the teacher from Harry Potter was going to cheat on his wife with his hot assistant! And there was a writer in love with and Italian or Spanish girl… Aaaaand the guy from the walking dead was in love with the girl from the pirates movies! That’s why I started to watch the walking dead, but he looked less fucked up in the movie… oh! And the hobbit was naked!” Danny finished with a nod of his head, settling more comfortably against his pillows.

Steve’s confused expression was truly funny, but Danny didn’t even have time to release a chuckle before the Neanderthal was sticking a thermometer in his mouth and taking his phone out to call someone. It was an ungodly hour to be making any kind of calls, especially on Christmas morning, but apparently Steve was in luck, because whoever it was, picked up the phone pretty quickly.

Danny wasn’t paying too much attention other than Max’ name being uttered, so he just worried about finding a comfortable position on the bed while waiting for Steve to talk to whoever he was talking.

When Steve was finally done he moved back to Danny’s side, taking the thermometer from his mouth and frowning at the reading. He convinced Danny to take about 5 different pills with a big glass of water and finally, after changing his sheets and putting an annoying wet cloth on his forehead left, Danny alone enough for him to slowly drift into sleep. If only a niggling thought hadn’t crossed Danny’s head. “Steve?” He said in a sleepy voice. “What are you doing here?”

Steve’s hesitation was proof enough that he was barely keeping himself from throwing Danny over his shoulder and dragging him to the nearest hospital.  “I told you Danno. I was worried about you, so I came to check you over…” He finally said.

Danny frowned. “But… It’s Christmas… Shouldn’t you be with your family right now?” He asked in a confused voice.

Steve shook his head, passing a tired hand down his face. He leaned closer to Danny, trying to get his full attention. “Danno, have you thought that maybe that’s exactly what I’m doing right now?” He asked with a small smile on his face.

Danny’s eyebrows climbed up on their own accord. “Really?” He aked in a small voice.

Steve moved to sit near the headboard, reaching down to squeeze Danny’s hand. “Yeah Danno. Sure, it sucks that Gracie is not here, but we’ll just have to celebrate with her as soon as you two recover, what do you think?”

Danny nodded tiredly, settling more comfortably in the bed with a yawn. “Yeah, I’d like that…” He said, with a small smile on his face. “Merry Christmas, Babe…” He mumbled while trying to curl up closer to Steve.

So maybe this Christmas hadn’t turned out as he had planned, but maybe it was better this way, he thought sleepily. He closed his eyes and smiled when he felt an arm around his back pulling him closer to the other figure in the bed. “Merry Chiristmas Danno…” The goof next to him whispered. And with that, Danny fell asleep, knowing that Steve would keep the zombies away.


The End

 

Notes:

I should confess that this came around the other day when I had the startling realization that the guy from the Walking Dead appears on one of my favorite movies, and that this would be the only reason why any guy would want to watch it with me.

That and the fact that for some reason there's been a lot of chickenpox going around these parts in the last month.

Anyways, I really hope that you enjoyed this silly little story, and Happy Holidays again!

Hugs!