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"I fucking made it," she whispered one last time. After that, a stunned silence fell over them.
Merle was the first to move. He threw his arms around her; with her slumped on the floor, they were almost the same height. She closed her eyes and just breathed in the smell of him, warm and familiar, a bit like a garden in the hottest part of summer.
"Lucretia, honey," he said, and only then did she realize she was trembling all over. She took a deep breath, then another. Merle patted her back, a little awkwardly, then stepped back to give her some space. She blinked up at the team, all standing looking down at her.
It was Barry who offered her a hand up with a wordless nod. She wiped her hands on her pant legs, half-expecting them to be covered in dirt and grime, but of course she was immaculate from the reset. She took his hand and stood, still feeling too shaky to be real.
She took another long breath. Then Lup ran forward and wrapped her in a hug, breaking the stillness. Her breath right against Lucretia's ear, she said, "Yes, you fucking made it. Fuck yeah, Lucretia."
All at once, Lucretia was at the center of a group hug, the whole team around her. A half-century ago, she might have flinched at so much contact; after the last year alone, she drank it in.
"I missed you all so much," she whispered. "Let's never do that again."
* * *
She was sitting in the mess with Merle, drinking coffee in companionable silence, when Davenport finished his inspection.
"You did an amazing job," the gnome said. "We'll need to spend some time on repairs, but you really held it together."
"Thanks. I did the best I could, considering."
"I'll want to debrief" -- for a moment, she froze, panic filling every cell of her body -- "but that can wait. For right now, I just want to shake your hand."
His little hand, clasped in hers, held so much respect and pride. It was better than medals or awards, knowing she'd done him proud, caring for the ship he loved.
When he left, she said to Merle, "I can't quite believe that year is over. It felt like it would never end. Every time I thought it couldn't get worse...."
"We're here for you, if you want to talk about it."
She shook her head, more curtly than she really meant to, her eyes looking far off into the distance. Then she put her hand on his. Her hands were so cold.
"I don't know if I can, Merle. It's so much. I mean, we've been through a lot, but this was...."
"I hear that. But any time, little lady, you come find me. I'll always be here to listen."
* * *
She woke from a nightmare. The nightmare, the one that would plague her the rest of her life. She was sweating, shaking, her breathing labored. She'd had to fight awake, and now there was no use trying to go back to sleep.
When she got to the kitchen, Taako and Magnus were there. They both gave her startled, almost guilty, looks.
"I can go," she said, but Taako waved her over.
"Of course not, darling. I see there's not much in the cupboards, but I can figure out a snack. Something. Or tea?"
Magnus was avoiding looking at her.
"It's fine," she said. "Really. I just want a drink of water."
Taako brought her a cup, and as much as Magnus wouldn't look at her, Taako looked at her so intently that she couldn't meet his gaze. She looked down as she sipped at the water.
"I'm sorry," said Magnus, finally breaking the uncomfortable silence. "I couldn't...I didn't...I wasn't there to protect." He let out a dry laugh. "You were out there, doing all this, and I was...defensive and angry, getting myself...."
Taako put a hand on Magnus' arm.
"Bubeleh, there was nothing you could've done. You just got it a moment before the rest of us. Maybe you were lucky? Not to hear those statues accuse us of...." He shuddered. "A lot of bullshit, really."
He looked at Lucretia again, that same searching expression on his face.
"This wasn't just a "bad year", was it Lucy? We've had bad years. This was different. You're different."
Magnus pulled her close; she leaned against him and closed her eyes. She allowed herself a little sigh of contentment.
"I'll leave you two alone," said Taako.
"Oh, don't go," she said, without opening her eyes. "I missed this...you...both of you. I used to think of this, when it was very bad. To keep me going." She opened her eyes and looked at Taako. "I can't cry now. I haven't been able to."
He nodded, like he knew, and she gave him a wry smile.
Magnus was crying, though, fat tears that fell into her hair. She lifted her head and turned to look at him. She touched the black eye -- there again for the 68th time, already starting to fade. He winced.
"You didn't fail," she said softly.
"I'm sorry; I just made it all about me, didn't I?"
"Only I get to do that, m'man," said Taako.
She laughed, the first genuine laugh in a year, then she kissed Magnus on the cheek.
"I love you chucklefucks, have I said that yet?"
Magnus just kissed her back, while Taako laughed and said, "Same, Lucy, same."