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It doesn’t surprise her when everyone surviving after the horrible nightmare of a high school experience decides to go to colleges way beyond the edges of Lakewood. Audrey’s satisfied with her school of choice – her application to the American Film Institute was mostly a pipe dream impulsive act, but her video interview went well. Something about surviving brutal massacres two times in her college career really caught their attention, so much so that they offered her a full-ride.
She’s not about to say no to that.
Emma’s decided to go to New York University, which was exciting news until they both realized that California and New York are on two different sides of the country. Noah’s going to a school in Washington, Gustavo’s set his heart on traveling, and Brooke’s going to study in England for a few years. Everyone’s leaving, and it feels both terrifying and freeing.
She’d like to say there’s something left for them here but it feels like an empty promise.
It feels like an empty house.
Turns out, surviving two serial killers doesn’t prepare you for the rest of the world.
Audrey’s convinced it leaves you at a disadvantage instead, because college comes and goes and she’s pretty sure she’s made no real friends and held no substantial relationships in that time. She’s made plenty of acquaintances and she’s had plenty of sex – it’s just… it’s just hard to lay herself bare. Vulnerability is a terrifying thought and she’s not sure she wants to put herself in that position, not when she’s been at the pinnacle of vulnerability. Not when she’s felt the raggedy-breath minutes before death.
It haunts her still, the visceral fear that her body reacts at the sound of someone stepping too suddenly behind her. It’s hard to even touch a girl without her eyes glancing up at the ceiling. She’s scared her kisses taste like a death sentence.
She’s living in a studio apartment in New York City a year after graduating, working on her own film during weekends and bartending on the weekdays when she gets the letter in the mail.
George Washington High School class of 2017 – 5 Year Reunion!
Dear honored alumni of George Washington High School,
We invite you to join us in celebrating five years of love, life, and adventure after graduating the beautiful halls of George Washington High.
We will be holding a celebratory dinner and mixer on October 5th, at our new gymnasium.
Please RSVP! We hope to see you in Lakewood soon.
Regards,
Superintendent Frida Lane
Audrey rolls her eyes. It looks like a bunch of bullshit.
Still, she finds herself signing off on the RSVP form. She wonders if any of her old friends (Friends? Survival partners?) will end up showing face. Just the possibility is enough for her to seal the form in an envelope with the intention of mailing it in as soon as she can.
It’s silly how they haven’t kept in touch. They all have technology – although, to be fair, none of them have social media. Having stalkers murder everyone you know and love and re-living that trauma through countless online articles and friend requests from strangers kills the whole fun of Facebook and Twitter. All of them wanted to be relatively off-grid anyhow.
The first year of moving did consist of a lot of text messages and phone calls, but it dwindled down month after month, until the most Audrey heard from any of her friends was the occasional birthday call or holiday chain letter style text. Brooke couldn’t message any of them from Britain and letters were hard to send to the right place after a few moves from her end. Gustavo’s nomadic lifestyle meant that getting in contact with him was close to impossible.
And as for Audrey – well. She broke her phone her second year at university. She’s been meaning to retrieve her lost contact information since then but it’s been pushed further and further down her list of priorities the more responsibilities were required of her from school and work. The only consistent conversation she has with anyone from Lakewood is Noah, and that’s only because he’s always emailing her “interesting articles” and “awesome movie trailers”.
Audrey decides what’s meant to happen will happen (although by that logic, her friends were meant to die horrific deaths, and it’s clear to her that she’s never accepted that) and she mails the letter in the next morning. She promptly forgets about it until October rolls around.
Between wasting storage space on her camera on filming cheaply hired college students for her new indie film and trying to master twenty new country-themed drinks for her bar’s recently introduced Southern Sundays, Audrey forgets all about anything Lakewood related. (Except for the nightmares. Those are pretty consistent.)
The surprise is written all over her face when she receives an envelope in the mail with her name scribbled on it, and for a second, she wonders if Kieran got out of jail and this is some grade A blackmail material or maybe a bunch of anthrax. A quick text to her lawyer assures her that it isn’t, that Kieran is still behind bars at a maximum-security prison, so she rips open the thing.
There’s a ticket, a name tag, and a note stating, “Thank you for the RSVP! Please remember the event is this Friday, at 6:00 PM, West Gymnasium.”
“Oh. Right.”
Audrey sits down for a few minutes after that, wondering if she’s crazy to go back to Lakewood. It doesn’t seem like something anyone with half a mind would do. She’s sure the people she’d want to see most wouldn’t go back. But if they did, and she didn’t go, would they be alone?
She shivers at the thought that she doesn’t consider what it might feel like being there alone herself. She only thinks about it when she’s halfway done packing a second bag, and at that point, she figures she might as well go.
The first thing she sees when she steps into the school is a sea of faces she doesn’t recognize. She’s not sure if it’s because they’ve all gotten way too old to recognize, or if she’s just pushed all their faces out of her mind. Honestly, the only things she really remembers from high school is all murder and gore related.
She signs in at the table by the doors and quickly makes a beeline for the bathroom, which is surprisingly empty. She stands in front of the mirror, straightening her button-up and her jeans and taking a moment to inspect herself. It’s not that she’s changed that much from high school. She’s wearing a little bit more color now, which is something. Her hair is shorter, since she’s taken to cutting the sides of her hair and waxing the top back, a little tussled. The whole eyeliner thing isn’t happening anymore, although she briefly considers it again while staring at her reflection.
“Done checking yourself out?”
Audrey jumps at the sudden voice behind her, and the first emotion she feels is overwhelming terror. It almost sends her into a panic until she recognizes the teasing tone and the warm voice.
“Brooke?”
“In the flesh, Jensen.”
She turns around, her face breaking out into a wide smile at the sight of her friend. She looks just as beautiful as she’s remembered, her long hair flowing down over the shoulders of her strapless dress. The girl looks more mature, more refined, more tired – Audrey wonders if she looks the same. There’s no time to think too much on it when Brooke quickly bridges the space between them and launches into a full-bodied embrace.
“I missed you.”
Audrey doesn’t realize they’re both crying until she leans back and Brooke’s hand stops at her cheeks, wiping with her thumb.
“Nobody else came.” Brooke whispers, eyes sadder than Audrey’s remembers. “I came early and checked the RSVP list, and I couldn’t find anyone. I was so close to –“
She pauses, as if she’s not used to talking like this. Audrey thinks it’s the most relatable feeling she’s had for years.
“But then I saw your name so I stayed around. I – I’m glad you came. I don’t know what I’d do if… if none of you were… here.”
Brooke buries her head on Audrey’s shoulder and she holds her.
“I don’t even know why I’m here.”
Brooke laughs, wiping the last of her tears before stepping back out of Audrey’s arms.
“Yeah, me neither.” Audrey agrees. “But I’m glad I did.”
They don’t step back into the auditorium, instead walking straight out the back door to the parking lot. They have a silent understanding that they’re not here for the reunion, that the only reunion that matters has already happened, so they get in Audrey’s car and drive. The silence is comfortable and Audrey’s not sure how to feel about that, because silences haven’t been so simple the past five years. They’ve always felt like the calm before a storm.
“When did you come back from Britain?”
“A week ago. My visa ran out so I had to come back. My dad’s place is still here, and it still belongs to me, so I’ve been staying there.”
“Do you want me to drive there?”
“Not really.” She whispers, and it sounds so broken that Audrey peels her eyes off the road to look at her passenger.
Brooke’s looking down at her lap, eyes hidden by her bangs. Audrey takes a hand off the wheel and reaches over, gently offering one of her hands to Brooke. She takes it, wrapping her fingers around Audrey’s and breathing slowly until her shaking hands calm down.
“I thought it’d be okay. To come back. I thought I was okay. It’s been so long since the trial. It’s pathetic. I think I ran to Britain to avoid processing all this and it’s really… overwhelming to realize I might have never made any progress in getting over this.”
Audrey swallows, because it sounds familiar.
“I don’t think it’s pathetic. I think… I mean, I don’t know if it’ll help, but I think I haven’t really gotten over it too.”
They drive in silence a little bit longer.
“Look, do you want to – do you want to move in with me?”
“I couldn’t –“
“No, listen. I live in the city and my apartment’s not the biggest, but it’s pretty lonely. I’m – I’m pretty lonely. Which is probably the actual pathetic thing, feeling like that in a city of over 8 million. So I wouldn’t mind the company, and you shouldn’t be here if it’s… if it’s hurting you. Woah!”
Audrey almost swerves into a tree when Brooke launches herself at her, hugging her across the center console.
“Brooke! You can’t just –“
The words die in her throat when she hears Brooke’s sobbing, the loud, ugly tears of a girl whose happiest memories are tarnished with the blood of the people in them.
Brooke moves into Audrey’s studio apartment a short week after they reunite, and when Audrey stops by Brooke’s place to pick her up, she can see why the girl is so eager to leave. The second she steps back onto the property, she feels chills run down her back and stick there. She almost gets whiplash from the amount of memories, some good and most bad, that smack her right across the face.
Audrey sits down at the kitchen while Brooke grabs her bags, and she lets her mind wander. There are still mugs on the counter, from the last time the group was here together, celebrating their individual journeys out of Lakewood. Five years and they’re still there. She can almost see the shadows of their old selves leaning over the counter, laughing. It clashes with the flashes of Jake leaning against the fridge, of Mr. Maddox sitting on the island stool, newspaper in hand.
She wonders if that’s what Brooke sees.
The house looks as lonely as she feels.
“Sorry for the hold up.” Brooke exclaims, bounding down the stairs with a large suitcase following behind. “I’m ready. I have two other smaller bags in the foyer if you could grab them.”
“Is that all you’re bringing?”
Brooke frowns, shrugging.
“There’s not much for me here.”
Before Audrey can say anything, a smirk quickly replaces the frown.
“Plus, we need the extra space in the car for all my, and I’m quoting my therapist here, “emotional baggage.” Apparently, I’ve got tons of that.”
“Oh boy. I’m starting to rethink this whole move-in-with-me business. You know what? I’ll just go to my car first and I’ll, um, totally pull up closer.”
Audrey feigns discomfort, pretending to back out of the house until Brooke runs up to her and smacks her arm. The girls laugh, and laugh and laugh, and it feels good, laughing here. It feels a little disrespectful too, but it mostly feels good, so they laugh.
It takes five minutes to load up Audrey’s car and another ten minutes to get on the road leading straight out of Lakewood. Every mile further out of the town, Brooke eyes seem brighter and her movements seem lighter, and by the time they reach the highway heading to New York, Brooke’s got her arms out of the rolled-down window, screaming along to the radio at the passing cars and forcing Audrey to sing along.
Living with Brooke isn’t anything like Audrey expects. Not that she had any set expectations. High school taught her expectations don’t do anything but disappoint. Or traumatize. Sometimes both.
Brooke’s incredibly cautious the first few days, making sure to clean dishes as soon as she uses them, taking the couch and folding up blankets after she’s done, and doing almost all the chores despite Audrey’s protests. It’s overwhelming, mostly because Audrey doesn’t want Brooke to feel as misplaced in this city as she’s always felt. Feeling like a guest is scary, because welcomed guests can become unwelcome guests, and she doesn’t want Brooke to feel that way.
It prompts her to go up and say something when one week after moving in to the apartment, she finds Brooke at the kitchen sink cleaning her dishes.
“You don’t have to keep doing everything, you know. I’m a big, strong girl. It’s starting to feel like living with mom.” Audrey jokes, pulling up her sleeves and nudging Brooke aside to start drying the dishes she’s washing.
“It’s mother to you.”
“Oh, ew, ugh. Never say that to me again.”
Brooke rolls her eyes with a laugh before handing Audrey a wet plate.
“You started it.”
Audrey grins before sticking her hand under the running water and flicking her fingers at Brooke, laughing when she screams at the cold water hitting her face.
“Audrey!”
“Did I do that?”
Brooke raises an eyebrow before quickly flipping the bowl in her hand over underneath the stream of water, smiling at the scared look spreading on Audrey’s face.
“Brooke, you – you better not –“
Before Audrey can duck or run, Brooke flips the bowl over, letting the water fall down the drain rather than on Audrey’s person.
“Lucky for you, I won’t, just this once. As a thank you for letting me stay at your place.”
Audrey pauses before responding.
“Our place.”
Brooke doesn’t react automatically, but there’s a soft smile spreading on her lips that Audrey can’t help but notice. She focuses on the girl as she keeps washing the dishes before continuing to speak.
“I mean it. I may have moved here first, but this space is just as much yours as it is mine. I’ll probably regret saying this because you doing all the chores is pretty sweet, but I really do mean it. I don’t want you to keep thinking you’re like my guest, because you’re equally welcome here as I am. Nobody should feel like a guest in their own home.”
The soft smile on Brooke’s face is even wider and Audrey wonders how she’s lived five years without seeing it.
“Tacky. And super gay.”
“Like I always aspired to be.”
“I hope you know this means I’m sleeping on the bed. The couch is starting to hurt my back.”
“My bed is big. We can both fit, you know.”
“Mm, you’d like that, wouldn’t you.”
Brooke smirks and Audrey hopes her face isn’t turning any shade of red.
“You wish, princess.”
The girls fall into comfortable laughter as Audrey puts away the last dish. Audrey turns around to see Brooke leaning against the fridge, arms crossed and looking at her with a soft gaze that she’s not too used to receiving from her. She doesn’t know what it means, but she thinks it’s a lot better than the sadness she’s used to seeing in the girl’s beautiful eyes.
“Brooke, I’m glad you’re here. Really.”
Brooke doesn’t say it, but the way her lips spread into a smile lets Audrey know she agrees.
The second night Brooke sleeps on her bed is the first night Audrey wakes up to someone other than her having nightmares.
Brooke is shivering and her thin frame makes her look like she’s about to crumble into dust. Audrey’s not sure where the lines are and if she’s crossing them, but the only thing she’s concerned about is Brooke and keeping her together. She moves closer on the bed, wrapping her arms around Brooke and pulling her closer.
Brooke immediately draws into the embrace, head tucked against Audrey’s neck as she begins sobbing. The tears feel warm against her skin and Audrey wonders if Brooke’s ever had a good night’s sleep. She runs her hand through Brooke’s hair, waiting until the crying girl relaxes her shoulder before she whispers that everything is okay into her ear.
“Don’t leave.”
“I won’t. I’m here.”
“Please, Audrey, promise me that you – that you won’t leave.”
“I promise I won’t leave.”
“Everyone left me, Audrey.” She says once she’s able to calm her breathing, burrowing her head closer against Audrey’s chest. “Everyone dies or they leave.”
“I won’t leave and I definitely won’t die.”
Brooke laughs between intermittent sobs.
“You can’t promise not to die, idiot. You can’t control that.”
It takes five minutes for Audrey to try and come up with something clever in response, but by the time she’s ready to respond, Brooke is sleeping. The girl’s gentle breathing against her chest feels relaxing and the weight of Brooke against her arm is less of a burden and more of protection. She places a soft kiss on her forehead and she falls asleep with the sweet smell of coconut shampoo filling her lungs.
The first time Brooke kisses her, Audrey’s not ready for it.
She’s painting the wall around their bed, because Brooke’s not a fan of the dull grey and she wants Brooke to wake up smiling more often than not. She doesn’t tell Brooke until she’s got the paint and the brush out, but she can tell the girl appreciates it because she sits on the bed smiling like a goof. It’s endearing.
“If you’re truly thankful, you could get up and help, you know.” Audrey complains ten minutes into painting.
“But then I’d rob you of the chance to really impress a pretty girl.”
Audrey rolls her eyes but laughs anyways, because Brooke is always being the most and it’s something she’s come to really like about her.
“Gee, that’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.”
Then before she knows it, Brooke gets up and kisses her square on the lips, and pulls away with a sly smirk on her face.
“Consider this pretty girl impressed.”
And then Brooke’s lips are back on hers and the paint is long forgotten because all she can think about is Brooke fucking Maddox and her perfect lips and her perfect tongue and her perfect little moans.
Audrey finishes painting the walls eventually.
Well, of course Brooke doesn’t help.
It’s between kisses seven and eight that they become girlfriends. They’re kissing after a particularly bad thunderstorm, huddled up under Audrey’s bed, when Brooke pulls back from the kiss.
“I feel safe. With you. I really like you.”
“Okay.” Audrey says dumbly.
She’s still not great at formulating responses after making out. It’s like an art form. Brooke seems to have mastered it, because she can go from kissing Audrey until she’s a panting, shivering mess to talking about the philosophy behind zodiac signs. (Spoiler alert, there is none.)
“Do you like me? At all?” Brooke asks, and she looks nervous.
Audrey doesn’t reply right away, because seeing Brooke shy is a completely new thing for her. She’s seen girls get shy around popular boys and she’s seen girls flirting. She’s got cable, after all. Seeing it directed at her is new. It’s novel and it’s kind of terrifying. She’s had her fair share of girls show interest in her, but never to this intimate degree. What if she says the wrong thing? What does she do?
Silence is probably not the right answer though, because Brooke’s eyes are already getting watery and she moves to turn away.
“No, Brooke, wait. I’m not saying I don’t. I’m not used to all this.”
Audrey already knows what she feels before she puts it into words. She’s never felt so human than in the months that she’s been living with Brooke. It’s like their shared trauma is no longer the awkward elephant in the room but the jagged terrain that they built a foundation over. It’s empowering and it’s touching. She feels more like Audrey when she’s with Brooke, and the thought of Brooke with anyone else is disturbing.
“I like you a lot. I like you so much.”
That blinding smile Audrey likes so much is back on Brooke’s face and she leans forward to kiss her. This time, it’s slow and meaningful – it’s filled with all the words they don’t know how to say yet, but they get it. They understand.
Routine is not something Audrey likes to admit she thrives in, but she does. The bartending job is paying a lot better now that she’s in management, and her film’s not close to complete but she’s put it on the back burner. She’s looking to make more money to commit to better actors and possibly a crew. It’s her dream, but she doesn’t feel so rushed anymore.
Coming home to a wonderful girlfriend is every bit the fantasy she’s imagined back in high school. They fight, they make up, they make love – there’s a bond between her and her girlfriend of over two years.
Everything feels like it’s looking up, but sometimes, it’s hard to focus when she thinks back to Lakewood. She’s out of there, away from the town and the killings and the nightmares, but she still feels so drawn to it. She thinks about Gustavo, who’s still traveling around the states. She thinks about Noah, who won’t shut up about emails asking about her and Brooke’s relationship and details. She mostly thinks about Emma, who nobody seems to be able to get into contact with.
She thinks about Emma a lot.
She knows Brooke does too, because sometimes she’ll tell a funny story from high school and her voice will trip up over the mention of Emma’s name. Sometimes, Audrey will find her staring off into nothing, a worried crease between her eyebrows and a sad glimmer in her eyes. There’s not much they can do anyways, so they never talk about her.
They do talk about other things. They say I love you before work and before bed, and during variable times throughout the day. Neither of them are sure when they started saying it, because they’ve thought it so many times before verbalizing it that it’s hard to find the exact time. Sometimes, Audrey wonders if Brooke really loves her, but it takes one kiss, one smile saved only for her, to remind her that she does.
That’s why it’s a no-brainer when she gets on one knee during their three year anniversary and asks for her hand in marriage. It’s at a chic New York restaurant rooftop that Audrey pays extra to get private, one of the ones Brooke almost jumps out of her skin in excitement for. They’re dressed up nice, with Brooke in an elegant, black dress and Audrey dressed up in tight pants and a blazer.
Brooke immediately says yes, because why wouldn’t she, and she cries as they kiss, the New York skyline (and the wait staff) their only witness. Audrey cries too, because this is when she realizes this kiss isn’t a death wish but a life sentence. A good one.
Brooke refuses to take the engagement ring off for even a second for an entire week and refuses to let Audrey take hers off too. It makes sex a little painful.
(But not bad painful.)
Five years of living with Brooke comes full circle when the ten year anniversary invite comes in the mail.
She doesn’t want to go, she’s never really ever wanted to step foot back in Lakewood, but just like when she received an invitation for the fifth anniversary, she knows she has to. There’s a pull at her heart and she knows Brooke feels it too. There’s a heavy beat that is pulling them to march to it and it sounds like Emma, Emma, Emma.
“We have to go.” Audrey whispers.
“I know.” Brooke whispers back.
They are the first to arrive and the last ones there. Everyone else is out of the venue by midnight and they probably should have left after the first three hours of no Emma, but she keeps hoping. Brooke doesn’t complain, looking just as anxious to find Emma, but the more time passes, the more disheartened she looks. Audrey tries to be hopeful, but her insides feel torn up.
The couple decide to go to Wren Lake, although it fills them with unpleasant memories, because they’re not sure where else they might find Emma. It’s a long shot. She’s probably not even there.
Except she is.
They approach the dock to see Emma’s trembling body leaning over the dock, staring off into the water. She doesn’t even notice them approaching.
“Emma?”
The girl almost falls into the lake in shock at hearing her name. She slowly turns around, eyes already red with tears.
“Audrey? Brooke?”
“You’re actually here.” Audrey says, unable to believe that after ten years, Emma’s sitting right in front of her.
“I’m actually here.” She repeats, smiling despite how fragile she looks.
“I was convinced you weren’t coming.” Brooke says, fighting a shiver against the cold night.
“Something… something told me I had to come back home. Here, to Lakewood.”
Audrey and Brooke exchange a look. It's a familiar something.
They end up leaving Lakewood to a nearby town to catch up.
“I don’t really want to… talk about the past. If that’s okay.”
Audrey nods, because of course she understands. She barely likes to speak about the past too.
“All I need to know is if you’re okay.” Brooke says.
“I am now.”
Emma’s still got a sad smile, but it’s a smile none-the-less, and the women are grateful that Emma’s even alive and well. The years of not-knowing and wondering left less than favorable possibilities running in both Audrey and Brooke’s heads, so seeing the girl physically in front of them feels like a fever dream.
“What’s new with you two?” Emma asks, and Audrey remembers how far behind she is on her and Brooke’s relationship development.
“We’re, uh, we’re married.”
Emma looks like she doesn’t understand, so Brooke clarifies.
“Audrey and I. We’re married.”
She flashes her hand and shows the wedding band around her hand before grabbing Audrey’s hand and showing her ring as well.
“Oh. Oh! That’s great!” Emma says, a genuine smile spreading across her lips despite the sad expression she was wearing moments before.
The girl looks so happy for them, immediately launching into questions and almost completely disregarding her own emotions. Audrey lets Brooke answer the questions while she gazes at her childhood best friend, at her stunning but exhausted face, the developing bags under her eyes and the creases of her dimples. The girl that once held her heart and never seemed to let go.
“You know, you should stay with us in New York for a little bit, so that we can catch up. We’ve got ten years to make up.”
“Oh, yes, please Emma!” Brooke is halfway out of her seat the moment Audrey offers.
“I don’t want to be a bother.”
Emma looks a little shy at the eager prodding of her friends, but she’s drawing her words out the way Emma does when she’s about to give in, so Brooke goes in for the kill.
“It’s settled then. You’re coming to New York!”
“Just for a little while.” Emma concedes, “And I’ll take the train. I need to stop by Jersey before, because my Mom’s living there now.”
They hug goodbye and it’s warm and Audrey knows she’s lingering a little too much. When she leans out of Emma’s embrace, the girl is looking at her with such a mixture of love and loneliness in her eyes that Audrey almost wants to grab her and throw her into her car and take her to New York this very instance. She holds back.
Brooke laughs on the car ride back home, jumping up and down on her seat and laughing about how –
“You’re always bringing a pretty girl back to your apartment at these anniversary things, Aud.”
Once Emma comes, she never does leave.
Sometimes, she’s off for a weekend in Jersey to visit her mom, but otherwise, she’s back in the small apartment with Brooke and Audrey. As small as the apartment is, it’s incredibly comfortable for the three of them. They fit so perfectly together in the small space, and it’s so comfortable and natural that Audrey sometimes forgets that this apartment was once home for two, and right before that, home for one.
Emma’s away for the weekend when Brooke sits Audrey down for what she promises is an “earth-shattering realization I just had, you need to hear this, I swear it’s not going to be fun facts about avocados or aardvarks this time.” Audrey’s not convinced it’s going to be anything really interesting, until Brooke opens her mouth.
“You know, baby, I think Emma’s kind of our girlfriend.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I mean, think about it.”
Audrey thinks about it. Emma practically lives with them at this point, spending more time at their apartment than… actually, Audrey can’t remember where Emma’s actual living arrangement. Emma cooks breakfast with Audrey and makes dinner with Brooke. She sleeps with them on the bed, and they all end up cuddled up to each other in some various arrangement by morning. Brooke and Emma go on morning coffee dates in the cafes around the city and Audrey and Emma go on movie dates during the night.
They all eat dinner together and squeeze onto the small couch after eating to watch sitcoms. She’s always asking about Audrey’s day after a long night of bartending and brings a packaged lunch over to her set whenever she’s filming and forgets to eat. She looks at her like she’s the best thing on earth since sliced bread and her tense shoulders always relax in Brooke’s arms.
The last things Audrey does before heading out of the apartment is kiss Emma on the forehead and get kissed by Brooke, closing the door after throwing the girls a quick “I love you two, see you later” and receiving two in return.
Brooke’s got a point.
“Okay, wow. Emma’s definitely kind of our girlfriend. Is this – should we stop whatever this is?”
“I mean, I don’t… know?”
Brooke looks just as confused as Audrey about this revelation.
“I don’t like to share. You know that.”
Audrey nods.
“Okay, so we’ll tell her we might be crossing boundaries –“
“No, wait. I’m not done talking. I don’t like to share, but with her… it doesn’t really… feel like sharing? As in, like, I feel like we’ve always kind of had a special place for her in both of our hearts, and we’ve always accepted it, even if we never acknowledged it. So it doesn’t feel like I’m ever giving up any part of my relationship with you by having her with us. If that makes sense?”
Audrey nods again, because it does make sense. It’s complicated and confusing and honestly, Audrey never thought she’d even be having this sort of conversation, but it’s true. There’s always been two girls in her heart and it’s always been Brooke and Emma, Brooke and Emma, Brooke and Emma.
“I don’t feel jealous whenever you’re hanging out with Emma or you and Emma are alone together. And I’m a jealous bitch, easy.” Brooke continues. “I’m actually really relieved whenever you two are together when I can’t be, because I trust you both and I love you both and the world is a fucked up place and… I don’t know.”
Brooke takes a second to breathe and collect her thoughts.
“It’s like, ever since the whole Lakewood situation, I never felt like I had a home. And then I got you. You’re my home. I’m at home when I’m with you. And I know with all my heart that I’ll never feel that way with anybody else except you and… and when I’m with Emma. Don’t you?”
“Yeah.” Audrey smiles fondly at her wife. “I do.”
“And you know, I think she feels the same way.”
“So what do we do? I’ve never been in a situation like this before.”
“Neither have I.” Brooke laughs.
“Do we just sit her down and go like, “What are we?” What if she doesn’t want to put a label on it? What if we come on too strong?” Audrey jokes as Brooke plays with the hem of her shirt.
“It… might be awkward. But I think it’s something we need to do. Remember what you said to me when I first moved in?”
Audrey grins because of course she remembers. She leans over and kisses her wife on the lips, grinning when her wife grabs the back of her neck and pulls her in for a deeper kiss.
God, she loves her wife so fucking much. And Emma. Heaven knows how much she loves that girl; how much she’s always loved that girl. There’s an unspoken agreement in Brooke and Audrey’s kiss, the words Audrey said when Brooke first moved in the sealing note.
Nobody should feel like a guest in their own home.
They sit Emma down across from them in a quaint café that quickly became Emma and Brooke’s favorite for its ambience and its delicious cappuccinos. Audrey’s not the biggest fan of coffee, not since a terrible coffee come-down during her second year of college, so Emma knows something’s up when they ask if they can all meet there. She looks a little anxious sitting across from them, eyes flickering back and forth between Brooke and Audrey as the two wives exchange knowing glances.
“So what’s all this about?” Emma asks, fingers nervously fiddling with the rim of her coffee cup.
Brooke gives Audrey a look and after taking a deep breath, Audrey decides not to beat around the bush too much.
“How do you feel? Like, about us.”
“Um, I trust both of you a lot? I love you guys.” Emma says, looking uncomfortable with the direction the conversation seemed to be heading.
“How do you… love us? Wait.” Audrey cringes at her strange wording.
“Audrey’s trying to ask if you love us as any more than just friends.” Brooke supplies.
“I mean I’ve… I’ve thought about both of… you… but –“ Emma’s face turns beet red and Audrey feels her heart filling up with something warmer than the black coffee resting between her hands. “But I would never… I would never try to get between your marriage like that!”
“Emma –“ Brooke tries to interrupt but Emma keeps up her rambling.
“I mean – I mean, I’m sorry if – am I crossing any… any lines or something?”
It’s then that Emma’s expression changes, like something in her mind just clicked.
“Oh God, I was totally crossing lines, wasn’t I. I mean – I mean the coffee dates and the movie dates and interrupting what should have been private dinners and, oh God, sleeping in your bed and spending all my time at the apartment and... I’m so – I’m so stupid. I got too comfortable, and I know – I know that’s not an excuse but – I’m so sorry, I should… go…”
“Wait!” Brooke grabs her arm and pulls her back down onto the seat.
Audrey looks, really looks, at the stuttering, beautiful mess before her. Emma’s face is flushed so red that Audrey’s worried the girl might be losing circulation in the other parts of her body. She’s got clear embarrassment and sadness written all over her face and it’s almost adorable except Audrey’s certain that if they don’t say anything soon, Emma might break down into tears.
“I’m really sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Emma.” Brooke says, rubbing a hand over Emma’s back to calm her down.
“Yeah, shit, Emma. We’re not mad, about any of that stuff. Like, we just figured out all that stuff too, that we were doing. It all happened so… naturally, I guess, that it was easy to overlook and not notice we were all kind of crossing some lines. And once we realized, we came to the conclusion that we’re much happier with you than without.”
“What Audrey is trying to say is that we really care about you. We love you so, so much and we really don’t want to see you with anybody else. I don’t think we could trust you with anybody else.”
The distress on Emma’s face is mostly gone, although a look of bewilderment takes its place.
“What are you saying?”
“What we’re saying is… Emma Duval, will you be our girlfriend?”
In hindsight, explaining the situation like this one in more detail before going straight into what she just said would have probably been the better solution, but Audrey doesn’t always make the best calls. She sighs and pulls out her wallet to tip the waiter while Brooke chases a running Emma out of the café.
They manage to get Emma back to their apartment, but she’s not happy about it. The girl is convinced this is some sort of sick prank. There’s a wild look in her eyes that looks too close to hurt for Audrey to feel relaxed.
“Is this a joke? It’s not a very funny one.” Emma says, crossing her arms and frowning at the two women.
“No, no, no. Never.” Audrey says, shaking her head at the accusation.
“We would never play you like that, Em.”
“I don’t understand.”
Brooke sighs, before standing up straight and looking directly into Emma’s eyes.
“Guess it’s time for honesty.”
“Yeah.” Emma spits out, but her voice is a lot calmer, like she’s preparing for something hard to swallow.
“Ever since the Lakewood murders, I always felt… alone. It felt like everyone in my life was either dead, dying, or leaving. My house always felt empty, you know, with my Dad being who he is, but I always still saw my house as my home. Because I’d still see him in the mornings reading the news in the morning and he’d let me talk about my plans for the day. And I’d always have friends over, so it felt kind of nice having a place that they saw as their home base. Then they all died, and then everyone left from the murders all left too.”
Emma still looks a little angry still, but she reaches forward and grabs Brooke’s hand. The girl always cared, always loved them. Audrey can’t help but feel so much love building up inside of herself for the two girls.
“I didn’t have a home. Then I went to a stupid five-year reunion and I ran into this idiot. We reunited in the bathroom, and the moment she looked into my eyes it felt like I was home again. I shrugged it off, because at that point in my life, I was so sure she was going to leave, like everyone else. I never had a plan, but if I did, it wouldn’t include me beginning to falling in love with her somewhere between packing my things back at my Dad’s place and the road trip back to this apartment.”
Audrey’s a little shocked, because she’s never heard this before. It feels raw, a little unsettling. It’s wonderfully Brooke.
“I fell in love with her because when we were in that car, I realized no matter where we went, as long as she was with me, it would feel like this. It would feel like home. I never told her this, but the first time she held me in her bed was the first time I slept in five years without a nightmare. I feel safe when I’m with her. I’ve never felt that way, ever, not since the murders. You’re the only other person in this entire universe that makes me feel safe and loved and… we’re the only three that look at each other as more than just victims or survivors. I never planned on loving you either, but it just happened.”
“Brooke…” Emma begins to say, staring down at her lap.
“Let me be honest too, with both of you.”
Brooke raises an eyebrow in surprise. It’s not often Audrey wants to talk about her feelings; she prefers to show how she feels in actions, but the way Brooke bared her soul to them both is inspiring. She’s not sure who needs to hear what she says the most out of the three of them.
“New York was really lonely for me. I think the years following that whole shit show was, for all of us. I should have tried harder to keep in contact with you guys, but I just… I couldn’t.”
Audrey takes a deep breath and closes her eyes.
“It’s just that – Rachel... She's dead... because of me. And I hate bringing her up because we all lost the person we loved. But I was, I was trying to figure out my sexuality, and suddenly everything just spiraled. I brought Piper to Lakewood, I started the domino effect that hurt everyone so, so bad. I didn’t know how to live with myself. I told myself, when I moved away, that I wouldn’t love anyone ever again. It only seemed to spell bad news for them.”
Audrey angles her face up at the ceiling to keep the tears building up in the corners of her eyes from falling and she feels quick and sure hands grab her left and gentle and soft hands grab her right.
“But love doesn’t really work that way. Emma, I loved you at once, since the first time I met you, when we were little kids and all I could talk about was Emma this and Emma that. I just thought you were the damn best part of every day. And Brooke, I fell in love with you so gradually that I didn’t realize I loved you until I was in so deep. Every smile you gave me, every laugh I shared with you, every time you cried on my shoulder… God, if Emma’s the first thing I think of when I wake up, you’re the last thing I think of before I go to bed.”
She feels Brooke’s soft lips ghost over her cheek before pressing down, encouraging her to continue releasing her emotions.
“I get anxious. When I’m at work. When Brooke home alone or I’m wondering where the hell you are in the world… it’s such an awful feeling. I don’t feel that way anymore, not as much. I feel happy, I feel safe knowing you’re both out there. I love you both so much.”
Emma sniffles, letting go of Audrey’s hand and leaning back against the couch.
“Won’t it be... hard? Having to share each other…”
“Do you get jealous when you think about me and Audrey’s relationship?”
“No! I think it’s great.” Emma says, looking up for a second before looking back down. “I get… sad sometimes, but never jealous.”
“It’s the same for us. I can’t get possessive when it comes to the two of you. It’s really hard to, when both of you feel like home.”
“This is – I can’t believe –“ Emma takes a deep breath, shaking the hysterics off of her body.
“It’s only fair I be honest too. I haven’t been okay since the murders. Ten years of my life I spent disconnecting myself from everyone involved because I wanted to move on. It didn’t work.” Emma laughs, as if deriding herself for even trying such a plan.
“I know what you mean. About being lonely. I tried but I couldn’t let people in, because the last time I let someone in… the last time I trusted someone, they ended up killing everyone I loved. And I always felt like I left something unfinished in Lakewood, like my story hadn’t ended. I never wanted to come back, because I was so convinced the end of the story would be with the death of everyone else, with the death of you guys. I couldn’t face that.”
Emma takes a deep breath before continuing.
“When you two came back into my life, that day of the tenth anniversary… I wasn’t in a good place. I came to the event hoping to see you both, but I chickened out because it seemed so cliché. It seemed like the time and place my horror story might come true. So, I went to the dock and I really considered, you know, ending it all.”
Brooke lets out a strangled breath and Audrey feels her heart clenching.
“I couldn’t live like that anymore. Ten years of that. I just couldn’t do it. Then you two found me and took me back to New York and I don’t know… I got wrapped up in it. I couldn’t leave, and it never felt like you wanted me to. I don’t think I could ever trust anyone ever again, not like I used to. But I trusted you two before I ever met Kieran. I still do. I was so afraid that he won, because I tried for ten years but I couldn’t let anyone in. It’s like he cut off the bridge into my heart, and I think he knew. But ever since you both came back into my life, I knew he didn’t win. I don’t think he’s ever considered that there were two people who already made it across the whole time.”
Emma looks up and smiles a half-smile, the kind that makes her dimples stretch taut against her skin.
“So okay. Yes.” She finally says, her voice a little shaky but sure.
Brooke jumps up in excitement, clapping her hands together while Audrey looks over in confusion.
“Yes? Yes to what? What’s happening? Is this about the heart-bridge? This emotional shift is really bugging me out guys.”
Emma almost falls backwards off the couch with laughter and Brooke laughs so much she has a coughing spell that Emma needs to lean over and pat her back to alleviate.
“You idiot!” Brooke squeezes out between coughing fits, “She said – yes – to being our – girlfriend!”
Audrey pumps a fist in the air and shouts out a loud “She said yes!” much to the amusement of her wife and (now) girlfriend. She jumps up and grabs Emma by the waist, pulling her up for a kiss. Emma’s still laughing from the previous confusion to prepare for the kiss, but she immediately melts into Audrey’s embrace the moment Audrey’s lips touch hers.
There’s still hollering and wolf whistles from Brooke before the girl pushes Audrey off with a loud “My turn!” and Audrey thinks the warmth that’s been building up inside of her heart is about ready to explode when she sees the two women of her life lock lips and separate with satisfied giggles.
They’re in the most cramped studio apartment in New York City, probably, but she feels like her home’s gotten a thousand times bigger.
The Fifteenth Anniversary George Washington High invite for their graduating class comes a little earlier this year.
The only difference from the last two invites is that Audrey doesn’t feel that pull at the bottom of her chest anymore, compelling her back to Lakewood. She leaves the invitation on the dresser next to the bed before throwing herself down on the bed between her sleeping wife and girlfriend. The worst part of bartending on holidays is having to work until seven in the morning.
She rolls over to her side and brushes a strand of Emma’s hair off her forehead. Emma’s cheeks are dimpled even in her sleep, and the small amount of light hitting her cheek make her look almost angelic. She leans over and gives her a long kiss on her forehead, one that makes Emma smile and snuggle up towards the source of the heat almost immediately in her sleep. It’s so adorable that Audrey squeals. She thanks whatever spirits are out there that nobody heard.
Adjusting her position, Audrey lies on her back, turning her head to admire her beautiful wife. If anyone told her in high school that she would end up marrying Brooke Maddox, she’d laugh in their face or maybe punch them. Hell, if anyone told her that she’d not only marry Brooke Maddox, but she’d end up with Emma Duval as her girlfriend at the same damn time, she’d probably end up being the perpetrator of a third wave of Lakewood murders.
Brooke automatically moves in closer to Audrey, resting her head above her chest and near her neck, what she calls her happy place.
The long night of work immediately knocks Audrey out the moment both of her women are comfortably adjusted to her position on the bed.
There's nothing left for her there anymore. It makes her smile.
Nightmares aren’t a permanent part of Emma’s daily routine anymore, like ten years of her life would suggest. Opening her eyes and seeing her two favorite women snoozing away brings a smile to her face almost automatically, and it’s a welcome change from the screaming and crying morning wake-ups that she had once grown used to following the years after the murders.
Emma stands up, grabbing the invitation off the dresser and reading through it.
“Babe, come sit.” Brooke says, yawning and sitting up against the headboard of the bed.
Grinning, Emma walks over to her girlfriend’s position on the bed and sits down between Brooke’s legs, leaning back against her, still staring at the invite.
“It’s different this year, isn’t it?” Brooke murmurs, wrapping her arms around Emma’s waist and resting her head on her shoulder.
“Hmm?”
“The feeling you get. When you see the invite.”
Emma nods, leaning back further into Brooke’s embrace.
“You don’t want to go back home?” Brooke whispers. “You know Audrey and I would go wherever you go.”
For a minute, Emma considers it. For the last two invites, there’s been a tugging at her heart, a little voice telling her that the story that started there isn’t finished, that her time in Lakewood hadn’t ended. She strains to listen, but she can’t hear it anymore. All she can hear is Brooke’s soft breath against her neck and Audrey’s light snoring from the bed. It’s the only sounds she ever wants to wake up to.
“I know.”
She places Audrey’s head on her lap and plays with her sleeping girlfriend’s hair as Brooke runs a gentle hand down Audrey’s back and leans forward to place lazy kisses on Emma’s neck.
“But I’m already home.”