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Dazai wasn't into sentimental shit. That was the current excuse for not holding Atsushi's hand at this exact moment. Yeah, he was sort of fond of the younger man, sure. That small amount of fondness he could admit to, but seeing him in the infirmary bed was pretty common at this point and he wasn't going to get emotional about it. Atsushi had a habit of getting impaled or dismembered somewhat frequently as he recklessly charged into battle to save others. He was fine with this. He just wasn't sentimental and this was normal.
Except... that wasn't exactly true. As he sat there in the chair next to the bed his fingers twitched and he felt the overwhelming urge to reach out to hold his hand. He craved whatever comfort that sort of contact would provide either of them. Right now things we're looking pretty dire and he couldn't help but worry. He'd never been one much for physical comfort before, but right now that's all he wanted.
Yasano was down the hall healing Naomi and Junichirou, neither of whom had any sort of ability to feel themselves. When finished she'd help with Atsushi, but he would likely have healed on his own at that point. He was still partially transformed so the tiger's healing capacity was closing the wounds to his abdomen. Kunikida had made note that his eyes were still tiger eyes when he triaged the situation a half an hour ago. And... that's exactly why he couldn't give into his urge to reach out and touch. One small moment of contact and Atsushi's natural ability to heal would be nullified.
Kunikida had left them alone then, and once again Dazai couldn't check for himself or he risked stopping the healing process entirely. Just like it would if he gave into his urge and took Atsushi's hand in his.
He wasn't into sentimental shit.
Dazai volunteered to stay behind with him while the rest of the group scrambled in the immediate aftermath of their recent skirmish. That meant he was here alone watching over him making sure he didn't slip too close to death without alerting Yasano and the others. He wasn't sure how long he'd have to keep watch, holding his breath as he watched over him, unable to touch... This was stupid. Kunikida should have stayed behind. He'd be so much better at this.
Atsushi's fingers moved slightly, followed a few seconds later by his eyes fluttering slowly open and finding Dazai's. They were still transformed which meant touching was probably still off limits, but he was awake.
"Atsushi-kun," he whispered as he stood from the chair and moved closer. There were several long seconds where they just stared at each other without saying a word. Atsushi blinked a few times, then reached towards him.
"Wait," Dazai said as he pulled back.
"Hm?"
"We should make sure you're healed first."
"Wha...?" He reached down and felt the bandage on his abdomen. He carefully pulled it back to reveal perfectly healed skin. Sometimes the effectiveness of his healing ability surprised Dazai. "I... I think I have healed."
Atsushi looked back up to Dazai, who was still standing hesitantly a couple feet away from the bed. He had no practical excuse now. He could touch him if he wanted to. But then he'd be giving in to all that genuinely sentimental stuff. He liked to talk tall in the romance department - he could wax poetic about double suicide with a beautiful woman - but true genuine affection still felt awkward. He wasn't used to not having to fake it, but what he felt towards Atsushi was so terrifyingly real. He wanted to give into it all.
Before he could consider his next move, Atsushi had climbed out of bed and made the decision for him. Atsushi closed the gap and embraced him as if it was the most natural thing in the world. They'd been dancing around whatever it was between them for a while, but of course Atsushi would throw caution to the wind and push things just a little bit further before Dazai had the guts to do so himself. That's part of the reason he was so captivated by Atsushi. He was so incredibly brave and uniquely honest.
Dazai hesitated for a moment, but soon wrapped his arms around his younger companion in return. This one was nearly a fatal mission. If Atsushi had gone south and Yasano hadn't gotten to him in time.... he didn't want to think about it. He buried his fingers in Atsushi's hair and leaned in close, enjoying the closeness.
"Please stop getting impaled so often," he whispered into Atsushi's ear. "It's not a good look on you."
"I'll try," he responded softly, voice slightly muffled against Dazai's chest.
"How are we to have a beautiful double suicide if you go and get yourself killed first."
He felt a small laugh from Atsushi. He wasn't sure if he found the comment genuinely amusing or if it was a nervous laughter. "That won't be happening."
"Hm, ok. Not today at least."
They stood there in silence, getting used to what it felt like to hold each other. It was something new, but felt like a natural next step for them. They'd been growing ever closer for weeks and this just felt right. They could have gone on for who knows how much longer if Atsushi hadn't begun to speak.
"I'm sorry."
"Why?" Dazai ran a comforting hand up Atsushi's back, confused at the sudden apology but wanting to comfort him anyway.
"I don't think I've ever seen you look as worried as you did just a moment ago."
Honestly, he hadn't felt this worried about someone's safety since... well, since Oda. He really didn't want to put himself back at that moment, but the two were comparable. His grip on Atsushi tightened momentarily as he thought about this before he pulled back slightly to look Atsushi in the eye. He cupped his cheek and admired his eyes, now turned back to normal. There was so much he wanted to say to him then. Not to apologize, for one. This is their job. Sometimes they'll end up at death's door and that's stressful. And sometimes Dazai is going to worry because.... because.... god dammit, he had feelings about him.
Instead of saying any of it he leaned in and pressed a brief chaste kiss to his lips. It lasted only a second, but it was enough to cause Atsushi to blush and break out in a nervous giggle. He was smiling, though. So that was good.
"Good, he's awake," Kunikida interrupted from the doorway. A second later he realized what he'd interrupted. "Oh..."
Atsushi pulled back slightly, but continued to awkwardly cling to Dazai's coat like a lifeline. Dazai was having none of this bashfulness, though. No. If he was going to get in touch with his sentimental side he was going to go all out. He smiled at Kunikida as he leaned in and pecked on Atsushi's cheek just for show. The younger man blushed even harder at that, but didn't pull away.
"Okay, fine, I get it," he said as he adjusted his glasses. "Just make sure you check his vitals before continuing... with that." He turned on his heel and continued down the hallway.