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“Sans are you ready to go?” Toriel called from the bathroom as she gave herself one final look over.
There was a pause. Then, “uhhhhh.”
Toriel grinned as she turned away from the mirror and headed down the hall to their bedroom. She wasn’t surprised that Sans was taking this long- after all he had a rather large excuse- but she was slightly concerned based upon the small signs he’d been showing over the recent morning and early afternoon.
She lingered at the door before knocking twice.
A shuffling noise was heard before the response, “who’s there?”
Toriel smiled. “Doris.”
“Doris who?”
“Doris locked, that is why I knocked!”
The resulting laugh wasn’t quite up to par with the usual though Toriel tried not to linger on it. Instead she opened the door and smiled warmly as she entered into the room.
“Well, I’m glad the door wasn’t actually locked,” Sans said from the bed. “I don’t think you could hinge opening the door on me right now.”
Toriel rumbled with barely contained laughter. “That phrase certainly rings a bell with me. I feel like you have said that before.” She said as she made her way over to the bed and sat down next to Sans on the side of the bed.
“Heh, can you blame me?” Sans huffed, shimmying up from his comfortable position on his side to lean against the headboard.
“No,” Toriel said softly, cupping a hand underneath his chin and giving his cheek a kiss. “I suppose not.”
She was rewarded with a blush that managed to cover Sans’ face in seconds. She was honestly still shocked at how embarrassed Sans would get when it came to affection. Even when in private. It had been a mission of hers to see him blush as many times as she could. The urge to get him completely flustered rose within her.
“A-door-able,” she pecked him on the top of his skull again.
“Tori- “ Ah, and there was the objection. Sans had been oddly averse to her loving touches now and again. It had grown past the point of concern and reached over into worry.
“Sans?” she replied, still kissing his skull while at the same time moving her hands to the center of the more recent of Sans’ worries.
Being 6 months along with their child, Sans was very much a softer and rounder monster. It took a while for his body to accommodate to the souling’s needs, but in Toriel’s opinion, he filled them perfectly. And with all of the energy and hardships they had gone through over the last 6 months, Toriel certainly hoped he had grown content with his current predicament. It seemed, however, this was something not easily conquered.
Sans moved, swiftly averting a warm hand from touching his grown stomach and holding it tightly on the bed. Toriel frowned at the look that had come visiting the skeleton’s face. She understood that look.
“Sans, what is wrong?” She said, firm in her words; knowing she had the love to combat whatever he was struggling with.
He shook his head, dragging his free hand down his face to rest at the peak of his belly.
“It’s really nothing, Tori.”
“It obviously is not ‘nothing’ if it is so evidently bothering you,” she pressed. “I have experience, Sans, and I know this is hard for you. I love you, but you have to be honest for me so that I know how to love you.”
“You’re gonna be late for dinner,” he looked pointedly at the conglomeration of blankets surrounding him.
Toriel took a deep breath. She released it. “That is a very insignificant thing in comparison to you. I would rather spend my time caring for my husband than talking about trivial matters with some fancied up co-workers.”
“But you have been looking forward to it- it’s important to you-“
In a blink of his eyes, Toriel shifted positions, kneeling on the bed with her hands on either side of his face. “Nothing- and I mean nothing- will ever be more important to me than you.”
“Tori I-“ he looked up at her with wide eye-sockets. She could see the conflicting emotions warring for his attention as he gazed at her. There was a deep sadness and hopelessness, lost and desperate for comfort, while self-hatred and guilt weighed him down. Oh, how she longed to get him to understand-
“Do you want to go tonight,” the former queen stated, looking him hard in the eyes.
He looked away, clenching his fist in the blankets and straining his smile. Finally, softly, “no.”
Relief washed over Toriel. “Thank you for being honest, Sans.”
He still wasn’t looking at her. Just gave what could barely be considered a nod of his head.
With a sigh, she began unravelling the blankets and pulled them over both of them. She reached over and with a hand on his back and one under his knees, she lifted him and placed him on her lap. She made a satisfied noise before curling a hand around Sans’ distended belly and pulling him close to her, using her other hand to tilt his head against her chest. All the while he made no move to resist. Once his head was rested against her, his eye-sockets closed and he released a long sigh.
Sans had told her once, in a moment of quiet under the stars, that his favourite place to be was in her arms. He loved listening to her soul beat; to fall asleep to the sound of her breathing. It had been a rare moment of vulnerability before they had been engaged, and Toriel held it close to her. It warmed her to her soul that something as simple as being in her arms would bring him such comfort.
“Tell me what you are thinking,” she murmured against his skull.
He tensed slightly, but forced himself to relax again. He didn’t speak for a while. She didn’t press him. He would speak when he chose, and probably with carefully chosen words. Despite what Sans might think, Toriel had seen this side of him enough times to know how his mind worked.
“I…” he began, his eyes staring at his hands folded on his stomach. He shifted slightly, as if feeling uncomfortable with the words he hadn’t yet said. “I don’t feel…good.”
She let that linger, mulling the words over in her head for a moment. “Do you mean you feel sick?” The idea scared her (he had 1HP and he was carrying their child) but she doubted her anxieties were correct in any way.
“No! No. I’m not sick and it isn’t the kid or anything,” he reassured her hastily. Then a soft look came over him. “Though, they’ve been making sure to announce their presence every chance they get, right kiddo?” He rubbed his belly for a moment before the small spark of affection left him and in its place came a weary sadness. “I don’t…want to worry you…”
It was said so softly. Like it was a secret he didn’t want to share. She could feel her soul flare in her chest and she squeezed the skeleton in her arms, urging her soul to warm his, to feel the measure of love she held for him.
“It worries me more when you hide things from me.”
“I just don’t want to add anything more to your problems!” he said fiercely, startling Toriel with his brazenness. Though the fire seemed to die out as quickly as it had come. Then, quietly, “I’m useless enough as is…”
Oh, how her soul ached.
“Sans, you are not useless,” she turned his head gently with her hand to look her in the eyes. “And if this scale of ‘usefulness’ is all your worth is based on, then let me tell you: you have never been useless, nor will you ever be.”
His eyelights darted from her gaze and he released a scoff. “If I wasn’t useless before then I sure as hell am now.”
“Sans-“
“No. Listen to me,” he pushed out of her arms, choosing to sit an arms length away. “I’ve been lazy my whole life – I’ve done just enough to get by and even then it hasn’t been significant. If you ask anyone they’ll tell you the same thing! ‘Haven’t worked a day in my life, slept everything away’… for fuck’s sake, I didn’t even do anything when the kid fell down!” He gestured wildly before turning and looking her in the eyes with a trembling gaze. “And even after we got married all I’ve ever wanted is to finally helpful. I want to be able to show you that I care through actually doing something with my life! But my lazy ass can’t get anything done and even now, with a purpose of caring for this kid I can’t do it right! And I can’t give you the attention and love you deserve. So don’t, don’t tell me that I’m not useless now when I already had to rely on everyone to do anything and I have to even more now. I know how it is - I know how it all works and not only am I now the Guy-Who-Hasn’t-Done-Anything-With-His-Life but I’m also the Helpless-And-Pregnant-Guy-Who-Hasn’t-Done-Anything-With-His-Life!”
With his last exclamation he was shaking with what was left of his pent-up emotion, breathing long exhausted breaths. Toriel bit down the words she wanted to tell him and paused. He was still staring adamantly at her, waiting for a reaction or a response. She organized her thoughts and then finally, settled on an action.
And was unfortunately interrupted.
Sans let out a surprised grunt and raised a hand to the underside of his abdomen. “Kid, now’s not the time…” he sighed before wincing.
Toriel hummed under her breath and reached out to him, placing a gentle hand overtop of his in the sheets and another to rest on the swell of his belly.
“Maybe they are wishing to join the conversation,” she offered him a smile.
His shoulders fell and his smile softened. “Heh, they’re probably kicking me to prove a point.”
A silence fell between them, lost in thought of the unborn child. Toriel silently marvelled at Sans, wondering how, despite his own deprecating thoughts, he managed to provide such a presence, one indescribable to herself. How could he not see that in himself?
Well, she thought in sudden conviction, I suppose I will have to show him.
“Sans,” she finally broke the quiet, pulling away from him but firmly holding his questioning gaze. “I know how frustrated you must feel right now. Not to say that all pregnancies are the same or that I know the extent of how you are feeling, but I understand. Life has not been very forgiving for you and getting to this point has taken a lot. I want you to know that I am proud of you; for undertaking a difficult task with nothing but the thought of others. You truly put everyone else before yourself and I admire that. And I know you may argue with it all, you may disagree, but I think the sentiment comes from everyone when I say that relying on others is not a bad thing.” He looked away from her with a conflicted expression. She rested a hand on his cheek and he glanced at her. “You have always shouldered everything with these high standards but you do not have to. It is not weak or stupid to admit you are not okay. It is not. You have done so much for me and I only wish to give back to you.”
She could see the words practically sinking into him and she felt she knew before he did that he was beginning to cry.
“I don’t know how you can say that,” he said, his hands clenched and eyes watery. “How-how you can just? Think so highly of me – I haven’t done – I’m not!” He ran a hand over his skull in what should have been normal, as if reassuring, but only further pronounced the shakiness of his limbs. “Look at me!” He gestured at himself with a mocking laugh. “I’m a mess, Tori. This is all I end up accomplishing.”
It was hitting him all at once and she recognized it. Throughout their time spent together, Sans had only broken down a small handful of times. It always built up beyond containing and Toriel always helped him down when it became too much. A part of him already knew what she was saying, but the other part was louder and more familiar and it took a lot to even consider an alternative. She knew. Though, she though, he had never fallen apart so freely and emotionally before. Toriel silently blamed the hormones.
She did not hesitant any longer. Without a warning she pulled Sans close to her in a tight embrace with his head cupped close to her chest. His fingers curled into her shirt almost instantly and though the positioning was a little odd due to Sans’ rather large middle, they both held on with no sign of letting go.
“I’m so tired, Tori,” he said so weakly into her chest that she would not have caught it if not for the vibration of his voice against her. “I hate feeling so useless and emotional and not being able to help. And I hate feeling so uncomfortable all the time and the looks people give me and not being able to have fucking ketchup!” his voice broke and he cut off. He just breathed for a while before continuing in a softer voice, “And I hate complaining to you and making you worry all the time. For not being there for you when you need it. For making you look after my mess and for carrying me even though I’m huge-”
She straightened up at that and immediately, albeit carefully, pressed her lips against his teeth. He looked at her with surprise before feeling the warmth of her magic settle around his soul in a resonating embrace.
She released him and spoke, “You are not a burden. You are not doing anything to hurt me by being honest. You are a wonderful monster whom I am in love with and who is lovingly carrying our child. And most of all you are stunning. Nothing – not even pregnancy – will change the way I think about you.”
He sniffed. “Heh, I feel like this pregnancy is only bringing out the worst in me.”
“You do not have to be selfless all the time. Even if you may not believe it, you too deserve love and comfort and reassurance. It is going to be okay.”
His hands were still threaded in her blouse and they only seemed to tighten at her words. It was clear that this was not a problem that had an immediate solution. So, Toriel gathered her skeleton up in her arms, took a moment to grab her phone and stuff it in her pocket, and moved out from the bedroom. Sans made little noise as she busied herself grabbing blankets while holding him (quite the feat for carrying a fairly heavily pregnant monster) and arranging them on the couch. She also set some water to boil and grabbed some popcorn. Sans had been enjoying the sweet and salty combinations as one of his cravings lately and chocolate and popcorn seemed to be a favourite.
Eventually, her arms grew tired and she placed Sans on the couch. He didn’t object as she wrapped numerous blankets around him in some sort of sushi roll formation. He was still fairly teary-eyed as she mixed the hot chocolate and microwaved the popcorn. When she brought over the snacks Sans took them hesitantly, even though she could see (and hear) his hunger.
Toriel then took a moment to send off some texts to her coworkers to notify them that she would not be coming tonight.
“You’re too nice to me, Tori,” Sans said from his fortress of blankets where he sipped his hot chocolate.
Toriel could not hold back the sigh that formed in her mouth and she felt a pang in her chest when Sans seemed to brace himself. She curled up next to him on the couch, resting her head on where his shoulder would be if it weren’t covered by blankets and placing her arms into the folds of warmth.
“You have given me unending delight, Sans the skeleton,” she said as if telling him a secret. “When I had locked myself in the Ruins I never expected to find joy again. It is not just Frisk that I love deeply. You are precious to me not just because you are there for me. You do not have to do anything at all and I would love you still for being yourself. Is that not simple to believe?”
He buried himself deeper into his cocoon but she caught hints of his blush on his skull. Oh, how she loved this skeleton.
“’m sorry,” he muttered.
“Do not be. I will tell you this over and over again if it helps you to remember.”
She caught the flash of his pupils as he looked up at her with an awed expression on his face. “How did I get so lucky marrying you?”
Now she laughed, her own face growing red at the sudden sentiment. “Stop it, Sans. I am supposed to be complimenting you!”
“You deserve it even more than-“ he broke off with a stammer, noticing Toriel’s expression at the self-deprecating phrasing. “uh you deserve it just as much…”
She beamed at him and brush her snout against the top of his skull with a quick kiss. “One step at a time, love.”
He wormed his way back up to the top of his blanket pile and rested his head on hers, their voices dropping to soft murmurs and quiet giggles. Later, they ate popcorn and watched a movie, Toriel in her nightgown and Sans still buried in blankets. He still had his doubts, but he agreed with Toriel that he’d rather spent his time with a happy Toriel than a worried one. And they’d both be taking it one step at a time.