Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Robbie Rotten had been many people. He’d had many names. A person practically had to when their lifespan was so much longer than a human’s and they wanted to avoid attention. Robbie sat on his nice, fuzzy orange chair in his lair and rubbed at the gem on his neck. His real name lay in there somewhere. The stone was a deep purple at the center that flushed out into a dark pink. He had been in this town, Lazytown, for around thirty years now. Normally, he would stay for thirty more. But, when the Crystal Gem had showed up…

Robbie shuddered.

Civil War had made both sides into monsters, no matter how much the Crystal Gems wanted to deny it. There were just as many shards at their feet as the unforgiving Homeworld. Though they had won and Earth designated under Crystal Gem territory, that left little wiggle room for gems who found themselves stuck in the middle.

Crystal Gems were heroes. They did what was right and helped people. They swore to protect the Earth and humans. Homeworld was about using Earth as a resource for its own needs, with little care for individual gems or humans.

Robbie, when he had popped out of the ground alone but aware, found he fit neither. He was no hero. Just the thought of it made him gag. However… he found Homeworld held no appeal to him. It was cold and sterile. There were no individuals. Neither fit.

Robbie just wanted to be Robbie. Why couldn’t he just live for himself? Maybe he could care for people, even humans. Maybe he couldn’t. Who was to say? But to be forced into one path or the other? No, it wasn’t for him.

And so he set out alone, switching from one identity to another. There were more like him. This he knew, but none of them really kept in touch. It was too risky. And what did they care, anyway? It’s not like they knew each other, not really. But a nod in the right direction could get you the help you needed if things were dire.

Things were not yet dire.

No, Robbie did not believe that things were dire. The dull clod who ran around using the superhero name Sportacus, of all things, was not a problem at this moment. However, no matter how dumb the blue Pearl was, he would notice eventually that Robbie Rotten was different; that he wore much more makeup than one would think, that he bounced back from injuries he normally shouldn’t, that he could somehow survive off nothing but sugar. Sportacus would notice he didn’t really seem human.

After all of Robbie’s efforts to get the man to leave town he knew he was out of luck. Robbie was the one who had to leave or it was only a matter of time before the Crystal Flop turned him over to the supposed heroes. Or, Robbie thought, he could be poofed, or shattered. A full body shudder swept through him at the thought. No, that wouldn’t do. Robbie Rotten had to leave. He had to leave and not be Robbie anymore.

He sighed. He had really liked this town too.

Deciding what to take with him and what to disassemble or abandon was a lot harder than he had expected. Piles of “if, nos, maybes” littered his lair. This would be so much easier if he was a Pearl. He hadn’t been about the surface in a week, as busy as he had been, and he missed the taste of the wonderful danishes from the little café that had opened up recently.

With a sigh he stretched unnecessarily for his hard light form and decided a little break couldn’t hurt.

He was wrong.

The moment he had reached the café he heard the laughter of the children nearby. He knew whatever they were doing could only be horrible so he resolutely ignored it and went inside. Sadly, the café was the usual kind with floor to ceiling windows, leaving him exposed to viewing from the outside. Which is what caused the pink one to notice him as she was doing something… athletic. Ew. She waved. Robbie tried ignoring them some more. Maybe they would take the hint and leave him alone. He took a big bite into his chocolate danish and a sip of his coffee.

The bell on the door jingled as it opened.

“Hey Robbie!”

Robbie let out a groan. Then dragged his gaze over to the giddy offender. “What do you want, pink thing?”

She smiled and shook her head at him, as if laughing at his antics. Great, now he was being condescended to by a child.

“I came by to say hi, Robbie. None of us have seen you all week! Where have you been?” Stepha-something asked.

Robbie snorted as he looked out the window and saw the rest of the children had seen where the pink one had gone off to and were heading over. Sportacus was, of course, following them jovially. Just great. He then looked back at the girl before him.

“I’ve been busy working on a few… projects,” Robbie evaded. “Why do you care? Surely you had a lot of fun with games that went uninterrupted,” he speculated.

“I guess, but we missed you! You always turn the games into something even better!” She rocked back on her heels. In that movement Robbie caught a glimpse of her pink gem and averted his gaze.

That was another thing the Crystal Weirdos did that Robbie wasn’t that interested in. They merged with humans, made new… creatures that way. There weren’t too many and so Robbie didn’t know too much. He could see there were advantages, harder to shatter and whatnot. However, it seemed the personality of the gem was lost. That was… horrifying, Robbie thought. To lose yourself and be used by some unknown little creature? Or what if you just had to sit and watch the whole time through their eyes while you could do nothing? Robbie didn’t know and definitely didn’t want to find out.

At least such a thing was voluntary, even if Robbie didn’t understand it. Whoever Stephanie’s gem used to be, this was what they wanted. Robbie hoped it had been worth it. At least the girl herself wasn’t completely awful.

“Robbie?”

That wasn’t the pink girl’s voice. Robbie shook himself back to reality. Oh no, now there were more of them. The rest of the children started spilling through the door with a constant ringing of the bell. It was all of them, in fact. Just great. At least Sportaloser hadn’t come in yet, apparently taking the time to tie some other kid’s shoelaces.

“Stephanie, what are you doing here with Robbie?” the other little girl asked. What was her name? Tricky? Whatever.

“Oh, I was just saying hi to Robbie and asking him what he’s been doing,” Stephanie answered and then turned back to Robbie. “So what are the projects you’re working on?”

“I have a better question,” Robbie countered. “If I buy each of you brats a donut will you leave me be and go… play or whatever it is you were doing?” He sniffed in disgust.

The kids all spoke at once as the ringing of the door’s chime went off again.

“Yes.”

“Robbie, that’s mean!”

“Wait, Robbie wants us to play and be active?”

All the kids looked at the one who had asked the question. It was that gizmo tech kid. Whatever-his-face. They then all looked back at Robbie who, if he had been human, would be turning red over the implied insult. Instead, he frowned and tried to mouth a few words, trying to figure out a response to a reaction he had never expected.

“What’s this about Robbie getting you to play? Turning over a new leaf, Robbie?” Sportacus questioned as he stood in the doorway. Apparently that last bell ring had been him. Stupendous.

Robbie nearly gagged.

“How dare you insult me like that, Sportaweirdo!” Robbie got up from his table. “And to answer your stupid question: no!”

With that, Robbie took his second danish, stuffed it all in his mouth and swallowed. A few of the kid’s eyes went wide at that. He grabbed the mint that was still in its packaging and deftly moved around his crowded table to the door.

“Let’s not do this again,” he said with a smile and popped the mint in his mouth. He let the door swing shut and was gone.

Chapter Text

Sportacus frowned and rubbed at the casing on his gem. He sighed and took it off, tossing it aside where it clicked onto a nearby table. He was safe in his airship so letting his gem out wasn’t a safety issue. He was frustrated. As a Crystal Gem, Sportacus still had trouble sometimes understanding the humans around him. And as a Pearl, having something he couldn’t understand or help or do something about drove him up the wall.

Literally.

He was doing flips off of the wall of the airship while he thought.

He’d had a good day with the children today. However, after not seeing Robbie for a week, the man showed up and Sportacus offended him with the first thing he said. Robbie probably thought Sportacus had been making fun of him. That hadn’t been it! He had hoped to be joking with Robbie but then the way the man had reacted…

Sportacus wondered if he should recommend the man go to the doctor because he had accidentally eaten a candy wrapper. How well could the human digestive system handle indigestible substances again? It couldn’t be poisonous but it was a solid… but it was malleable. It didn’t help that, right beforehand, the human had eaten much more food in one bite than Sportacus had ever seen one do before.

Sportacus sighed. He was much better with children.

Or maybe his problems just happened with Robbie. He seemed to get along with the other adults well enough.

“Sportacus, it is 7:50pm. If you do not start your regular nighttime patrol of Lazytown you will be late to bed,” came the disembodied voice of his ship.

Sportacus stopped and took a deep breath. This was getting him nowhere.

He cartwheeled over to the ship’s control panel and activated his Gemscope. Quickly he checked each area of the small town to make sure everything was as it should be.

There was a shadow.

Moving? No, not a shadow. It was very quick- but… large? Sportacus followed it. Then it stopped and Sportacus was able to see what it was.

Who it was.

Strangely, it was Robbie. The man was breathing hard and was leaning on the wall. He was dragging an incredibly large bag of… something. Robbie shouldn’t have been able to move such a bag. Unless he had started working out secretly; but the man looked just as scrawny as ever. Sportacus sighed. That was probably why he was so tired. He could hurt himself dragging something that big. As the town hero it was Sportacus’s duty to help. He even wanted to help. He only hoped Robbie would accept it.

“Ship! Door!” Sportacus said as he jumped out the quickly opening airship door. He was going to hit himself one day when the ship wasn’t fast enough, but today was not that day.

Sportacus bounded over and, as he stopped in front of Robbie, gave him a large smile.

“Hello, Robbie! May I help you with your things?”

Robbie’s head shot up and he looked over Sportacus with wide eyes.

“What? No! What? Why?” he said in a breathless jumble. Robbie moved closer to the bag that was the size of him and held onto its opening, keeping it shut.

Sportacus heard the jangling of metal. Another machine then? But there was no one making noise for him to complain at or children to play with.  He filed it away for later. Maybe this was setup for tomorrow. That would be fun.

“I didn’t mean to frighten you, Robbie. It looks like you need help though, where are you taking it? I can help! I promise!” Pearls weren’t really known for their raw strength but Sportacus had trained himself and occasionally had the guidance of other Crystal Gems. With the two of them they shouldn’t have a problem moving the bag.

Robbie eyed him suspiciously and Sportacus wished he knew what it was that made Robbie so distrustful of him. The man didn’t act this way around anyone else. Crotchety, definitely. But this cautious? It was strange. Sportacus had to admit that most about Robbie was strange, however.  Sportacus shrugged at Robbie and showed his empty and open hands.

Robbie wasn’t staring at his hands. Robbie was staring at the gem on his chest. Oh, he had forgotten his case. Sportacus mentally scolded himself but thought that one slipup for tonight would probably be fine.

“Well…” Robbie hedged as he dragged his eyes up to meet Sportacus’s. “You can help but you have to keep your nosy nose to yourself!” He pointed at said nose, awkwardly close.

Sportacus knew that if he was human his nose would be itchy. As it was, he fought off the urge to twitch his nose.

“I can do that Robbie.”

He was surprised to find their destination was the town dump. They had dragged the bag there without issue. It was a bit far away, but with the two of them they had made it there quickly enough. Together, they pushed the bag into place next to the nearby pile of garbage. Robbie nearly collapsed when they were done.

“I’m dying!”

Sportacus chuckled. “You seem fine, Robbie.”

“Says the Crystal Gem who can bench press a cow!”

“Why would I bench press a cow?” That seemed like a truly unfortunate thing to try.

“I- well, I don’t know,” Robbie admitted as he started to crack his back. The man rubbed at his high collar, scratching his neck. He was always wearing clothes like that, even his disguises: turtlenecks, button down shirts with the collar popped, the list went on.

Sportacus didn’t know how the human could control his optimal temperature in such clothing. He was simply glad that was something he didn’t have to think about. His uniform, for the most part, was a part of him.

“Well, I suppose this is the part where I say ‘thank you’,” Robbie started to say.

Sportacus looked over to see the man thinking hard before him.

“But I won’t.”

And with that, Robbie stalked away.

Sportacus rolled his eyes and chuckled. That was the closest to a ‘thank you’ he had ever gotten. It may not seem like much to others but Sportacus would bet it was the closest Robbie could get right now to thanking him. With that, Sportacus started to head back as well. It wouldn’t do to be any later than he already was. By now he surely had missed his ‘bed time’. He didn’t actually have to sleep but it set a good example for the human children; even a hero had to relax sometimes, so they didn’t overwork themselves.

That was when he heard the tell-tale rattling of metal things sliding and falling.

He turned around to see a few pieces had fallen out of Robbie’s bag. They must have been dislodged when they had shoved it against the garbage pile.

Sportacus went to pick it up and put it back in the pile when he noticed something.

That was strange.

Underneath the normal human metal and wires… there was something he recognized, shining slightly. It looked like parts of his ship.

This was Gemtech.

Why did Robbie have Gemtech?

Chapter Text

He had to get to the bottom of this. Gemtech was dangerous enough in the wrong hands but to put it into the hands of a human with no training? Most tech didn’t even respond to organic material!

Maybe Robbie has been trained, Sportacus’s mind supplied.

But he didn’t know and jumping to conclusions would get him nowhere. He needed to talk to Robbie.

Or! He needed to closely analyze the tech to understand what was going on here.

Sportacus peeled back the trash bag and looked into the contraptions inside. He may not be an engineer, this may not be his forte, but he had to see what exactly was in this bag.

It… may have taken longer than expected.

Sportacus covered the pearl in his chest to protect it, leaning so far into the… honestly at this point he didn’t know what it was. Either way, he was almost halfway inside it. As far as he could tell though, it looked like the human tech was just a facade. The person who put it on knew how human tech worked, that much was certain, but it wasn’t really there to do much beyond hiding the gemtech beneath. And the gemtech beneath? It was complex- far more complex than humans were currently capable of.

Had there ever been anyone coming and going from Robbie’s place besides the man himself? In order to give him these things? He had never seen anyone but if this hypothetical person was capable of this level of technology then it wasn’t impossible there was a teleporter in Robbie’s lair…

He sighed. He had as much information as he could get for now. It was currently way past his ‘bed time’ and the street lamps had flickers on while he had been examining Robbie’s trash.

Sportacus spun around and aimed himself for the old billboard of a field with a cow on it. Secret lairs only remained secret if you worked hard to keep them that way. Robbie never worked hard at anything. For once, Sportacus was thankful for the man’s laziness.

As Sportacus ran and flipped towards his destination, it started to rain. It was lucky that few people were out at this hour, and those who were seemed to be rushing inside. Sportacus passed such a person in a long coat and with a briefcase who seemed to be heading towards the bus station. It was no one he knew, but he wished him a dry wait for the bus, regardless. The man nodded in return with a smile.

Happening upon the lair’s entrance, Sportacus knocked on the hatch. There was a thudding echo and then nothing.

He knocked again.

Nothing.

Weighing the importance and urgency of the situation against being rude for barging into a human’s home, Sportacus decided it was worth it.

Down the hatch.

As his feet hit the floor from sliding down the ladder, Sportacus looked up and had to take a step back. He had been down here once before. What he saw now was completely different.

For one, it was empty.

For two, Robbie was gone.

Of course it had to start raining the moment he stepped outside. Of course.

Of course of course ofcourseofcourseofcourseofcourse.

Robbie wrapped his arms around himself and shuddered. Weather was disgusting. He was only grateful that he had used water proof makeup. It would have been a real drag to have his human tinting makeup smear off of his purple hard light face. Talk about annoying. He’d had that happen before and it was so troublesome.

Robbie shook himself and started to walk to the bus station. With his luck it would start to rain harder and he intended to be under something to prevent himself from getting any more wet by that time. Despite that, he was quite happy with his disguise today of sunglasses, trench coat, hat, and a briefcase that was bigger on the inside. Sportacus himself came flip-flopiting by and had only wished him a short, dry wait at the bus stop.

Fool.

It hadn’t taken Robbie too long after throwing away what he didn’t need to pack up the rest. He didn’t want to leave… this had been his home for a long time. But so it goes… He gave an exaggerated sigh through his nose.

Ah, and now it was raining harder. Called it. Robbie made it to the bus station and attempted to lean on the metal walls of the overhang. It was all very uncomfortable. Then, as if the world knew his predicament and decided to make it worse, Robbie saw a flash of lightning and heard rolling thunder.

Lovely.

Sportacus had run around the whole town. There was no sign of Robbie. There was no sign of anyone at this time of night. Sportacus did some flips to dispel his anxiety as he thought. If he couldn’t get any more leads, he needed to make a very important report to headquarters.

He set himself down on a wall. Maybe there was something else he could do before it got to that. If he-

The beeping of his gem startled him out of his frantic thoughts. Fierce and insistent, it continued to ring as his vision was filled with the image of the stranger from before at the bus stop. The thunder and lightning was crashing above when-

When-

Oh no.

Sportacus sprinted towards the bus stop. He didn’t have much time before the man was struck by lightning.

Robbie grumbled under his breath. The bus was late. The weather was awful. He was doing something he didn’t want to. Today was a shit day, if he was being honest.

That was when it went from bad to worse.

He heard someone call out. He couldn’t make out what they said through the thunder. Robbie swiveled his head around to see who was interrupting his wait for the bus as he leaned against the stop.

It was Sportacus.

What in the world was the stupid pearl bothering him for? He couldn’t have seen through Robbie’s disguise, certainly. Robbie frowned behind his shades and didn’t move from his position. Maybe the crazy kangaroo was calling out to someone else. There wasn’t anyone else here, but…

Robbie was about to raise a hand to his face - a vain attempt to avoid attention - when everything went white. He didn’t remember anything after that.

Sportacus was too late.

Suppressing a distressed cry, he ran over to the human’s body. He kneeled down to-

To-

There was no body. The only remains were the man’s tattered clothing and briefcase. That wasn’t right, Sportacus knew. He knew there should at least be blood. Ash? Bits of flesh? It didn’t make sense.

Then something rolled out of the ripped clothing, clinking lightly.

A Gem.

Chapter Text

Once he had a picture of who he was now, an idea for a physical manifestation that represented the core of him, he took it and pushed outwards. He expressed himself in his long arms and legs, his dark swept back hair, the crisp line of his jaw, and the curl of his fingers. While he pushed forth from his gem, Robbie wondered how long he’d been out for. Hours? Days? Weeks? He couldn’t tell. When a gem was damaged enough to have to revert back to the inside of the actual gem itself, time became hard to track as self-actualization took on a far too literal meaning that humans never had to contemplate. Robbie had to figure out who he was now that he no longer was the Villain of Lazytown. He had to figure out who he wanted to be.

He didn’t really have an answer. It had been so long since he had been anything else and he had liked being Robbie Rotten. If he wasn’t being lazy, inventing things on a whim, sprucing up the lair, eating delectable human sweets, and just being the antithesis to Sportacus then what was he? What was he supposed to be? There were answers to that question he thoroughly rejected. Like being someone else’s pawn… or should he say, subject. All gems were originally created with the most recently updated and relevant information for how they would best serve their Diamond.

Disgusting. The thought of serving anyone but himself made his mouth feel like he’d accidentally eaten something healthy, like celery. Barf. But, regardless, every time he reformed, that baseline information popped up informing him on what he should be, what he should do, what he should look like. How best could he serve the illustrious Blue Diamond? Who cared? Really? That two-story titanic blowhard couldn’t care one iota for him but he was suddenly supposed to lay down his life from creation to her? Please. He would rather be forced to exercise. Brushing her obsolete orders away was child’s play now after centuries of practice, but knowing what you weren’t didn’t really help you in knowing what you were.

And that was the real question. Who was he now? Now that he could no longer be Robbie Rotten, what was his name? What would be his new purpose? What would he look like? Who would he be? Who would he like to be? These questions were why it had taken him so long to form. A gems mind was much more intimately connected to their body than a human’s was. If he didn’t have an answer then he wouldn’t be able to be.

For the moment, he just knew he wanted to be free. He wanted to be lazy. He wanted to be safe. It seemed that was enough of an answer to cobble together a sense of self.

So, he pushed outwards, formed hard light limbs, and took shape.

He blinked. His form was… different than it had been before. He was used to using human clothes and makeup, for the most part, in order to have non-purple and pink hues since that’s all he was capable of. That meant he normally left his gem form plain enough to put things over it and in a solid enough tone to pass as human skin. At the moment he looked like someone had just splashed pink and purple across him without care. It was so antithetical to who he was, wasn’t it? …Wasn’t it? And then those two colors bled into each other, creating a complete mess across his face and… and the rest of him.

He cursed. Single colored gems didn’t have this problem. But when you were bi-colored like him? Ugh, getting everything exactly how you want was a nightmare, and if he was being honest, he had rushed his reformation. He hadn’t been ready. He hardly knew who he wanted to be anymore, let alone what he was supposed to do with himself.

He at least was happy with the straight lines of his body and clothing. Well, his body was his clothing but it was easier to describe it in human terms considering he’d lived among them far longer than his own kind. He took to admiring his nails as their color swirled nicely while the shape remained trim should he need to do work with his hands. His shoes were slim with a solid arch that made a fun tapping noise. Were they based off tap shoes? Oh, it had been so long since he had worn tap shoes. The last time had been… oh, right. He had stopped because he needed to be sneakier around Sporta-loser. Ugh.

But…

It wasn’t safe, all alone, as a gem without a body.

He was being vain, he knew, but he thought if there was one thing he wanted to keep about the old him it was that. His vanity made sure he looked fabulous.

Slowly, the gem refocused on the world around him.

This… this wasn’t the street. This wasn’t the sewers either so he hadn’t been washed down by the rain.

He knew exactly what this was, with its smooth walls and lack of furniture. White, blue, sterile, and utterly still. His downloaded memories from before he was born, the poorly executed pre-first-time formation programing filled him mind with facts and data.

This was a cell.

This was a cell aboard a gem ship.

Robbie shut down. There was nothing here, no comforts, nothing human. An energy barrier between him and freedom would light up if he tried walking out. It would be excruciatingly painful to try and if he tried too hard, could destabilize his body once more and he’d be back to square one, back inside his gem. He knew there must be cameras. There always were.

He sat in a corner.

Oh shattering, this was his worst nightmare.

He shook, pulled his legs up to his chest, rested his head in his knees, and started to cry.