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It wasn’t often that Dean dreamt, so when he woke up in the bunker one night with a cold sweat and the shakes, he felt instantly on edge.
The image of Cas’ burning out in front of him, Lucifer grinning with satisfaction behind him was burned onto the back of his eyelids, but he tried hurriedly to blink it away, reaching instead to the other side of the bed, his hands falling on empty sheets.
He instantly sat up.
Cas isn’t here.
He shouted out, his voice getting lost in the darkness, as he swung his legs over to one side of the bed and lunged onto his feet. He repeated his name, time and time again, racing past the crib by his bedside and out into the bunker’s corridor.
The floor was cool, the air slightly constricting, and Dean remembered that he had to breathe. He let it all out in one large push and tried to calm himself.
He cried out another time, desperate for Cas to hear and soothe him, but his voice broke halfway through and ended in a small sob.
A door close by opened, and Sam stood, bleary eyed, staring at Dean in shock.
“Dean? What are you-”
“Cas is gone!” Sam looked at him with gentle eyes and a forgiving glance. It had only been a few days since everything had gone down at that pristine little house by the lake, and everything after had happened quite quickly, but Sam seemed to understand everything without Dean saying a word.
“Where’s Jack?” He asked softly, bringing Dean back to himself.
“Jack?” Dean asked, his eyes searching Sam’s with confusion.
“The baby, Dean. Where’s the baby?” Sam’s eyebrows lifted sympathetically as he watched Dean calm himself down.
Dean took a deep breath, placing one hand on the wall to steady himself. He closed his eyes and re-traced his footsteps in his mind from the moment he woke up. He had walked past the crib, and although he didn’t look inside, he knew that Jack hadn’t been there. “The baby… he’s… he wasn’t in his crib…”
“So do you think maybe Cas took him somewhere? So that you could actually get some sleep?” Dean sagged against the wall, dragging a hand down his face. He nodded his head slowly. “Go back to bed Dean, you obviously need it.” Sam stepped forwards, placing his hand on Dean’s upper arm, giving him a small squeeze, and then retreated back to his
bedroom, closing the door behind him.
Dean took one more deep breath.
Cas… if you can hear me…
“Dean?” A low gravelly voice filled the hallway and Dean snapped his neck to look towards the origin.
Sure enough, there Cas stood in all his trench-coated, mussed-up hair glory, holding a small bundle in his arms, rocking him slowly from side to side. Dean took no time in closing the distance between them and wrapping his arms around Cas’ shoulder and back, squeezing him perhaps a little too tightly.
“Don’t do that, man, you scared me.” With his free arm, Cas returned the hug, pulling Dean into him as Dean dropped his face down onto Cas’s shoulder.
“I apologise, Dean, I would have come to you sooner regarding your high levels of cortisol but you know I prefer not to fly when I have a newborn Nephilim child in my arms, who had also seemed quite distressed at the time.” Dean pulled away slightly to look down at Jack, who was gazing up at him with golden eyes. He frowned down at him, as he seemed perfectly happy to Dean.
Not that I’m jealous of a baby getting attention from Cas, Dean thought suddenly.
Without much warning, another figure rounded the corner of the corridor, but simply leaned against the wall, watching her son and the Angel as they stared down at the baby.
“He woke Jack up,” Mary told Dean, with a sympathetic smile on her face.
“William Sears, Simone Cave and Dr. Caroline Fertleman, and Dr. Ellie Cannon all say that a baby must ingest sustenance every four hours to produce enough energy to be able to sustain a healthy rate of growth,” Cas said forlornly. Dean let his arms slip down as he turned to face his mother, who smiled back at Cas.
“Yes, but when a baby is asleep, you let him sleep.”
“He had been asleep for exactly four hours, two minutes and thirty-four seconds-”
“Cas!” Mary called out exasperatedly. “He’ll tell you when he’s hungry!”
“He must have been somewhat hungry to take five ounces…” Cas grumbled. Dean gave him a soft smile, seeing Mary’s eyebrow lift at his indignation. “Thank you kindly for your help, Mary. It was greatly appreciated.”
Her face broke out in a fantastic smile and she nodded to him once, approaching Cas, Dean and Jack, and laying a small finger on the baby’s cheek. “Anytime for my beautiful grandson,” she answered, cooing down at Jack.
“Um, Mom?” Dean pulled away from Cas instantly as Mary rolled her eyes.
“Well you’re bringing him up together, right? The crib’s in your room? Cas sits and watches over you both-” Dean felt all his blood rush straight to his cheeks as a hot flush drowned him.
“Mom!” He said, a little louder than he had anticipated.
The door opposite them swung open again.
“Seriously? Guys! It’s 3am. I’m trying to sleep!” Sam’s disgruntled look faded as Mary swept over towards him, giving him a small kiss on the cheek.
“I’m sorry, my baby, we’re moving now. Go back to sleep.” She ushered Sam back inside, closing the door gently after him, then motioned for Cas and Dean to move. “To bed, all of you. Yes, even you Cas. You might be an angel, but you’ll still need the rest when this little guy starts putting your through your paces.” She cooed once more at Jack, whilst steering Cas and Dean into Dean’s bedroom, closing the door behind them both.
Dean exhaled sharply, placing a hand at the back of his neck, his shoulders shaking lightly.
“Sorry, Cas, my Mom didn’t mean-”
“But we are, aren’t we?” Dean froze, his eyes locked onto Cas’s curious, but soft gaze. “Raising him together. You did request that the crib be constructed in your room, and as his primary caregiver I am required to be with him twenty-four-seven.” As he spoke, Cas continued to rock Jack slowly back and forth in his arms, causing Dean to sway slightly himself to match him. His hand fell down from his neck and hung loosely at his side. “If you would rather not, I can move into a different room-”
“No! No.” Dean turned away, suddenly feeling extremely exposed in just boxers and an undershirt.
The silence that followed was almost unbearable until Cas spoke again, much softer than before. “There are plenty of rooms close by. Opposite you, or next to you. We don’t need to be encroaching on your space.”
“Dammit Cas!” Dean turned to face him, accidently slamming his fist on his nearby desk. “I said no. I don’t want you across the hall from me, or on the other side of the wall. I want you in here. With me.”
“But what about-” Cas began, his face falling down to look at Jack’s now sleeping frame.
“Jack too,” Dean replied, watching Cas with fear crawling up through his legs and stomach, grapsing at his heart which had started pounding.
Cas slowly walked towards the crib and gently placed Jack down, shushing him as he did so. Once he was sure Jack was properly asleep, he turned back to Dean and took a few paces forwards. Dean felt himself close up, but forced his words out anyway.
“When you followed us into that… other place… I was scared, Cas. You went straight for Lucifer, which was a damn stupid thing to do! We had him, we didn’t need you there.” Cas’ face fell, and Dean could feel the guilt eat him up instantly. “You needed to stay safe, to protect Jack. Me and Sam… we were just collateral damage. It didn’t matter if we got left behind.”
“Don’t you think I was fearful, Dean?” Cas voice was so soft that Dean almost missed it. “Don’t you think that what you did was ‘stupid’? Facing Lucifer unarmed, without powers to aid you. Did you want to die?” His voice had turned accusing now, but still soft so as to not wake Jack. He took a step forwards, and Dean shrunk backwards into the wall behind him. “Are we back at the beginning, Dean? Do you still believe that you mean nothing to the world?... To me?”
Dean felt himself crumble under Cas’s presence, his palms getting sweaty again, and his heart jumping up into his throat, making speech almost impossible. He tried to look everywhere but at the approaching angel who was now just a hair breadth away from him. Any closer and they’d be sharing the air between them.
“I…I needed you … to be safe, Cas,” he whispered, his voice breaking as his eyes fell to Cas’s lips, just for a second before being dragged back up into pools of blue.
“And I need you.” Cas was close now, so close that when Dean closed his eyes and tilted his head slightly, he could feel his breath on his face, he could feel Cas’s body heat penetrating his thin undershirt, and he could feel the brush of fingertips running up his arm.
Dean gasped at the sensation, goose bumps instantly prickling the whole of his skin, and a fire starting to burn underneath the touch. He opened his eyes to find Cas’s eyes on his own lips and before he knew what he had done, he pressed forwards, crushing them together, letting Cas’s lips slide over his own, slightly chapped but moist despite it. Cas’s fingers curled around Dean’s arm and Dean lifted his own arm up to Cas’s shoulder, clenching it hard.
When he pulled away, he pressed his forehead to Cas’s and closed his eyes. “I didn’t think you’d make it out alive…”
“I will always come back to you, Dean.”
“But against Lucifer-”
“Dean…” Cas placed a finger under his chin and lightly tilted his head up. “Always,” he said, staring deeply into his eyes. Dean couldn’t help himself; he leant forwards again, letting all his emotions run through his lips and into Cas, hoping that Cas could feel it there; adoration, fear, guilt, longing, love and pain.
*
The next morning was difficult for Dean. He refused to admit to himself what had happened in the early hours of the morning, and we just following Cas’s lead when Cas took his hand and pulled him from his- no, their- bedroom and into the kitchen.
Mary looked up from her breakfast, raising one eyebrow curiously at the sight of Dean’s hand in Cas’s, then breaking out in a smile as her eyes fell on Jack wrapped up in Cas’s other arm.
“May I…?” she asked as she stood to take Jack off Cas.
“Of course. You are, as you put it this morning, his grandmother.” Cas supplied helpfully. Dean groaned behind him just as Sam entered the room. Dean tried to extricate his hand from Cas’s grasp, but Cas clenched down harder, pulling Dean to his side as if claiming him.
“Oh, please, I prefer Meemaw. Grandmother makes me sound so…old!”
As Sam circled Dean and Cas he raised his eyebrows to Mary, who merely smiled back at him.
“Mornin’,” he said lazily as he grabbed at the coffee machine, pulling a few mugs out of the cupboard. “So this is finally a thing now?” He said, gesturing at Dean and Cas. Dean groaned again and managed to pull himself free of Cas’s hand.
“Well, it’s not like we’re getting married or anything…” he grumbled, turning to grab the milk from the fridge. He didn’t see Cas cock his head to one side and watch him with curiosity.
“Married? That is a very important human tradition where you vocalise your love for someone else?” Dean didn’t have the time to register what Cas had said before he added, “Dean, I would marry ‘the shit’”- He lifted his hands to use quotation marks –“out of you.”
Sam choked on his coffee and Mary quickly covered Jack’s ears, unable to hide her laughter.
“OH MY GOD CAS!” Dean turned, his face a bright red, his ears burning a little and his stomach giving little happy jumps.
“Dean, please, I’d rather you not use my father’s name in vain,” Cas said, in his most serious voice.
It was at that precise moment that Dean thought that maybe that other apocalyptic world would have been nice right about now.
*