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The first time I saw him was a week after I moved into this town. It was raining that day, cold wind swaying the trees and droplets pouring down from awnings. The sky was grey, yet the road surface was gleaming, puddles casting light from street lamps and storefronts. And he was there, standing five feet away from me, gazing out the window of the convenience store where we were at. He was waiting, I guess, for the rain to die down.
That first time I saw him, I was mesmerized. Black raven hair slightly damp, clinging to the back of slender white neck, calm green eyes adorned with little frown, and scowling thin lips silently letting out a sigh, he was the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.
That time I thought I would never see him again. But I was wrong. Three days later, I saw him at school, my school, walking down the hall with some other guys. I was so surprised to see him again I didn’t realize I was staring (gawking) until I felt a nudged on my rib. “What’s with that face? You look like an idiot stalker.”
“Kou, do you know him?” I asked instead.
“Who?”
“That guy,” I pointed at him with my chin, “the one with green eyes.”
Kou, my classmate, considered him for a moment before answering, “That’s Akaashi senpai, third year student.”
“Akaashi,” I repeated the name, trying the word on my tongue. It felt perfect.
“He’s the captain of our school volleyball team, practically their mascot. Honestly, he’s too pretty to be real.”
He is, I thought.
Later that day, I went to the volleyball gym. I was just curious, I told myself, though I admitted it might be more than that.
Squeak of shoes against floorboard and the sound of bouncing balls greeted me as I reached the door. I poked my head inside, searching for a certain black head and pretty green eyes.
“Can I help you?”
I turned my head. A guy in navy blue t-shirt regarded me curiously.
“Ah, no. I’m just…” looking for your team mascot because apparently I have a crush on him even though I only saw him twice. I didn’t say that out loud though.
“Wow, you’re tall! Are you a first year?”
I nodded.
“Are you here to join us?”
“Uhm no, actually I don’t know anything about volley.”
“Not really a problem, we could teach you. Do you play any sports though? You got an athletic build.”
“I used to play basketball in middle school.”
“Ah, no wonder. Say, are you interested in volleyball? You could be a great middle blocker.”
No, I’m only interested in your captain.
“Wait here,” the guy half turned and shouted, “Oy, Akaashiiii! C’mere a sec.”
Oh shit, was I thinking aloud?
“I think I’ve found a perfect middle blocker.”
Oh, he meant to talk about me joining the team. Wait, what? I never said I agree to join them.
From beside the net, Akaashi walked up to us. His eyes watched all of me closely, measuring me. I felt my face heating.
“What’s your name?” he asked.
“A, A, Akihito.” I stammered. “Yamada Akihito”
He smiled and I briefly choked on my own breath. “Well, Yamada-kun, my name is Akaashi Keiji. I’m the captain here,” I know. Akaashi gestured to the first guy who was still standing beside me, “This is Kaoru-san, my vice-captain. So, do you really want to join our team?”
I nodded once. Dazedly. Did I even listen to anything he said, I was not sure. He was so close I felt like hyperventilating. God, he was so much prettier up close.
“Excelent!” Kaoru exclaimed. He smacked my back and laughed. “I’ll get you the registration form then.” And he left.
Akaashi said to me, “You can stand on the side and observe our practice for today, I’ll tell you about the detail schedule later.” With that, he went back to the court, leaving me thinking what the hell did I just sign up to.
Three months later, I officially became a member of Fukurodani volleyball team. I used to play various sports growing up and I have strong stamina so it was easy for me to adapt to the new regimen. I also learned a lot from the other members. As time passed, I began to like volleyball. But my main reason to stay there was him.
“I see you make an amazing progress.”
I turned. By now I could recognize his voice anywhere. “Akaashi senpai.”
“But don’t force yourself too much. I know you work harder than the others.”
“I’m still new to this so I want to learn more about volleyball.” About you, and a part of the world you love so much.
He smiled. “I see.”
“I… I’ll do my best!” I bowed to him awkwardly.
“Well then, ganbatte ne.” I felt a hand lightly ruffled my hair.
When I raised my head, he already left.
One day, after five months since I joined the team, there was a commotion in the gym. Joyous laughter could be heard even from the outside hall. A man I didn’t know stood in the middle of the court with some second and third years flocked around him. He was big, about my height with muscular arms and broad shoulders. His spiky grey hair and sharp golden eyes reminded me of a wild horned owl. And he was loud. So loud I could hear him even from the gym entrance without having to strain my ears. I didn’t like him straight away. One more reason I didn’t like him was because his hand snaked its way possessively around Akaashi’s shoulder. What. The. Fuck?
“Who is he?” I asked Kaoru without preamble.
Kaoru started. “Oh, hey Yamada, you’re here already.” Then he looked toward the owl guy. “That’s Bokuto-san, our former captain.”
I frowned. Bokuto? I’ve heard that name before. Then I remembered. “The Bokuto?” I thought to myself, didn’t realize I said it aloud.
“You know him? Well I guess he is pretty famous. He was among five best high school volleyball players in Japan. He was our ace too. Now he plays for the National.”
No. I didn’t know about best players. I didn’t know about the National team. I didn’t even care about all those things. But I did know him. Or at least, I knew his name.
The practice went just like usual. The difference was only Bokuto’s presence, observing the team from the courtside, sometimes giving advice or tips, sometimes showing example of how to spike properly, sometimes cheering Akaashi and told everyone how good and reliable Akaashi was as a captain until Akaashi blushed and told him to stay quiet and ‘be good’. But mostly, he whined childishly and making a ruckus all around him.
“AAKKKKAASSSSHHHIIIIIII!!!! Toss to me, c’mon toss me the ball!”
“Bokuto-san. I’m training the first years right now.”
“But Akkaaashhiiiiiii.”
“Bokuto-san, you’re disrupting the practice.”
Bokuto’s smile dropped. He turned slowly and walked toward the side of the court. His face dejected.
“That was not a ‘no’, Bokuto-san. I’ll toss to you later after practice.”
With sudden change, Bokuto’s face beamed. He charged Akaashi and lifted him off the ground. “Yeeaaayyy Akkaasssshhiiiiiii!!!!”
“Bokuto-san, put me down,” Akaashi squealed, but he was laughing.
A finger poked my arm. I looked up.
“Akihito, you okay? Damn, your face looks scary. What’s wrong?” Reo, one of my teammates and a fellow first year, looked at me with concern eyes.
“Nothing.”
“Owwwkay… Then are you going to pass me the ball or do you want to keep strangling it?”
I threw the ball at him. “If anyone asks, tell them I’m in the bathroom.” Then without waiting for his reply, I went out the door. I needed to cool my head. What was wrong with me?
After practice, I went home together with Reo. As we walked, he said, “That Bokuto person is really interesting.”
“He’s noisy.”
“Yeah, but he was funny though. And his spike was amazing.”
“He’s childish and whined a lot.”
“True,” Reo laughed, “but only when he’s around Akaashi senpai.”
That’s the problem!
“Ah I almost forgot, Akihito, your class schedule is ahead of mine right? Let me borrow your chemistry note.”
I stopped. “Shit, I left my book at the classroom.”
“Want me to go get it with you?”
“Nah, it’s fine. You go ahead first.”
“You sure? Alright then, stay safe.”
I turned and ran back to school. Thank God the book was where I had left it. I looked out the window. It was already dark, almost 8 pm according to my watch. When I glanced at the direction of volleyball gym building I frowned. The light was on. Who was still in there? Curious, I went out the classroom and headed to the gym building.
Silently, I approached the building and peered through the window. I saw Akaashi stood beside the net, a ball in hand. Was he still practicing? Then he threw the ball and tossed it in the air. Second later, a blur of movement hit the ball, so fast I didn’t even realize it until a loud bam resonated around the gym. I gaped. It was Bokuto spiking the ball. Holy shit, no wonder he was among five best players in Japan, the hit was so strong and precise.
“HEY HEY HEEEEY!!!” Bokuto yelled excitedly. “That was really good Akaashi.”
“Let’s rest for now Bokuto-san.”
“Eeeh? Already?”
“I had been practicing with the other guys, Bokuto-san, I’m exhausted.”
Bokuto grinned then spread his arms wide. “Come here then.”
Akaashi chuckled. “What?”
“I’ll recharge your energy.”
“You’re ridiculous, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi told him, but he walked toward Bokuto anyway and rested his head against Bokuto’s shoulder.
Bokuto circled his arms around Akaashi’s smaller body. “Feeling better?”
Akaashi nodded, a smile etched on his lips.
“I really miss you, Akaashi,” Bokuto’s hand gently stroked Akaashi’s hair, “do you miss me too?”
“You have no idea,” Akaashi said. Then he stood on his tiptoes and pressed their lips together.
I closed my eyes to block the image and staggered away from the building. I felt pain throbbing in my chest. It was not the kiss that caused the heartache though, nor even the hug. It was the expression on Akaashi’s face.
The expression he never showed to anyone else before. The expression I had never seen even after being on his side for months. No. Actually I had seen it once. It was the expression he wore the first time I saw him. And maybe, it was the reason I fell for him.
That first time I saw him, he stood staring out the window of a convenience store with a frown creasing his forehead and little scowl on his thin lips. “No, you can’t go to the karaoke, you have class tomorrow morning,” I heard him patiently told his phone. “No. No. Hmm. Alright. Yes. Don’t stay out too late, okay?” Then his voice softened and his face gentled. He smiled. “I know. I love you too, Bokuto-san.”
That first time I saw him, he wore a beautiful smile so full of love and contentment.
That first time I saw him, I already knew he belonged to someone else.
And yet, the next time I saw him, I was still drawn to his gravity. Just like a fool I was.
Epilogue:
“Hey, Akaashi.”
“Yes, Bokuto-san?” Akaashi glanced down at the man resting his head on his lap.
“That first year, the tall one, what’s his name?”
“Yamada-kun? Yamada Akihito?”
“He kept glaring at me today.”
Akaashi ran his fingers through Bokuto’s hair. “I know. Don’t provoke him next time.”
Bokuto caught Akaashi’s hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed the palm softly. “Did you notice the way he looked at you? That boy likes you.”
“I’m aware of it.”
“Akaashi, do you like him, too?”
“Hmm… I do.”
Bokuto pouted, “Akkaaashhiii.”
Akaashi pinched Bokuto’s cheek lightly then brushed it with his knuckles. “I like him as my teammate and my kouhai. But you, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi stared right into Bokuto’s eyes, “I love you as someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
Bokuto sat up. He reached the back of akaashi’s neck and brought their foreheads together. “I love you, Akaashi. I love you so much.”
Akaashi smiled at him, “I know,” he said, before he closed his eyes and erased the space between them.