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Yuri walks into the break room of the rink to see Mila, Georgi, Yuuri, and Viktor all crowded around the large whiteboard and squabbling with each other over what he assumes must be written on it.
“Viktor are you really going to include my actual parents in there?” Yuuri sighs as Viktor etches his terrible writing under the circles and squares in the left-hand corner. “No one else’s actual parents are on the tree.”
“That, my darling Yuuri,” Viktor says as he caps the marker with a flourish. “is because it would be cruel to not include the most wonderful people in the world in this tree.” Yuuri pouts, ready for a rebuttal, but Viktor isn’t done. “Plus,” he continues, wiping away a stray mark with the pad of his thumb as he examines his handiwork, “everyone else is already claimed. Unless you want me to make Yakov and Lilia your parents, too.”
Yuuri’s face scrunches in distaste at the thought. “Don’t even joke about pretend family tree incest,” he says. “It’s gross.”
Mila bursts into laughter as Georgi turns to see Yuri standing in the doorway with the look one wears when they’re trying to decide whether they want to know if they want to know what’s going on. “Viktor’s making our family tree,” he says, making the decision for Yuri. “It’s actually pretty good, though we haven’t gotten to you yet.”
Yuri steps forward and drops his bag, eyeing the tree – though it’s more of an amalgamation of circles, squares, and squiggly lines in all the colors of the EXPO markers provided by the rink which are, admittedly, not many. “Okay,” he says, because it’s too early in the day to start attempting to beat the stupid out of Viktor. “How long has he been working on it?”
Viktor pops up out of fucking nowhere and only three years of training in the same rink as the dude keeps Yuri from flinching. “Half an hour,” he chirps happily – far too peppy for this hour in the morning. “So far I’ve gotten all of our friends down, though Yuuri and I couldn’t agree on whether Chris and Phichit were our ex-lovers or our extra siblings.”
Yuri hums, glancing at the Constellation of Weirdness to try and figure out what outcome they’d settled on.
Ex-lovers, apparently.
“Okay,” Yuri says again, because really what else are you supposed to say to that. “Where am I?”
Viktor blinks, and his face does that thing that Yuri has always referred to as his Sherlock Holmes impression – not the old-timey movies or the RDJ version, but the Benedict Bandersnatch one – trying to read you like a book. Though, if Yuri were to be honest, he’s not 100% sure that Viktor actually could read a normal book.
The thought makes him smile.
Yuuri glances over and smiles the I know he’s being an idiot but he accidentally drank a triple shot this morning and it’s all I can do not to kill him smile. “We couldn’t decide whether to put you with the rest or not,” he says, and that clears up absolutely nothing until Yuuri gestures to the cluster of skaters scribbled under what appears to be a notation of Yakov and Lilia’s – still separated – marriage.
“Did you put Viktor, Georgi, and Mila down as Yakov and Lilia’s kids?” he asks, mildly horrified. Everyone else just beams, though Georgi looks contemplative.
“Does that mean you do not want to be one of Yakov and Lilia’s kids?”
Yuri shudders and shakes his head definitively, which makes Viktor practically crow like Peter-Fucking-Pan as he leaps at the board to scribble Yuri’s name down…
Under Viktor and Yuuri’s. In between Makkachin and the deceased Vicchan.
“Viktor,” Yuri says to this. “You never even met Vicchan.”
Viktor shrugs, writing Yuri’s name in Roman letters under the Cyrillic – assumedly for Yuuri’s benefit. “He was Yuuri’s baby,” he says, “and now that Yuuri’s my husband, he’s my baby too. Dead or no.”
Mila dabs her eyes to blot away what Yuri can only hope are not real tears as Georgi clutches his heart and spouts something about a father’s love from beyond the grave.
Yuri just shrugs and leaves them there to head towards the locker rooms. As he walks down the hallway he hears Yuuri shriek “You can’t put Minako as my grandmother! She’ll kill you!” and he laughs.
His parents are weird.