Chapter Text
Monday, 9/1/13
Remind me never to start these with dear diary. I mean, who the fuck DOES that? Regardless, it’s my first day in England, and it has been mandated that I have a JOURNAL. Woo hoo. Can you hear the sarcasm? It’s fucking rainy here! I hate the damn rain! And Dad has this idea that if I keep a journal, it will ‘show him my inner thoughts,’ or some shit. Whatever.
Either way, I might as well do it. I’m not gonna have much better to do.
So my name’s Gabriel. I come from a family with two divorced parents and two twin brothers. I went with my mom when she moved across America, which was nice because she got remarried and didn’t really care what I did, and my twin brother, Lucifer (I know, who the fuck names their kid Lucifer? Bible nuts, that’s who) went with our dad, which really sucked for him because he’s never around and they don’t get along at all. He even ran away for a year once. It was really funny, but if anyone actually reads this I swear I don’t mean it; I am totally joking, I swear.
But unfortunately for us, good old dad decided he’d take a break from whatever the hell he does in his spare time and move. TO ENGLAND. And mom decided, ‘You know what? Poor Gabriel hasn’t seen his twin enough! Let’s send him over to his dad’s new house. IN ENGLAND.’ I am so fucking angry I can’t even. Lucifer and I barely speak, and we go to the SAME SCHOOL NINE MONTHS OUT OF THE YEAR. If he or I had a desire to hang out, we could, but neither of us want to, because we haven’t gotten along in years! But no, obviously we love each other so much and just need time to talk and hang out! Well guess what Mom? FUCK YOU!
I am still here though. And here is sitting in Dad’s car, wishing he would hurry the fuck up and walk out of the door already. I swear to god, if he makes me late on my first day of school I will kill him. And judging by the expression on Luce’s face, he’ll join me.
So it’s still September first, but now, I’m on a train! A real live train! I didn’t even know they still HAD those! It’s seriously cool! All the same, I should probably explain why I’m on a train because I looked back and realized I forgot to mention a key fact. I’m a wizard. A fucking awesome one too. If you’re not a wizard, I swear it’s just a private joke. I swear. If you are though, I’m a wizard too. I mean, no duh, I’m on my way to Hogwarts for god’s sake, but hell, my journal might be one stupid ass son of a bitch, or maybe it’s just a sentient one that needs everything to be carefully explained, like the one Harry Potter stabbed with a snake tooth. You’ll never guess which.
So to explain, Luce and I used to go to an American wizarding school, called the EYWA, or, Emerson’s Young Wizard Academy. I mean, what the fuck, right? To put it loosely, it’s like Hogwarts is the American private school, and EYWA was a public school. It was utter trash. IT SUCKS; IF YOU’RE A WIZARD DON’T GO THERE.
As I stated before, I’m on my way to Hogwarts, while me weirdo twin is sleeping and drooling. If he ever asks, I DID NOT just take a picture of him on my phone. I may be a wizard, but muggle tech is freaking awesome.
Sorry, took a temporary candy break. There is literally a little old lady carting a trolley around, and she sells candy! I bought the whole cart, and shoved some in Lucifer’s bag. Let no one say I’m not at least an okay twin. The rest however, are going straight into my stomach. I love candy more than life itself, if you steal my candy, I WILL EAT YOU INSTEAD. And not the sexy kind of eat, either. Like, I will become a cannibal to exact my revenge. Seriously though, I might either kill you, or start crying and tell on you for something you didn’t do. If you haven’t done anything, guess who’ll do something and blame it on you?
Oh my GOD, have I had a long day. And this is only the nasty beginning. Dear god, how am I going to survive this year?
Let’s start at the beginning, shall we? Lucifer has already made an archenemy! I mean, that’s gotta be a new record. Right after I finished writing about my candy philosophy, this guy came in to our little room thing. He was tallish (a little shorter than Luce), and he had dark hair that was cut to make him look like some businessman’s son, so my first thought was rich kid. He looked a little annoyed, but he didn’t look like he was gonna say anything, just leave, but he tripped over my candy, and ELBOWED LUCIFER IN THE FACE. Needless to say, my twin was not happy at all. He immediately woke up and punched him in the face, which shocked rich kid, and they were shouting in five seconds flat. Pretty soon, this shorter, scruffier kid yanked him out of there, but I kid you not, he promised revenge. He was just like, ‘You better watch your back, new kid,’ and Luce said he wouldn’t need to if he was dealing with the other guy, and said other guy looked furious. He wasn’t British though, he was American too. I wonder when he moved here? I’ll probably never figure out, considering he’s my brother’s mortal enemy!
Also, nobody cared to mention to us that you have to get sorted into houses at Hogwarts, and so Lucifer and I had the go running around with all the eleven year olds when we are both sixteen. That was wonderful. Basically, we had to walk in with the little munchkins while everyone else was sitting around, and the headmaster, an old lady named McBatballs or something introduced us. After that, I saw Lucifer’s new enemy glaring at us from Slytherin table, and so I prayed that I, at least, would not go there.
But no, that’s not how it works apparently. The fucking weird-ass hat told me that I wouldn’t fit anywhere else, so I had to go over there. Great. I mean, they all clapped and shit, but I’m apparently in the most hated group in school. Lucky me. In addition, SO IS LUCIFER. As soon as I heard what the Slytherin house was all about, I knew we’d both be there, but a guy can hope. And so, we both wound up sitting next to each other, not speaking to each other, or anyone else for that matter. By the end of dinner, I realized everyone at our table was glaring at us, and by the smug look on rich guy’s face, it was his fault. I mean, I never thought I would have reason to use the word smug, but it’s the only word that fit his face. Well, that and pale, and maybe even pretty, if he wasn’t such a MAJOR DOUCHE. And from this point on, I vowed to hate him as much as Lucifer does. After all, no one ruins my reputation without gaining some of my hate.
And now, we’re down in our dorm. WHICH IS IN THE DUNGEON. I mean, COME ON! Does everyone here hate the Slytherins? I guess it is their fault after that last big war and all, but that was almost sixteen years ago man! Get over it! At least it’s only Luce and me in here, so we don’t have to worry about sharing with anyone, but still! Our entire house hates us, we hate each other, and I honestly can’t see a single good thing about spending our last year in wizarding school here. I mean, what does Mom expect? Does she think Luce and I are gonna be best friends and have a double wedding after this one, ‘wonderful’ year in England? Fat chance. Emphasis on fat, which I’ll be if I keep eating my own candy. It’s a pity I hate to fly, because that means I’ll actually have to exercise. Damn, I hate exercise too.
I’m going to sleep, here’s hoping this whole thing was just a nasty nightmare!
--Gabriel Shirley