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On their wedding day, You had designed their dresses. A unison of orange and silver with a dash of blue. The smiles on those faces could have lit up the entirety of Tokyo Dome.
They were happy.
Chika puts the picture away. Letting one last moment of nostalgia take over her senses. Signing the last page of the document, she then places a small cylindrical object, polished as best as possible, on top of the pile of papers.
This is for the best.
Why then, does that not stop the fresh torrent of tears?
Where did it all go so wrong?
They were supposed to be together forever.
When “I love you’s” started to become routine until it was just the norm. Nothing special. Just words uttered out of habit rather than genuine emotions.
They were always close. Much much too close. Never really saw the big picture between the both of them. Honestly the signs were there but love always blindsided others. At least whatever was left of that emotion.
More often than not, Chika came home to an empty apartment much too big for one. The darkness more comfort than hostile. The other occupant still in her office, designing the next fancy dress to show off.
Stealing You’s tangerines before lunch had been tradition once upon a time, now that habit annoyed You more than enamored her as it once did.
The bed was too small. The covers served to suffocate instead of envelop. They slept on opposite ends of the bed when once they would take every chance to cuddle. Chika was a light sleeper at the worst of times and back then, she would count how long You would snore before making a “walrus” snort. It was endearing. Now, she tried to cover her ear drums with her pillows to drown out You’s ruckus. Tomorrow was another busy day at the inn.
You was a city girl. Chika loved her hometown. Especially her inn. There just weren’t as many opportunities in fashion as there was in the city.
That first argument, not the small petty ones, but full blown out anger that resulted in tears and shouting. Accusations that could never be taken back. Where the only purpose was to see who could hurt the other more. Unresolved tensions that have been boiling for so long but never addressed.
They couldn’t stay mad for long and apologized to each other soon after but the damage was done.
Chika always tried to show You that she loved her. Loved her like no one else. Why was that not enough?
After all actions spoke the loudest.
The next explosive argument happened over dinner. They were late in paying rent. The one after, You had forgotten to feed Shiitake, now old and feeble, and Chika shouted at You for being careless.
Pretty soon, the arguments became more frequent. Until finally, something broke permanently.
Chika walks aimlessly, relying on muscle memory, towards their- no it’s her house now. With each step, she falters, trying to walk a little slower. She doesn’t want to face reality but some things are inevitable. Reaching the front door of her house, Chika unlocks the door and pushes it ajar. A ray of sunlight hits her square in the eye, blinding her for a split second. Chika rubs the water out of her eyes, but it’s futile. Her eyes will not stay dry.
The house feels more spacious now.
Chika sinks down onto her knees leaning her forehead against the cold solid door and for the first time in months, she cries, letting out an anguish shout. There’s no one that would care anymore. Not about the noise.
Not about her.
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I couldn't show her kindness
And now, I regret it