Work Text:
Hawkass: sooooooo
Hawkass: i MIGHTVE sort of accidentally maybe got involved with the russian mafia
imacat: Clinton
Hawkass: don't say that it reminds me of hillary clinton and then i want to cry because TRUMP
Spangles: ANYWAY
Spangles: Clint HOW
Hawkass: well…
Hawkass: it's sort of a long story
HERCULES MULLIGAN: we've got time
Hawkass: i'm pouting at the screen since noone but lucky is here
HERCULES MULLIGAN: who's lucky?
Hawkass: sooooooooo
Hawkass: i MIGHTVE sort of not as accidnetly stole said russian mafia's dog
Iron ore: CLINTON
Hawkass: literally please don't call me that
imacat: TELL. US. HOW. YOU. GOT. INTO. THIS. MESS.
Hawkass: OKAY OKAY
Hawkass: so russian assholes who run my building were terrorizing people and i was like 'hey stop' and they were like 'no bro go away bro' and then i fought them
HERCULES MULLIGAN: i'm sensing this isn't as long as you said
Hawkass: hush
Hawkass: AND THEN their dog got run over and i brought him to the vet and now i have a dog and now I'm sort of a landlord
Spangles: clint you've literally been gone 4 weeks how
Hawkass: but dad! DOG!
Spangles: i realize that but STILL
imacat: omg steeb has accepted his fate
HERCULES MULLIGAN: that's actually pretty funny
Spangles: hush continue
Hawkass: and that's it
imacat: i'm actually legit amazed at you
Hawkass: i aim to live up to my name
Hawkass: hey that rhymed
Hawkass: soooooooo
Spangles: omg what now
Hawkass: NOTHING just well
Hawkass: i'm in nevada right now and i need to be picked up
imacat: i changed my mind. last week was nothing. what happened now????
Hawkass: funny story
HERCULES MULLIGAN: uh oh
Hawkass: hush
Hawkass: well a baby avenger vigilante stole my dog and went to vegas with him
Spangles: CLINT
HERCULES MULLIGAN: there is SO many wrong things with what you just said
Hawkass: it's not as bad as it sounds
HERCULES MULLIGAN: elaborate
Hawkass: i met a girl called kate
Iron ore: omg hawkass has a Lady Friend
Iron ore: we have to meet her
Hawkass: gross no
Spangles: clint that's no way to talk about a dame
Spangles: *woman
Hawkass: she's like 5
HERCULES MULLIGAN: …
Iron ore: clint wtf
Hawkass: OKAY so not Actually 5
Hawkass: more like 17
Hawkass: and NO we're not dating- that'd be so gross
imacat: so why's your dog in nevada?
Hawkass: i MIGHTVE sort of pissed said baby avenger
Hawkass: and in retaliation she stole my dog and went to vegas
Spangles: clint how tf do you get into these situations?
imacat: steeb you said a bad language word
Hawkass: it just sort of happens
Hawkass: it's like a gift that nobody has
Hawkass: i'm a special gay
