Chapter Text
It was at the same moment Alec gently deposited Isabelle in the grass, where she laid unconscious but safe, a stone throw away from one of the many hidden back doors from which they'd emerged, when he heard the screams. His head jerked up, attuned to danger and always fixed on locating it. The bright light shooting out from the windows was like a neon sign, beckoning him to come. The cries of dying, the howl and shrieks, were closer than he ever wanted to get to hell. Nothing but evil could conjure up that suffering.
Which meant Valentine had succeed.
It was a race against time, and he was loosing. The glow, unnatural in the ink coloured night, flickered and waned as he rushed towards the main entrance. He almost crashed into a trio of people, Luke and Meliorn and some girl, standing huddled together outside. Alec couldn't stop to ask them what had gone wrong, how Clary had gotten into the institute. All he knew was that Clary had activated the sword and someone had sent her there.
Magnus.
Alec's heart stuttered, his breath choking him when he took the steps in two giant leaps, yanking the door open so it crashed into the wall. But time had run out. It was as if an enchantment had been put over the arched entrance and now seized to be. He hadn't taken a step over the threshold when all the ruckus stopped. Fear rose through him as he dove left, uncaring if someone would hear him, or lay in ambush to end his life. He had to find Magnus. That was the only thing that mattered anymore.
As he came around the corner, all weapons sheathed and unusable, he saw the doors to the grand room standing open. Throwing whatever caution that was left to the wind, he entered headfirst. The sight of the bodies; seelies, vampires, werewolfs; all laying like mounds on the floor, everyone of them blistered and red, made him stop. They were splayed out, both broken and dead, humiliated, in their final rest.
"No," Alec breathed.
As he lifted his eyes from the slaughter he found Jace, Clary and Simon standing like pillars among the fallen. There were tears almost spilling or already spilled over Jace's cheeks but Alec's hard gaze went directly to Clary.
"You did this," he said accusingly, unable to contain his anger as terror clawed his throat raw. "You activated the sword?"
"No, I-" she answered, shaking her head as her words failed.
"I did it," Jace said, roughing up the words that he strung together in a sentence that didn't make any sense. "I thought I was destroying it, Alec, but ..." his voice faltered as he looked past Alec, at what his good intentions had led to.
"Where is Magnus?" Alec finally asked, allowing himself to, no matter how much he dreaded the answer.
Simon looked to Clary, with alarm written on his face, and Clary's mirrored his. And understanding that it had only dawned on them now, that it had taken this long for someone to think about the other downworlder in the group; the one who'd gotten Clary here in the first place; sent his mind into the darkest parts of his soul.
"He wasn't here, was he!?"
"I-I don't know," Jace croaked.
"We portaled in upstairs," Clary confessed and Alec looked away, his mind denouncing what she was saying. It couldn't be. It wasn't possible.
"We split up." She shook her head again, as if that would make everything turn back to normal again.
But there was no normal anymore. The soul-sword killed downworlders. Valentine killed downworlders. And for all Alec had said that he didn't care about Magnus being a warlock, and for all he'd done to prove it, he'd never once wished as intensely as he did now that Magnus had been born a shadowhunter, a mundane, or a pure angel, whatever it took to assure his safety. Not even when they'd sometime, in the darkest time before dawn, when speech was limited to whispers and secrets, broach the forbidden subject of immortality, of the knowledge that Alec could pledge his life to Magnus, and Magnus could pledge some years in return, had he so fiercely wished for a heavenly change. Perhaps years were all they were going to have, but it had never crossed his young mind, not for one second, that it would be him, not Magnus, to be left behind. And now all that fretting, all the things he'd never told him when he had a chance, might be lost forever. You cannot confess to a tombstone, Alec knew, as little as you can love the dead.
"Oh, god," he whispered.
But there was no god in that room.
Alec started walking out the same way he entered, his heart beating through his lifeless bones.
"Alec," Jace said.
Alec looked back, kept moving, still breathing. When he hit the corridor, he started to run with abandonment, with the same kind of recklessness you only posses when there is absolutely no tether anymore.
It was the steepest price payed for bravery.
"Magnus!" he cried, waiting for an answer that didn't come, while he flashed from room to room, from dim alcoves to the bedrooms on the higher floors.
The hours grew into a wave threatening to drown him when he moved through the library, and past the training space. When other of his people once again started moving in the institute, when he was forced to weave between them to get past, and when he'd already searched every nook twice, Alec returned to the grand room now aware that this was how their story ended. He might have cried, but inside of him was nothing. It was a void, and when he would see the body of the one person he loved, in a way he'd never loved anyone before, and would never love again, he'd bury the sorrow in that void and let it be.
Simon was the first person he saw, standing with the bodies. A living dead amongst the dead.
Careful not to step on limbs and meticulously avoiding to look too closely, he came up to Simon, who startled despite his enhanced hearing.
"Alec!"
"Where is he?" Alec asked with a voice hoarse from screaming.
Simon looked at him anxiously. "Jace? I don't know. Did-"
"I meant Magnus' body," Alec said with finality. He studiously avoided Simon's gaze as he waited for the instructions that would lead to a sight he trembled to see.
"You haven't found him?"
In another world, in yesterday's world, Alec would have kept himself from doing more than sigh at Simon's inane question but now he looked at Simon, really looked at him, and then looked through him.
"No," he admitted, and it hurt like he was marked with a rune, over and over and over again until it was tattooed on his bones. "I haven't found him yet."
Alec barely listened, so it took a while before he asked.
"What did you say?"
"I said," Simon repeated, "he's not here."
Alec pulled himself into reality.
"What do you mean he's not here? Have you checked all the bodies?"
Simon nodded very explicit.
"I've checked. He's not here. And although there weren't any downworlders outside of this room when it happened, the once outside the institute weren't affected. Alec," Simon grabbed onto his arm and Alec didn't shake it off. "Even if he was inside, he should have made it."
The words rang false and true, jumbling together into a symphony of hope that soared through his exhausted body. Without wasting time or more words, Alec left the room filled with more horror than he'd ever seen and opened the door to the outside.
The morning was at it's beginning, early birds chirping in the trees when Alec made his way down the stairs, passing a large group of shadowhunters and some stragglers. The breaths that had alluded him for all the night came roaring back with a vengeance and he couldn't catch them. He panted when he stood on the sidewalk and kept panting as he turned around to stare at nothing, waiting for it to settle so he could think again.
And where he stood, he felt a hand on his arm. Alec flipped around, and there he suddenly was, alive, breathing.
So very much alive.
Alec threw his arms around Magnus, colliding with his body and seizing him. He felt his own arms shake but he couldn't make them stop, not even when they took a step back.
It was a quick embrace. There was so much to be said, more to explain. And to thank the Angel. And God. Or magic. Whatever brought Magnus here, back to him; thank you.
"Magnus, I thought ..."
"I found Madzie," Magnus said. "I got her out just in time. I took her to Catarina's. She's safe."
Alec moved his head, not even aware he was doing anything at all. His heart was bursting out of his chest, his lungs fighting for air. He didn't care about Madzie. He hadn't cared about Jace, or thought about Isabelle. All he could see was Magnus, his steady gaze, his calm voice, his touch that was the only touch Alec ever wanted to graze his skin. When it came down to it, he wanted Magnus. The rest of heaven could wait.
"Look ..." he panted, everlasting panting. "Magnus, on every mission I've ever been on, I've never felt that type of fear. Ever. Not knowing if you were alive or dead. I ... I was terrified."
Magnus reached out a hand to steady him. "So was I."
"Magnus, I-" Alec just needed one more breath, before he said it. "I love you."
And through all their time together, Alec had never seen Magnus surprised, which was the price of eternal life. But what played over the face he loved so much wasn't surprise. It was acceptance. And then there was just love.
"I love you too."
Alec's hands weren't gentle when he grasped Magnus' shoulders and kissed him. Their lips collided as they held tight, gripping firmer because of what they'd been so very close to losing. As they broke apart, just enough to take it in, Alec closed his eyes, resting his forehead against Magnus'. He didn't need to look to see the smile twist Magnus' mouth; he felt it between them, as they wrapped their arms around each other.
Alec burrowed his nose into the nape of Magnus' neck, and opened his eyes. The pain had started to subside but the metallic taste of fear, the same taste blood carried, still wet his mouth. He changed his hold on Magnus, afraid he would crush him with everything clamouring inside. To love something wasn't to keep it chained or fettered, but Alec knew he had Magnus. Around him and inside him and within his arms he had Magnus, and what parts he owned, Magnus owned of him. Alec closed his eyes, pushed away tenderness, and pulled Magnus in until there wasn't anything left to separate them.