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The meeting was taking too damn long.
Helion's nerves were already on edge and having to listen to the High Lord of the Autumn Court speak wasn't helping. Especially since he seemed dedicated to talking everyone else by the table into their graves.
That's pointless.
That's stupid.
That's just plain wrong.
Helion cut a glance to the High Lord and Lady of the Night Court, sitting at the other end of the table. As the only other court involved in this… conflict, they declared they would oversee these peace negotiations. And as the outcome of the meeting made no difference to the other courts, none of them bothered questioning the most powerful court in Prythian.
Helion wondered if the High Lord and Lady were starting to regret their decision, for while both were excellent actors their boredom was evident. The High Lady's could be seen in the restlessness of her eyes, the set of her shoulders. Her Mate - her, husband, High Lord - was not as easy to read, but long term acquaintance enabled Helion to read his boredom as genuine.
"I don't care what those soldiers were doing in my territory, Helion, they had no right to be there" The High Lord of Autumn continued. His voice had risen to a deafening level. "The fact is…"
"The fact is" Helion cut in calmly "that neither their presence nor their purpose matters anymore. The High Lord at the time chose to ignore them, and countering your father so soon after his demise would greatly undermine his rule… and yours" Helion looked the High Lord in the eye as he said the last words, ignoring the way his heart clenched at the sight - the eyes of the woman he loved, set in the face of the man he hated.
But that is not what matters now, he reminded himself - even if Eris's glare felt far too much like hers.
"I believe the point Helion is trying to make" drawled Rhysand "is that going back on Beron's word will make the rule of this court seem unstable. Untrustworthy. And such a reputation will reflect on you, weakening your position here."
Eris stiffened. A tense silence settled over the room as the two High Lords stared at each other - Feyre perked up as well, ever at ready to vanquish any threat to her Mate.
"Any changes I made would be justified with the support of another court," Eris finally ground out, "and I was under the impression," he glared at Rhysand, "that I had the full support of the Night Court when it came to my position."
Rhys's eyes narrowed slightly "All support is conditional. And if my memory serves me correctly" His relaxed posture was far too casual for the slight bite in his voice, the slight threat in his eyes. It was a chilling effect, "the conditions we negotiated were never fully met."
Eris held Rhys's gaze for a long moment, the tension still building in the air. Rhys lifted one eyebrow and Eris broke the stare, backing down.
"Soldiers withstanding or not, my court and I will not stand any relations with the Day Court" he glared at Helion, "a blood feud will not be so easily settled"
Helion huffed out a breath. They had gone back and forth on this all morning and his patience was wearing thin.
"Your father died from his own stupidity," He snapped, "My claws may have torn out his throat but even so, I refuse all blame. He received the same treatment anyone would have, had they attacked any of our libraries."
A lie, whispered a small voice at the back of Helion's head, but he ignored it.
"His attack was merely retaliation, after you stole his wife away from him…" Eris sputtered.
A deafening silence filled Helion's mind at the mention of the Lady of the Autumn Court, and his ever calm demeanor slipped even further.
"I told him…" Helion growled, trying to get the words through the thick head of the High Lord.
"Who as it happens is also my mother…" Eris was on his feet now. His eyes flashed, his lips were pulled back from his teeth - he was moments away from shifting.
"She was never within my territory and your father knew that as well as you do…" Helion stood up as well. He knew very well that Eris wasn't listening but he had passed the point of caring about four hours ago.
A snarl ripped out of Eris, drowning out Helion's next words - which happened to be a string of profanities that would have done nothing to defuse the situation. Helion's pulse was hammering in his head, the buzzing of every ward in the Forest House loud in his skull. He automatically focused on the ones around Eris, snapping them in preparation for an attack - he had already killed one High Lord of Autumn this month, why not another?
A snap of Rhys's fingers had them both thrown back into their seats, unable to shift and without their ability to speak. Helion looked at his friend in outrage, his magic already threading along the faint buzzing that was the spell, seeping into small cracks and holes to unravel it.
"The matter of the Lady of the Autumn Court," the High Lady spoke into the suddenly silent room, "is one that will easily be settled. You see, she has spent the last few weeks as a guest in the Night Court," she smiled slightly, an edged smile as sharp as a knife, "at her own request."
Helion's breath left his body as he saw who stepped out of the shadows behind the two rulers of the Night Court. A part of his mind registered the Shadowsinger at her side - and that same part was alarmed by his inability to sense his magic - but it was drowned out by the part that only registered his relief.
She's unharmed.
"Of course," The High Lady continued, "we thought it necessary to oblige her in light of our… support of your court" her words were pointed at Eris. An amused smile graced Rhysand's mouth, one Helion doubted was entirely faked.
Eris's eyes went wide with shock and perhaps even a bit of fear, his gaze locked with that of his mother. She refused to bow her head to him, even if he was her High Lord now - after all, she was his mother.
The thought snapped Helion's mind out of its stupor, his eyes away from her face. He cursed himself for how easily he forgot who she was. She was the Lady of the Autumn Court, mother of Beron's children.
Not his lover. Not anymore.
Faintly, her realized that the buzzing in his skull was gone - Rhys had lifted his spell.
"Mother," Eris began, cautiously, a new kind of tension building in the air, based solely on the anger in his gaze, "would you care to explain your sudden departure?" His eyes shifted around the room as he said it, and a sneaking suspicion entered Helion's mind.
The High Lord knew exactly why his mother had gone.
"It is as the High Lady said, I left of my own free will." Eris stared at her in shock, and it took Helion a moment to realize that she must never have defied his father in such a manner. The thought made him fume, brought the buzzing of ancient spells and wards back to the forefront of his mind as he ached to break something, anything.
The Lady of the Autumn Court turned to meet his eyes.
"I can see this has been a most tiring meeting for you," She said the words formally, glancing between Helion and the rulers of Night, "and new information calls for new approaches in your negotiations. I would suggest reconvening in the morning to discuss matters of settlement"
"Mother" Eris said tightly, his voice laced with the barest hint of threat. An instinct had Helion reaching out with his magic, protecting her. But she turned to her son and stared him down.
"You may be High Lord, but as long as you are unmarried I remain the Lady of this court," she held her head high as she said it. Something like pride flooded through Helion at the sight - followed by pity for any woman unlucky enough to marry Eris.
He knew enough of Eris's cruelty, of what he had done to his friend Morrigan.
In light of that he was surprised the Night Court even tolerated this new High Lord.
"That is very kind of you my lady. I'm sure someone can show us to our rooms" Rhysand said and stood up, giving Eris no room to argue. The High Lord of Autumn shot his mother a withering glare that promised retribution. She ignored him.
A lesser faerie scurried to guide Helion the way, through winding tunnels and halls in the lower levels the Forest House. The walk took almost ten minutes and Helion's mood had eased considerably by the time he stepped into the large suite, decorated in red and orange colors that came to life in the glow of the fireplace.
Helion stared at the fire and took a calming breath.
She's unharmed. She's safe.
From the moment he heard Beron's accusations against him his heart hadn't seemed to be able to beat correctly, his mind had spun out of focus. Because while Beron's claims were nothing but a cover, a reason he could give the other courts to ensure their support - or at the very least, neutrality - the fact remained that the Lady of the Autumn Court was missing.
Up until she appeared in the war room Helion had been all but certain that her disappearance had been Beron's own fault. And it was that belief, not the protection of his own people, that had driven Helion to rip out Beron's throat.
He closed his eyes at the thought.
She's alive. She's safe. She's…
not his.
Helion gave a long sigh before shrugging off his golden embroidered toga and tossing it on the large, four poster bed - also decorated in the colors of Autumn. He fleetingly wondered if he should worry about sleeping in a bed that looked like it could catch on fire any moment, but decided he was too tired for such troubles.
He headed towards what looked like the bathing room, hoping that a bath would unwind him further. The glow from the fireplace made the door look as if it, too, were on fire. But Helion had barely made it two steps before a soft knock sounded at the door.
He debated putting his toga back on but decided against it - in fact, if whoever it was felt up to the challenge, a roll in the sheets might be just what he needed to cool himself off after the day.
He poured out a glass of wine and turned his back to the door while using his magic to open it. He had been reassured by many of his former lovers that his backside was magnificent, and so it ought to do the trick. Indeed, a sharp intake of breath at the door alerted him that whoever it was found the sight agreeable.
Helion didn't fight the smirk on his lips as he turned with the wineglass in his hand.
And felt the smile slip right back off of his lips.
Cauldron, she was as beautiful as the first time he saw her; the smooth skin, the brown eyes, the red hair - he remembered playing with that hair, remembered the silky texture of it running through his fingers, remembered exactly how to pull it to make her moan his name…
He quickly averted his thoughts - but not soon enough, and he caught her embarrassed flush as she tried - and failed - to keep her eyes on his face and not the evidence of his interest.
She stepped in, silently, and immediately Helion could feel thick wards falling into place around the room - spells that he had taught her, that protected them from the sight and hearing of anyone nearby, along with spells that altered the memory of anyone who entered. The spells quickly became a faint buzz in his skull, and even as his magic automatically slid against the wards, looking for ways to break them, he admired the elegance of her spellwork. They were now completely sealed off from the outside world, and anything they said, anything they did…
He had to stop it.
"Helion," her voice, as beautiful as ever, snapped him out of his stupor, "there's something I need to talk to you about."
He forced himself not to notice the nervous way she wound her hands, the slight tremble in her voice, the haunted, sorrowed look in her eyes. He forced himself to regard her as what she had chosen to be - Lady of the Autumn Court, not his lover.
It didn't matter, he told himself, that she had warded the room the same way he had once warded their secret meetings. That wasn't who she was, not anymore.
"You were right in your assumption earlier, my Lady, I find I am rather tired. I'm sure it can await a better time." He turned towards the bathing room, damning his eyes for their reluctance, resistance, as he tore them away from her face.
"No, Helion, we need to talk right now. I need…" She took a shaking breath and he felt his eyes snap back to her face. "I… owe you an explanation. And I owe you the truth." Her eyes, so large and brown and inviting, held him captive.
When he remained still she continued.
"There is… For a long time now I…" She squeezed her eyes shut. He knew the gesture - she was searching for the words she would use to explain something difficult, something that might well break his heart. But for the life of him he couldn't make himself stop her; some twisted part of him was willing to take whatever heartbreak she might bestow upon him if he could just listen to her voice for a few moments more.
"I've had… a secret. For centuries." She slowly began, eyes still closed. "Something I knew that no one could ever know, in case it found its way back to my husband," Helion's brow furrowed in confusion. There had been a time when he would have believed their affair to be that secret, but Beron had already found out about that, and had punished her for it ever since. And what could possibly have been worse than her affair with another High Lord?
"A few months ago… somehow, I have no idea how, he found out, and I can't…" she shook her head "it might well have been Eris. He has always suspected, and perhaps he felt that it served his objectives to let it slip. But as soon as Beron heard he…" She opened her eyes and looked at Helion - her gaze was haunted, in a way that made him wish he could pull her into his arms and protect her from all harm. "He was… furious. Livid. And when he came for me I didn't even think about it I… I ran. I ran until I had cleared the wards on this place and winnowed as far away as I could." She looked away, fixing her eyes on some point of the floor.
"Somehow I ended up in the Summer Court. I knew I couldn't go to Tarquin for help, that he would be obliged to turn me over. I thought about heading north, to the Night Court… but even if they had the strength to stand against Beron they had very little reason to shelter me. Especially since Lucien left that court. So I gathered my strength to winnow further, perhaps even into the Mortal Lands, just to find somewhere to hide… But before I had gathered that strength - or even the courage - I was found by High Lady Feyre. I don't know how, but… She knew. She knew what had driven me away and offered me sanctuary in the Night Court, hidden from the world. And I took it. I was so relieved I didn't think twice about it.
But then Beron…" She fell silent for a long moment, her breath labored, her hands clenched and turning white.
"Did he find you?" Helion asked quietly, unable to bring his voice any higher.
She shook her head.
"No" she whispered, "but…" she looked at him then, and the guilt and regret in her eyes shocked Helion. "He blamed you, immediately. And I suppose it wouldn't have mattered where I hid or even if I hid, he would still have attacked you. But my disappearance gave him a quick and easy excuse." Her eyes were pleading now "And for that I am so sorry" she looked away.
Helion stared at her for a long moment. Indecision was tearing his mind to shreds - he wanted to go to her but knew that it was a bad idea, that she might well not accept his comfort.
But in the end that rational side lost. In two long strides he was in front of her, his hand gently coaching her chin up so he could look at her face again.
"You still haven't told me what this great secret was." He said quietly, trying to bring her mind back from whatever dark place it had wandered off towards.
It was the wrong thing to say, apparently. An anxious expression crossed her face before she hid it and he felt - heard - her magic subtly strengthening the wards around his chambers.
"Helion…" It did strange things to him, hearing her say his name like that. His heart beat faster and he was suddenly terrified of what she might say next. And yet at the same time he couldn't bear to make her stop.
"When Beron first found out about us…" she shook her head, even as Helion found himself confused at the direction she was headed in. "He couldn't punish you, not without the other High Lords finding out about us, so he wanted to turn it on me." She shuddered. Anger flooded Helion's mind at the thought - as it always did. He had learned to push it away. "But he found that he had to hold back, because…" she took a deep breath "because I was with child."
This wasn't news to Helion. He had known even while their affair lasted that she had been forced to share Beron's bed as well.
But the look in her eyes told him there was something more, something she was trying to convey to him without words but his mind was not willing to grasp.
"He knew there was a chance the child was his and so… he held back. He locked me away with one maid, Narea - he had cut out her tongue years before for speaking out of turn. For almost six months she was my only company. And because I knew how much she hated Beron I confided in her, after a time. I told her what I had in mind and she helped me pull it off. She helped me… with the spells I had to place on the child growing within me.
I suppressed certain aspects of its heritage that would suspicious, drew forth others that I knew would be accepted… and above all else I made sure that it carried within it the flames of Autumn. Because while Beron may have doubted I always knew…" Helion's vision was swimming. His heartbeat was getting loud, it was in his ears now, echoing louder in his head than the buzzing of her wards. Was he breathing? He wasn't sure he was breathing. He drew in a trembling breath, just to be sure, but that only made things worse because he couldn't get enough air…
He swayed and she caught hold of his biceps, holding him upright. He clasped her elbows, needing the support.
She sat him down - had there been a chair behind him before? He couldn't remember, nor care - then she knelt in front of him and cupped his face in her hands. He tried to look into her eyes, but he couldn't see a thing through the tears clouding his vision.
"Not…" He couldn't get the words out, had difficulty forming them. He blinked and felt tears roll down his face, felt her fingers wipe them away. He could see her face now, see the love and concern in her eyes. "Not Beron's" he whispered, "Ours. Mine." She kept her gaze locked on his while she nodded her head. His mind couldn't focus, couldn't grasp the meaning of such a thing.
A child. An heir. Mine.
But…
As soon as the realization settled over him, so did the grief. For there was only one way it could have gone.
"He killed the child, didn't he?" He whispered. Because no matter how she tried she couldn't possibly have hidden such a thing from Beron.
She drew in a breath, blinked slowly. Then she shook her head.
It felt as if Helion's heart had stopped.
"The spells worked." She said quietly. "I managed to suppress so much of his heritage, he was even born with red hair," A shaking laughter followed that statement. "And Beron… he was satisfied. He didn't suspect, didn't dream that…" She stopped. Looked into Helion's eyes. "That Lucien is your son." she finished quietly.
The world went quiet.
A son. My son.
Lucien.
He looked into her eyes, the eyes of the woman he loved, and suddenly it was as if a piece of his heart had been returned to him. All those years he had thought she chose Beron over him, chose her duty to a backwards court over their love, when in fact…
She chose my son. His safety.
And in a way that meant she had also chosen Helion.
He was on his knees as well then, with no idea how he got there, cupping her face, kissing her through the tears, and she was digging her fingers into his back, kissing him back just as fiercely. Some corner of his mind was keenly aware of the fact that there was nothing separating them but her thin dress, but that thought was quickly pushed away by another.
A thought that made him pull away quickly.
"Oh no. Oh Cauldron…" Helion let his face fall into his hands.
"I… Helion?" Her voice was alarmed, almost a little panicked. "I'm sorry that I couldn't tell you earlier. I really am. But I couldn't tell you, or anyone. If I had…" Helion looked up to see fear in her eyes, to see her leaning away from him. And he was suddenly reminded what the cost of her secret, of Lucien's safety had been.
Centuries at the mercy of a monster.
"I know" he hurried to reassure her. "I know, that's not…" He sighed and closed his eyes "I just realized that… well, family dinners might get a little uncomfortable, in light of the fact that I…" He trailed off as a shudder went up his spine. "I may or may not have hit on Lucien every chance that I got in the past." He opened his eyes to see her shocked expression. "Nothing happened, thank the Cauldron, but…" He felt nauseous all of a sudden "Oh, but that would have been bad." He whispered.
Her breath escaped in a whoosh, followed by another. It took Helion a moment to realize that she was laughing quietly.
Despite his horrifying realization he couldn't help looking at her in wonder. All that time, she had kept this a secret, guarded from everyone. Except…
"How did Feyre know?" He asked.
She stopped laughing at that.
"She said that once she knew of our affair she took one look at you and knew" she told him quietly.
It took a moment for that to register, and for the slight sting of betrayal to set in - for surely, anything the High Lady of the Night Court knew, her mate knew also. He would have thought six centuries of friendship counted for something.
He pushed the thought away when he felt her hands in his hair, threading her fingers through his curls - and surely she hadn't forgotten how much that sensation not only calmed him but turned him on…
"I'm sorry. For not being able to tell you sooner. For making you think I chose…" She didn't have to finish the sentence. He looked into her eyes once more and found them guilt ridden and honest.
And she was still massaging his scalp.
"It couldn't be helped." Helion said quietly, not breaking her stare. "And I am grateful for how far you went to protect him. Our son." He whispered the last words, as if doing so would keep the information a secret. He kissed her cheek, gently, and then pulled back, not daring to make any too sudden moves.
"Doesn't stop me from being sorry" her voice dropped back down to a whisper, just as her eyes dropped to his mouth.
He put his arms around her, pulled her to his chest, met her gaze. Her eyes - while still older, heavier, brought down by sorrow since the last time they had been so close - were hungry, devouring him.
She rearranged herself against his body, brought herself closer. Close enough to feel exactly what she was doing to him. And smiled.
"And I would very much like to find some way to make it up to you" she finished, before pulling him in for a kiss.