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Kaldur stared at his ceiling, unsure of how much time had passed. He sighed at his own stupidity. Why couldn't he make anything easy for himself? He just had to go and over-think and make everything complicated.
Roy -- his Roy -- had come to the Watchtower for the first time since the invasion. Kaldur saw him stretching and sort of just gawked like an idiot. He still looked as handsome and muscular as he did 8 years ago. Dick, fortunately, had brought him out of his pervy thoughts with a lunch proposal.
Normally he would've declined since they hung out all the time. (After discovering that Kaldur would be banished from Atlantis for at least a decade for his crimes against the democratic monarchy, Dick insisted that Kaldur moved in with him. For the first few months they wouldn't even acknowledge each other, Kaldur too frustrated and depressed to attempt to make eye contact and Dick too afraid and guilt-ridden to be in the same room as him for more than a few minutes. After a time, though, they began to communicate again and mend their severely damaged bond.)
But since Kaldur didn't have anything better to do as he didn't have much of a social life and really wasn't in the mood to fill out the report on the Team's latest mission, he reluctantly agreed to accompany him. Dick told him to wait a few minutes because he had to "finish up a few things" which more often than not meant mess (and/or make out) with Barbara.
It was then that Roy had decided to approach him. "Hey," he greeted. "It's been a while."
"Yes," he replied, smiling awkwardly. He hated small talk. "And how have you been?"
"Good, good. Everything's been..." Roy raked his calloused hands through his slightly-longer-than-usual hair, "good. And you've been-"
"Fine!" Kaldur exclaimed a little too quickly. "I'm fine."
"S'great," he said with a sigh. An awkward silence lingered between them.
To make matters worse, Dick returned faster than was expected and draped an arm on the Atlantean's shoulder. "Ready to go?" he asked with a grin.
The whites of the archer's domino mask widened. "Oh, I didn't know you two were..."
"No!" The roommates had shouted in unison, Aqualad looking mortified while Nightwing's expression was more incredulous.
"I'm with Babs," Dick chuckled, apparently amused by the sheer absurdity of the misunderstanding. "And Kaldur doesn't even like guys. Right?"
Now there he was, staring at the ceiling asking himself the same question: Do you like men?
It wasn't as though he had been in a real, devoted relationship before, nor did he ever allow himself to indulge in any desire or fantasy he ever had, romantic or otherwise. So how was he to know?
He thought of his previous relations, his unrequited love for Tula, his abrupt fling with Raquel, the... whatever he and Roy had shared before everything went to shit. It was nothing more than a close friendship. That's all he was. A friend.
Was was the key word there. So what is he now? Again, sighing deeply, Kaldur rolled over in his creaky twin bed and glanced at the alarm clock that rested on the night stand. 2:30 AM. Quietly swearing, Kaldur buried his face in his hands, the webbing getting caught on his nose and grazing his cheek.
Why was this so difficult? What was it about Roy that made him question everything?
For starters, he took Kaldur's feelings into consideration. After every mission he asked him how he was doing. Not "how was the mission" or "are you hurt" like everyone else seemed to do. He asked him how he was doing emotionally. His mental and emotional well-being was always put first despite the fact that it was Kaldur's last priority.
Then there was their nonverbal conversations. Artemis had referred to it as "eyefucking" more than once, but it was so much more than just eye contact. It was every lip twitch and silent chuckle during training. It was every gentle nudge in the side and impatient tapping foot after a mission. It was every distant glare and tensing of the shoulders after an argument. It was every swift peck on the lips and tight embrace after a stakeout or an especially tedious time spent apart. Their silence said more than their words ever could.
And Roy never took any of Kaldur's shit. He told him when he was being condescending. He told him when he was being a self-sacrificing asshole. He told him when he was working too hard. He was the one that convinced him to follow Dick's lead and take a break from the hero scene for a while. He never let him beat himself up for anything. He reminded him that he was allowed to make mistakes. He reminded Kaldur that he should take care of himself. Kaldur cursed himself for taking him for granted.
He then cursed himself for taking so long to realize that regardless of his sexuality, his feelings towards Roy were more than platonic. Before he could internally berate himself though, his phone dinged as he received a notification. He begrudgingly pulled his hands away from his face and reached for his phone. It was a text from Roy.
Are you free next weekend? Lian's gonna be with Ollie n I was hoping we could talk.
Aqualad grinned despite himself, and set his phone back down on the nightstand in favor of anwering in the morning when he was well rested. With his mind finally at ease, it didn't take long for him to drift off. For once in his life he was sure about something. He was sure that he loved Roy Harper.
At that moment, that was all that he needed to be sure of.