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Neji dies.
And the world slows down around Tenten. It feels like a cruel joke - a prank. She’s waiting for the punchline but it does not land. Lee’s on his knees with Neji in his arms instantly and there are tears in his eyes. Tears that are not filled with the springtime of youth as they are usually. Lee begs for Neji to wake up and Tenten cannot even take a step towards him.
Every time Tenten thinks of approaching, her legs feel heavy, almost as heavy as her heart. Guy tells them that there will be time for mourning later but Tenten is not mourning. All she can think of is his hair. Neji’s hair, long and dark and soft. It will be gone soon, buried deep underground along with her heart and Lee’s. She thinks of Neji’s hair and how it once brought her comfort. She remembers days when she’d bury her face in it, she remembers the smell and the touch and remembers it will soon be gone.
They were children bred for war whether the Leaf Village admits it or not. Too young to understand that their whole lives, they were being groomed for this very moment. Sure, the Leaf hadn’t been in a state of war until this ugly war had been delivered to them. But they always knew war would be an eventual outcome and they knew they had to be prepared. And the Shinobi world's idea of being prepared was raising children, innocent and starry-eyed, to be warriors. Tenten doesn’t blame her teachers. She doesn’t blame Guy who has always been overbearing but always full of love and warmth. She blames the system, she blames the world that allowed for this to be how her life played out.
And not just her life but also Lee’s and Neji’s. She remembers seeing her teammates for the first time - two young boys with their whole lives ahead of them (little did they know it would be filled with hardship and pain and suffering). One with passion in his heart and arms, desperate to fight and grow. The other with long hair shrouding a face too wise for his age. She remembers falling in love in that instance but not realizing it until much later. They train and fight and know the smell of each other’s blood and sweat well. She knows her boys and their strengths and they know hers. Lee is the reward of sweat on a hot summer’s day after training and Neji is the relief of a cool pond. She remembers the days Neji allowed her to braid flowers into his hair. She remembers Lee’s laughter and tumbling embraces. And remembers falling asleep under the shade of trees, and despite the heat finding herself tangled in Lee’s warmth and Neji’s coolness. She remembers being young and thinks that maybe she still is, but the world has robbed her of knowing what that means.
So, Tenten does not mourn, she feels anger and rage in her blood. She wishes she could unleash the entire ocean out of her summoning scroll and drown the whole world. Drown the world that killed Neji, drown the world that has caused Lee this pain, drown the world that allowed things to come to this. She lets the rage boil and she keeps it in the place where her heart once was because she no longer has one. Or perhaps she still has half of one, it resides safely in Lee’s strong chest. But the other half? It is gone with Neji’s last breath. He will take it with him to his grave.
She wants to cut off all of Neji’s hair so that she and Lee can keep a piece of him. But she doesn’t dare defile his body that way. Neji has always worn his hair with pride. Had. Had always worn his hair with pride. Time kicks into gear when she feels the grip of Lee’s hand. His big eyes are still full of tears but Tenten can’t cry. She just thinks about how this world was built to fuck them over. She thinks about how the love she carries in her now empty chest for the two boys she met so long ago was doomed from the start. She thinks about her fingers tangled in Neji’s hair. She thinks about Neji's hair, long and flowing like the cooling cascade of waterfalls and she thinks about how it will soon be gone, buried alongside half of her heart.
Neji dies and all Tenten can think about is his hair.