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You stand in front of the door, clutching the invitation in your hand. You’re Invited to a Sleepover!!, it reads, in carefully spaced pink script. Below that, a few clip art balloons and a bag of cartoon popcorn are artfully placed on the page. Your hand hovers before the doorbell and you checking the time on the invitation and the time displayed on your carefully fastened watch. It was something of a challenge to find a watch that fit your wrist and was suitably fashionable for Jane’s tastes, but Mr. Crocker made it all a little easier. It’s exactly 6:00. You take a deep breath, stuff the invitation into your trouser pocket, and ring the doorbell.
You hear scrambling coming from inside, voices calling over each other, then the door opens and you see Roxy's face.
"Hey, Calli!" Roxy says in one breath, almost a laugh. "You found the place okay?"
"Yeah!" you say. "Thanks for the invitation."
"Glad you could make it!" Roxy steps aside, gestures for you to come in. "Jane and I were playing video games in the living room if you wanna go in there, just past the staircase."
You walk in, large bag under one arm, and take in the house. It’s large, larger than anywhere you’ve ever lived. It’s clean, too, as long as the strange decor doesn’t bother you. Still, you’ve just started getting used to sitting on couches and the way humans love to put a ton of pillows everywhere, so you might be biased.
"Sorry if the place freaks you out at all." You hear Jane's voice from the next room, and you peek your head in. Jane is sitting on the couch, a plastic controller in her hand. "It’s a little weird even by human standards."
You shake your head. "I'm used to it. Growing up with Caliborn-- well, you know. Pretty weird stuff has happened!"
Roxy follows you in and nods. "Still. I think Mr. Crocker is a little extra strange as far as humans go. Not that that's a bad thing!" She looks behind her like Mr. Crocker might be standing right there. "In fact, I think it’s sort of cute! Anyway. I'll put your bag down if you want to sit next to Jane. We were just playing CoD."
"Roxy is trying to teach me how to play video games," Jane says as you take the seat next to her. "Personally I think it's a bit of a lost cause. Anyway." She looks over at you and grins, holding her arms out for a hug. "I haven't seen you in so long!"
You lean in, hugging Jane. "At least two or three weeks, I think!"
"Basically, too gosh-darn long." Jane offers you the controller. "D'you want to take a stab at it? I think Roxy is getting a bit peeved at me."
“Not peeved! I’m never peeved.” Roxy comes back in with three glasses balanced in her hands. “Just annoyed as fuck.” She places the glasses down on the table in front of you. “Here, I got us some Coke, hope that’s okay.”
You’ve never felt totally comfortable since you made the transition to earth, but the closest to it you’ve ever been is with these two. There’s a moment where you feel completely at home, Jane reaching for one of the cups on one side of you and Roxy flopping down on the couch on the other side.
“This is the sugary stuff, right?” You say, reaching for a glass.
“Yeah. It’s bad for your bones and it’s bad for your teeth, but it tastes godly.” Roxy says. “Though I’m not sure what it would do to cherubs.”
A pulse of heavy coldness suddenly fills your stomach, and you try to focus on Jane and Roxy’s weight on the couch next to you, or on the white hair brushing your shoulders. You don’t think you flinch, but the way Roxy immediately switches topics makes you think you might’ve. “Sorry,” she says, almost a whisper, and you’re not sure if it makes you feel better or not. “Um, anyway, if you want me to teach you a little bit about video games, feel free to relieve Jane from duty.”
Jane hands you the controller, hesitant, but with the same bright expression on her face. You listen to Roxy explain the controls, nodding and smiling whenever she makes a joke. Slowly, you feel the weight lift, and you laugh again.
--
“So, when do we get cake?” Roxy says, throwing the controller on the table without quitting the game all the way.
Jane purses her lips. “What makes you think you’re getting cake?”
“Well. I’m at the Crocker residence. The Betty Crocker residence. I figure, probably, there is some possibility of cake being made. Y’know. Maybe.”
Jane raises an eyebrow. There’s a look Jane has when she gets sarcastic that makes you smile every time. “Oh really, Ms. Lalonde? You’re that sure?”
Roxy elbows you in the ribs. “C’mon, back me up here, Cali. You want cake too, yeah?”
“Actually,” you say, more quietly than you wanted to, “I’ve never had it.”
There’s a pause, where both of them look a lot more surprised than you expected.
“Wait, really?” Roxy says.
“Never? Never ever?”
“Um, nope. Never.” You pause. “I’m not even totally sure what it is.”
“Oh. Oh. Then we have to make cake.” Jane looks at the ceiling like she’s trying to remember something. “How many mixes do we have in the house?”
“We could make one from scratch, too,” Roxy says, patting Jane repeatedly on the shoulder. “Oh! Do you have any of those cakes with the sprinkley stuff inside?” She turns to you, mouth in a wide grin. “You’re going to love it. Oh my god.”
You return her smile, though less enthusiastically. “I had trouble adjusting to some human foods, so it might be good to take it slow.”
Jane nods. “Of course, Calliope. Actually…" She stands up, offers you a hand. "We could make our own recipe if you wanted. Something that might be a little easier on your stomach."
You can feel your body lighten up, and you take Jane's hand as you stand. "That sounds perfect!"
"Let's do it!" Roxy says, rushing ahead of you and Jane towards the kitchen.
Twenty minutes later, you're all covered in a thin layer of flour, looking over several bowls, each filled with its own separate concoction. Jane stands in between you and Roxy, thick blue apron tied around her waist. She pushes her glasses up her nose and looks over at you. "So! You want to do the honors?"
She hands you a smaller bowl filled with liquid ingredients and grabs a spoon. "You pour, I'll stir."
"What do I get to do?" Roxy asks, sticking her head over Jane's shoulder.
"You get to sit and be quiet." Jane says, and you smile. Their familiarity makes you feel equal parts jealous and warm, and you try to focus on the warm parts.
Roxy humphs and leans against the counter. The bowl is heavy in your hands as you raise it above the bowl of dry ingredients and begin to pour.
Jane stirs methodically, with the quickness that comes with experience. You've seen that quickness in your brother's hands on his gun, in Dirk's hands on his machines, in Roxy's hands when she types. You try to concentrate on pouring.
Once all the ingredients are mixed, Jane picks up the bowl and holds it cupped in her arms, still stirring. "Okay, so this one is Calliope's, but do you still want to make a fruity one, Roxy?"
"Hell yeah!" Roxy grins, pushing herself off the countertop. "It's one of the mixes, right?"
"Yeah. You guys should be able to handle the prep by yourselves, at least." Jane says, walking to the other side of her kitchen.
"Have a little faith!" Roxy smiles at you and pulls a bowl from the cabinet in front of her. "Alright. I'll go grab the mix and you get some more eggs from the fridge?"
"Sure."
You watch Roxy find her way around the kitchen like it was her own; it's a level of closeness you haven't gotten to with either of them yet. It takes you almost thirty seconds to find the eggs once you get to the fridge, but you grab the carton and close the door without any complications.
Roxy is already back at the bowl, pouring the brown mix into the bowl. She looks over her shoulder at you. "You got it?"
You nod, place the eggs on the table.
"You want to crack them?" she asks. You look at Roxy, and see her soft pink eyes looking back at you.
"Yeah. I do." You open the carton and let Roxy talk you through the recipe.
--
You and Roxy sit at the kitchen table while Jane closes the oven door.
"Alright, so those will be in the oven for about twenty minutes." Jane says, wiping her just-washed hands off on her apron. "What d'you guys want to do in the meantime?"
You both look to Roxy, who shrugs. "I dunno, what do girls normally do at sleepovers?"
Jane looks at you, and you smile. "I have no idea."
"Well." Jane says, undoing her apron from the back and folding it over a kitchen chair. "From what I know, there's usually gossip, and movies, and pillow fights? I think?"
"What exactly does a pillow fight entail. do you know?" You ask.
"You fight people with pillows," Roxy says. "It's supposed to hurt less than just regular fighting."
"Apparently it's fun." Jane says. "We can skip it, though. Might be a little much for three tired souls such as ours."
Roxy snorts. "We could gossip about someone. Any juicy news?"
"I only know, like, you guys and Jake and Dirk." You pause. "Sounds pretty lame when I say it like that!" You're joking, but there's this underlying tone of seriousness.
"Who else do I even know, though, my dad?" Jane says. "You're doing really well considering you've only lived on Earth for a couple months." There's a too-long pause after that. You watch Jane’s face as she swallows. "Here, I think I have a bottle of nail polish upstairs, let's do that."
"Is it Crocker Corp color?" Roxy says.
"So what if it is?" Jane says, sticking her tongue out at Roxy. "You two stay here, I'll go grab it."
You watch Jane disappear upstairs. Roxy leans back in her chair. "I am too excited for those cakes."
“I hope they taste as good as you make them sound.”
Roxy grins. “They better. Jane is a really good cook and it’s hard to mess up Crocker cake to begin with.” She pauses. “If there’s one thing Crocker does well, it’s cakes.”
You nod, lean back in your chair, hands clasped in front of you. Roxy is always so kind to you, but sometimes you just can’t help feeling out of place. That heavy weight in your stomach is coming back, and you’re not sure how to get rid of it.
Jane comes back downstairs with a bottle of red nail polish clasped in her hand. “Okay, turns out this is the only color I have, but red is a fine color so it should be good.” She sits down next to you and puts the polish on the table. “Who wants to go first?”
“Let me do Calli first.” Roxy says, taking the bottle and unscrewing the cap. You can feel the weight getting heavier, pressing at your stomach. You dig your fingers into your thigh, try to calm down. You’re not sure why this is happening.
“Here, give me your hand.” Roxy isn’t looking at your face, paying more attention to the bottle of nail polish, holding out her hand to grab yours.
It all happens so quick, you’re not really sure what exactly happened. You hear Jane say something, feel Roxy’s hand on yours, your claws brush against her soft palm, and you flinch away. Suddenly you’re standing above the table, and Jane and Roxy are both staring at you.
“I--” You start, hands clasped in the bottom of your shirt. “I, I, don’t--”
Roxy starts to say something, but you turn away before you can hear and stumble across the room to the hallway where they showed you the bathroom before. You slam the door behind you and crumble onto the floor, hands clasping your face. You can feel your heaves deep in your stomach, the shame and the fear mixing in your gut and tearing it apart. Why do you do this, there’s no reason, there’s no good reason--
You hear them murmuring in the other room, and it makes you sob harder. They didn’t even do anything, you’re just confused and hurt and--
You try to block out those thoughts, concentrate on breathing and getting yourself together. It’s never as easy as that, though, is it?
You’re not exactly sure how long it is, but after a while you hear a knock on the door.
“Calliope?” It’s Jane’s voice. “Do you mind if I come in?”
You sniffle a little bit. You’ve stopped crying by now, but your face is still hot and you’re pretty sure your wig is disheveled. “...Sure.”
The door opens, and you see Jane come in cautiously. “Hey, Calli.”
You don’t look at her, your head resting on your arms.
“Do you need anything?”
You shake your head. You sort of wish she would just leave, and you sort of hate yourself for thinking that.
“Roxy is taking the cakes out of the oven. We can frost them soon if you want.”
You shrug your shoulders.
Jane pauses before she kneels down next to you. She doesn’t touch you, but sits with her knees pulled up in front the same way you are. “I’m sorry if we were pushing you too hard.”
You shake your head. “...It’s not that.” Your voice is so much weaker than you want it to be, damn it.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Another shrug from you. You lift up your head and rest it on your arms. “I dunno.”
Jane watches you for a second. “Well, if you want to, we’ll be in the living room. Come join us.” She starts to get up, then stops. “...If you want to go home, I can take you. My dad just started letting me take the car out on my own.”
You smile at that. “Okay. I think I’m fine.”
Jane sighs and smiles, and you feel tears coming back to your eyes again. You don’t move until Jane closes the door, then you push your head back into your arms and wait for the tears to pass.
--
After the tears pass, you stand up, adjust your clothes so they look right. You splash water on your face and look at yourself in the mirror. You adjust your wig and try to think about all the times Jane has complimented you on your looks.
You’ll be okay.
Jane and Roxy are sitting on the couch in the living room, staring at the CoD menu screen. They still haven’t turned it off.
You walk around and sit down on the other end of the couch.
“Hey.” Roxy says. “You okay?”
You nod. “I’m fine.”
“Sorry about that. I should’ve been paying more attention.”
“It’s not your fault.” You smile, thin. “Lately, I’ve been...I’ve been having a tough time.” You pause. “You guys helped me a lot, y’know. But, sometimes…”
Jane nods, and Roxy curls up on the couch, making herself smaller. “Yeah. I’m still adjusting to living around so many people. It’s not…” she looks up, like she’s trying to find the right word. “Anyway. I, I think I know sort of what you’re going through.”
“If you want to talk about it,” Jane says, “ I think it’d be good for all of us.”
You take a deep breath, look at Jane carefully. She’s always seemed like a big sister-type to you, the sort of person that’s trustworthy and knowledgeable. Roxy looks apprehensive but gentle. You can trust them.
“It’s just lonely, you know?” You say, and Roxy and Jane both nod. “And I’m, I’m not used to being near others. And I have…” You pause, take a deep breath. “I think it’s because I spent so much time just watching you guys and thinking about what my life would be like if I could live like a troll or a human. And it’s not really...what I expected. I'm not used to touching people and I'm not used to being touched so if I'm a little weird-- well. You know.”
“I never had many friends growing up either,” Jane says. “I mean- obviously the situation was different. But it was basically just me and my dad.” She smiled. “When I met everyone online...I don’t know. I felt like I had someone to rely on. But it was difficult to get used to. Especially after we all actually met in the game.”
Roxy looks like she’s about to cry, and you have a sudden urge to pull her head to your chest and comfort her. You stay still, though, and Jane places a hand on her knee.
“You don’t have to, Roxy.” she says.
“No, I’m fine. I’m totally fine.” Roxy smiles and looks at you. “We never…” She looks down. “We never talked about it. But, like, none of us really knew anyone before we knew each other.”
“Not really,” you say.
“I don’t think I’d…I don’t think I’d be the same. Without you guys.” Roxy says, and she covers her face with her hands. “Fuck. Sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Calliope. I didn’t mean to--”
“It’s fine,” you say, and suddenly you are filled with the need to be closer to them. You stand, go to Roxy, and place your arms gingerly around her. You can feel her head pressing into your torso, and it feels strange but okay.
“I’m sorry.”
“Seriously, stop apologizing!” you say, in your admonishing guardian voice, and Jane laughs softly.
“I’ll do better next time,” she says.
“You don’t have to worry about it, Roxy.” you say. “Really.”
She sniffs, and you take your arms from around her. Suddenly it seems like she hasn’t been crying at all.
“Okay, Calliope! From now on we’re going to be perfect friends forever!” Roxy says, and Jane nods.
“Same goes for me.”
You smile, and sit down on the couch in between them. “Okay.” you pause. “...I think you promised me cake?”
They both laugh with high, short sounds, and you feel safe and warm again.
“I’ll take the frosting out of the cupboard,” Jane says, standing up. “Can you two handle the bowls?”
“Of course!” You and Roxy say, almost at the same time. You watch Jane go into the kitchen, then you grab Roxy’s hand. Maybe you’ll be okay.