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There’s a knock on the door of his bedroom and Stiles says “come in” from his bed without thinking twice about it. He thought it was his dad or Scott checking in on him. Instead, it’s Jackson in his leather jacket and perfect hair carrying two bags in his left hand.
“Hi,” Jackson says. He’s just standing there, like he’s afraid to move, licking his lip and looking around with curiosity. This is the first time he’s been there and sure enough, this place with all kinds of stuff everywhere totally feels like Stiles’s place.
“What…? What are you doing here?” Stiles asks from his bed both surprised and confused. Even if he’s under the covers, suddenly, he feels very self-conscious of his Superman pajamas and his messy hair.
“Can’t I come to see you?” Jackson asks, still not moving.
“I didn’t mean that. I meant that you should have called first.” Stiles waves his right arm.
“Why?” Jackson frowns. “I knew you were here.”
“Because…” Stiles hesitates. “Well, you know, I might have been busy.”
“Stiles, you’re fucking recovering. What could you possibly have to do?”
“I have stuff to do… a lot of stuff.”
“Yeah, like playing games and watching TV shows. You’re so busy..." Jackson says with sarcasm.
“For starters, I have to study… between almost dying and all that I’m totally behind in case you don’t remember. It will be a miracle if I don’t fail this semester.”
Jackson rolls his eyes dramatically and shakes his head. “Please... Don’t exaggerate, you aren’t repeating shit. There’s still time to catch up.” Jackson finally decides to close the door and take a few steps until he’s standing next to the bed.
“Speak for yourself. It doesn’t help that Harris hates my guts. And don’t say that he doesn’t, because he does.”
“I wasn’t going to say that. I was going to say that I could help you. I’m not too bad at chemistry.”
Stiles is speechless for a moment. It’s not enough to have Jackson in his room, now that sentence just came out of his mouth.
“You want to help me to study?” Stiles raises his eyebrows.
“Yeah, I do. I mean, if you want to… but you have to recover first. The doctor said you should take it easy. You shouldn’t--”
“Doesn’t it look like I’m taking it easy?” Stiles interrupts him, pointing to the bed. “My father won’t let me leave the house until god knows when…”
“The doctor told him you need to rest. He’s still worried about you.”
Stiles snorts. “And yet, here you are... back to school and back to your life. Fucking perfect.” Irony all over his words.
“Yeah, I’m a wolf and I healed faster, you know that but I’m not fucking perfect, okay? So don’t say that. I’ve got my own shit going on.”
Stiles doesn’t say anything. He’s not certain if he’s allowed to ask. He’s not sure how much his relationship with Jackson has changed. After what they went through and Jackson’s visit at the hospital with the pack, it feels like they are almost friends but he’s not sure if Jackson actually thinks the same.
“You can sit, you know?” Stiles says pointing to the empty space on the right side of the bed.
Jackson doesn’t reply but he sits down.
“What’s in the bags?” Stiles looks with curiosity at the bags Jackson has now left next to him on the bed.
“This is from Scott. I told him I was coming and he asked me to bring you these books and some homework.” Jackson hands him the bag and Stiles leaves it on the other side of the bed. “He said he’ll call you later to explain what you have to do.”
“And this, well…” Jackson hands him the other bag. “I remembered how you said that you love muffins and chocolate…”
“You brought me chocolate muffins?” Stiles asks taking out the bakery’s box and opening it.
“Yeah. I thought it could cheer you up, you know.”
And the way Jackson has said that, like it’s the most normal thing in the world to buy something because it will make him happy… well, it makes him all warm inside, and it shows that he cares and that he most probably considers him a friend or wants them to be friends.
Stiles grabs a muffin and takes a bite.
“Oh shit.” Stiles says after as he swallows. “This is so good… Try one.” Stiles offers him the box.
“No, thanks. I’m good. It’s for you.”
Stiles takes another bite.
“My parents always go to that bakery. It’s their favorite.”
“Well, mission accomplished,” Stiles says licking some chocolate stuck in couple of fingers. “It definitely cheered me up.”
Jackson simply smiles as Stiles continues eating the muffin.
“That’s not.... That’s not the only reason why I came.” Jackson finally admits.
“Why I’m not surprised… What’s happened now?”
“Nothing has happened.”
“Then what is it?”
“It’s… Scott told me you are having nightmares. He said that--”
“He shouldn’t have told you.” Stiles interrupts him.
“Why not? He’s your best friend… he’s like your brother, isn’t he? He’s fucking worried and he thought… well, he thought I should know.”
“Yes, he’s my best friend but he should know better than to tell everybody about it!”
“Hey! As far as I know he’s only told me! And he only told me because he thought that maybe I could help you… but I don’t think so. The truth is I’m having them too.”
“You’re having nightmares?” Stiles raises his eyebrows surprised.
“Yeah. Why are you so surprised? I was in that shithole with you, remember? Just because I’ve healed, it doesn’t mean…” Jackson licks his lips. “You know… I need to be doing stuff all the time because if I stop to think, if I close my eyes, I just… I can’t get it out of my fucking mind. So yeah, the doctor gave me some stuff to help me sleep, probably the same stuff they gave you. But then, when I finally fall asleep, I have fucking nightmares. What? You thought I was perfectly fine, right? Is that what you thought?”
“Well, I didn’t know what to think. I guess I thought you were probably fine… You didn’t say anything at the hospital...” Because that’s the truth. And now that he thinks about it, that’s all kinds of wrong.
“I didn’t tell you because we were never alone. There was always someone else there with us.”
That makes sense because Stiles doesn’t feel like telling any pack member either.
“So, you haven’t told anybody?” Stiles frowns.
“My parents know. I kind of screamed one night and they heard me, so it’s not like if I could have hidden it from them. Now they want me to see a psychologist, if you can imagine that."
“Really?”
“Yeah.” Jackson nods.
“And you’re gonna do it?”
Jackson snorts. “At first I didn’t want to go, you know? This idea of talking to a total stranger… it’s not exactly my kind of thing.”
There is a silence after. Stiles knows now that sometimes Jackson just needs time to say what he needs to say.
“But they… well, they’ve taken the whole wolf thing really well and they want what’s best for me. And shit, the truth is that I’m as fucked up as you are… So, yeah, I suppose I’m going to do it because I guess I have nothing to lose and it will make them happy. I guess I owe it to them after everything…” Jackson admits.
And since when does Jackson Whittemore owe anything to anybody? Since when does he care what his parents think? It’d be hard to believe it if it wasn’t because Jackson is sitting on his bed and he’s just uttered those words.
“Just, not a word of this to Derek or anybody else for that matter, okay? I don’t care if he’s the alpha… this is none of his business.”
“So, are you telling me that I’m the only one who knows? Because you should at least tell Lydia.”
Jackson licks lips as he seems to be considering what he wants to say.
“Lydia and I are over. We broke up last week.”
“You broke up?” Stiles raises his eyebrows confused. “What do you mean you broke up?”
“What’s so hard to understand?” Jackson waves his right arm. “We-are-no-longer-together,” Jackson says, stressing each word.
Stiles smiles and rolls his eyes. Sometimes Jackson’s bluntness can be kind of adorable, he had just never realized before.
“Yeah, I get that but I mean, she loves you, right? Why would you break up?” Stiles doesn’t understand it.
“I’m not sure that she ever really loved me… I know that she cares about me as much I care about her but the truth is that I’m not in love with her.” Jackson runs his right hand through his hair. “Do you remember what I told you one of those days in that fucking basement? I mean, what I wanted to do if we got out of there.”
Stiles snorts. “We both said a lot of things… you’ll have to be more specific than that, sorry.”
“I said that if we came out alive, I was done being what was expected of me. I said I’d do whatever made me happy… and I… you know, I told you I’d try to be a better version of myself, didn’t I? And being with her for the wrong reasons doesn’t feel right anymore and it isn’t fair either. So, it wasn’t like I broke her heart, okay? We’re better as friends and she knows that.”
Stiles could joke and say that he thought it was the lack of food and sleep talking back then but no, it didn’t feel like that. It felt like Jackson being honest and thinking about his life in a way he had never done before, having that kind of realization you only have when you think you might die.
“Well, in that case I guess you did the right thing.”
Jackson nods and there’s a silence after that where Stiles is looking at Jackson and Jackson is looking at him and it’s the weirdest feeling. He’s never kissed anybody and he’s not sure what kind of signal is supposed to tell you that it’s going to be okay if you actually do it and take that risk.
He looks at Jackson’s eyes, then at his mouth and he could bet that this magnetism he’s feeling between them right in that moment is not just his imagination… he’s pretty fucking sure but he’s not going to risk making a fool of himself and he’s not going to risk this new sort of friendship that is starting between them either. So, instead he licks his lips and decides to get that crazy idea out of his head.
“By the way, humm… Erica and Isaac… I mean, pretty much the whole pack is going to the cinema on Saturday and you know, if you’re feeling up to it and your father lets you… I thought that maybe you’d like to come with us.”
Stiles almost says really? but thank god, he stops himself in time.
“That sounds cool… Humm… I’m feeling much better. So, why not? Tell them to count me in, yeah.” Stiles smiles and so does Jackson.
“I can’t guarantee that the movie won’t suck though. But I’ll try to keep Isaac from choosing it.”
“That’s okay,” Stiles says.
The truth is that it will feel great to get out of the house and do something normal again for a change.
In that moment Jackson gets a text, so he finds his phone in his jacket and reads it.
“Do you have to go or something?” Stiles asks. The idea of being alone right now doesn’t feel very appealing... or maybe it’s the idea of Jackson not being there a little more time.
“No, it’s my mother. Something came up at work. She’ll be home late tonight. She told me to order a pizza or something.”
Jackson sends a reply and puts the phone back in his jacket pocket.
“So, you are not leaving?” Stiles asks.
“Why? Do you want me to go?” Jackson frowns. “Because I could go.”
“No, I didn’t mean it like that. I just... I thought maybe you have things to do, that’s all.”
“No, I can stay for a while if you want,” Jackson says hesitantly.
“Yeah, would you like to play some xbox?”
The truth is that Jackson doesn’t spend as much time playing games as Stiles and Scott do, so he knows he’s not half as good as they are but since Stiles enjoys playing that thing, he can give it a try.
“Yeah, sure. I could do that.” Jackson nods.
Stiles smiles. This is going to be interesting.