Work Text:
Unknown: Sanji, fooooooddd. Can I have some food?
Law: Who’s Sanji? I think you texted the wrong number.
Unknown: Eh? Isn't this the Baratie’s phone?
Law: No.
Unknown: Oh. My name’s Luffy! What’s yours?
Law: I don't give my number to strangers.
Unknown: Well, I already have your number, so we aren't strangers anymore!
Law: …I have no words for that logic.
Unknown: Hey. What do you work as?
Law: Well, I’m a doctor. A surgeon, if you want to be more specific. I cut people open. I sometimes rip their hearts out too if they annoy me too much.
Unknown: THAT IS SO AMAZING!
Law: ? You think it is cool that I cut people open? Or rip their hearts out?
Unknown: Well, yeah. Don't you save lives too?
Law: I guess.
Unknown: That is what doctors do. My friend Chopper is a doctor too! He is the best!
Law: You know Doctor Chopper?
Unknown: Well, yeah! CHOPPER IS MY FRIEND!
Law: I already got that.
Unknown: Shishishi. Sanji is my friend too. He works are the Baratie. He’s a chef there. He cooks for me and Zoro sometimes since we can't cook. We usually ordered take-out but Sanji was angry about all the leftovers in the fridge.
Unknown: Those two started to argue about how no food should be left behind. Zoro said it was fine to eat old food. Sanji wasn't happy about that and started to call him a marimo. Zoro started to call him a pervert and the two began to fight.
Unknown: Zoro used his swords and Sanji used his legs. They destroyed the table Nami bought for us when we moved in. Nami was angry at those two. Zoro called her a witch. Sanji was proclaiming his apologies. The neighbors were just laughing though at Zoro’s expense. One of our neighbors started to yell at them about how noisy it was and it ruined her stitching of her dolls. It wasn't very cute now because do their antics.
Unknown: It was a blast!
Law: Your friends and neighbors are very...unique characters. Why are you telling all of this to a stranger whom you don't even know their name, much less their gender?
Unknown: Because we are friends! What is your name by the way?
Law: I don't have to tell you.
Unknown: You will tell me eventually since we are friends now.
Law: Right… Anyways, your friend works at that famous restaurant, right? It is only logical he would have high expectations for food. Why don't you call him instead of calling the restaurant?
Unknown: Sanji’s phone broke. He was holding it in his pocket and when he was fighting with Zoro, it flew out. Zoro slashed it in half.
Law: Okay. I guess. Nothing you say can surprise me anymore. I looked it up and here is the restaurant’s number: [Phone number].
Unknown: Thanks a lot mysterious nice person! I need to go order some food. I am so hungry! SANJI MAKES THE BEST MEAT!
Law: You're welcome.
~OoOo~
Penguin: LAW! ARE YOU TEXTING!? ASDFGHJKLQWERTYUIOP!!!!
Law: I am right next door, ya know.
Penguin: WHEN I PASSED BY I SAW YOU ON YOUR PHONE! TYPING!!!
Law: So?
Penguin: ME AND SHACHI ARE TOGETHER TILL LIKE FIVE MINUTES AGO SO I KNOW YOU WEREN’T TEXTING US!
Law: I don't see the big deal right now. No need to type in all caps.
Penguin: YOU NEVER TEXT. LIKE NEVER UNLESS IT IS US TWO. DON'T YOU SAY IT IS TOO UNPROFESSIONAL? YOU ONLY USE YOUR PHONE FOR BUSINESS CALLS AND TEXT THE TWO OF US.
Law: It doesn't matter. I can text if I want.
Penguin: OMG! DID YOU MAKE A NEW FRIEND? WAIT A MINUTE, DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?!
Law: What the fuck? NO!
Penguin: THEY GROW UP JUST TOO FAST. LAW, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! YOU ARE FINALLY BREAKING OUT OF YOUR ANGSTY TEEN STAGE OF YOUR LIFE! YOU MAKE YOUR PAPA SO PROUD.
Law: Listen to yourself! First of all, I am not dating anyone. Second of all, the person who I was talking to was a guy, I think. Third of all, I don't even know the guy or kid because he texted the wrong number! Fourth of all, I CAN FIRE YOU IF I WANT.
Penguin: Nah. You love us too much. We are best friends! And who else around can stand your morbid humor? You talk about ripping people’s hearts out in a daily basis to scare them away!
Law: Actually, Luffy wasn't afraid about that at all. He barely bat an eye.
Penguin: Luffy? Is that the person who you were texting?
Law: Yeah.
Penguin: That name sounds oddly familiar…
Law: Don't know. Don't care. Didn't even add him to my contacts. It isn’t like he is going to text me again. He was trying to call the Baratie, where his friend worked. And shouldn't you be working by now or else I will dock your pay. Your lunch break ended 15 minutes ago.
Penguin: CRAP.
Law: You have five minutes to get back to work or else I am going to dock off some money and make you work the night shifts for the rest of the week.
Penguin: THAT AIN’T FAIR! I AM NOT EVEN DONE WITH MY FOOD. PLUS, ME AND SHACHI WERE SUPPOSED TO GO TO A BAR AND PICK UP SOME LADIES TOMORROW!
Law: Then I guess you will have to go hungry. You have four minutes left.
Penguin: AREN’T WE FRIENDS?!
Law: 3 minutes left.
Penguin: FUCK. GOTTA SPEED EAT THEN. BYE!
~OoOo~
Penguin: Shachi, I am reaaaalllyyyy sorry!
Shachi: What is it?
Penguin: I can't make it to the bar.
Shachi: What, no!? You have to be my wingman, Penguin! Heaven forbid Law being one. For someone who can break hearts, he doesn't have a romantic bone in his body.
Penguin: I dunno about that. Even if he can be a bit morbid, I think he is a romantic underneath all those layers! I think someday he will fall in love, and fall in love hard.
Shachi: I sincerely doubt it. Want to bet on it?
Penguin: Yeah! Is 20 a good amount?
Shachi: Deal. Anyways, why can't you go?
Penguin: I was texting Law earlier. I ended up texting him too long and annoyed him.
Shachi: Ouch. Really? He usually lets us off a bit for being late to work since we are his best friends. What did you do to piss him off so much?
Penguin: He is making me take all the night shifts. He didn’t even let me finish my lunch! I had to gulp it down in in three minutes. I nearly choked. Then I had to sprint up a flight of stairs to the employee office. Wasn't fun.
Shachi: I am glad you are still alive, at least. Law let you off pretty easy though.
Penguin: That he did, but it still ain't any fun. T_T
Shachi: No duh.
Penguin: Ya know I saw Law texting earlier, so I made a huge deal about since it wasn't either of us. Someone texted the wrong number and it was to Law.
Shachi: WTF!?
Penguin: I know, right???? He said he thought the guy wasn't going to text him anymore, so he didn't add the dude to his contacts, but I think he secretly wanted him to.
Shachi: IS THE WORLD ENDING!?
Penguin: No, but I think it would be good for Law. He needs more friends beside us.
Shachi: If he does make friends with the guy, they grow up so fast.
Penguin: SEE! Law was angry at me saying that though.
Shachi: Well, Law is a grumpy pants.
Penguin: Lol. So true. He is like a grouchy cat sometimes. Ya know, Law was smiling when he was texting?
Shachi: REALLY???
Penguin: It was a small smile, but it was definitely there!
Shachi: Wow. Is this reality or a dream?
Penguin: I don't know, but I hope the guy texts Law again. I think that it would be good for him.
~OoOo~
Unknown: Hey, Doc! How are you?
Law: Tired. Busy. Doing work. Dealing with horrible patients. Trying to contain myself from hitting persistent, flirty women. I am having an amazing day, thank you very much.
Unknown: You have women coming after you? Sanji would kill for that!
Law: I sincerely hope that your friend doesn't resort to murder.
Unknown: Ya know, he nearly died of a nosebleed once?
Law: As a doctor, I have to say that must be a lot of blood and it is best if your friend stays away from all ladies.
Unknown: Wow. Someone is in work mode. Do you work all day?
Law: Basically.
Unknown: That isn't good for you! It is good to get out in the sun and have fun with friends!
Law: My friends work in the hospital too. And their definition of fun is hooking up with someone. No thanks.
Unknown: We are friends though! Let’s hang out!
Law: Why? For all you known, I can be a murderer or kidnapper.
Unknown: Nah. You are a good person. I know it!
Law: …Whatever you say if it makes you happy.
Unknown: :D Is that a yes to hanging out? Maybe will you finally tell me your name?
Law: Hell no.
Unknown: Awww. D:
Law: Don't you have work to do?
Unknown: I usually help out with my friends if I do need some money. Usually, I am in class during college.
Law: What are you studying?
Unknown: Business and a side of pirate history. I am going to make the best and biggest company all around the world that will sell all sorts of stuff and become THE COMPANY KING!
Law: Is that even a thing?
Unknown: Well, yeah! If a long time ago there was a King of the Pirates, why can't we have a King of the Companies?
Law: I guess you have a point.
Unknown: Hey! You should work with me!
Law: What the hell?! I work in a hospital. What does that have to do with business?
Unknown: My friends are going to work with me to provide all sorts of things! Nami is going to manage our money. Sanji is going to make the best food from all around. Zoro is going to do a sword training type of thing, maybe some betting on fighting, while being my VP. Robin is going to handle history items! Archy-something. Something with a lot of old stuff. She is really smart! Brook is going to provide the entertainment and Franky is going to make the ships. Usopp is going to write stories. Chopper is going to provide the medical supplies! A bunch of my other friends are going to pitch in or have business connections. What do you say? At least buy our stuff and we can work together!
Law: Who knows.
Unknown: YES!
Law: I didn't say yes.
Unknown: You didn't say no either. ^^
Law: Whatever.
~OoOo~
Luffy: [Picture]
Law: What’s that? Are those...dogs or something?
Luffy: THEY ARE KUNG FU DUGONGS! ONCE YOU BEAT ONE, THEY FOLLOW YOU AS THEIR MASTER!
Law: Are they inside your bathtub? And why so many? It is practically full of them!
Luffy: I ended up beating a lot and they followed me home. I wanted to keep them, but Zoro and Nami said no. TT_TT They were so sad.
Law: Considering it is you, you would probably forget to feed them. It is best if you don't keep a pet.
Luffy: HEY! I CAN TOTALLY BE RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH KEEP A PET!
Law: But you certainly don't know what is a reasonable amount of pets.
Luffy: Look at them. [Picture] Look at their sparkling eyes? Even Nami and Vivi had a hard time saying no to that!
Law: Just yell no, then kick them out onto the streets.
Luffy: Wow. You are a heartless man. :P Do you have any pets, Mr. Responsible?
Law: Actually, I do. [Picture] This is my dog, Bepo.
Luffy: IT IS SO BIG AND CUDDLY!
Law: Actually, he is quite soft to snuggle with.
Luffy: Wait, you snuggle with him? For someone who pretends to be so heartless, you are a softy inside. ;D
Law: Shut up. You have no proof.
~OoOo~
Penguin: [Picture] I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE A SMILING LAW!
Law: I demand that you delete that.
Penguin: NO! THIS IS A REALLY SMILE! THIS IS EVIDENCE THAT YOU CAN ACTUALLY SMILE!!!!
Law: I can smile!
Penguin: Smirking is different from smiling.
Law: Does it matter?
Penguin: YES IT DOES! 100%! I AM NEVER GOING TO DELETE THIS PHOTO EVER!
Law: We will see about that…
Penguin: I SENT THIS OUT TO EVERYONE I KNOW! I DOUBT YOU CAN DELETE THAT MANY COPIES!
Law: You are lying. I demand that you delete that photo this instance!
Penguin: NO.
Law: Where are you?
Penguin: YOU WILL NEVER FIND ME!!!!
~OoOo~
Penguin: SHACHI, WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY!
Shachi: Why are you typing in all caps?
Penguin: Sorry. I forgot you weren't Law. It annoys him a lot. ;)
Shachi: Ah. Makes sense. What is the big emergency?
Penguin: Ya know how I told you earlier that Law was smiling when texting when to texting to that wrong number guy? Well, I caught him glimpse of him SMILING and took a PICTURE OF IT! [Picture]
Shachi: HOLY FUCK! IS THIS LEGIT!?
Penguin: I KNOW, RIGHT?? I told Law and he got angry at me. I think he is looking for me right now.
Shachi: Is that why he is stalking the hallways and glaring at everyone?
Penguin: You see him?
Shachi: Yeah. He is right across the room from me. He is glaring at everyone. He even made a baby cry.
Penguin: Fuck. He is pissed. I can't tell what is more scarier. When Law is visibly angry or when it is a quiet anger. Both are scary as hell.
Shachi: Hell ya to that.
Penguin: I have to tell you, I saw Law change the wrong number guy from Unknown to Luffy!
Shachi: He put him in his contacts?
Penguin: Yeah! I think the two are now friends, though Law would never admit it.
Shachi: Haha, so true.
Penguin: Anyways, entertain me since I will probably be hiding for a while. How was the bar?
Shachi: Penguin, you missed out on a lot! There were so many babes! I didn't pick any up though. D:
Penguin: The sad reality of life.
Shachi: Hey Penguin, where are you hiding, anyways?
Penguin: Oh. I am hiding on the roof, standing above the door, so that way when Law opens the door, he won't see me.
Shachi: Thanks.
Penguin: Thanks?
Shachi: FUCK! PENGUIN, RUN!
Penguin: Huh????
Shachi: That last two texts were Law! He grabbed my phone and typed it in! HE IS COMING FOR YOU!
Penguin: FUCK!
Shachi: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
Penguin: Did he read our texts?
Shachi: No. He just quickly typed his message in, read yours, and ran away.
Penguin: That means he doesn't know you have the picture! Shachi, send it to someone else so we don't lose our evidence!
Shachi: I’m on it!
Penguin: Also, tell my mother I love her!!!
Shachi: You don't even have a mother.
Penguin: I always wanted to try that line. Fuck. He is almost here. There is no way to escape. GOODBYE WORLD!
Shachi: Penguin?
Shachi: Penguin???
Shachi: PENGUIN!!!!
Penguin: Oh. You have the picture too?
Shachi: ...Law?
Penguin: Yes.
Shachi: Don't kill us. Plz.
Penguin: I will think about it, if you hand over the photo.
Shachi: About that…
Shachi: I WILL MAKE THE MOST OF PENGUIN’S SACRIFICE AND SHALL NEVER GIVE IT TO YOU!
Penguin: JUST GIVE IT TO ME, DAMN IT.
~OoOo~
Law: I hate having friends.
Luffy: Really? Having friends are awesome!
Law: You have hundreds of friends though. You wouldn't understand.
Luffy: Nah. I understand how friends can annoy each other, but at the end of the day they are still friends. Even if Sanji and Zoro yell at each other, they still trust each other and can work together.
Law: That is surprisingly wise, coming from you.
Luffy: Thanks!
Luffy: Right now I am with my friend Vivi and the others. They are talking about how Vivi has all these people vying for her hand, but she has rejected them all. She doesn't love any of them, apparently…
Luffy: What is love?
Law: You don't know love?
Luffy: Well, I love my nakama and brothers, but how is that any different from romantic love?
Law: Fuck. I dunno. You asked the worst guy.
Luffy: Eh? So you can't explain! Pleeeaaassssseee.
Law: I guess you can say romantic love can come in different ways. There are some loves where you just fall in love with them immediately, or other loves that build over knowing people for a long time and caring them, eventually evolving into love. Love can be trusting that person and caring for them, or just longing to know them more, be around them, or know everything about them. It comes in many different ways, you can say.
Luffy: Really? Huh…
Law: I haven't really been exposed to love that much, but do you get it?
Luffy: So love can be longing to know that person?
Law: Yeah, I guess. Like your whole body craves to know everything about them and be with them. Like they are your missing puzzle piece, as cheesy as that sounds.
Luffy: Doc?
Law: Yeah?
Luffy: I think I love you.
Law: ...
~OoOo~
Shachi: Penguin, I think we have a problem.
Penguin: You got that right. Law who used to be attached to his phone 24/7 is suddenly flinching at the sight of a text message.
Shachi: I hate to admit it, but you were right about Law falling in love hard.
Penguin: Do you know what happened? Did the two get in a fight?
Shachi: I asked Law and he muttered something about love under his breath, before running away.
Penguin: Love? Did Law confess!?
Shachi: I don't know, but we HAVE to fix this.
Penguin: I agree. The only thing scarier than an angry Law is a depressed Law.
Shachi: What do you suggest we do?
Penguin: How about locking him in and forcing him to have a conversation with the Luffy?
Shachi: Would that even work?
Penguin: Considering we don't know anything about the guy besides his name, do you have a better idea?
Shachi: Good point. Let’s do this when Law is the last one in the hospital and lock him in his office.
Penguin: Let’s do this. Law’s true love is riding on this! And so is my 20!
Shachi: Don't remind me.
~OoOo~
Law: Hello.
Luffy: Hello.
Law: …
Luffy: …
Law: Fuck it. My stupid friends locked me in my office and demanded I sort this out.
Luffy: I’m sorry. I did something idiotic. Robin said it probably made you uncomfortable.
Law: A bit.
Luffy: It is fine that you don't return my feelings. I still want to be friends.
Law: Fuck.
Law: It isn't that I don't return your feelings.
Law: It is just that, well. Fuck.
Luffy: Huh? Do you like me too?
Law: A bit more than I should.
Luffy: Then why were you ignoring me!? I DON’T LIKE BEING IGNORED!
Law: I’m sorry. I am not good with feelings or love. Everyone I loved died.
Luffy: I won't die.
Law: You don't know that.
Luffy: I won't. You wouldn't be able to get rid of me even in the afterlife.
Law: Maybe. You are annoying enough.
Luffy: Hey!
Law: But I don't know anything about you and you don't know anything about me.
Luffy: Is that all?
Law: We haven't even met. I don't even know your age, beside you are in college.
Luffy: That isn't hard. With your phone number, I know you live in the area at least. We can meet up.
Law: Will we even like each other if we met? I am the type of person to scare everyone away.
Luffy: Well, I like you now, and I will certainly like you more if we meet in person. We should at least start to get to know each more if you are that worried! My name is Monkey D. Luffy and my best friend is Zoro. I’m 18. I love meat and my grandpa works for the police. I don't know my father. My brothers work abroad. My favorite color is red. I always wear this straw hat because I made a process to become the KING OF THE COMPANIES!
Luffy: Okay. Now it is your turn.
Law: Really?
Luffy: YES! You are the one who is so worried! Plus, I don't even know your name yet!
Law: I’m Trafalgar D. Water Law. I’m 26. I am an orphan. I work at a hospital with my best friends, Shachi and Penguin. I have a dog named Bepo. I wear this spotted hat my parents gave me. I don't like to be ordered around btw. I am a famous surgeon, but I don't really care. Also, I am in love with Monkey D. Luffy.
Luffy: Asdfghjkl.
Law: ?
Luffy: I really want to see you in person, Law.
Law: ...Me too.
Luffy: Please come over? Let’s meet up!
Law: At the Baratie?
Luffy: Sure. Let’s meet up tomorrow!
Law: Isn't that a bit too soon?
Luffy: I just want to see you as soon as possible.
Law: Fuck it. Let’s meet right now.
Luffy: It is 12 in the night.
Law: Oh yeah. It is probably closed by now.
Luffy: No, it’s fine. I can call Sanji. He tends to work late anyways. He would probably be glad if I finally eat.
Law: YOU haven't been eating!?
Luffy: I was really worried, okay!? I am starving now though! Let’s go immediately!
Law: You should've still ate though. Your friends must have been worried.
Luffy: My brothers kept calling me. Sanji cooked all my favorites. I just… wasn't in the mood at the moment. All the food tasted bland.
Law: I’m sorry.
Luffy: I’m sorry too. But let’s forget about that and focus on the present now!
Luffy: I can finally see you, Law. I am so happy.
Law: Me too, Luffy.
~OoOo~
Penguin: Can I totally take credit for all of this right now!?
Shachi: I helped!
Penguin: But I predicted it!
Shachi: No, you didn't! You just predicted he would fall in love, but not with Luffy.
Penguin: True, but I also said he had a romantic bone underneath all of those glares.
Shachi: Huh?
Penguin: He is meeting Luffy for the first time. In the Baratie. Which was how all of this started.
Shachi: Well, crap. I guess he really does have a romantic bone.
Penguin: You still owe me money.
Shachi: Fine.
Penguin: ^^
Shachi: You are just happy that you won a bet.
Penguin: Can't lie that I am. But I also got my best friend together with the grandson of the police chief. I KNEW his name sounded familiar! Ya know, I am a matchmaker genius!
Shachi: Don't hold your breath, considering you can't get a date.
Penguin: Neither can you.
Shachi: …
Penguin: …
Shachi: I really wish I had a girlfriend, dammit.
Penguin: Me too. LAW YOU LUCKY FUCKER!
Shachi: The woes of the lonely single life.
Penguin: Cheers to that.
Penguin: I am just glad Law replied to that text. Funnily enough, if Law ignored that text like he usually does to other numbers, he never would've met Luffy.
Shachi: Yeah, with all the shit that Law’s been through, the kid better make Law real happy.
Penguin: Agreed. We are great best friends, aren't we?
Shachi: That we are.
Penguin: By the way, do you still have that picture of Law smiling?
Shachi: Uni has it.
Penguin: We should totally make a poster with that picture on it and plaster it all over the hospital.
Shachi: He is going to kill us.
Penguin: That he will, but he is probably going to already since we locked him inside his office, no matter how happy he ended up being. We might as well get some laughs out of it.
Shachi: Good point. Let’s start right away?
Penguin: Yeah. We should.
FIN