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“Wait, you’ve been here before?”
“Oh yeah, a few times.”
All Bill could do was stare at him for a moment as she wrapped her brain around his statement. “Isn’t that dangerous though?”
The Doctor paused to swallow the bite from his questionable meat before replying, “Isn’t what dangerous?”
“Running into yourself. It’s like, the basic number one rule of time travel.”
His eyebrows furrowed. “Says who?”
Bill shrugged. “I dunno…Doc Brown?”
The Doctor rolled his eyes and took another bite of his snack. He turned toward the bustling activity of the Frost Fair and Bill walked by his side.
“The number one rule of time travel is don’t wander off,” the Doctor said after a moment.
“Says who?” Bill countered, nudging her shoulder against his.
“Me.”
“Does that make you the expert, then?”
“Basically, yes.” He continued chowing down on his favourite Frost Fair treat as Bill took in the sights. As she watched the crowds, she wondered if she would catch a glimpse of the Doctor from the past. The Doctor had never really answered her question; would it be dangerous for him to meet himself?
“I wasn’t around here, anyway.”
Bill turned her head as the Doctor spoke. His hands were behind his back now, so he must have finished his snack.
“The last time I was here I had to get a piano and lower it onto the ice. Under the bridge,” he added, pointing in that direction. “It took a few tries. And a few pianos.” His head swiveled towards a tent on their right. Before Bill could even process what he had said, the Doctor ducked into the tent. Unlike all the other meaty and greasy smells that had been assaulting Bill’s nostrils so far, the more mild and comforting scent of coffee wafted from the entrance the Doctor had just walked through.
“Wait a second,” Bill said as she followed the Doctor, her brain finally catching up with what he had just said. The Doctor tossed a few coins to a man and in return he handed the Doctor two steaming mugs, both with “Bought upon the River Thames, 1814” painted on the front. The Doctor handed one to Bill as they exited the tent.
“So the last time you were here, you had to find a piano.”
The Doctor took a sip of his coffee. “Yes.”
“And get it down onto the ice.” She looked over at him, but he seemed determined to fix his wandering gaze on anything but her at the moment.
“Under the bridge, yes,” he said absentmindedly.
The warmth from the mug in Bill’s hands started to seep through her gloves. The familiar smell of the coffee was inviting, and Bill took a sip to find that it was a little watery, but not terrible. “But why?” she insisted.
The Doctor’s eyes finally met hers and he raised his eyebrows in a matter-of-fact expression. “My wife wanted to see Stevie Wonder. It seemed like a romantic spot.” Then his eyes wandered again and something caught his attention. His face lit up and he started to walk away.
Bill stood rooted to the spot, trying to picture the Doctor being romantic, the Doctor having a wife, and Stevie Wonder on the Thames in 1814 all at once.
“Wait. You’re married?” She ran off after him, but the sights distracted her all too easily and for a while she forgot all about this surprising new insight into the Doctor’s personal life.
“Have you seen anyone acting suspiciously since the freeze?”
“There’s the dredgers.”
“The dredgers?”
Out of the corner of her eye Bill saw the Doctor’s head lean back and his eyes grow wide as he stared at the man. Clearly, he thought this was important.
“There’s a workhouse upriver. Got men out there patrolling all hours.”
“That’s great, thank you.” Bill flashed a smile and turned, but the Doctor’s voice made her pause.
“Look, it will only take a moment, could you just please show me that coin—”
“Google it later, Doctor?” Bill said, gesturing with her head to imply that they needed to get moving. After knowing him for a few months, she was finally starting to get used to the fact that though he knew just about everything and could be, frankly, pretty terrifying, there were times when the Doctor acted just like a child.
The Doctor huffed and Bill began walking away, satisfied that he had let it go for now. He caught up with her in only a few strides. “Do I look like the sort of man who ‘googles’ things?”
“You’re the one who told me to stay away from your browser history.” Like she had hoped, he had nothing further to say after that. What sort of things did he google?
Probably ‘best dad jokes’ and ‘how to sound cool around kids,’ she thought to herself.
“Where are we going?” she asked as they trudged along.
“The TARDIS. We need to go to the workhouse.”
Bill looked up at the dark sky. Only a faint glow came from where the moon should be behind the cover of clouds. The world was coated in a blanket of darkness. Though lanterns lit up the streets, it was nothing like the bright electric lights everywhere back home. “Now?”
“Of course not. We’ll use the TARDIS and go straight to morning.”
“So we’re just going to skip the entire night?”
The Doctor looked over at her with an eyebrow raised. “Is there a problem with that?”
“No, just…feels a bit like cheating.”
The Doctor kept his gaze forward as they ascended a set of stone steps. “Time traveling isn’t cheating. It’s just having a better motor than everyone else.”
As they reached the TARDIS, Bill looked out over the Thames and wished that she could have a painting of this scene: the silhouette of the city, the reflection of the moon’s faint light on the ice. The bridge over the river caught her eye and Bill suddenly remembered the Doctor’s story from earlier, before they had been caught up in all of this.
Bill turned and saw that the door to the TARDIS was open, the Doctor already at the console. “Are you really married?” she asked as she walked inside.
The Doctor paused and looked down, curling his left hand into a fist. Bill had noticed the band on his ring finger before, but she had never really thought about what it meant.
“I was.”
The weight of those two words made Bill stop. What could she do? No words or actions seemed to be right to comfort him.
“I’m sorry.”
The Doctor didn’t respond. He pulled one of the monitors towards him and started typing something into the console’s keyboard a little too forcefully. A bird’s eye view of the Thames appeared on the monitor and then zoomed in on a certain spot, a glowing red dot marking a place near the edge of the river. Bill stepped forward so she could get a better look.
“There,” the Doctor said, pointing to the red dot. “That’s where the workhouse is.” He reached over for a lever on the console and pulled it forward, holding it down as the TARDIS made its strange wheezing noise and lights flashed around the top of the room.
Bill studied the Doctor’s deep frown and wished she hadn’t asked him about being married. She had obviously hit a nerve, and while she wasn’t going to ask him anything else about his wife, she had a thousand questions. Had his wife been human or alien, like him? How long had they been married? How did she die and how long ago was it?
The longer she thought about it, the more questions kept piling up. What other family did he have? Bill remembered the two photos on the Doctor’s desk back in his office: one of a woman (who she now thought was probably his wife) and one of a younger girl. A daughter or granddaughter? Where was she?
It hit Bill very suddenly that the Doctor must be alone. He practically lived in his office back at the university, and the only other person she had seen associated with him was Nardole.
She wondered if he was lonely. He had obviously had family, but they all seemed to be gone now. When he had told her that he had to move on from people’s deaths, Bill had never thought about the fact that it included the deaths of people he loved.
She tried to imagine moving past her mother’s death. Even though she had never known her, it was something she carried with her every day. That corner of sadness in her mind was a part of who she was. To remove it would be to remove a piece of herself.
But the Doctor…how many people had he lost? How many of them had he deliberately forgotten because he couldn’t look back?
The TARDIS landed with a gentle thump that brought Bill back to the present. She couldn’t help but look at the Doctor with pity now.
Completely oblivious to Bill’s introspection, the Doctor announced, “We’re exactly where we were, just ten hours forward.”
Bill left her thoughts behind for the moment. “Why not move the TARDIS where we’re going?”
The Doctor raised his eyebrows like he was about to state something obvious. “Because this is a great parking spot!” He dashed to the TARDIS doors and opened one of them up, its creak resounding throughout the room as daylight streamed in.
Why does it creak? It’s a spaceship, Bill wondered, but another more pressing thought came into her head as she watched the Doctor.
“Er…Doctor?” she called.
He poked his head back into the TARDIS and Bill used one hand to gesture at the diving suit she was still wearing.
The Doctor frowned at her and then looked down at himself. “Oh.” He walked back inside and closed the door behind him. “Go on back to the wardrobe. The TARDIS will have your clothes waiting.”
Bill turned and started walking, but then looked back at him still at the console. “What about you?” she asked. He had realised that he was wearing the diving suit too, right?
“Don’t worry about me.” He waved her out and Bill entered the TARDIS corridor, wondering what was behind all the different doors. How big was this place anyway?
Somehow she found the wardrobe again and, like the Doctor had said, the dress she had been wearing earlier was hanging just inside the door, looking pristine like it hadn’t even seen any wear yet.
“You do the washing too?” Bill said, looking up at the ceiling with a grin. “Yeah, totally in love with you.”
A few minutes later, Bill emerged into the console room again to find the Doctor in his period outfit once more, complete with the top hat. He stared at the console’s monitor for a moment before glancing over at her.
“Fancy a walk, Miss Potts?” The Doctor straightened and offered his arm, smiling at her.
And there he went again, forgetting all about the sadness. But his smile was contagious; Bill grinned at him, excitement building up inside her at the prospect of adventure.
Bill thought about how she had considered running back to the TARDIS after the boy had died. She had considered telling him she was done with aliens and spaceships and watching people die. She had considered telling him that she never wanted to see him again.
But she knew now that he wasn’t someone she could just walk away from. Of course she had a life of her own back home, but what did it amount to? Her lessons with him had been the highlight of her life for the past few months. The past couple of days (or however much time had passed since she had stepped into the TARDIS for the first time) had been the highlight of her entire life. He was something more than a tutor, more than a friend, even; he was the closest thing to family she had.
For a moment, she wondered if she was the only family the Doctor had too.
Bill looped her arm through his and tugged him forward. “Let’s go get the bad guys!”