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Sam and Dean were in a major rush. They were frantically trying to gather everything they needed for the hunt they were about to go on, and Cas trying to help was only making things more jumbled, since he was still trying to get used to being human. Garth had called the brothers about an hour ago, telling them about a pretty heinous haunting (his words) about a three hour drive from the bunker.
What should’ve been a simple salt and burn had already racked up two dead hunters, with a third hospitalized in a fairly deep coma. It was a murder victim whose corpse had been buried in the serial killer’s basement without being discovered by the cops when the guy was caught. The guy had died in prison a few months after she did, from a complicated case of pneumonia, but apparently that wasn't good enough for her. Her anger and unresolved desire for revenge was strong enough that it practically gave her ghost super powers, because she was managing to terrorize the entire neighborhood. To make matters worse, she was brutally slaughtering anybody that even entered the house, let alone made it to the basement to burn her remains and stop her. Counting the hunters, she’d already claimed nine victims, two of which were just little kids. Killing kids had pretty much always been an oh hell no in Dean’s mind, so they were trying to hurry so they could stop her before the body count rose yet again.
Since this was apparently going to be one of their more difficult and dangerous cases, Dean had actually forbid Cas from coming along. Without his angel powers, the guy wasn’t exactly a wuss, but he was squishy and could get hurt just as easily as any human now, and Dean really did not want him to be the ghost’s tenth victim. Cas had protested, of course, complaining about how he was still useful even without his mojo, but Dean refused to budge on the matter. So instead, he had finally relented and was helping the others pack up everything they’d need, while Dean rattled off more instructions than most new parents give their babysitter the first time they go somewhere without their baby.
“And don’t go messing around in any of the store rooms. We still have no idea what most of that stuff does,” Dean said to Cas, who was following behind him at this point.
“I know, Dean,” Cas said, already sounding ten degrees of done with the lecture, but Dean ignored it and continued.
“And don’t let anybody in unless it’s us. Hell, call us if anybody even shows up, because nobody’s supposed to know where this place even is,” Dean said, shoving the last few things into his duffle bag.
“You already told me that, Dean,” Cas said, and if a voice could roll its eyes, his would be at this point.
“I just wanna keep you safe,” Dean said, heading towards the lobby where Sam was already waiting.
“I understand that, Dean, but I know how to take care of myself,” Cas sighed.
“But you’ve never been human before,” Dean said, looking Cas in the eyes finally.
“Dean, we needed to go ten minutes ago,” Sam said impatiently. “Cas is a big boy, he can easily take care of himself.”
“Sam’s right. I am fully capable of looking after both my own well being and the magically warded bunker,” Cas said, staring right back into Dean’s eyes.
“I just worry, yanno?” Dean replied.
“I’ll be fine,” Cas reassured him. He smiled and Dean smiled back.
“If you're not out the door in ten seconds, I’m driving and we’re listening to my music,” Sam threatened.
“Oh no you’re not, Sammy!” Dean shouted over at his little brother.
“Watch me,” Sam shouted back as he bolted for the door.
“Shit, gotta go Cas,” Dean said quickly, leaning in to place a quick kiss on Cas’ lips in his distraction. “Stay safe. See ya in a day or two,” he called over his shoulder as he raced after Sam. He completely missed the stunned expression on the ex-angel’s face, as well as the gleeful one on Sam’s. He managed to make it to Baby first, and they were on the road in no time flat.
They’d been driving for almost fifteen minutes when reality smacked Dean in the face. “Did… did I just kiss Cas?” He asked slowly.
“Yeah,” Sam replied, goofy smile on his face.
“Oh.” Dean was silent for almost an entire minute. “Fuck.”
“So Dean,” Sam started, sounding far too happy for his own good.
“Not gonna talk about it,” Dean grunted out.
“But…”
“Not. Talking. About. It.” Dean interrupted him.
“We’ll probably be back by tomorrow,” Sam said, obviously not listening to his older brother.
“You could always walk,” Dean said through clenched teeth.
“Fine,” Sam said, though he didn’t sound even slightly disappointed. The rest of the ride was silence, except for the music coming from the stereo. Dean could’ve done without Sam’s knowing grin, though.
~~~
They ended up taking four days to get rid of the ghost, and got beat up a fair amount during said four days. It only reaffirmed Dean’s decision to leave Cas back at the bunker, as far as he was concerned, and for once Sam actually fully agreed with him.
Dean had refused to call Cas to talk about what had happened before they left, and the few texts they sent back and forth were rather awkward sounding, and usually pretty straight to the point. Mostly just Dean updating Cas on what was happening, and Cas occasionally chiming in with an idea for them to try. Absolutely nothing about anything other than the job at hand. And as much as Dean appreciated not having to talk about it at the time, that meant that they’d have to talk about it when they finally got back, because there was no way Sam was going to let the damn thing go at this point.
When he finally sent the text saying they were heading back, Cas had sent back a simple ‘okay’. Dean winced at it, but wasn’t really sure why. He’d not only refused to call Cas to talk about The Incident, he’d also refused to think about it as well. Which led to four days of nervousness ganging up on him all at once. He really hoped Cas wasn’t too pissed about it. He’s been rushed, distracted, hadn’t even thought about what he was doing. Cas would understand that, wouldn’t he?
“I’ll get the gear, you go talk to Cas,” Sam offered when Dean parked the Impala. Sam was never that nice. What gives? The nervousness that had been eating at Dean the entire ride back tripled, because now he was worried that Sam had been talking to Cas while Dean wasn’t, and that maybe something bad was about to happen. Shit…
Feeling way more afraid than he did during pretty much the entire hunt combined, Dean went inside. Might as well get it over with. He really hoped he hadn’t screwed up so bad that Cas was gonna leave them. He really didn’t think he could take that. “Hey Cas, we’re back,” he called out, trying his hardest to not sound as scared as he felt.
There was some noise in the kitchen, and then Cas was heading towards the door area. “Hello, Dean,” he said, sounding nervous. Crap, he was totally going to leave, wasn’t he?
Dean stalled by taking his time walking down the stairs, but one flight of stairs can only take so long, and before he would’ve preferred, he was standing in front of Cas. “So, yeah, umm… about that, uhh… thing before I left?” It was so awkward that it was actually physically painful at this point.
“Yes?” Cas had schooled his features back to looking completely blank, not giving Dean any hints whatsoever to what he was thinking. Without Cas’ expression, Dean was pretty much shooting blind here.
“I’m, uhh… really sorry?” At Cas’ hurt expression, barely peeking through the blank wall, Dean started babbling. He couldn’t help it. “I… I wasn’t thinking, my mind was totally on the job, and I was just going by instinct or something. I didn’t even know what I was doing. I swear, I’m sorry and I’ll never do it again, I promise, just please don’t leave. I need you, man, and…” He finally managed to stop himself before he put his foot in his mouth even further and messed up even worse.
And now Cas looked even more hurt. Stupid, stupid, stupid! And off went his mouth again. “Just, please don’t leave us Cas?” He begged. “I’m an idiot, a total freaking jerk, going around kissing people without even thinking. It’s just, you were there, and you were looking at me like that, and my brain just short circuited or something. I know that’s a crappy excuse, and I promise I’ll fix this, just don’t leave.” Dean Winchester, manly man, was actually having to hold back tears at this point. Just thinking of losing Cas again…
“Do you regret it?” Cas asked, back to being a blank brick wall.
“Of course I regret hurting you, Cas,” Dean said immediately.
“But do you regret the kiss?”
Dean had definitely not been expecting that question. “I, uhh…” He paused, trying to figure out the right answer. He’d been trying took anywhere but Cas’ face, but he finally looked into his eyes. The rest of the ex-angel’s face may have been a blank wall of nothingness, but his eyes were always incredibly expressive, even if nobody else but Dean could ever really see it. Inside those impossible blue depths, Dean could see hope and fear, and something he’d never noticed before. Something stronger than affection. Something like… Did Cas…
Dean broke eye contact to stare at his feet. “No?” He sounded hesitant, and was already steeling himself in case that was the wrong answer. But once it was out, he realized it was the truth. The feeling had been creeping up on him for years now, and no matter how much Dean had denied it to himself, it had only been getting stronger. He knew exactly what it was, and that was why he could never admit it.
If John Winchester had ever even thought that one of his sons was anything other than straight as a freaking board, he would’ve gone ballistic. He’d enforced masculinity to the point of ridiculous on a regular basis. So Dean admitting he had feelings, romantic feelings, for a guy was always out of the question. And Dean kissing a guy that looked like a worried wife watching her husband go off to do a dangerous job just to soothe his fears? It’s would’ve killed the man, exploded his brain completely or given him a heart attack or something.
But John was dead, and his prejudices should’ve died with him, but now was as good a time as any. “I don’t regret kissing you, Cas,” Dean whispered. There was an endless silence, and finally he looked back up at Cas. The ex-angel actually had a smile on his face and tears pooling in his eyes.
“Is it… something you would want to do again?” Cas asked shyly.
“God yes,” Dean breathed out before pulling Cas by the t-shirt and giving him the kind of kiss he’d wanted to give him for years. There was a muffled sound of surprise from Cas, but then he eagerly returned the kiss, and who knew angels knew how to kiss like that? The world stopped existing outside of Cas’ lips and tongue, and his hands on Dean’s back, and his messy hair that Dean’s hands were buried in.
And one interrupting moose. “Took you guys long enough,” Sam said as he shut the door behind him. Dean didn’t even bother breaking the kiss to insult him, and instead opted to just flip him the bird. But Sam only chuckled. “Just make sure to head to your room before you guys do anything that I’d need to buy brain bleach for.”
Dean had never been more proud of Cas when his middle finger joined Dean’s in being raised, still not breaking the kiss.