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i.
Valentine’s Day, 8th Grade
You tug on the bottom of your sweatshirt, adjusting the shades perched on your nose. You are a Strider, and Valentine’s Day is totally not a big deal. In fact, the only reason why you’re participating in this stupid corporation-driven sugarfest is because it’s totally ironic. After all, what is more ironic than a huge heart shaped piece of construction paper decorated with Sharpies…besides, Striders can get any girl they want, and Valentine’s Day is the only day when that power can be unleashed without any dire consequences. Bro said so.
You peer—ehem—glance, completely calm and without hesitation, at all, around corner, into the high school’s hallway. A little ways down is your target destination; the locker of one buck tooth cousin of your buck tooth best friend.
Taking a deep breath, you step into the corridor—only to scramble—ehem—casually stroll back to your corner. Jade just walked out of a nearby classroom…this is your chance…
The bell rings. What the hell? How has five minutes passed already? You rush out into the hallway, but it’s too late. She’s already gone.
You know what? This is a stupid holiday. This is too stupid to be ironic. And, considering Bro’s puppet porn, that’s saying something. What’s the point of hearts. Or construction paper. Or candy! Fuck that. You let out a sigh that’s almost audible, and straightening back up. You’ve got a math test to kill.
ii.
Spring Fling, 9th Grade
“I think you are being just a tad ridiculous about this whole thing,” said Rose, unsheathing a purple knitting needle with the ease of practice. You have absolutely no idea how she fit those into her tiny sequined purse. “Honestly, everyone knows you carry a torch for Jade. I’m pretty sure people in the next state can see it. Actually, if you donated it to science, it would probably solve all of the country’s energy crises.”
“Rose, I don’t even understand half of what comes out of your mouth anymore. And the other half is just so stupid that it’s no use to me at all,” you say, leaning back on the weird and slightly sticky gym wall with a slight thud. “Besides, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Okay, sure, I will pretend that I believe you and that you are not in severe denial.”
You grind your teeth and watch as Jade waltzes past with some dick bag senior.
iii.
Fourth of July, 10th Grade
The moment you walk through the door of Jade’s grandfather’s cabin and see the far wall, absolutely covered in guns and shot guns and hand guns and is that a fucking bazooka? you know that this is definitely not going to be the weekend.
iv.
Halloween, 11th Grade
Jade is wearing the most adorable witch costume, and you can’t help glaring at everyone else who notices as the four of you make your way down the sidewalk.
You’re surrounded on all sides by pint sized midgets (children), but what the Egberts/Harleys want they get, and John and Jade wanted to go Trick or Treating this year. You fidget slightly, pulling at the red collar of your knight costume. Behind you, you can feel the beady eyes of a tiny storm trooper, eyeing the brown backpack that is serving as your candy bag. You shift it away from his eye line. If you’re going to be here, then you’ll be damned if you don’t get anything out of it.
“Yo, Harley,” you call. She and Egbert are getting a little ahead of you, Rose, and Kanaya, and you aren’t spending another minute between those two. You’ve had enough of sly comments and witty banter to last the rest of your existence on this planet.
“Aw, are you feeling lonely?” asks Jade, bounding over to him. Her grin is wide, and you feel some of your annoyance start to slip away.
“Haha, no I’m just tired of serving as a buffer between those two,” you say, tilting your head back.
“I’m sure that’s all it is,” she says, laughing. You start to laugh along, but then that little punk that had been eyeing you earlier snags your candy bag.
“Aw fuck no,” you say, breaking into a sprint. “Jade, I’m gonna have to talk to you later.”
v.
Christmas, Senior Year
“Dude, you just gotta relax,” says John, his breathing coming in clear across the line in those weird little nostril puffs that you know mean he’s trying not to laugh. “Girls like Jade can smell fear.”
“Girls like Jade?” you say, flexing your hands open and closed open and closed and there is absolutely nothing wrong with your voice, it is calm and even as the heartbeat of a giant gorilla right before Clayton ran up and shot it in the head. “I thought horses and babies were the ones who smelled fear.”
“Jade is a fearsome and wild woman, Dave,” says John, voice serious despite the puffing of his nose. “At least as fearsome as a horse. Maybe several. I don’t think she’s quite on the level of a baby though. No, but seriously, you just have to ask her out. Seriously, its been years.”
“It most certainly has not.” Actually, it’s been five and a half by your best estimation, but whose counting?
“Dave. It is my duty, as the one who is dating your teen mom, to see you happy—”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” you yell into the microphone. “She is not my teen mom. She lost that title the minute she touched your gross sweaty boy lips. Roxy is now just the distant cousin who happens to have the weirdest and most uncanny resemblance to my mother.”
John snorts. “What ever you say…but as I was saying, it is my duty to see you happily married. And seeing as Jade is my beloved cousin, it is also my duty to see her happily married. So if you guys just marry each other, my life will be a lot easier.”
“Who the fuck said anything about marriage?” You glower at the computer screen; the call isn’t even video, but it makes you feel better none the less.
“Haven’t you learned anything from those life insurance commercials? It’s never too late to think about the future. Anyway, Jade left the house ten minutes ago which means you’re late, and I have to go meet your distant cousin. So good night and good luck, man. Don’t let her break your nose.”
You push your shades higher onto your face. You’re good. You’re cool. Apparently Jade said she was heading to the farmer’s market downtown, which was a good fifteen minutes away from her house. You live around ten minutes away from her; if you speed walk, you’ll make it around the same time. You zip down the stairs from your top floor apartment in record time and burst through the double doors, onto the snow covered steps, right into—
“Ohmygod, Dave!”
You are on your ass on the sidewalk, and that sounds like the one voice you don’t want to hear when you’re flat on your ass…
“Dave?” Jade is bent over you, her long dark hair forming a curtain over one shoulder, concern clear in her eyes. You bounce to your feet a little too quickly; she jerks back, and you try to act casual.
“Jade! I, uh, sup…Jade.”
She giggles, raising an eyebrow. “Hey cool kid. Where are you off to in such a rush?”
“Oh, you know.” You shift from foot to foot. The snow is coming down in small flakes, gentle and light, clinging to Jade’s hair and shinning in the streetlight. “Just got—stuff. Stuff to do.”
“…oh,” says Jade a little awkwardly. A silence descends. You count your breaths, inhale deeply, open your mouth—
“Hey Dave?” Jade looks up at you, biting her bottom lip with her adorable little teeth and you feel your heart contract just the slightest bit.
“Yeah?” In your head, you recite what you’re going to say.
“…Do you want to…uh, go out? With me? To coffee?”
“Yeah, sure, whatever—what?”
Jade giggles again, though a slight pink blush has crossed her face. “Do you want to go out for coffee? Just, uh, just, you know, you and me?”
You stare at her, and your jaw goes just a little slack. “You mean…on a date?”
Her face is a fiery red now, and you can’t help thinking that it’s an adorable color on her.
“Uh, yeah! I thought it might be fun, you know, and I got a gift card so I was thinking we could go together, and—”
“Hell yeah!” you yell as the pieces come together in your head. You’re voice echoes off the buildings, and Jade looks a little startled. “I mean, yeah, sure, that sounds, uh, fun.”
Jade stares at you for a moment, and you wonder wildly if you have made a terrible mistake, before a broad grin stretches across her face.
“Alright then, Mr. Strider,” she says over her shoulder as she moves down the street, and god that smile must have been crafted by the most wonderful and dexterous of heavenly fingers. “Shall we?”
“Damn straight we shall,” you say, reaching down and grabbing one of her hands. You have a great metaphor on the tip of your tongue, about the space station and Jade's shiny white teeth and being so bright they’re gonna need your shades, but then Jade rests her head on your shoulder, and all the words fly right out of your head.
It’s going to be a really, really, really, great fucking Christmas.