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I think the universe is on my side
Heaven and Earth have finally aligned
Days are good and that's the way it should be
You sprinkle star dust on my pillow case
It's like a moonbeam brushed across my face
Nights are good and that's the way it should be
Everything was quiet, no sound but that of her footsteps echoing in the halls. The cold winds hit the windows relentlessly, their tendrils slipping in through the cracks, their touch chilly and nipping at her skin. It was late, later than she would have liked, but at least time hadn’t been wasted. She hoped so.
After Genya, Zoya and Nikolai’s visit to Ketterdam, David had grown curious, even more than he already was, about the nature of Grisha powers. More particularly, the hidden in plain sight ones. The tale of the Fabrikator that was healthier than his peers and startlingly handsome but didn’t actively use his powers to provoke such effect had triggered long, sleepless nights on David and quickly he found himself asking Alina for help. She didn’t know exactly how she could help, but… there was no reason as to why she shouldn’t. For weeks now, she had been detailing her life since that first Grisha test, including how the test itself had gone down. David wanted to know and understand how Alina could have locked her power so well and suffer so much, yet that other boy thrived. How could two people hide their Grisha nature from everyone and have such completely different results? And to be quite frank… Alina wanted to know more as well. How had she done it? How had she been able to lock away something she wasn’t completely aware of? And could she… No. She shook her head, picking up those dangerous thoughts, shredding them into tiny bits and scattering them into the night, hoping the whistling winds would take them far, far away. It was… of no use to think too much about certain what ifs…
A guard passed by and wished her a good night. She echoed his words, only mildly startled by his passable resemblance to Mal.
Mal.
A bitter taste flooded her mouth. Suddenly she felt too cold, too alone.
Mal…
He had thought… Well, they both had thought that an ordinary life at the orphanage would be the dream. He’d voiced it plenty of times. She’d wished it would fill the hole in her chest. She loved him and they were together, that should matter more than anything. Right?
Except… Except it didn’t. Not for long anyway.
Alina couldn’t quite pin down when things started to grow cold between them, when they started to grow apart just like they had back in the Little Palace. But she knew it was related to how quickly Mal accepted their loss of powers and… how she couldn’t accept hers, no matter how hard she tried. And try she did. Saints… she really did. And she was happy for a while. But then, on one ordinary day like any other, she felt her heart crack, louder than it usually did. There was a hole in her heart, in her very soul, that wouldn’t go unnoticed anymore. And with time, that gaping hole grew without limits until an ordinary life with her teen sweetheart just wasn’t enough to help her forget. Just wasn’t enough… to be happy.
And quicker than she expected, things with Mal ended. They grew apart. He grew fond of drinking and fighting. She pretended it was nothing. But when she found him sneaking into someone else’s bed… His face, full of anger at her and shame for being caught, she’d never forget it. Especially in the moment where she made him leave the orphanage with nothing but a flimsy bag. The sight had been far more satisfying than she had ever imagined.
Big, heavy flakes of snow were now falling so fast it looked as if they were racing to the ground. She watched them for a moment, her fingers playing with a ring. Alina bit the inside of her cheek as she remembered how fast she had left Keramzin and returned to Os Alta. She had nothing left there anymore, whereas in the capital she still had her friends. Friends who welcomed her with open arms and plenty of things to say about a certain tracker. Friends who made sure she wouldn’t spend another day, another hour, another minute crying over him. Friends who had once made Os Alta feel like home and still did.
With quiet steps, Alina stepped into the darkened room. Nothing could be seen but the dying embers in the fireplace and what their orange light illuminated. The faint outlines of her bedside table, a chair and the limits of a bed. Darkness engulfed everything else.
Carefully, Alina walked to her wardrobe and changed into her nightgown before climbing into the bed.
Her eyes were used to the darkness by now and she could almost see the shape that laid next to her. Her hands reached out, an almost wild hunger taking over her movements. The shape stirred with her touch, “Alina?” a groggy voice asked.
“No. The Darkling.” She answered in a mock whisper.
A grunt. A hand laced their fingers together, “Should I get my sword then?”
She rolled her eyes just before a giggle left her lips, unfiltered and light, turning to dust any and every darker thought that might have been plaguing her mind just minutes before. Her companion shifted under the sheets and turned to her. Hazel eyes twinkled in the faint light of the fireplace just as his mouth curled into a dreamy grin. Alina scooted closer and snuggled against him with a tired sigh.
“Long night?”
She nodded, “You know David, one hour turns to ten once he gets excited.”
“Should I be worried? I mean,” his voice turned serious, a mocking tone dripping from every word, “He spends more time with my wife than with his. Worse, he spends more time with my wife than I actually do.”
A snort escaped her lips, the sound muffled by his chest, “You know very well we spend plenty of time together, Nikolai.” The name rolled out of her tongue as easy as breathing. And it tasted as good as freshly made blini.
He sighed, as dramatic as his sleepy state allowed, “Still not enough, Alina dear.” He played with her hair, his fingers drawing lazy strokes through her long, white locks. The touch was light and caring, warming her from her very core. With a purr on the back of her throat, Alina nuzzled her nose on the crook of his neck and savoured in earnest the salty scent that seemed to follow him everywhere, no matter how long Nikolai stayed on land.
“How was your day?” she mumbled and kissed the nearest spot of skin. Nikolai moaned. Butterflies danced in the pit of her stomach.
“Only had two meetings, spent the rest of it working on new projects.” He said, his voice slightly strained as she placed an infinite string of kisses on his exposed skin. She could never get enough of this, of kissing his skin, of him.
Alina shifted, focusing her eyes on his and flashed him a smirk capable of rivalling his own. The king narrowed his eyes in a playful glare, before quickly stealing a kiss from her lips. Just one kiss, just one small, chaste kiss and her whole body vibrated with excitement and happiness. He had that effect. That wonderful and always unexpected effect.
After a moment of comfortable quietness, Nikolai started to drift off and her eyes wandered to his hair. His beautiful gold hair was in complete disarray, matted to his head on one side, pointing everywhere on the other. As natural as her heart beat, her hand moved up and she passed her fingers through his hair, relishing on the soft touch. A satisfied sound formed in Nikolai’s throat and the corners of his mouth twitched up in a goofy, sleepy grin. She felt her own lips curving up as well. As it always happened when she indulged in this habit of hers.
A habit that came to her so naturally now… Alina could still remember how this habit had started off as something secret. A secret of her own and no one else. That she had cherished and kept close to her heart.
One night, long before they had even had their first real kiss, Alina found Nikolai fast asleep on his working table. A tiny line of drool fell from his parted lips. His clothes were all rumpled. And his hair was so dishevelled it looked as if the wind had stormed in just to mess it up. Nikolai looked the complete opposite of his public persona and her heart tugged at the sight. He looked… adorable.
Adorable as a baby fox.
Before she knew it, her hand was on his hair, fingers slowly moving through the silky blond locks. She did it once. Twice. Thrice. And by the fourth time Alina had to stop herself, lest her heart drum so loud it would surely wake up the sleeping king. It wasn’t until she was back in the safety and privacy of her room, that she realised what could explain the utter delight that filled her heart and made entire fields of flowers bloom in her chest when she saw Nikolai like that. When she stroked his hair so gently, so… lovingly. With a hand on her rampant heart, Alina promised herself she would ignore those feelings and vowed to never touch Nikolai like that again. After Mal, after Aleksander… She didn’t really need any more love in her life.
But soon her treacherous heart lead her to a sleeping Nikolai again. And again, she found herself watching him sleep and stroking his hair. It wouldn’t happen again. Until it did. Again. And again. And soon… she found the silly habit ingrained in her life. Deep within her routine. Deep within herself.
By the time Nikolai and her finally kissed, one a hot summer day when Alina felt very inclined to commit regicide but only ended up thrown into the water and being thoroughly kissed, Alina had already grown extremely acquainted with his hair. Its texture, its length, the exact places where her hand fit perfectly. Soon, what started as a secret habit she indulged herself with when the king was fast asleep and no soul could see, had turned into somewhat of a second nature. No longer did she touch his hair in the secret of the night, no longer did she touch it just when she and she alone would ever know. Now… now she did it every moment she could. At night in bed and under the sheets, between kisses and behind drawn curtains, before and during meetings, not caring at all for the watchful eyes of whomever happened to witness their kisses and their touches.
“If you keep at that…” Nikolai spoke in a drowsy whisper, “I might think you’re actually in love with my hair, and not with me.”
She rolled her eyes, not really in the mood to fight that urge, “I thought you’d gone back to sleep.”
He shook his head, “I can’t. Your touch is far too seductive.” His sleepy voice was far too seductive.
“Oh, really?”
“Yes. Like the cool lake water on a hot summer day.” He said, fully aware of the memories those words brought, “Like a freshly baked cake cooling off on a baker’s window. Like…” he paused, searching for his next words. In the silence that followed and grew longer with every passing second, laughter bubbled out of Alina’s throat, like a child rushing outside to witness their first snowfall. Nikolai cracked an eye open, “My, are you laughing at me, my sweet Alina?”
She snorted, “It’s your cheesy poetry, Nikolai.”
“You love it, sunshine.”
She nodded and sighed dramatically, “Sadly, I do.” Another snort, “But it’s still cheesy and ridiculous.”
Nikolai shrugged, “Well,” he started as he shifted his body and his arms pulled her closer until there was no space between them, “One can’t be good at everything. You couldn’t expect this damnably handsome rogue to be an incredibly brilliant inventor, ruler AND poet, could you?”
Alina nestled into him, letting her body drown in the comfort of his touch, “Saints, not one to sell yourself short, are we?”
“Obviously.”
A moment passed in comfortable silence, Alina’s heart beating in sync to Nikolai’s, in a song uniquely theirs that had been written long before their first kiss, “Your ego is as big as this kingdom.” She said when sleep started to finally take over her.
“Indeed.”
“But I still love you, Nikolai.” She did, oh, how much she did.
Nikolai smiled, she could hear it in his words, in the way his heart skipped a beat, “I know, sunshine.” He kissed the crown of her head, “I love you too.”