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Jon doesn’t mean to eavesdrop, it’s just sort of easy to accidentally do on set, where it’s cramped and cluttered and the walls are thin.
“I just don’t really see why the scene has to be shirtless,” he hears. Jon stops dead in his tracks, not sure whether to back away and pretend he never heard anything, or walk into the clearly occupied storeroom, because Patrick is talking about the scene they’re to shoot this afternoon, and he doesn’t sound happy.
“The scene is supposed to be about Craig’s vulnerability, Patrick.”
“And I can’t do that with my shirt on?”
“Come on, you’re going to do great! You’re an amazing actor! I know you’ll be awesome.”
If Jon concentrates, he can picture Pete waving his hands around and getting in Patrick’s space while he talks. Pete adores Patrick, but it seems to Jon sometimes that he loves the limelight so much he has a hard time understanding why Patrick doesn’t feel the same way. Jon sympathises with Patrick, because while Craig’s body image issues are pretty integral to the scene, Craig’s issues are Patrick’s issues too. That’s got to be rough.
“I can’t believe you’re making me do this,” Patrick says, and Jon hears Pete give a wounded sounding whine. “No, no, I get it. I’m a professional, I can handle this. I just wish it didn’t have to be in front of everyone.”
“In front of some people in particular, right?” Pete says, and there’s a definite smirk in his voice.
“Shut up,” says Patrick at once. Jon turns around, deciding that he can go to the storeroom later, because right now Vicky is probably looking for him to discuss how the next scene should be shot.
Jon wonders who Pete was referring to. Greta, maybe. She plays the lead role and Patrick plays her sometime love interest; they make an adorable couple on the screen. It would hardly be surprising if Patrick were developing feelings for her in real life. Or it might be Spencer, he and Patrick are good friends. They’ve got a lot in common, both being efficient, driven and stubborn.
Jon reaches the library set and Vicky’s already there, blocking out the scene with Greta. She lights up when Jon walks in and instantly drags him over to discuss the best way to get the angles she’s looking for.
Jon likes working with Vicky. She’ll always listen if he can suggest a better way of getting the effect she’s looking for, but she knows how to get things done and when to say no. She gets Jon organised and then talks Greta through how she wants the scene played, and not long after that they’re rolling, Jon standing behind the camera watching Greta turn out yet another tremendous performance.
With TV shows about werewolves, vampires, zombies and superheroes all taking off and doing surprisingly well in the ratings, CSTV decided that what was missing was something with cyborgs. That something turned out to be an adaptation of Pete Wentz’s bestselling sci-fi book series, Circuits. It’s something about humans enhancing themselves with different types of cybernetic technology and computer systems becoming self-aware; Jon hasn’t actually read it so he doesn’t know the details. (He doesn’t like to admit this to people at work. He got halfway through the first book, but it’s not really his thing.)
Anyway, the ethics and implications of different types of technology is a fairly major theme for the show, and, Jon assumes, the books. Several reviewers have compared Wentz to Asimov. Jon doesn’t know nearly enough about the genre to say whether the comparison is warranted, but Pete laughs it off whenever it comes up. Patrick plays the one guy who’s morally opposed to the whole thing and so has a regular, unenhanced mind and body.
Greta’s scene is an easy one to shoot; her character has mental enhancements rather than physical, and the scene revolves around her rapidly solving some complex equation. Jon doesn’t have to account for loads of movement or complicated action sequences, and Greta nails the material in a few takes. She’s very good at getting across complex emotions with her body language; Vicky raves about it all the time. They finish up ahead of schedule and Jon ducks into the bathroom before he has to set everything up in Craig’s apartment set.
Patrick’s in the bathroom when Jon goes in, standing in front of the mirror and pulling his t-shirt tight around himself. He lets go quickly when Jon comes in, smoothes the cloth over his chest like he was just straightening it out, but it’s pretty obvious that he’s stressing out about the scene they’re about to shoot.
Jon glances over while he’s washing his hands. Patrick’s still fiddling with his hair. If Jamia, the hairstylist, could see him, she’d flip right out. Patrick’s face is tense and unhappy, and Jon feels bad for him. “You’ll knock this one out of the park,” he says, trying to sound reassuring.
Patrick smiles weakly. “As long as I don’t put anyone off their food,” he says, and he’s trying for a light-hearted tone but it sounds really forced.
“Dude,” Jon says, surprised. He had no idea Patrick’s insecurity ran this deep. “No way. You’re...” He pauses, because it would be kind of weird to admit how much time he spends looking at Patrick and thinking about him, even when they’re not filming. “I really don’t think you have to worry.”
Patrick’s smile looks a little more genuine this time. “Thanks,” he says. “I better get out there, I guess.”
This scene takes a bit longer to shoot. They’re getting some amazing footage, just like Jon predicted, but they have to stop pretty frequently so that Vicky can talk Patrick through some aspect of his performance or answer a question, or, a few times, just to take a break.
Craig is Patrick’s first major role. He’d come in to audition for a more minor part, but the story went that when Pete had seen him he’d decided Patrick was born to play Craig, and he’d badgered Vicky about it until she’d given in. Since then, everyone has come to agree that Pete was right, but Patrick clearly isn’t all that comfortable being in the spotlight.
The end of the scene is harder, because that’s where Brendon comes in. Brendon’s character is someone who has embraced the whole enhancement thing. He keeps up a pretty intense workout scheme for the part and shoots most of his scenes standing on a box, and the result is that Brendon’s become a regular on those ‘hottest new star’ polls. He has to walk through the door and startle Patrick into throwing on a shirt nearly a dozen times before they get it just right. By the time they’re done, everyone feels pretty drained, but Patrick looks exhausted. He leaves the set and heads in the direction of his trailer, barely nodding to people as he goes.
Jon would like to follow him, but his work’s not done for the day, not by far. There are two more scenes to shoot, as well as planning for the next day. Somehow, Jon gets roped into refereeing a dispute between Pete and Ryan, mostly by virtue of being the only guy around when it happens. Ryan Ross is the guy the network hired to adapt Pete’s books to TV scripts. Most of the time they get along like freaky brain twins, but once in a while they have a disagreement which turns into a raging argument. Jon can’t exactly answer the question of whether changing some of Greta’s enhancements to have more obvious physical effects which can be better displayed on television will ruin the integrity of Pete’s story or not, but he can stare at them until they both get uncomfortable and start listening to one another instead of just yelling.
Once they’ve wrapped for the day, Jon packs his cameras up a bit more hastily than usual. He’s just eager to get away from the studio and relax at home, is what he tells himself. No matter how much he hurries, Patrick is most likely already long gone, and it would be silly to think he can catch up to him on the way out.
He rushes out to the parking lot by himself. Everyone’s either already gone, or still packing up inside. The lot is empty, or so Jon thinks until he passes Patrick’s car and realises Patrick is still there after all, leaning against the driver’s door and looking miserable.
Jon’s feet crunch in the gravel and Patrick startles, straightening up and carefully removing any expression from his face. Jon’s impressed; he knew Patrick could act, but if he hadn’t seen it happen he would never have realised just how upset Patrick was.
“Hey,” he says with a nod.
“Hey,” Patrick nods back. Jon moves to keep walking, but hesitates. It’s not really his business, and Patrick would probably rather talk to Pete or someone he’s closer to, except that it looks like he’s trying to hide that anything’s wrong, so maybe he won’t.
“Is everything okay?” Jon asks, mouth going dry with nerves as he talks.
“Yeah, of course,” says Patrick.
“Okay,” says Jon, and he really should walk away, but he just can’t leave Patrick looking so sad. “Because you seem pretty down.”
Patrick shakes his head with a rueful grin. “It’s nothing. Just a rough day.”
“Yeah,” Jon says. “At least it’s over though, right?”
“Yeah, for now,” Patrick says. “Until the episode airs and everyone who sees it...” he trails off, apparently unwilling to voice what he thinks the reaction will be. Jon hesitates, not sure what comforting words he can offer. Patrick must notice that Jon is lost for words, because he blushes and ducks his head. “Sorry,” he says. “You must think I’m such an asshole. I’ve got this amazing job that most people would love to have, and all I can do is complain.”
“I don’t think you’re an asshole at all,” Jon insists. “It was a really tough scene, but I couldn’t believe how you saw it through. Your performance was great. I know Vicky told you so.”
“Oh, yeah,” Patrick says, a little dismissively. “Sometimes I worry that she’s just saying things to be nice,” he adds, looking at the ground.
“Vicky?” Jon asks, surprised. “Shit, no. I’ve known her for a while now, she never says anything just to be nice. Not when it comes to work. If she says you were good, it’s because you were good.”
“Really?” Patrick says, turning a little red at the compliment.
“Yeah,” says Jon. “When you watch the episode, you’ll see what I mean.”
“Oh no, I’m not planning on watching that ever.”
“Your loss,” Jon says, because it would be just a little weird to admit to Patrick that he can’t wait to see it. “I should head home.”
“You’re not going out with Brendon tonight?” Patrick asks, a little rushed like he has to get the words out fast before they wander away.
“Brendon? Nah, he’s got a date tonight, I think.”
“Oh... you think? I thought that, uh, that you two were...”
“Were what?” Jon asks before he catches on. “Oh, no. Brendon’s straight.”
“He is?” Patrick says. He looks both surprised and intrigued, which has Jon puzzled until he adds, “And you’re...?”
It takes Jon a second longer than it should to realise that Patrick is flirting with him. He’s never imagined that Patrick even knows how to flirt. “Single,” he says suggestively.
Patrick twitches and looks away from Jon. “Oh, right. Yeah. That’s... okay,” he stammers, and Jon feels bad. Maybe he read things wrong. Maybe Patrick is interested in Spencer after all.
“See you tomorrow, Patrick,” he says, and waves goodbye as he heads to his own car.
Instead of sleeping that night, Jon tosses and turns, trying to figure Patrick out, trying to decide whether he just misread the situation terribly or whether Patrick was actually coming onto him and just really shy. By the time morning comes around, he has a headache and his eyes feel gritty and sore, and he still hasn’t figured out the answer.
Jon arrives at work planning to pretend that his conversation with Patrick never happened, but it becomes clear throughout the day that Patrick is avoiding him. He won’t even look at Jon, which isn’t so noticeable during shooting when he’s not supposed to look at the camera anyway, but is a lot more obvious at lunch when they come face to face over a tray of bagels and Patrick suddenly claims not to be hungry and flees the room. Jon takes his own lunch to an empty corner and tries to eat, although his appetite has also fled and he mostly just feels really shitty.
When he’s halfway through his sandwich, which looked really good on the table but is proving difficult to choke down, a shadow falls across him. Jon looks up and sees Pete, and is so startled that he almost drops the sandwich and half the filling falls out.
“What’s going on between you and Patrick?” Pete asks. Jon gulps. Pete is usually an easygoing guy, but he’s very protective of Patrick.
“Hey... um. Yeah, that. It’s my fault, I guess? I might have misread things, a bit. But I’m not going to bother him, or anything, I swear. I don’t want to make Patrick feel uncomfortable.”
Jon feels like this declaration of good intentions is less than convincing, and he’s sort of expecting Pete to ignore him and threaten to slash his tires or something. Instead, Pete grabs an empty chair and pulls it close to sit next to Jon. “Patrick is a self-sabotaging goofball,” he says fondly once he’s seated. “He likes you.”
Jon laughs a little bit. “The evidence suggests otherwise.”
Pete rolls his eyes. “No, no no no,” he says. “Patrick has this messed up belief that he must have misunderstood somehow, because in his world guys like you don’t go for guys like him. He’s just scared of being rejected.”
“Guys like me?” Jon wonders, because the rest of what Pete’s saying is a bit too much to take in straight away.
“Guys he likes,” Pete explains with a gentle smile. Jon thinks he might have misjudged Pete; the guy obviously understands Patrick better than he thought.
“What do you want me to do? Go talk to him?”
“No, wait for him to approach you,” Pete says. “It shouldn’t take too long; I told him if he doesn’t talk to you by the end of the day I’ll make Ryan write Craig a full frontal scene into the season finale.”
“That was kind of a dick move.”
Pete waves a hand carelessly. “I wasn’t being serious, he knows the network wouldn’t allow it. He just needs a push. When you see him, though, you’ve got to tell him how you feel. Straight up, no way for him to convince himself you meant something else, because he will, if there’s any way he can.”
“How on earth can I do that?” Jon wonders, but Pete, who up until that point had had so much to say, is infuriatingly silent on the topic.
Jon keeps looking for Patrick throughout the day, but he’s hard to find. Jon guesses that Patrick’s still avoiding him and that Pete’s words were so much bluster. It’s disappointing, but nothing he shouldn’t have expected.
It’s only once they’ve finished for the day and Jon is tidying up his equipment that Patrick appears. Jon’s taking his time over it, fixing the tangled mess that he’d left behind the day before. Patrick walks into the room and stands quietly by the wall, so that it takes Jon several minutes to notice him.
“Hey,” Jon says at last, when a movement seen from the corner of his eye turns his attention Patrick’s way.
“Hi,” Patrick says, stepping out into the middle of the room, twisting the hem of his shirt in his hands. “Um. Pete said I should – that is, I realised that. Uh. Yesterday. I acted like a bit of a freak. Sorry about that.”
Jon’s pretty sure that’s not what Pete said he should do at all. Still, Patrick’s made the first move, which must have taken guts. “I’m the one who should be sorry,” Jon says instead. “Yesterday I went about it all wrong. I was being all mysterious and coy when I should have just said, ‘hey, I like you and I think you like me, want to go out sometime?’”
Patrick’s listening raptly, standing immobile like he thinks that will preserve the words better. “So I’ll say it now,” Jon continues. “I like you a whole lot. I think you feel the same way? And if you do, then why don’t we go out sometime?”
Patrick doesn’t reply straight away, and his hesitation gives Jon an unbearable sense of uncertainty. If it turns out he was wrong about all this after all, he’ll have to get his revenge on Pete in the most spectacular way he can contrive.
“I was sure Pete had to be wrong,” Patrick says finally. “I didn’t think a guy like you would... there must be loads of people who’d love to go out with you.”
“Not that many, and anyway, I’m pretty sure ‘main character in a successful TV series’ is actually way out of my league,” Jon says, ignoring Patrick when he rolls his eyes. “I bet you have loads of prospects. I was actually worried that you were interested in Spencer.”
“Spencer?” Patrick asks, looking surprised. “No way. We’d murder each other in a week; we’re too much alike.” He meets Jon’s eyes at last, still looking uncertain. “You really want to...?”
There’s something irresistible about Patrick’s shy but hopeful smile. Jon steps close and puts a hand on Patrick’s shoulder, waiting a moment to see if he will move away before leaning in for the kiss. Patrick returns the kiss eagerly, parting his lips a little when Jon licks at them, and it would be so easy to keep going if only they weren’t in the middle of a parking lot. Jon pulls away reluctantly.
“I really want to... everything,” he says. Patrick looks a little dazed, but he smiles again. “Take you out. Stay in.” His voice goes suggestive and Patrick goes bright red.
“Damn,” Patrick says, and Jon is startled, because he thought everything had been going incredibly well.
“What is it?”
“It’s just that now, Pete’s never going to listen when I tell him he’s wrong, ever again.” Patrick really does look a little annoyed, which makes Jon laugh.
“I’ll just have to make it worthwhile, then, won’t I?” he says. Patrick looks at him with eyes which are growing heated.
“Guess you will.”