Archive of Our Own ^beta

Lance didn’t hear it when someone approached him, even his most-muffled sobs were loud enough in his own ears to make it difficult to rely on his hearing for attentiveness. He felt it though, the weight of another form settling next to him and leaning their weight into his side. Lance blinked owlishly, swiping at his eyes with his sleeves and preparing the same hollow excuse he told the others every time they caught him like this.

Except when he looked up with dismissive words on the tip of his tongue, he didn’t find attentive eyes glued to him in concern. Instead he found Keith, casual and comfortable, settled next to him with a hand held out for the bottle Lance had been drinking from. Despite himself, Lance’s lips twitched upward with a smile as he handed the bottle of unnamed Altean alcohol to his friend. “Keith, you don’t have to.”

“Don’t have to what?” Keith asked, tipping the bottle back and taking a swig. If the face he pulled was anything to go by, the idiot hadn’t been expecting something so strong when he snagged it from his friend. Lance huffed petulantly to hide his snicker, rolling his eyes and deciding to lean his weight right back against Keith. He wasn’t going to be the one doing all the supporting here, that’d be one-sided.

“Sit down with me and join my pity party.” Lance clarified, picking at his nails as his self-conscious state suddenly caught up to him. He’d been caught like this enough times that it didn’t freak him out quite the same as it used to, but it was still generally uncomfortable for everyone involved. Especially when “everyone” entailed just Keith and Lance, the two people on the ship with the most tension between them to begin with. “I’m fine on my own.”

“Aw, come on.” Keith whined playfully, a rather uncharacteristic reaction that only proved that he was going out of his way to accommodate poor, sensitive Lance. If anyone else tried to pull that shit, Lance would be personally offended by them babying him like that and acting like he couldn’t be trusted to cope with his own emotions.

It was… different, with Keith. Less than a year ago, Lance would never have expected Keith to show him the time of day in a situation like this, had figured that he would stomp right past and ignore Lance’s pitiful state completely. Something had changed recently. Lance liked to think that it was a change for the better.

If nothing else, Keith seemed a lot happier. Lance could get behind anything that meant he could actually see Keith’s elusive genuine smile more than once a month.

Keith leaned against Lance even harsher in response to the added weight, at this point only succeeding in slouching himself and sliding away from the wall. Luckily, he still had Lance’s support to rely on, and the fact that all of his weight was currently balanced on his friend didn’t seem to bother him at all as he animatedly continued. “Free alcohol, a chance to see you cry and use it as blackmail material later on, a comfy cushion; what’s not to love?”

And maybe it was the alcohol, that’s surely what Lance would blame it on the morning after and he was already certain of as much, but for once he wanted to talk about his feelings. Of course, Lance never shut-up about how he felt on any given day, but that was different. Those were things he didn’t care about. Well, things he cared about to a lesser degree, as he was one of the lucky few blessed with being able to care about absolutely everything. That way he always had something to talk about when conversations grew stale, or a different direction to veer off on whenever people touched a little too close to home about things he wasn’t comfortable sharing.

Everyone saw him as an open book, and perhaps he was, but you couldn’t compare him to an inanimate object like that without realizing there had to be room for error in the analogy. He was an open book, inviting to anyone interested in so much as skimming through the person that he was… but there were words crossed out and every other page was missing. Open for anyone, but few would be able to read between the lines enough to actually piece together what was written there.

Lance wanted Keith to be one of those few. He always had, from the first moment he’d spotted that stupid mullet back in the Garrison. Heaven forbid he ever admit to it, but little Lance’s first impression of this adorkable socially-constipated loser was that he was cool . It’s not like Lance had a lot to go by, back then he considered Shiro to be the man of his dreams and anyone associated with him was dubbed cool by association.

Wrong. Very wrong. The more Lance got to know Keith the less “cool” he proved to be. Yet that only encouraged Lance to get to know him more. A confusing ordeal, to say the least.

Keith… well, he tried. In the beginning, it hadn’t seemed like what he was doing was trying, but in hindsight he’d always put his all into the relationship. Keith’s “all” just sucked , or at least at first it had. It took years for Lance to realize that Keith was even trying, that he was just so painstakingly inexperienced and aloof that him putting his all into a relationship meant simply not running away from it the first chance he got.

It was nothing like the spark Lance had shared when he first met Hunk, that instant connection and gratification. It was a different kind of spark, a slow-burning one that seemed like nothing at first but grew brighter the more comfortable Keith grew. It was practically blinding now.

Keith was still just as inexperienced as before, but now he tried so damn hard that even when he failed it was painstakingly admirable. He had no idea what he was doing, he was flying blind and terrified half the time when it came to interacting with others, but he would never, ever walk right past Lance while he was hurting. Lance was sure of that now, more than anything else.

“I hate this.” Lance sighed out finally, deciding that if he was going to do this he’d better get talking before his anxious thoughts caught up to him. Keith spluttered next to him, having been idly sipping on the drink in his hands and saturating in the easy silence between them. He turned to gape at Lance, looking strangely hurt by the statement.

“ My company ?” Keith asked, his eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights. And Lance laughed despite himself, because damn it how is he not supposed to find that level of ludicrousness amusing? How could Keith possibly be so insecure in their relationship after all of the time they’ve spent together to think that Lance would just hate his company?

“No, you idiot!” Lance chuckled, shaking his head fondly. He sat up straighter, throwing his arm around Keith and pulling him into a loose headlock. Mussing up Keith’s hair enough to earn him a sound akin to a growl, Lance leaned back against the wall and found the courage to elaborate rather than dodge away from what he’d said. “I hate when I feel like this .”

Ah, there it was, that dreaded awkward silence that always followed after Lance finally found it within himself to open up emotionally. It gave him the perfect chance to second-guess himself and thoroughly regret every decision he’d ever made to lead him to-

“Oh. I hate feeling things too, if it helps any. Sometimes I think if I could turn my brain off things would be a lot easier, like I would probably be on at least level 25 of the fight simulator by now. Imagine just, like, shouting at your brain to shut-up sometimes. I do that. Usually during battle... or a particularly awkward social situation…” Keith paused and tipped his head back to stare up at the ceiling, inhaling deeply through his mouth. An epiphany struck him suddenly and he bolted upright, turning to face Lance with urgency in his eyes. “That’s not to say that this social situation is awkward! I mean it kinda is, but I want to be here for you and-”

It was at that point in his rant that Keith realized Lance was staring at him. He slowly allowed himself to filter off into nothingness, instead silently gazing right back at the other boy. It left Lance feeling sheepish, mostly because he hadn’t even realized how absorbed he’d gotten in listening to Keith’s stupid nervous rambling and watching the way his mouth moved to form words. It was oddly comforting, maybe just because the sheer amount of nervous energy radiating off of Keith made it blatantly clear how much effort he was putting into making Lance feel better.

They both started to blush at nearly the exact same time, as if both met with the same inevitable realization at the same time. They ducked their heads downward in unison and broke the admittedly unreasonably intense eye-contact they’d had going on without another word. The silence that followed didn’t last nearly as long as either of them expected it to though, broken abruptly by an outburst that was so far from planned it startled even Lance himself.

“God, I miss home so much.” Lance blurted, immediately cursing himself under his breath at the way his voice cracked. Keith stiffened next to him, as if uncertain how to react to Lance’s self-deprecating behavior. That wasn’t new, no one ever seemed to know what to do about that. At least when he was making exaggerated egotistical claims about himself, everyone could laugh it off or react however they saw fit. But whenever Lance started to put himself down, everyone around him just clammed up and found a way to change the topic, so terrified of saying the wrong thing that they’d automatically assume that saying nothing at all would be better. It wasn’t, they were so far from right, Lance knew what he needed at times like this, it was just so hard to put it into words and express-

Lance froze, slowly lifting his head from where his face had ended up buried into his palms in hiding. He even blinked a few times, just to be sure that he wasn’t imagining the sight he was seeing. Keith’s hand settled on his knee, so light and uncertain that it was practically hovering just above it and ready to dart away at any moment.

Lance’s breath caught in his throat all at once, such an audible choked-up sound leaving his lips that Keith startled next to him enough to actually look up. Their eyes met again, Keith’s filled with an overwhelming amount of anxiety and Lance’s still framed by eyelashes wet with tears clinging to them. It came as a shock to no one when Keith’s hand started to edge away in a show of self-consciousness. It came as a shock to everyone when Lance’s darted out after it and clamped around Keith’s clammy palm with a determined grip.

The words started to tumble past Lance’s lips freely then, watery and broken as he struggled to keep from breaking down into tears again. Despite being intermittently interrupted by sniffles and hiccups, he managed to get his point across more or less. “And it’s been years now, it shouldn’t be like this anymore! I feel so bad about it, all the time . Everyone else has grown, adapted to the circumstances, gotten over the initial fears and weaknesses they had when they joined the team. I’m just here, still living it up at my ongoing pity party, never moving on and never feeling any better.”

“ Lance .” Keith groaned, sounding a strange mix between frustrated and pained. He tore his hand away from Lance’s then and for a terrifying moment Lance was left fearing that he’d finally pushed his friend too far, been so needy that walking away was the only logical response. But then there are arms being thrown around him, engulfing him in a hug so bone-crushing and borderline rough that Lance was forced to remember exactly what a reckless brute he’d allowed into his life, into the most insecure and vulnerable parts of his mind.

Yet he didn’t find that he regretted it whatsoever, which was another curious development in the mess of a relationship that they had going on between them. For all that they’d put each other through, Lance didn’t doubt for a second now that it’d all been worth it.

So he hugged back, with about half the force and ten times the tears, but Keith didn’t seem to mind all that much. They probably looked utterly ridiculous, hanging onto each other for dear life in the middle of a dimly-lit hallway in the middle of the night. Lance felt much better though, like a weight had been lifted from his chest that’d been restricting his breathing for years now. Which was beyond ironic, considering Keith was quite literally restricting his breathing with his vice-like embrace.

“I feel like such an asshole now, too! Before it was understandable, I was just ripped away from my big family so of course I’m going to miss them, but we’ve been soaring through space for years now. This is my home now, I get that, I do. Yet I’m constantly comparing you guys to my family and you always come up short.” Lance wailed, utterly uncaring about appearances in that moment. He shook in Keith’s arms, clutching fistfuls of the other boy’s sleep-shirt with heavy hands. “I’m so selfish.”

Automatically, Keith started to shake his head in disagreement. He stuttered over himself a bit in his rush to get the words out in time to challenge Lance, ending up easing out of the hug they were still sharing so they could make proper eye contact. Lance wanted to protest this, convinced that the hug would make him feel much better, but seeing the earnest way Keith was staring at him felt like something substantial. He steeled his nerves, forcing himself to hold the eye contact even with how tempting it was to shrink away from it.

“We’re not trying to replace your family, Lance.” Keith spoke finally, managing to get the words out. He still didn’t look impressed though, eyebrows furrowing together in obvious annoyance with himself for not expressing himself better. He settled his hands on Lance’s shoulders then, shaking them slightly to make sure his attention hadn’t drifted. “Your home is on Earth, with them, someday we’ll get you back there.”

“Don’t.” Lance snapped, his voice shaking with the force of the command. The wave of awfulness that washed over Lance the moment Keith had finished speaking was instant and freezing cold, a reality check that left him feeling icy. Keith couldn’t have possibly known what a sore subject this was, of course it seemed like the right thing to say in that moment. It was unreasonable and unfair for Lance to expect him to know better, but that hadn’t stopped him from hoping.

Even knowing what mixed signals he’d always sent, it felt like a smack to the face to have Keith lie to him like that. Lance was almost always talking about what he was planning on doing when he got back to Earth, but that was different. That was for his own comfort, everything he said came from a place of fooling himself into being okay. He didn’t… he didn’t genuinely believe all of that bullshit. He wasn’t a kid anymore.

“What?” Keith asked, clearly taken aback by the reaction and the distance Lance had suddenly put between the two of them.

“Don’t humor me because I’m a mess right now.” Lance responded, shaking his head bitterly. He folded his arms over his chest, hugging himself as he started to get to his feet. “We’re soldiers now, we don’t get the luxury of knowing we’ll make it home. I’d rather just accept it like it is than try to sugarcoat it like that. I know that’s what you do, that you don’t really think you’ll ever make it back.”

He’d just about finished standing when Keith’s hand caught his again, the unexpected tug on his arm sending Lance’s long limbs reeling as he fell back to the floor. Luckily, he landed more or less on top of Keith, so his fall was more or less broken. Immediately, he huffed and tried to leave again, but Keith held him in place against his chest. He waited until Lance had finally stopped squirming and started to glare petulantly instead to try speaking and explaining his actions.

“I don’t want to go back.” Keith spoke evenly, far more composed than he’d been moments before. He took a deep breath, shaking his head to get his hair out of his eyes. He stared down at Lance, looking nothing but earnest and open as he continued. “You do , that’s exactly why you’re gonna make it there.”

It was the most serious and honest Keith had ever been, the effort he was putting into making sure Lance understood that was tangible. Staring up at him and how weirdly determined he was to convince Lance of this, resulted in a flurry of mixed emotions in the pit of Lance’s tummy. He sniffled once, twice, and then promptly broke down into obnoxious sobbing all over again. And Keith, the good sport that he was, just sat there and held him through it.

“I just wanna go home.” Lance whimpered quietly, mopping at his face with his sleeves. Keith sighed, sliding his arm further under Lance to support his weight better, cradling his head in the crook of his elbow. “I want it so badly.”

“You will, I promise.” Keith insisted, gingerly lifting his free hand to card it through Lance’s hair. His touch was tentative at first, clearly testing the waters, so Lance went out of his way to encourage him by leaning into the touch. “Once all of this is over, or at least under control enough that we have time for a break, I’ll go back with you.”

“You just said you didn’t want to go back.” Lance challenged, partially to be difficult, but mostly because he was genuinely curious why Keith would contradict himself like that. Of course he immediately regretted it when the question seemed to shock Keith into his own thoughts, to the point that he totally forgot he was meant to be soothingly stroking Lance’s hair. Sure, he was curious, but not to the extent that he was willing to give up that closeness. Huffing, Lance reached up to tug at the end of Keith’s mullet, startling him back into reality and nearly ending up dropped onto the floor because of it.

“You guys are my home, the best one I’ve ever had anyway.” Glowering down at Lance, Keith finally forced out a response. He spoke quietly, far from confident in the words he’d had so little time to think over. Keith continued under his breath, clearing his throat. “I, um, want to be there for you.”

Lance stared up at him in awed silence, wondering how he’d managed to play his cards right to the point of being the person that Keith admitted this type of stuff to. He was fairly certain Keith wasn’t even this open about his emotions with Shiro, and they’d known each other for a hell of a lot longer. It was oddly soothing to feel so valued, even more-so than the hair stroking.

“You’ve grown so much in the past few years.” Lance whispered, not even really registering the fact that he was voicing his thoughts until he watched recognition flit across Keith’s face. He seemed oddly flustered, a short snort of a laugh leaving his lips as he determinedly looked away from where he was more or less cradling Lance in his arms.

“You think?” Keith managed, once again prying his hand away from Lance’s hair, this time to nervously scratch at the back of his neck. Lance rolled his eyes, reaching up to jab a finger against the tip of Keith’s nose.

“Sometimes, but then I catch you sneaking into the kitchens and drinking food goo straight from the tube like an animal and I have to re-think.”

“Fuck off.” Keith laughed, shaking his head fondly and shoving Lance off of his lap. With a rather pitiful battle-cry, Lance rolled onto the floor and threw an arm over his eyes, feigning death. This lasted for a grand total of maybe ten seconds before Keith nudged him with his foot, persistently, until Lance had no choice but to crack open one of his dead-eyes to peer up at his friend. He was instantly encouraged enough to drop the act altogether when he saw that Keith had opened his arms to him again. “Get up here, you idiot.”

Lance is on his hands and knees in record time, ambling back onto Keith’s lap and promptly shoving his face into the other boy’s collarbone. If they’re going to proper cuddle, which Keith was definitely implying that they should, then Lance is going all-out with it.

“You don’t normally ask.” Lance commented, then immediately repeated the comment when he realized how muffled his voice was by Keith’s neck. Almost hesitantly, Keith reached up and shoved Lance away just enough that he wouldn’t be able to feel it against his skin each time that Lance spoke.

“For you to be closer to me?”

“No, for physical affection .” Lance replied, leaning back enough to make eye contact specifically to wiggle his eyebrows suggestively for dramatic effect. The glare he received in answer was menacing.

“I’m giving it to you, not asking for it.” Keith responded shortly, sounding so uptight and serious about it that Lance couldn’t even pretend not to see an innuendo behind his words. He choked in his effort to stifle his snickers, dropping his head to giggle against Keith’s shoulder instead.

“Alright, Tiger, whatever helps you sleep at night.” He managed weakly, reaching up to awkwardly pat Keith on the chest. A deep silence followed with Keith, a sulky pout on his lips and his eyebrows furrowed so deeply together they resembled one bushy unibrow, clearly puzzled by how Lance had managed to spin a suggestive joke out of that. Oh god, could he even tell that it was a suggestive joke? The poor guy, he really was so clueless.

Lance snickered, reaching up to swat at Keith’s face and garner his attention again. “Keep talking, I don’t want to think right now.”

“Fuck, marry, kill: Mothman, Bigfoot, and Chupacabra.” Whether it was the ludicrousness of the words that left Keith’s mouth, or the sheer speed that they erupted past his lips like he’d been waiting weeks on the chance to ask the question, it was the exact formula to send Lance into a fit of hysterics. He was practically cackling, proper hyena-like, clinging onto Keith’s frame as he shook with the force of his laughter.

“What?!” He cried finally, swiping happy tears out of his eyes. What a complete turnaround from the bottomless pit he’d found himself in earlier that night.

“You asked me to say something! It’s not like I had a chance to rehearse!” Keith argued, annoyance seeping into his tone. Where before Lance might have taken this as an opportunity to seize to start a fight or tease Keith on something he was obviously flustered over, now he simply rested his head in the crook of Keith’s neck and shook his head.

“Oh my God, you are such a nerd!” Lance giggled, grabbing Keith’s hand and absentmindedly toying with his fingers as he thought about how to reply. Keith looked so brooding and disappointed in himself by now that it was clear he wasn’t actually expecting Lance to answer, which made it all the more rich when he finally blurted out; “Fuck Mothman. That’s my final answer. Hot , filthy , moth sex .”

The face Keith pulled was practically priceless, the mixture of utter disgust and blatant confusion. It was like every single time Lance had made an obnoxiously sexual comment in the past, but so much better because this time he could honestly say that Keith had asked for it .

“Do I get to hear your reasoning, or?” Keith finally managed, making it clear by the uneasy tone of voice alone that he didn’t actually want to hear it. But oh no, Lance was on a roll now, this was the second time Keith had asked him to be blatantly sexual tonight and he was living for it.

“He’s probably pretty soft. It’d be less like sex, more like humping a really fluffy downy-feather bed.  I don’t know what moths have for dicks, hopefully that part falls under the ‘man’ half of his name, but I’m nothing if not versatile.” Lance explained, purposely dragging out the words and really emphasizing what he was saying. There may have been hand gestures involved, but considering the near-green state of Keith’s complexion, he decided they weren’t necessary. “ Plus … I know he’s your favorite and I can use our intimate love affair as bragging privileges against you.”

“I don’t want to fu-”

“Marry Bigfoot. I feel like he’d be a really caring lover, you know? Not too crazy or anything, it wouldn’t have the searing passion that Mothman and I would, but I bet you Bigfoot could build a nice ass home for me.” Lance paused, peeking up at Keith through his eyelashes and smirking at the disgruntled expression still displayed across his features. “Imagine taking ol’ Biggie home to meet the family, he’d just walk through the door and like step on your grandpa or some shit. My mom would like him though, she’s always had a thing for tall guys.”

“Why are you putting so much thought into this?!” Keith exclaimed finally, clearly distressed the more he thought about the things Lance was implying.

“So you can be even more embarrassed that you asked me in the first place!” Lance responded, grinning evilly as he finally launched into his final explanation. “And then kill the Chupacabra, you know I can’t be with anyone or anything that’s rumored to eat people’s pets.”

“Oh, so that’s where you draw the line.” Keith grumbled, though there was something about his voice that gave way to the fact he might have laughed if he wasn’t trying so hard to seem disapproving. Lance grinned, deciding to take that as a success.

“Gotta set the bar low to maximize my options.” He replied easily, risking another glance up at Keith only to find a pair of dark eyes staring right back at him. Lance looked away so quickly that he was left wondering if he’d imagined the fond grin or the softness in Keith’s eyes.

“You’re ridiculous.” Keith concluded, though this statement was rather contradictory considering the way he immediately moved to thread his fingers between Lance’s. And just like that, those insistent butterflies in the pit of Lance’s stomach had returned with a vengeance. He gulped, determinedly staring toward the tiled flooring.

“Do you like me?” Dumb question, Lance. Really, really dumb question.

“Excuse me?” Keith asked, clearly startled.

“Nevermind, forget I said anything.” Lance laughed nervously, squirming in Keith’s arms.

“Lance.” Keith chastised, squeezing their linked hands tighter together. He shrugged his shoulders, clearly struggling to decide on his response. “Of course I like you, I’m sitting here, aren’t I?”

“Do you think that it was maybe fate that we ended up here together? Part of Voltron?” Lance knew even before he said it that he would regret it, but it was one of those things he’d thought about so many times now that he just couldn’t stand to let the opportunity pass him by again. It kept him up at night sometimes, his desperate search for validation and purpose, for reason to justify everything he’s been put through and will surely go through.

“W-Why?” Keith stuttered out, for some reason struggling to answer this question more than the last.

“Well, for starters, we never would have been close like this on Earth. I hated you because I didn’t understand you, you didn’t even know I existed, it wasn’t exactly the formula for a good relationship.”

“I think we would have met again later on in life, when we were a little bit older and more mature about things.” Keith answered earnestly, clearly putting some thought into his answers. By now it was probably obvious that Lance was hanging onto every word, that this meant a lot to him even if it started as an offhanded question about fate in the middle of the night.

“Like we are now?”

“Yeah.” Keith replied, sitting up a little straighter and shuffling Lance along with him. “We weren’t exactly best friends the moment we became a part of Voltron, you know.”

“I guess you’re right.” Lance chuckled, his voice suddenly sounding hollow again. He sighed softly, looking down to where their hands rested on his stomach and chewing on the inside of his cheek. He was feeling pretty nervous right about now. He’d never really talked about his feelings on this much, not even with Hunk. “I just like to think that maybe this is where I’m meant to be. It helps take the edge off, makes it seem less like a series of crazy fluke bad decisions and more like a purpose. If this is my fate and I would have ended up here no matter what, then there’s no use crying over it and regretting everything I ever did to get here. Right?”

There was another long pause in the conversation then and this time Keith didn’t come to the rescue with some anecdote dumb enough to lighten the mood of the whole room. No, this time there was just… more silence. It was worse than before though, this time the tension between them was practically tangible and Lance was so very aware of the fact that he’d said too much that it hurts in the back of his throat. How could he be so stupid?! They were having such a good time and then he had to go and ruin it by being a big crybaby, just like always.

“You regret everything?” Keith sounded… hurt. Not in the uppity defensive way he always got when Lance purposely made jibes at him or teased him about insecurities, more like the physically pained weak-willed way he speaks when he’s been injured and has to struggle to get the words out. It didn’t sit right with Lance, not in the slightest. That voice was bad enough to hear on the battlefield, it’d been the cause of many a nightmare for him, but knowing that he was capable of putting that same level of hurt into Keith’s heart was absolutely terrifying.

“Oops. Did I say that out loud?” Lance somehow managed to say around the lump in his throat, forcing a chuckle or two out as he pried his hand free from Keith’s. He started to stumble away, his eyes stinging insistently the more he fought off the tears threatening to spill. “I should hit the hay, we gotta be up early tomorrow… like we do every day, haha, so I’ll just-”

“I’m selfish, too.” Keith spoke so very quietly that Lance had to stop shuffling away from him to really register the words. He paused, sitting awkwardly in the middle of the hallway a few feet away from his friend, heart pounding in his chest. “You would think, if I actually genuinely cared about you, I would see how unhappy you were and want the same things you want. I would wish that this was your fate and it was all meant to happen this way so that you could feel better. Or I would wish that you could go back in time and do it differently so your decisions didn’t lead you to where you are now... but in reality I don’t.”

“No?” Lance questioned, his voice going embarrassingly high. This was it, the perfect chance for Keith to tear into him in a way he wouldn’t be able to recover from, the final blow could be dealt right now and Keith would walk away from this forever being the winner of their rivalry. Lance was weak. Keith had basically just implied that he didn’t care about him, all he had to do was confirm that and Lance would never be able to look him in the eye again.

“It’s weird hearing you say you regret everything that got you here, I feel like anything I did to end up on this ship and a part of this team had to have been the best decisions I’ve ever made. I’ve never really had anything that I was proud of before, I’ve never been something that I was proud of until now.” Keith explained shyly, sounding so uncharacteristically vulnerable that Lance caught himself turning around before making the active decision to. Keith looked so small, curled up against the wall and hugging his knees to his chest. “I don’t want to think of it as fate because I’m so proud of where I am and how far I’ve come, it seems so belittling to consider that maybe I didn’t play a part in it at all.”

The moment it clicked, Lance instantly cursed himself for being such an idiot. Here he was, going on about how he hated everything they had whilst Keith was over here clinging to it as his greatest accomplishment. Hell, it was a wonder that Keith didn’t secretly hate him when he had such a tendency to get so self-absorbed in his own problems that he forgot that other people could even have them.

It was just hard to believe, that Keith was anything less than confident when he was always the most brash. It took Lance years to figure out that the reason Keith always ran into battle like a chicken with its head cut off was because he wasn’t confident, not the other way around. Keith had no idea what he was doing, he just knew that he wanted to do it, that he finally had a purpose and he was going to give it his all no matter the cost. His recklessness had seemed cool at first, maybe even a little hot, now it just stressed Lance out.

Lance sighed, sinking back down to his knees and crawling back over to sit beside Keith. He clapped a hand on the other boy’s thigh, before acting on a whim and leaving his hand settled there. If Keith had a problem with it, he didn’t show it.

“Okay, I got one.” Lance stated, easily slipping into his usual cheery persona now that there was someone else that needed it. He was fairly certain that he could be bleeding out on the verge of death and still be trying to comfort his friends through it to make sure they felt better. Selflessness had never won him any fights or saved his own ass, but he was fairly certain Keith would be dead by now if it wasn’t for Lance’s willingness to stick his neck out for that idiot every once in awhile, so there was that. “Fuck, marry, kill: me, Shiro, and Pidge.”

“Aw, Lance, come on.” Keith grumbled, his annoyance seemingly outweighing any residual nervousness that was still lingering around. “You can’t make me answer that.”

“You asked me to hypothetically fuck a cryptid, don’t you dare draw the line here.” Lance argued, leaning closer and settling his head to rest on Keith’s shoulder.

“Fine.” Keith huffed, his cheeks looking suspiciously pinker. Seconds ticked by without any follow-up, eventually trailing into minutes instead. Lance grew impatient rather early on, fidgeting and poking at Keith in hopes of speeding up the process. Finally, after Lance had pinched Keith’s inner thigh and purposely allowed his hand to drift just that little bit closer to Keith’s lap that it earned him a death-grip clamped down on his wrist, Keith venomously spat out his reply. “Fuck you , marry you , kill you .”

Except, well… no matter how absolutely hateful the tone, there was no considering what Keith had just said an insult.

“What?” Lance croaked out, already aware of how red his own face was surely growing. He lifted his head, staring over at Keith in total bewilderment. What the fuck .

“What?” Keith parroted, clearly at a loss for how he was meant to be following that up. He’d gotten pretty good at weighing other people’s reactions and piecing together how he was meant to act in social situations, but this was uncharted territory. Who the hell could say that they’d been in a situation like this one?! There was no protocol for this, it was total chaos for the both of them.

“I asked you first!” Lance insisted, shoving Keith when this didn’t immediately earn him the explanation he was after. Keith started to nervously laugh, gesturing wildly and uselessly with his hands.

“Come on, I wouldn’t kill you normally ! It’s just, sometimes you get really annoying and if we were married I would have to deal with that 24/7 and I’m just not sure I could-”

“Keith! That’s not the part I’m...” Lance trailed off, his cheeks aflame as another realization struck him mid-sentence. He blinked owlishly, suddenly starting to nervously laugh right along with Keith. For all of his flirting and attempts at hook-ups, he was a fucking wreck when there was even a chance of someone reciprocating his advances. “Are you saying… you would fuck me normally?”

“N-No. This is hypothetical, Lance!” Keith snapped, perhaps a little bit too defensively for the calm and collected dismissal he’d clearly been going for. He huffed, including more indecipherable hand gestures for good measure. “Would you fuck Mothman normally ?”

“No, but-” Lance pulled a face, looking Keith dead in the eye. “Keith, you answered me for every single one!”

“Well, duh!” Keith responded, like that was the most obvious response known to man. It wasn’t. Keith realized it wasn’t rather promptly when Lance’s expression shifted into something akin to flattered awe, and then he was left rushing to explain himself. “Shiro is like a brother to me, Pidge is like five, you were the only-”

“It’s hypothetical, you don’t have to actually-”

“And hypothetically, I would choose you!” Keith cut Lance off, even going so far as to slap a hand over his mouth. This quickly proved to be a giant mistake though, considering Lance immediately responded by wiggling his eyebrows and swiping his tongue across Keith’s palm. The shriek that echoed through the halls after that, followed by the resolute thud of Keith whacking Lance over the back of the head, would have been enough to wake the dead.

“I mean, obviously I was the best choice out of the three, but picking me for every single one is a little bit excessive, don’t you th-” Lance continued smugly, rubbing at the back of his head and tending to the newfound bruise surely forming. He cut himself off rather abruptly though, the moment he looked back over at Keith and saw how genuinely troubled he looked. That was no fun, Lance only liked to tease when it earned him outrageous funny reactions and everyone involved knew it was just banter.

He bit his lip, thinking on how to lighten the mood again. “Hey, Keith?”

“What?” Keith mumbled in reply, managing to somehow sound only half as sulky and petulant as he looked in that moment. Lance grinned, leaning closer and throwing an arm around the other boy’s shoulders. Instantly, before Keith can bat him away, he’s shoving his tech device akin to a phone that Pidge had made for each of them directly into Keith’s face.

“Tell the camera what you just told me.” Lance insisted, elbowing Keith playfully in the side. He watched with rapt fascination as Keith slowly caught up to speed with all of the events that had just happened, realization dawning across his features. Keith’s lips twitched upward a few times before it became apparent that he was fighting his natural reaction, that his eyes were practically sparkling with mirth. His expression finally settled on a strange level of fond, begrudging acceptance. And there went Lance’s cool all over again, dropping somewhere down by his feet right along with his heart.

“I would fuck Lance.” Keith announced loudly, loud enough that Lance had to risk a glance over his shoulder to make sure they hadn’t woken anyone yet. He turned back quickly, but apparently not quick enough, as he completely missed the moment Keith decided to make the decision to lean even closer to the camera. The way he was staring into the lens was borderline sultry and for a brief moment Lance struggled to convince himself that he shouldn’t be as attracted to that as he felt, but then in a flash Keith was obnoxiously yelling again. “Hypothetically! And if the only other options were Pidge and Shiro!”

“I can’t wait to edit that to be the most incriminating piece of evidence of all time and show it to the rest of the team.” Lance giggled, immediately ending the recording and tucking the phone away into his pocket before Keith could snag it from him.

“You wouldn’t dare.” Keith responded, as if this thought hadn’t even occurred to him until now. Lance only laughed harder then, tipping his head back to grin up at the ceiling overhead.

“Oh, but wouldn’t I?” Lance teased, enjoying the horror on Keith’s face. Of course he wouldn’t actually do that, not unless Keith really pissed him off (which he had a tendency to do). At the current point in time, all that Lance was thinking about doing with that stupid video was watching it back whenever he felt insecure about himself or the stupid, childish crush he’d been harboring toward the idiot next to him for as long as he could remember. Slightly pathetic, but what Keith didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him, surely. “So, do I get to hear your reasoning?”

“Hm?” Keith hummed, jerking upright and trying to play it off. Lance smiled, realizing that Keith was practically falling asleep next to him. It wasn’t even that late and he wasn’t even proper-drunk, but it still meant something awfully special to Lance that Keith was willing to sit there with him and force himself to stay awake just to keep him company.

“For picking me for every one.” Lance clarified softly, shrugging off his sweater and wordlessly wrapping it around Keith’s shoulders. It totally wasn’t just to see what Keith would look like in his clothes, it was out of the kindness of his little old heart because Keith insisted on wearing such a tiny impractical jacket himself. Totally.

Keith didn’t seem to like Lance’s suggestion all that much, going ten different shades of red and then ghostly pale over the span of a minute simply from being put on the spot about his choices. “I told you why I would fuck Mothman!”

“I told you, it was process of elimination.” Keith reiterated, shrugging his shoulders. He seemed cool enough about it, though Lance just had to lean against his side the slightest bit to be able to tell how tense every single muscle in Keith’s body was, subconsciously drawn taut and preparing to make a run for it if need be. Lance had never really been good at knowing when to back down though, so instead of taking the easy out and changing the topic, he leaned his weight against Keith further to ensure he wouldn’t be able to dodge the question by running off.

“You could have married Pidge and had a nonsexual, loving relationship. You could have just married them for the legal benefits.” Lance continued, holding up his hand and folding a finger down for each reason he came up with. He glanced sideways over at Keith, only to find his expression to be rather unreadable, and then decided to simply continue until forced to stop. “You could have killed Shiro, put the poor guy out of his misery and-”

“I like you.” Keith interrupted, speaking in such a casual tone that Lance literally had to do a double-take to make sure he’d heard him correctly. Of all the things he’d struggled to say tonight, out of all the dumb things he got hung up on and wasn’t sure how to react to, a confession like that was what Keith was perfectly fine with saying?!

Lance gaped at him in disbelief, watching as confusion spread across Keith’s features as well, as if he couldn’t possibly figure out why what he’d said might have shocked Lance just the slightest bit. In a burst of frustration, Lance groaned loudly and sunk so far down the wall that he was sprawled out across the floor, his chin tucked in against his chest.

It was definitely a misunderstanding, there was no way Keith would be that suave about confessing to romantic feelings. Lance was doing that annoying, irrational thing where his hopeful little heart jumped to the best possible conclusion, practically setting himself up for disappointment in the long run. There was no way… no. Wishful thinking, that had to be all it was.

“You… like… me?” Lance repeated cautiously, gritting his teeth and preparing himself for the brutal rejection of it all. Any second now, it’d all click in Keith’s mind and he’d rush to defend himself as if it were a physical fight. Being accused of harboring feelings for your best friend when you didn’t wasn’t something people reacted casually to, it was awkward and tense for a multitude of reasons.

So Lance waited. Then he waited some more. Until his neck felt cramped and uncomfortable, leaving him with no choice but to sit up and finally glare over at Keith for not replying already.

The outrage he’d expected to see wasn’t there, nor the uneasy ready-to-bolt-any-second expression, instead he was met with that adorably puzzled pout that Keith unknowingly pulled whenever he failed to understand something that he knew should be simple to him. Realizing that Lance’s eyes were on him again, curiously scrutinizing him for any reaction whatsoever that might give away that he understood more than he was letting on, Keith rushed into speaking far before he was ready.

“Yes, we established that when you asked me that same exact question just n-”

“That was different!” Lance hissed, managing to sound only mildly outraged. He’d been sitting there practically shivering with nerves, his heart pounding in his chest and his palms sweaty, and Keith still thought this was a platonic matter? That idiot . “I was asking in a ‘ reassure me that I mean something to you ’ way, not in an ‘ I would fuck and marry you if given the chance ’ way!”

Of course Lance realized exactly what he’d just done the moment the words were out in the open, utter mortification settling in instantly once Lance pieces together the topic he’d just introduced. There was no way in hell, even as dense and thick-skulled that he was, that Keith would be able to misinterpret that one. For better or for worse (definitely worse), Lance would be getting an answer this time around.

Lance stared down at his lap, practically gnawing on his bottom lip as his anxious state only grew stronger with each second that passed. His eyes were glued to his hands, nervously picking at his nails and resisting the urge to blurt out an excuse and run. He had long legs, he could definitely outrun Keith if it came down to it, then he could just hide in one of the many unused storage rooms inside the castle and no one would ever be able to find-

“So, um, now you are asking in an ‘ I would fuck and marry you if given the chance ’ way?” Keith’s voice sounded much smaller than before, which lined up with how Lance had expected it to just right. There was no way he would ever accept the social hermit being better than him at talking about feelings, that’d be the lowest blow to his ego imaginable.

“Yes!” Lance answered impatiently, turning to stare at Keith and not allow himself to back down. He was tired of the nausea in his stomach and the dramatic build-up that had been going on for years now. Every time he so much as looked at Keith, his mind was a constant back and forth argument with himself over whether he’d ever have a chance, leaving him tired and insecure at the end of it each time. This was his chance to have an answer, even if it wasn’t the one he was hoping for. It’d be his chance to move on, to finally start to make progress in recovering from this stupid infatuation once and for all. “Do you like me? Like that?”

There was another pause, the question hanging heavy and unanswered in the air between them. Keith’s eyes were wide, his fight or flight reactions clicking into place in a way so visible that even Lance was aware of what was happening.

“I don’t know!” Keith shouted finally, jumping to his feet. Lance half expected him to make a run for it and steal his own plan of hiding in an unused room for the next week or two, but instead Keith began to pace. He walked back and forth in front of Lance, tugging at his own hair and muttering incoherently under his breath. It was a proper conspiracy-theorist breakdown, nothing less than Lance would expect from Keith, it was oddly calming in the heat of the moment to know that he wasn’t the only one totally losing it.

Finally, Keith stopped walking and turned to look at him. He shrugged his shoulders, allowing his hands to fall back down at his sides. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t... know ?” Lance mumbled aloud, trying to process what that meant. It wasn’t good, really, it shouldn’t have made his heart feel a million times lighter in his chest like it did. Okay, so, it wasn’t exactly the ‘no’ he’d been expecting. It was still pretty damn far from a ‘yes’ though, so he couldn’t afford to feel the relief that was spreading through him rapidly, without his consent.

“That’s kind of the problem. I mean, sure, I like you now. You’re a good friend, you’re funny, you smell nice, I love spending time with you,” Keith paused mid-rant, bringing a hand up to his face far too late to cover the blush that was spreading across his skin. He sighed, looking down so his hair fell in his face, hiding his eyes from Lance’s view. His voice was much smaller when he spoke next, but still equally as vulnerable and exposed. “I want to spend more time with you.”

“Yeah?” Lance squeaked, deciding to be embarrassed about that at a later date. Right now, all of his capability to feel was reserved for the overwhelming and overpowering giddiness that was coursing through him. Keith had never said so many nice things about him all at once, and never in such an obvious way. His compliments were always masked by playful insults or quick changes in topic to divert Lance’s attention away from what he’d admitted to. This was so much better.

Lance’s plan to get over Keith: on-hold until a later date, for the fiftieth time.

“But what if we started dating and that changed? What if I only like you as a friend and I would hate you as a... boyfriend ?” Keith continued, looking up and finally locking eyes with Lance again. As if it wasn’t enough that he’d just referred to being Lance’s boyfriend aloud like that was a totally normal thing for friends to do, looking at him with eyes as soft as that was practically a surefire way to kick Lance’s ass into next week.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, Lance was so very fucked.

“Does it seem like you would hate me as a boyfriend?”

“Sometimes.” Keith answered, looking genuinely thoughtful.

“What about the other times?” Lance whisper-asked, allowing himself to hope . He was already fucked one way or another, he was in over his head and if he was going to drown anyway, he might as well swim as close to the bottom as he can get so he can see something before he’s gone.

“It’s like half the time I’m so proud of what we have already, I feel so protective of it. I hate myself for ever even thinking about trying to push it or change anything, it makes me sick to think about it.  I don’t have many friends, I never have, I would never want to risk fucking it up after somehow managing to wing it through the process and gaining one.” Keith explained openly, pausing for a second before walking over to slump back to the floor beside Lance. He brought his knees up against his chest, resting his chin atop them and pursing his lips in thought. “But then there are these moments that just sneak up on me out of nowhere, I look at you and I just want more .”

“Like?”

“I don’t know, Lance, take a guess.” Keith huffed, dropping his head to bury his face in his knees, out of sight. His voice was muffled as he continued, but not so much so that Lance couldn’t piece together what he was saying. “We already cuddle in dark hallways at 3am, what else do you add to a relationship from there?”

“So, you do want to fuck me? Un-hypothetically ?” It was meant to be a playful jibe, something to lighten the mood between them ever so slightly. That wasn’t how it came out though, instead coming across as a painstakingly invested question. Luckily, Keith was clueless and didn’t realize as much, the tips of his ears darkening in a flush as he looked up to glower at Lance over the mere mention of sex.

“I swear to-”

“Maybe you’re just not ready for a relationship yet.” Lance interjected, holding his hands up in surrender to ensure their conversation didn’t dissolve into useless fighting. They were already this far into it, they might as well reach a conclusion.

Keith’s will to fight deflated pretty quickly, his shoulders slumping again and a pitiful sigh leaving his lips.

“Maybe. I feel ready sometimes, other times I get the feeling I’ll never be ready.”

“Don’t say that.” Lance insisted, only partially for Keith’s benefit. Sure, he didn’t want his buddy to put himself down like that and think that he’d never have a chance to be happy with another person, but Lance would by lying if he said half of it wasn’t stemming from the fact he didn’t want to admit that he might not have a chance to be happy with Keith.

“I guess you’re the first person I’ve even kinda thought about, you know, like that.” Keith added, being unusually open about all of this. Lance wasn’t sure whether to blame the late hour or whatever pathetic amount of alcohol Keith had consumed, but he didn’t actually care. This was the most information he’d gotten out of Keith on the topic of his feelings since, well, ever . “Maybe I’m just inexperienced and over-thinking it.”

They fell into another moment of silence after that, the both of them uncertain how to continue the conversation from there. Seconds ticked by with Lance nervously debating every possible course of action, running them all over in his mind a hundred times just to be sure he’d thought it through as thoroughly as possible. He had a chance. All he had to do was play his cards right, take things slow, ease Keith into the idea some more, and- Lance jumped when Keith stretched next to him, panicked by the thought that Keith was about to leave, to the point that words flew out of his mouth without approval from his brain.

“We could try it!” Lance blurted, immediately chomping down on his own tongue. No, Lance, no. That was the polar opposite of taking things slow.

“Try what?” Keith responded tiredly, blinking and subconsciously leaning closer to Lance’s side in search of support. This was his chance to play it off, Keith was clearly too out of it to realize what he’d been insinuating. He could lie, divert the conversation topic like Keith had taught him to, pretend none of this ever happened until he was ready to address it again.

He was so very close though. All he had to do was ask to know whether Keith was open to trying it out, to seeing it through and finding out if this thing they had going for them was worth pursuing. No waiting periods, no overthinking his every advance for weeks on end, no regrets for not acting faster and missing his chance… just all of the cards laid out across the table now.

“Dating.” Lance tried his best to speak evenly, though he failed miserably. He winced, furrowing his eyebrows together and closing his eyes, preparing himself for the worst. He balled his hands into fists on his lap, startled into opening his eyes when he felt the weight of Keith leaning against his side. Lance steeled himself, still refusing to look up as he continued in that same pitchy voice. “No commitments at first, just see how you like it. If we’re a week into it and you want to abandon ship, then we’ll call it quits.”

“What if it makes things awkward between us?” Not a no. That’s not a no. You’ve still got a chance, Lance.

“We used to be in a one-sided rivalry filled with sexual tension and we managed to make it out of that with our friendship intact.” Lance argued easily, finally looking over at Keith again. He was staring off into space, oblivious to the attention. Suddenly, his dark eyebrows wrenched together, eyes widening as he registered what Lance had said.

“Which one of us was sexually tense?” Keith asked, whipping his head around to stare right back at Lance. That didn’t make the next part any easier on him, but Lance was nothing if not determined by this point. He took a deep breath, awkwardly laughing it off and waving his hand dismissively through the air.

“Me, obviously. ” He admitted shortly, trying not to think about the fact he was sat there admitting that sort of thing to the person he felt that sort of thing about. He continued to laugh uneasily, kicking at the floor distractedly. “I don’t know, maybe you were too, but I definitely was.”

“You’re kidding, right?” Keith blurted, gaping at Lance so openly that he was practically slack-jawed. The uneasy laughter faltered, replaced by a deep inhale used to stall for time while Lance caught up to what Keith was admitting to right now.

“Shit.” Lance concluded, blushing like a pre-teen talking to a pretty girl way out of their league. He dropped his face into his hands again, shaking his head back and forth. “I owe Pidge ten days of doing their cleaning duties.”

“Huh?”

“I was rooting for you, Mullet-head! We were all rooting for you!” He exclaimed playfully, reaching over to shove Keith. He tried not to dwell on the fact that this was his first time initiating contact since coming out and admitting that he was romantically attracted to Keith (sexually too, as his mind so unhelpfully supplied in reminder). “I was so certain that you’d picked up on my crush back then and chose to just politely brush it off because it wasn’t mutual, but you really had no idea I-”

“No. No fucking way. You hated me.” Keith interrupted incredulously, angling his entire body to kneel next to Lance and face him now. This new information was clearly blowing his mind, which only proved to Lance that he’d truly had no idea all of this was going on. “You made fun of me constantly, you pestered me, you literally cut my hair in my sleep once and-”

Lance started to laugh at this point, a proper bubbly giggle as the last of his insecurities finally started to fade away. He doubled over, clutching Keith’s shoulder for support. By the time he managed to get himself back under control, even Keith had the traces of a smile on his lips. Lance shook his head, clamping his hands on either side of Keith’s face and squishing his face up.

“And I thought it was the cutest fucking thing ever when you got mad at me afterward.” Lance stated matter-of-factly, eyes shining with mirth. Keith simply stared back at him, his face so blank that it was borderline concerning even for the team’s favorite broody buddy.

Finally, Lance couldn’t take it anymore, allowing his grip to go slack so his hands were lightly resting on Keith’s face instead. He took a deep breath, hesitantly tracing his fingertips along Keith’s jaw. “Is this one of those moments where you think you’d hate being my boyfriend?”

“I can’t believe you.” Keith concluded finally, which might have been ominous if it weren’t for the fact his lips curled up into a proper smile as he spoke. He laughed in disbelief, swatting Lance’s hand away from his face. “Who taught you how to show affection?!”

“I could ask you the same question!” Lance argued indignantly, puffing his chest out defensively. If anything, he was quite proud of the progress he’d managed to make with Keith, whether it ended in a romantic relationship or not. “It was different with you. It always came so effortlessly to flirt with other people and to go the charming route, but whenever I tried with you it was like I’d just cornered a wild animal and you took off before I even got to see your reaction. That was the only way I’d ever known how to approach people, even platonically I would approach them all suave and they’d laugh it off and we’d bond over my outrageousness. You were just so difficult, I had to come up with a whole new strategy for you.”

“Your strategy sucked.” Keith deadpanned, crossing his arms over his chest. Lance lifted his eyebrows, reaching over to poke his finger into the middle of Keith’s chest.

“I don’t know about that .” Lance practically purred, a devilish smirk working its way across his face at the thought of proving his point. “I mean, we’re having a heart-to-heart about our emotions after cuddling in a dark hallway at 3am, are we not?”

“Holy shit.”

“Right?” Lance enthused, folding his arms behind his head and leaning back against the wall. “At one point I was starting to wonder if you were a genuine masochist, it was like the more I pushed you the more you pushed back.”

“That’s how fights work!” Keith argued, kicking his foot against Lance’s. Lance retaliated by splaying his legs out across Keith’s, effectively pinning him to the ground and preventing any further kicks.

“We weren’t fighting! We were flirting!” Lance laughed, leaning his head on Keith’s shoulder as he fell into another fit of giggles. “Duh you’ve been thinking about me as a boyfriend recently, we’ve been flirting non-stop for five fucking years.”

“I can’t believe this.”

“I’m having trouble believing you were actually this dense the whole time.” Lance agreed, lifting his head to peer up at his friend. He looked so genuinely perplexed, clearly seeing things from an entirely new light, that Lance almost felt bad for him. Almost. He was the one that had to go through years of pining while Mr. Oblivious-Ass over here had no idea it was happening. “Keith, at one point I literally hung up mistletoe and waited until you walked under it to jump in and kiss you on the cheek. On what planet is that-”

“I thought you were doing that to get a rise out of me!”

“I was! Not that kind of rise though!” Lance responded, relishing in the fact that Keith actually picked up on the innuendo this time around. Even though it earned him an unimpressed groan and one bony elbow jerked into his ribs, it was totally worth it to watch the flustered smile Keith had to bite back in response.

“You’re ridiculous.” He huffed out finally, scrubbing his hand across his face. Lance grinned, leaning his full weight into Keith’s side and nearly sending him toppling to the floor before he grounded himself and pushed his own weight right back.

“You love me.” Lance grunted, focused on squishing Keith into the floor, though he was proving to be a worthy challenger as always.

“Apparently so.” Keith grit out, yelping when Lance suddenly gave-way entirely and fell over without any fight. Keith scrambled away from where he’d ended up sprawled out over Lance’s side, huffing to blow his bangs out of his eyes. Lance held up a single finger, indicating a momentary truce.

“Wait… Did you just admit that you love me?” He asked, a wry little grin worming its way over his lips. If the startled noise that Keith made in the back of his throat in answer was anything to go by, he most definitely had admitted something of the sort. He didn’t look like he was about to repeat it though, if anything he looked tempted to bolt all over again. Lance sat up hurriedly, ignoring how disoriented and groggy he was starting to feel so he could throw an arm around Keith’s shoulders. “Hey, it’s okay, you can talk to me. Do I have to get the camera out here again?”

Keith rolled his eyes, shrugging Lance off of him with a snort.

“I don’t know what love is, I don’t exactly have anything much to compare it to.” Keith reminded Lance, warily glancing in his direction.

“ But ?”

“This feels kinda close to what I’d expect it to be, I guess.” Keith concluded with a shrug, trying to play it off as something casual and brush it off. Of course Lance wasn’t having that, in fact the moment the words finished leaving Keith’s lips he was already in hysterics. He gave a choked noise like he’d been punched in the gut, alarming Keith considerably, and then promptly started sniffle his way through a new wave of tears entirely. “Shit, are you crying again? Did I do something wrong?”

“Keith!” Lance bawled, throwing his arms around Keith and tackling him to the ground. The shriek of disgust and surprise rang out and Keith immediately started trying to squirm away, hardly making any progress considering Lance had proper wrapped all of his long limbs around him in five seconds flat. He buried his face into Keith’s neck, somehow managing to both sob and laugh at the same time.  “I love you too!”

“You do?” Keith asked in disbelief, suddenly going very still in Lance’s hold.

“Uh-huh.” Lance insisted, finally lifting his head to beam a shining one-thousand-watt smile down at the other boy. Keith gulped, looking visibly starstruck.

“W-Why?”

“What do you mean ‘why’?!” Lance hissed, propping his chin in the palms of his hands, elbows digging into Keith’s chest as he stared curiously down at him. “Do you keep a list of reasons you love me in your bedside drawer?”

“Well, no.”

“You don’t explain love, you just feel it.” Lance continued, rolling to rest his cheek against one hand and using the other to reach out and ghost his fingers across Keith’s cheek. Keith blinked up at him, before hesitantly leaning into the touch.

“I know, that’s what makes it so confusing.”

“I’m sure I can clear some things up for you, big boy.” Lance drawled, winking down at him. This smooth move was quickly followed by a high-pitched keen when Keith pinched his hip in answer.

“Is this what I have to look forward to now? Even more bad flirting attempts?” Keith groaned, head dropping back against the floor and away from the soft touches of Lance’s hand on his face. Not enjoying the sudden distance in the slightest, Lance propped himself up higher only to settle his hands on either side of Keith’s face, caging him in.

“Yeah, but now you’re not allowed to run away.” Lance beamed smugly, making it clear how much this advancement pleased him. Keith grimaced upon hearing this and for a moment Lance wondered if he was being too much, if he was pushing Keith before he was fully comfortable. Subconsciously, he started to shift away from Keith, hyper-aware of the space between their faces.

Keith noticed this before even Lance could, his eyes widening. He braced his own hand against the floor beneath his back, using it to push off with and close the space between him and Lance again. And his plan had only been to reassure Lance with the same closeness they’d had before, but then his thoughts seemed to short-circuit for a split second.

It was just long enough for their lips to end up brushing together, so quick and clumsy that it could barely be called a kiss. Lance didn’t even have time to close his eyes, the both of them equally as startled by Keith’s actions. It was only a simple peck, really. It was still the closest thing to a proper kiss Keith had ever experienced though, and by far the most he’d ever initiated physically.

He paled considerably, falling back against the floor and ignoring the dull ache in the back of his head when it hit the titles. Lance was playing it cool, but Keith didn’t even have it in him to ignore the way his insides had turned into nervous mush. If nothing else, at least Lance’s ego had been spared, his face alight with that obnoxiously charming flirty grin. “What, couldn’t resist me any longer? That was pretty abrupt, buddy.”

“Was it?” Keith asked, looking worried by this information. “Is there like a ten day waiting period after making things official? What the hell.”

“No! No, nothing like that, it’s just whenever it feels right.” Lance laughed, shaking his head and leaning down to rest their foreheads together. As expected, Keith immediately tried to break eye contact, struggling with the closeness Lance had introduced.

“It felt right for me, didn’t it for you?” Keith mumbled finally, sounding so small and uncertain that Lance was convinced that he wouldn’t have heard him at all if it weren’t for their proximity.

“It just caught me off-guard, that’s all.” Lance reassured him, frowning when it wasn’t enough to send Keith bouncing back to his usual self. He sighed finally, his form going slack as he slouched down against Keith’s chest in defeat. This was nothing like all of the dreams he’d had where Keith had been dashing and charming the moment they got together. Though, knowing that this was real and still happening, that made the extra effort worthwhile. “I kissed you back, didn’t I?!”

“Yeah.” Keith agreed, seemingly without thinking until recognition glinted in his eyes. A goofy grin graced his features then, like he’d only just realized what they’d done. His confidence was coming back to him now and Lance watched fondly as Keith lifted a hand to brush his fingertips across his lips, looking all too pleased with himself. “I guess you did.”

“Wipe that stupid smirk off your face right now, I already know you’re planning something and I’m not falling for-” Lance was interrupted for the hundredth time that night, this time by Keith managing to roll them in one languid movement so he was the one settled over Lance. He grinned, that shit-eating self-satisfied smirk he wore whenever he knew he was about to win an argument, and then ducked down to bring their mouths together again.

This time was worse. Well, worse on Lance’s poor old heart, because he was fairly certain it was on the brink of beating right out of his chest as Keith put his all into kissing him breathless. It worked, needless to say, Lance was left struggling to keep up with the other boy. Between the hand that’d found his hair and was currently gripping at it erring on the side of rough, the feeling of Keith settling his weight against him completely and settling between Lance’s splayed long legs, and the eternal struggle that was Lance fumbling around with his hands to find the best place to hang on; Lance forgot what breathing was entirely.

Luckily, Keith pulled back before Lance’s thought process short-circuited to the point of suffocating himself. He heaved a deep breath, glaring up at the smug way Keith was watching him struggle to compose himself. Damn it, why did Lance turn into a floundering fish out of water when he was nervous while Keith was over here with his stupidly hot adaptive instincts. It was an alien thing, that had to be it. Keith had the upper-hand because he had Galra reflexes or some unfair bullshit like that, Lance didn’t stand a chance.

Or so Lance told himself when Keith started to lean down for another kiss and an actual whine tumbled past his lips. Keith shook his head at him briefly, but thankfully didn’t tease him about it, probably because he was just as eager as Lance was at this point. Keith wasn’t quite so forward about deepening the kiss though, and when Lance saw an opportunity to retaliate in their not-fight they were having, he was damn well going to take it. He untangled his hand from where it’d ended up wound in the fabric of Keith’s shirt, bringing it up to cup his jaw instead. Annoyingly enough, Keith didn’t even startle when Lance’s tongue traced his bottom lip, only responded by groaning into the kiss.

Then, unsurprisingly, Lance was even more of a mess and practically useless when it came to trying to lead the kiss. Keith had to step up and lick into Lance’s mouth instead, at the very least encouraged by Lance’s failed attempt. Anyway, one way or another, regardless of who ended up making the move: they ended up making out in the middle of the hallway floor. Good luck to the rest of the team if they were already exhibitionists within the first fifteen minutes of their relationship.

By the time they finished up (totally by choice and not because Lance was getting way more into it than he’d planned and had to sheepishly shove Keith away before he noticed that fact), they were both sporting that satisfied smirk from before to an entirely new degree. Keith pulled back, still lying on top of Lance and making no move to change that.

“You’re right, things are looking way clearer right now.” Keith panted, somehow managing to look even better now that he was disheveled with hair falling in his face and his lips sporting a noticeable sheen. It was totally unfair, especially because Lance was pretty sure he was the reddest thing in the entire castle by now, flustered beyond belief about what they’d just done. Why did they decide to do that where anyone could have seen them !

“You better have reached the conclusion that means we can keep doing that for the indefinite future otherwise I’m smashing that bottle over your head, I mean it.” Lance muttered bitterly, only a little bit spiteful that Keith had managed to totally dominate him after all the big talk he’d given the team over the years.  

His lack of experience was definitely showing now, here he was thinking he’d be able to be the cool one in this relationship just because a girl had once kissed him at a birthday party in ninth grade. Keith hadn’t even kissed people before and already he was better than Lance. This might prove to be the one exception where Keith’s ability to throw himself into things wholeheartedly might prove to be useful more-so than it was stressful.

Keith laughed at him and Lance was pretty sure he wasn’t just imagining how much deeper his voice sounded, but either way it did little to help Lance calm down. Keith leaned over him again, though just when Lance’s eyes fluttered closed expectantly as he prepared for another kiss (come on, sexually frustrated or not, he wasn’t about to turn down the chance to do that again), Keith simply cuddled into Lance’s chest instead.

“We should go to bed.” Keith whispered against his jaw, leaving a tentative feather-light kiss there once he’d finished speaking. Lance sighed contently, melting back against the floor and allowing his eyes to stay closed. He could really go for some sleep right now, maybe Keith was onto something with th-

“ We ?” Lance queried, eyes fluttering open to curiously stare up at where Keith was now lifting himself up again. There was an affirmative nod, then Keith was ambling off of him altogether and getting to his feet. When a hand was held out to him in offering, Lance nervously took it despite the flurry of mixed emotions going on inside his head.

He didn’t say anything as he allowed Keith to lead him through the halls, not surprised in the slightest when Keith veered them off into his own room rather than offering Lance the option to use his. The room was dark, lit only by the dark ambiance of nighttime red lighting. This wasn’t the first time Lance had been in Keith’s room at night, but now that he was recalling the last time he’d been in here and made an offhanded comment about how Keith’s room always had sexy mood-lighting, it was hard to ignore the uncertainty he was experiencing. As frustrated as he was and as much as he wanted to… this seemed kinda fast.

He bit his lip nervously, watching as Keith kicked off his loose pajama-pants. Okay, clothes were coming off, now was the time to say something if he was going to. “Um, hey, Keith? Look, I hate to break it to you, but there is kind of a ten day waiting period for going any further than kissing.”

“Just sleep, that’s all.” Keith grunted, collapsing haphazardly onto the bed with his shirt and boxers still on. Lance laughed, scratching at the back of his neck and kicking his slippers off.

“Oh yeah, I’ve definitely heard that one before.” He stuttered out, hesitating as he gripped the hem of his shirt and debated whether to pull it off or not. “It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s more that I-”

Lance was cut-off by a pillow flying through the air at a dangerous speed, smacking directly into his face hard enough to make his jaw ache. Keith’s reaction time was seriously concerning, Lance hadn’t even seen that one coming. “Stop. Talking.”

“You really just wanted to sleep?” Lance asked tentatively, his confidence returning in buckets when Keith groaned in annoyance and nodded into the mattress. He tugged his shirt over his head hurriedly then, kicking his own pants off as well. “Not gonna lie, that feels weirdly disappointing after being led to think that you were just really desperate to get into my pants.”

“Lance, please .” Keith whined tiredly, letting out a relieved sigh when Lance tossed the pillow back to him and gave him something to bury his face into. Lance smiled to himself, able to properly appreciate the moment now that he wasn’t caught up in a web of anxiety. Keith looked adorable, curled up in a tight little ball with his face shoved into the pillow, looking much smaller now that he was lost in his baggy sleepshirt and bedding.

Lance fell into the bed next to him unceremoniously, immediately throwing an arm around Keith’s waist and sidling closer to him in the middle of the bed. It wasn’t exactly comfortable though, so he decided to try and convince Keith to move to lie lengthwise on the bed instead. He jabbed a finger into Keith’s stomach, annoyed when this didn’t receive him the immediate reaction he’d been hoping for. If Keith was practically asleep already, there was only one way to get his attention now…

Lance began to tickle his sides. The act earned him a startled squawk and lasted maybe five seconds total before he found himself pinned to the mattress with dark, irritated eyes staring him down.

“Hey.” Lance greeted, not-at-all phased by the intimidating act Keith was trying to pull when he looked so painstakingly cute . Considering his arms were both pinned and more or less useless, Lance hitched a leg around Keith’s and sent them both toppling onto their sides.

Keith groaned in annoyance, snatching his pillow up and crawling back up the bed to where a normal person might sleep —and actually draping the covers over himself. Lance breathed a heavy sigh of relief, following after him and trying to ignore the fondness he felt when Keith held up the edge of the blanket for him to slip under it.

He settled next to Keith, shifting around to get comfortable like he normally would, hardly even realizing how annoying this would be to another person until his elbow hit Keith in the back for the tenth time and he ended up with arms thrown around him to manually hold him still. He chuckled sheepishly, dropping his head to the pillow as Keith moved the rest of his body closer as well and cuddled up to Lance’s back. “Do you hate having me as a boyfriend yet?”

“Shut-up.” Keith bit out, his breath ghosting the back of Lance’s neck. This was so unfair. Keith was way shorter than him, how come he got to be the big spoon?

“Is that your final answer?”

“No, I don’t hate it.” Keith snapped, kicking his foot forward against the back of Lance’s knee and practically turning Lance to ice with how cold the contact was. “You’re so goddamn annoying I think you might have been onto something with your masochistic theories about me, though.”

“Hmm, looks like the theory will need further experimentation before we reach a conclusion.” Lance hummed thoughtfully, turning to look over his shoulder at Keith. Beautiful, unapproachable Keith that ignored him or hated him for so many years, now cuddled up behind him with his head resting on the pillow. His eyes were closed, hair sweeping across his face attractively. Lance had never felt so lucky in his entire life. “I’m a good man, I’ll step up to the task and take one for the team.”

“I’m too tired to understand what you’re implying, but I’m 100% certain I should hit you for it.”