Work Text:
K
I have returned, puny pickled meat bags!
SADIE
Oh, have you now?
FRANK
(sotto voce)
Sadie, do we know a luminescent pink being surrounded by halos of light?
SADIE
He seems familiar...? You would think that we would remember someone with such distinct features.
FRANK
To be fair, we are astonishingly good at forgetting things.
SADIE
Well, we do have a lot of help.
[SFX: CLINK!]
SADIE
Speaking of, would you care for a refill?
FRANK
Deeply and passionately.
SADIE
Darling, not with company around…
FRANK
Oh, right, this fellow. How do we know you again?
K
I have visited you in the past, in a span of eons beyond the time it has taken for your sub-par universe to rise from the dust of infinity!
SADIE
Oh! I recall now! It was last week-ish. And while I’m recalling things, I also remember the terms of your banishment. We just have to make you say something you’ve said before.
K
Incorrect, organ-sacks! Last time, I was banished TO your apartment, for it aligned with my point of origin in pan-dimensional space. But no longer! This time, I have come here on purpose just to mess you around some more, as is my ineffable and highly whimsical way. Because I have travelled here, you can only banish me by tricking me into saying something I’ve never said before.
FRANK
Even though we are both nigh blackout drunk at the moment, I still feel like that makes almost no sense.
K
Your laughable reality revolves within mine, you tri-dimensional dumbys! Do not try to comprehend it, lest you explode something in your thinking jelly!
SADIE
That explanation sounds like an unwieldy contrivance.
K
Oh, it is! I adore unwieldy contrivances. Not as much as fun and whimsy--my all time favorites--or interdimensional travel, but still, pretty great.
SADIE
Hmm. So we must make you say something you’ve never said before.
FRANK
Hold on a moment. You’ve already said all those things you’ve been saying? Even the pickled meat bags bit?
K
Oh yes! That is why I tell you freely of my only weakness. It is amusing for me to watch you attempt and fail.
SADIE
But surely there must be things you’ve never said before. There are ever so many words. For instance: Volcano. Paradox. Anaphylactic. Audit. Phantasmagoria. Ergonomic. Pensive. Triskaidekaphobia. Scarves. Effervescent. Argyle. Percussive. Swirl. Elementary. Barbeque. Concierge.
K
Said all of those. In that order.
SADIE
I was not finished! Tiramisu. Nephalem. Psychotropic. Fizz. Anemone. Trigonometry. Parboiled.
K
Been there, said that.
SADIE
Ribbon. Mesopotamia. Onyx. Eerie. Nadir. Bologna. Malefactor. Bifurcated. Thrifty. Anachronism.
K
Nope, nope and nope! All of the nopes!
SADIE
Erstwhile! Bassoon! Widdershins! Quixotic! Cosmonaut! Bioluminescent! RANCHO CUCAMONGA!
K
Ah! All of these words and so many more have passed the projection of lips upon the projection of a face that I wear so you mortals do not fall into a state of frothing madness upon glimpsing my true form! Also, even if I didn’t, you are just saying them, not making me say them. But you are good at lists.
SADIE
Oh, how sweet of you!
K
Oh no! You’ve banished me!
FRANK
How, exactly?
K
I’ve never said that before! About being good at lists! That’s not usually a thing! Goodbye, morrrrrrrtallllllllsssssssssssssss--
FRANK
Ah, you’ve done it again, Sadie. You’ve saved our skins from minor annoyance.
SADIE
The second worst kind of annoyance.
FRANK
Indeed. Shall we celebrate with a drink?
SADIE
Certainly not!
FRANK
Wha--Sadie!
SADIE
We shall celebrate with MANY drinks!
[SFX: CLINK!]