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Summary:

joonie: three hours is nothing, remember when yoongi hyung wasnt here for 6 days straight

seokseok: those were the dark ages pls don’t remind me :/

taehyungie: aw hobi hyung did u miss yoongo

seokseok: i always miss yoongo :/:/ he’s never around

taehyungie: @myg look wtf u doin to ur man over here

Notes:

yeah i know no one needs a new texting fic like..... ever in any fandom but a.) i wanna stay away from some of the more predictable tropes in bts chatfics (not that i don't enjoy some of them but i wanna branch out a bit) and b.) i'm struggling with writer's block and this kind of writing is really helpful in getting me out of that so! here we are. this will have plot, and won't entirely be crack (it'll be a lot of crack though let's be real). the first chapter is mainly just crack and only really addresses two major-ish plot points but i plan to get into more serious subjects like mental health stuff (which you can already see from the tags) and possibly other... things that i'll tag for whenever they start to come up. also, while there will be a lot of casual relationship talk, it's not going to be a very romance-driven fic for the most part. okay i'm done, thanks!

p.s. in case it isn't clear, they're all in college/uni except seokjin: jungkook is a sophomore (2nd year), jimin, tae, and namjoon are juniors (3rd years), hoseok and yoongi are seniors (4th years), and seokjin just graduated the year before this fic takes place.

p.p.s. i think the nicknames are pretty easy to figure out but if anyone needs clarification feel free to lmk

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: seokseok, beat those cheeks for me

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

group chat: seoul gays

 

taehyungie: who has chem II notes i can borrow

 

jjk: literally none of us are taking chem II rn

 

taehyungie: wtf i thot namjoon hyung and yoongi hyung took it???

 

jjk : im p sure that was last year

 

taehyungie : well….. fuck

 

seokseok : i can ask namjjon if he still has his notes from last year

 

seokseok : i think yoongi set his on fire

 

myg : i absolutely did

 

jjk : hi hyungs

 

taehyungie : hey yoongi hyung how cum you only show up when hoseok hyung is here

 

myg : maybe i would be here more often if you didnt replace “come” with “cum” every single time

 

taehyungie : i got it from jimin

 

myg : yeah cause he’s a hoe, doesnt mean you gotta be one too

 

jiminie : wow……………………

 

taehyungie : hi jiminie <3<3<3

 

jjk : hi jimin hyung

 

seokseok : jimin!!!!!!!

 

myg : i hate this fucking family

 

jiminie : dont be pressed bc i get more luv than u

 

taehyungie : hyung definitely gets more luv from a certain someone here ;););)

 

myg : taehyung i’ll make you eat your own fist dont try me for even a second

 

taehyungie : hyung thats very kinky of u

 

myg : yeah speaking of kinky stop slapping jimin’s ass in front of the entire caf, no one wants to see that

 

taehyungie : wtf hyung chim’s got a fat ass i cant help myself

 

jiminie: yoongi hyung dont act like u wouldnt want a piece of this if u werent so wrapped around u kno who’s finger

 

taehyungie : speaking of hoseok hyung where did his cute lil ass wander off to @ seokseok

 

seokseok : lmao i was jus grabbin a coffee

 

myg : hobi i would have gotten one for you, i was just at starbucks

 

seokseok : nah its ok i was in the mood for a venti i dont want u to have to pay all that

 

myg : dont worry about that, i’ll get you one next time

 

jjk : aw

 

myg : excuse you this is a private conversation

 

jjk : it’s literally not tho

 

jjk : and this is the only way anyones gonna pay any attention to me so

 

jiminie : aw kookie i’ll pay attention to you!!

 

jjk : thx hyung

 

jiminie : how’s yugyeom

 

jjk : wow would u look at the time i gotta go bye hyungs

 

jiminie : ….. did his ass rlly just

 

seokseok : isnt he just so cute

 

taehyungie : jungkookie knows he has a crush tho rite like this isnt a repeat of last year when he thirsted after mingyu for 5 months straight and thot it was just a super intense friendship

 

princejin : i heard “jungkookie” & “crush” what's goin on what's the tea

 

jiminie : i scared kook off by talking about yugyeom so we’re p sure they’re gay together

 

taehyungie : they cant be being gay together tho doesnt yug have a bf

 

princejin : nah they broke up over the summer

 

seokseok : how do u kno that they’re sophomores and u graduated last year

 

princejin : what im not allowed to have hobbies?

 

princejin : im just lookin out for kook, if he wasn’t involved in this i’d have no interest in yug’s love life

 

myg : someone’s gotta look out for jk’s hopeless gay ass

 

taehyungie : ur one to talk hyung :)

 

myg : excuse you i came out forever ago and i’m fine with who i am, jungkook is still struggling so yeah i’m with jin hyung on looking out for him

 

princejin : yoongi’s a whole intellectual unlike u cretins

 

jiminie : i care about kookie :( i wanna help look out for his hopeless gay ass too :(

 

taehyungie : omg chim ur always lookin out for kook dont even worry about it

 

seokseok : yeah jimin ur lowkey the nicest to him except maybe yoongi but only on his good days

 

princejin : all days are good days as long as i exist

 

myg : wow

 

runchranda : tru

 

runchranda : okay which one of u sluts changed my display name

 

myg : taehyung

 

taehyungie : WOW hyung i didnt kno u were a whole ass SNITCH

 

princejin : taehyungie u are the admin of this chat only u can change nicknames

 

taehyungie : ……

 

taehyungie : anyways

 

taehyungie : i changed it back hyung

 

kimnamjoonisafool : thanks

 

kimnamjoonisafool : taehyung

 

taehyungie : ANYWAY

 

princejin : taehyung thats no way to treat your hyung i’m disappointed in u rn

 

taehyungie : :(

 

jiminie : aw taetae

 

taehyungie : :(:(:(:(:(

 

taehyungie has left the chat

 

jiminie : jin hyung u kno hes sensitive

 

kimnamjoonisafool : he could have at least changed my name back before he left tho

 

myg : he’ll literally be back by the end of the day he’s just dramatic

 

jiminie : hyung :(:( hes sad tho

 

myg : let him rest his head on your ass for a minute and he’ll be fine again

 

 

private chat between jjk and taehyungie

 

 

taehyungie: kookie

 

jjk: wut

 

taehyungie: dont “wut” me boy im ur elder

 

jjk : wut hyung

 

taehyungie : whats the tea on u and ur boy toy

 

jjk : i couldnt have less of an idea what ur talkin about hyung

 

taehyungie : ok u kno i didnt read all that so anyway tell me what yugs dick look like

 

jjk : I HAVENT SEEN ANYONES DICK

 

jjk : EXCEPT MY OWN ONCE OR TWICE

 

taehyungie : kook whys everyone always sleepin on ur humor ur p funny when ur not bein a ludicrous headass

 

jjk : wow thats a big ass word hyung

 

taehyungie : thx xoxoxoxoxo

 

taehyungie : so if u havent seen his dick have u at least seen his heart-dick

 

jjk : i………… i dont wanna kno what that means

 

taehyungie : it means have u been on a date u weirdo

 

jjk : i dont think im the weirdo in this situation

 

jjk : but no we havent been on a date. i honestly havent even been talking to him much lately

 

taehyungie : omg kook why i thot u guys were friends

 

jjk : we are but he just broke up w/ his bf of like 10 months and i'm like. all over the place w/ my feelings for him and i dont wanna freak him out or be that asshole who tries to get w/ him so soon after a breakup

 

jjk : like i didnt want him to think i was only hangin out w/ him so i could sleep w/ him or whatever

 

taehyungie : wow thats like. really mature of u tbh

 

jjk : yeah

 

taehyungie : wait shit do u like. really like him or

 

jjk : …. are we not talking about how much i love him or

 

taehyungie : WHOA LOVE??? I THOT U JUST WANTED HIM TO DICK U DOWN N MAYBE HAVE A CUTE FLING OR SOMETHIN

 

jjk : i literally just got done explaining how i didnt wanna do that

 

jjk : idk if i love him, ive never been in love before so idk what it feels like but. i really like him. idk. i wanna like take him bowling and pay for him and cuddle in his dorm room while its raining out and the lights are dimmed and its just peaceful and quiet and comfortable

 

jjk : i also want him to dick me tf down

 

taehyungie : LMAO ok this is a lot to process all at once imma need a minute or two here

 

jjk : i have to go to class anyway but look pls dont tell the hyungs any of this i really dont want anyone else to kno they’re just gonna tease me

 

taehyungie : ok well i promise not to tell but just so u kno kook we might tease u but we really just want the best for u and we think its adorable how much of a baby gay u are :/:/ we just wanna see u prosper and be the best u can be

 

jjk : :(:(:( ily hyung

 

taehyungie : :(:(:( ily2 kookie

 

 

group chat: seoul gays

 

 

taehyungie has joined the chat

 

taehyungie : hello…………………………… hoes

 

kimnamjoonisafool : change my name, taehyung

 

taehyungie : omg fine

 

taehyungie : ur literally not gonna ask me how my day was tho, i was gone for HOURS

 

joonie : three hours is nothing remember when yoongi hyung wasnt here for 6 days straight

 

seokseok : those were the dark ages pls don’t remind me :/

 

taehyungie : aw hobi hyung did u miss yoongo

 

seokseok : i always miss yoongo :/:/ he’s never here

 

taehyungie : @ myg look wtf u doin to ur man over here

 

myg : first of all, taehyung: die

 

myg : second of all, hobi come to my place if you’re not busy rn

 

jiminie : hot

 

myg : don’t

 

seokseok : ok!! i have to finish some work first but i can be there in like 45 mins???

 

myg : yeah jsut whenever you can

 

taehyungie : hyung made a typo he’s already jerkin it

 

myg : didn't i JUST tell you to die

 

taehyungie : hyung ik u love me dont even play like that

 

taehyungie: anyway @ seokseok beat those cheeks for me hyung mwah

 

myg has left the chat

 

princejin: taetae if he doesn’t come back by tomorrow ur gettin ur ass beat i’m not playin this time

 

taehyungie has left the chat

Notes:

thanks for reading, honestly i'm excited to keep writing this so any feedback is super appreciated and will only help me along!