Work Text:
John was taking notes in an uninhabited corner of the store--a bit of a safe haven and retreat for employees when/if need be--when purple high heel adorned feet came near his own. His gaze followed them up the long legs and torso to his coworker and roommates face, which was busy trying to demonstrate some emotion. John didn't have the time nor the inclination to decipher which one.
He shook his head and looked back down to his papers. "Laf, whatever it is, I'm busy at the moment. If it's another goddamn customer complaint just tell them to shove the table leg up their ass. Sorry. That was rude. I'm just so swamped already with what Burr just piled on me this morning, and now--" John looked up mid-sentence when he felt the air shifting. Lafayette had begun waving their hands around wildly to stop him. "What is it?"
"Non, urgence! Code petit lion!" They hissed, though not quite achieving quiet and discreet like they were undoubtedly aiming for.
John perked up. "The serial sleeper?"
John felt deep pity for all high school kids out there thinking college was going to be exciting. They had no lives. They all had their own names for the man, born out of sheer boredom. All excepting Burr, of course. He "didn't care what you called him as long as you keep the situation under control and make sure there are no customer complaints". An even bigger bore, truly. John alternated between serial sleeper (for the hilarity factor) and sleeping beauty--though his first impression hadn't been the best, not by any standards.
-
See, it all started about two weeks ago. During a mid-afternoon Thursday lull, a somewhat bedraggled-looking college guy (if his sweatshirt, messenger bag, and sweatpants all emblazoned with the logo of the nearby school were any indication of his collegiate status) came in, weaved his way through the furniture and quickly past all workerbees, including Lafayette and Laurens himself. Upon reaching the beds on display, he flopped down dramatically and laid there for a full minute without moving.
Lafayette and John shared a look. Lafayette shook their head quickly, darting over to where John stood. Their hair always bounced around as they walked--it was quite endearing.
"There's no way I'm getting this one. You saddled me with that one grandma last time. This is payback. Deal with the homeless dude who has a keen interest in that bed."
John rolled his eyes. "He's not homeless, didn't you see all his shit? He seems to go to our school."
"Could have fooled me. Though maybe an all-nighter could explain why he looks so frazzled. Boy have I been there." They had a look of someone experiencing war flashbacks. "Maybe he's been forced to the streets in order to pay school loans."
"Ha, ha. But...really why is he just laying there? He has to have a dorm or family or something." John stood up on tippy-toes and peered back at the man, as if the two inch boost would somehow grant him the answers to all his questions.
"Putain si je sais." They waved their hand around in studied nonchalance. "Is he asleep? Go poke him with a stick."
John turned quickly to Lafayette, his voice raising in alarm. "He can't sleep here! Burr would break out in hives if he caught all this!"
A soft snore came from the transients direction. John sighed deeply. "Definitely asleep, then."
Laf just stood for a moment and then pulled out their phone, using both hands to quickly send out a text.
Herc. Babe.
2:36pm
Lafayette crept closer to snap a picture and then tip-toe ran back to John's side.
Problem. This thing just walked in and is now sleeping on one of the displays. Bedbugs are not meant to be this big. Possible mutant bedbug??
Sent 2:38pm
Yh thts hamilton u dnt know him ?? Evry1 knows him . He runs school paper n fights ever1 id leav him b unless u want 2 die n ikea
Sent 2:40pm
Oh no, you are mistaken my love. I am not getting near him regardless. It's Laurens' turn. :{D
Sent 2:40pm
Laf hnstly u dnt even hav a stache stop bein so fake french
Sent 2:45pm
:{D} better?
Sent 2:45pm
Nt rly . Love u tho
Sent 2:47pm
They looked up to see the look John was shooting them, both a glare and a questioning glance asking silently who they were texting. "Herc says you shouldn't wake him unless you have a death wish. Have fun." With this explanation, they patted his shoulder with a smile and then went to walk off. Laurens grabbed their shoulder.
"No! We need a plan. Anytime we see a customer going near him we should distract them so they don't pay him any mind. Laf you have to help I can't do this on my own!"
They rolled their eyes. And everyone called them the dramatic one of the squad. "Fine, fine. And if Burr shows up?"
"Heeeee's testing out the bed? Showing customers it's comfortable?" John gave a hopeful grin.
Lafayette shook their head. "Let us hope it doesn't come to that."
-
And so they kept it up for two weeks. Burr found out after a little over a week, but he didn't want to be the one causing a scene and throwing him out, so he chose to look the other way and wait for one of them to do it. The guy had noticed them watching one day as he left, but he said nothing, only gave a salute. That was the strangest thing, upon waking he would just stroll out like it was the most normal thing in the world.
They likely would have kept it up forever, only John was having a bad day and his curiosity had reached its peak. He wasn't putting up with this dudes weird shit anymore. He needed an explanation.
He threw everything in his hands down onto the table and stood up. "Laf, this ends today. I'm going to go talk to him."
They raised an eyebrow. "Bonne courage. Don't die, I'll end up getting your shifts."
He stomped out of his refuge and over to the man and cleared his throat. "Sir."
Nothing.
"Sir!"
A snuffle.
Laurens sighed. He found himself doing that a lot lately. He was going to get premature wrinkles at this rate. Maybe a few sporadic grey hairs.
There was only one more option. He reached forward and shook the guys shoulder, trying to be as gentle as he could while still waking him. The student turned the other way.
John leaned forward to hear what he mumbled. "Fuck off, Jefferson."
"I'm not a 'Jefferson'! Please wake up, sir!" The honorific was laced with vitriol this time.
He turned and looked behind at Laurens blearily, not comprehending his surroundings for a short second, and then sat up straight. "Oh right, not in my dorm. Wait, it's you. Freckles. Friend of poof hair. You're finally talking to me? What changed?"
He threw his hands up. "What changed is that I'm fed up with you being a dickwad! You just admitted to having a dorm so why aren't you sleeping in it like any other normal student!"
He rubbed his eyes with his fists, and then gave him a sleepy-eyed smile that was not cute, damn it. Not at all. "Well, you see, I have an explanation for that."
"I'm all ears." He was eyeing him disdainfully. Seemingly fully awake now--and how did he manage that in the span of 3 minutes?--he was rearranging himself to sit criss-cross, and in the process was ruining the carefully placed display pillows and duvet. Laurens hadn't even set that up himself, but he was still perturbed. Distracted as he was, he didn't realize the mistake he'd made in encouraging a tirade, though he'd learn very soon. When it sank in that he still didn't know the identity of this man, he added on, "Who are you?"
"My name is Alexander Hamilton." That having been said, he took a deep breath and his expression grew stormy. "It's my roommate. I got paired up with this total asshole, Jefferson, and I didn't know he was a total asshole at first, I was all prepared to be friends with him or whatever, and when I found out what he's really like it was too late to do anything. So we're just supposed to settle our differences, right, that's what 'the powers that be' at the office said when I called them up, only I don't know how to settle when our only difference is he's just being a straight up asshole! That is his only personality trait, I swear! He's infuriating. So sure, I can go to a cafe or something to get my work done, but where do I sleep? I mean, at first we'd just run into each other now and then and it wasn't as bad, but I swear he's doing this on purpose now. He's officially dating Madison, so either he's over and they're doing whatever the hell they do, or he's alone and doing the most frustrating things just to piss me off! I wouldn't even mind Madison if it was just him, but around Jefferson he's like his little parrot! I'd rather get a lobotomy than spend any more time than I need to in his presence. Did I mention he's an asshole?"
Jesus fucking Christ, he had quite the mouth on him. Did he even take a breath during that? John was sure he must be gaping at him, but honestly. Hamilton seems like he could probably rant for 30 minutes about rice or something equally innocuous. He looked back to where he knew Laf would be listening intently, and sure enough they were live-texting the whole ordeal to Hercules while chuckling to theirself.
-
You miss out on so much working @ Olive Garden I'm serious here is where it is at
Sent 3:08pm
You were so right about him, Hamilton is on this rant right now about his roommate it's fucking gold
Sent 3:08pm
I wonder if I could get in a video without them noticing?
Sent 3:09pm
John is squinting at me time to be fake busy
Sent 3:10pm
I like my jobs w/o the bs thx ill stay here n not b distracted evry 5 mins
Sent 3:11pm
D}: sad moustache man makes his appearance. Your words have saddened him to the core.
Sent 3:11pm
P.S. Your datemate is lonely and missing you </3
Sent 3:12pm
Miss u 2 sweetheart
Sent 3:12pm
Ask j if hes dwn 4 a movie nite :*
Sent 3:14pm
-
Cursing Lafayette in his head for not being helpful at all, he got back to the matter at hand.
"Jerk roommate or not, I can't let you stay here whenever you want."
Hamilton looked genuinely offended. Did he really think John could just let him crash here? A particularly vengeful corner of his brain pointed out that he's been doing just that for a while now. He pushed it aside. It was different now that he was speaking to him. He couldn't play innocent and mostly ignore his existence any longer. "What? But I've gone to a different bed each time!"
John paused for a moment to wonder how that was relevant before continuing. "This isn't a motel! It's a store with customers coming in at all hours, it's not okay to just use this as a second home! My boss will make me watch a 3 hour video on propriety if there's even a hint of a complaint about it. Just find somewhere better. It can't be that hard."
"I'm not sure where to stay, I'm serious. I haven't been around the area that long, I don't have any close friends to impose on. I mean, any other time I would've gone to Angelica or Eliza, y'know? But Angelica is still pissed as all hell at me and would likely only let me in her place if she thought she could kill me while I'm there. And Eliza...I can't do that to her."
John was so lost. "Why not?"
Alexander gave him a bug-eyed look.
"What?"
"You don't know?"
"Know what?"
"It was everywhere. I'm the one from the school papers, the one who blabbed about my, ah, indiscretions. Very public mess. Ring any bells?"
It all clicked into place. "Wait, that's you?" He paused. "Dude."
"I know."
Alexander had cheated on Elizabeth Schuyler, exposed his mistake in the school newspaper front page for any and all to read, and immediately fell into a somewhat self-destructive spiral. During which, he'd fucked around half the campus, including faculty members. He'd made himself a bit infamous. He was surprised neither he nor Laf recognized him right off the bat, though it was true that tales of his misdeeds were even more well-known than he was personally.
"I really fucked up, and there's no way I can ask anything more of Eliza. She's been far too kind about this as it is. I want to leave her in peace."
Laurens certainly didn't approve of anything Hamilton had done, but he sounded truthfully repentant, and he knew everyone could have their dark times. He was...definitely no angel. He was struck with a thought that might solve both their problems. It'd get him away from John's job, and also give him a place to stay until he figured something out.
"I have...an idea. A stupid idea. Hold on." He pats his hand on Alexander's shoulder and scurries over to where Laf is still eagerly texting Hercules with a soft smile on their face. It was nice to see them like this. John appreciated their witty comments and smirks too, but it was a special thing for them to be so fond, so sincere.
Alexander's curious gaze follows him, wondering at the abrupt and unexplained change of subject, though he stays put on the bed, fiddling with the edge of a pillowcase absentmindedly.
John threw an arm around Lafayette's shoulders. "Wanna do something probably very reckless and foolish?
Lafayette raises a single, immaculate brow. "Such as?"
He gives a please-hear-me-out grin. "Turn our trio into a quartet?"
"What? Qoui? You don't mean--Mon chéri, have you gone mad?"
"Maybe? Listen, I'm not saying we marry the guy but he legitimately has nowhere else to go. We could at least let him crash on the couch or floor or something for a couple days. Besides, we need him to stop hanging around here. It could be a win-win!"
Laf was still unimpressed. "And if he is an ax murderer?"
"Then we'll all be killed and free of our existential turmoil?" He tried.
They sighed, not taking the bait. "I will agree to let him come home with us tonight, and we will talk it out with Herc there. We need to have an official roommate ruling on this, it is an important thing."
"Okay." Just for fun, he stuck out a hand and they shook on it.
He headed back over and looked at Hamilton steadily. "If you want, we've agreed to drive you to our place and we can then vote on whether it's acceptable for you to stay. We have another roommate, it's not a decision we can make right this second."
Despite the careful words, Alexander grinned widely and stood up, looking like he was two seconds from hugging John. "This is great! Thanks for even the chance!" He pulled his hair out of the sloppy bun it was in and began fixing it back more neatly, narrowly missing John's face with his elbow. He had way too much energy. "Hey, so are you and your coworker like, a thing?"
Lafayette's cheery laughter could be heard throughout the store.